Love of a Rockstar

by Nicole Simone

  “What are you doing?”

  I let out a sharp intake of breath as I whipped my head around. “I thought you were asleep.”

  Luke looked at me with a grin on his face, knowing full well what I was doing. An embarrassed flush heated my cheeks. There was nothing sexier than witnessing your girlfriend examine her fat rolls said nobody ever. He beckoned me to come closer.

  When I was in earshot, he whispered his secret to his toned physique. “Lots of ice cream and burritos.”

  I reeled back with a laugh and threw my pillow at him. Dodging it, Luke tackled me onto the mattress.

  He pinned my arms above my head with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Why?” I asked breathless.

  “Because you shall now be punished.”

  I let out a high pitch squeal as his hands attacked my sides, tickling me senseless. Hot tears of laughter rolled down my cheeks. When he saw I was gulping for air, he stopped the assault.

  “Do you accept defeat?”

  I jokingly narrowed my eyes at the question. “Never in a million years.”

  “It’s your death wish.”

  Just as Luke’s ruthless fingers were about to continue the tickle war, a voice from the doorway spoke up. “Please for the sake of my eyesight, accept defeat.”

  At the sound of my mother’s voice, my head jerked up straight into Luke’s forehead. “Fuck,” he moaned in pain, collapsing onto the bed next to me.

  Although I was almost fully clothed, I grappled with the sheets and pulled them up to my chin. My mother leaned against the doorframe with a look of cool indifference. An awkward silence hung in the air.

  I cleared my throat. “There are doors for a reason and keys that lock those doors.”

  “Yes, and windowpanes that should have glass in them.”

  Right, for a brief moment I forgot about the mess in the living room. That didn’t mean it was warranted for her to barge into my house unannounced.

  My mother sensed my irritation and shrugged. “I didn’t know what happened.” A flicker of worry showed on her face. “It looked as if a home invasion occurred.”

  “Finn threw a chair through my window.”

  Her eyes widened. The golden boy wasn’t so golden. “No,” she uttered.

  I hated to admit it, but it was fun watching Finn’s image shatter to pieces. Maybe now my mother would come to accept Luke as part of my life and stop trying to push so-called “acceptable” men on me.

  I looked over at Luke who was clutching his forehead. “My knight and shining armor stopped Finn from doing anymore damage.”

  My mother raised an eyebrow. “By tickling him to death?”

  “Funny.” Luke dropped his hand to reveal an angry red bump. “It’s nice to see you again Mrs. Parker,” he said without an ounce of sincerity.

  “You too.” She gestured to his bruised cheek. “Did you get into a fight?”

  “I did, but this,” he said, pointing to his forehead, “is from your daughter.”

  “She always knew how to fight dirty.”

  They were actually bonding over something—it was at my expense, but still they were bonding. Giddiness stirred in my stomach, and I tried to not break out into a dance. A huge smile plastered itself across my face, drawing the attention over to me.

  “Does she always get like this when she’s happy?” Luke asked.

  “Annoyingly so.”

  Bonding time was over. My ego couldn’t handle all this praise. I jumped out of bed and quickly threw on my t-shirt.

  My mother clucked her tongue in disapproval. “Ladies don’t wear animal print on their undergarments.”

  Obviously, I didn’t throw on my t-shirt fast enough. Ignoring her critical eye, my main objective became to usher her out of my bedroom so Luke could get dressed in peace.

  “Is Nil in the living room?” I questioned.

  My mother’s face softened. “Yes she is. We had a lovely time.”

  “What did you guys do?”

  As she filled me in on their day together, I discreetly steered her down the hall and shot a wink back at Luke.

  “Thank you,” he mouthed.

  It didn’t matter how much they bonded. At the end of the day, my mother was a piece of work.

  She stopped in the middle of the hallway, sensing my attention was diverted elsewhere. “Marlene, are you listening to me?”

  “Yes mom.”

  Satisfied, she kept yakking off my ear until we got into the living room. Nil was dressed in a hot pink tutu with a long strand of pearls around her neck. She looked like a modern day princess.

  When she saw me, she put down her Barbies and launched herself at my legs. “Mommy.”

  “Hey peanut, how was your day with grandma?”

  “Good,” she said distracted as she peeked around my body. “Is daddy here?”

  Three days, and I was already second fiddle to Luke. I sighed, placing my hand on top of her head. “Yes, he’s in the bedroom but—”

  She unwound her arms from me and ran screaming down the hall in sheer excitement. I watched her disappear out of eyesight. At four years old, Nil loved with her whole heart and trusted nobody to break it. I hoped when Luke left, she wouldn’t lose that perspective.

  My mother squeezed my shoulder. “You seem stressed.”

  “Do I?”

  She zeroed in on my nails bitten to the quick. “Yes you do. Does it have anything to do with Luke?”

  I shook my head. “No…maybe.”

  Stress was such a normal occurrence in my life, I hardly noticed it anymore, or why it was there. But in this case, my mother hit the cause on the head. Luke.

  My mom beckoned. “Lay it on me.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I have sort of made peace with him leaving but I feel Nil truly doesn’t understand what’s happening. Plus, I said no to Luke on stage, but what if that was the wrong decision? Should I have said yes?” I felt my pulse quicken. “How do you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody?”

  My mom smoothed a piece of hair behind my ear. “You need to breathe.” She guided me to the couch and sat down next to me. “Do you want to know how I knew your father was the one?”

  I nodded. “Please.”

  “When he went out and got cold medicine for me during a snowstorm. It took two hours on foot for him to find an open drug store.”

  My head cocked to the side. “You knew you wanted to marry dad because he showed human decency?”

  “No because he went out of his way to make sure I was taken care of. Would Luke do the same for you?”

  A vivid memory flashed into my head and I smiled. “When I was pregnant he went to three different ice cream shops to find the exact flavor I was craving. The problem was I kept changing my mind but he didn’t lose his cool. He just kept complying with my demands.”

  My mom patted my knee. “I was wrong to think he wasn’t suitable for you. The man is obviously head over in heels in love with you.”

  “The feeling is mutual and like I told dad, he has changed.”

  “I believe it with the way he is with Nil.”

  As if on cue, Luke came bouncing into the living room with Nil on his shoulders, her head dangerously close to hitting the ceiling. They were chanting “museum” at the top of their lungs. Just as I was about to wax on about safety measures, he put Nil back down on the ground.

  A huge smile lit up her face. “Mommy we are going to the museum.”

  “I got that.”

  I turned to my mother to ask if she could lock up behind us. Getting the green light, I grabbed our coats. Nil did a dance of impatience as I wrangled her into her winter outfit.

  As soon as her feet hit her shoes, she ran to the front door. “Come on.”

  Luke and I shared a look of amusement which begged the question, “How did our daughter get so adorable?”

  Nil stomped her foot. “Guys, you’re killing me,” she whined.<
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  Laughing, Luke took my left hand and Nil’s right as we walked out into the cold as a family.

  WHEN WE LEFT the museum, day had faded into dusk and the sky was streaked with purple and gold. The glorious sunset was the icing on the cake to a perfect day. Nil skipped joyfully ahead of us without a care in the world. Luke held my hand as we trailed behind her.

  Nil abruptly stopped and bent down. A flash of copper glinted in the light. “Look!” She ran over to us, holding a penny. “It’s lucky because I found it, right?”

  Luke picked it out of her palm and ran his thumb over the smooth surface. “There’s a small hole near the top. Can you give me Nil’s necklace?” he asked.

  I lifted her hair to unclasp the elephant charm from around her neck. Handing it to Luke, Nil, and I watched as he threaded the penny through the gold chain. When he was done, he motioned for Nil to turn around. The two charms came to a rest on her breastbone, next to her heart.

  Luke admired his work. “Now luck will always be on your side.”

  “And I can keep you close too,” Nil declared.

  Adoration softened his features. “Yes, baby girl, but my heart has never belonged to anybody else but you.” He crouched to his knees and opened his arms. Nil melted into his embrace.

  A lump formed in my throat as I watched my daughter get the validation of love she had been seeking from her father. Luke smoothed down her hair, reluctant to let go.

  “Daddy, can we go home now?” Nil asked against his shoulder.

  “Anything for you princess.” He gave her one last squeeze before he loosened his hold. “Do you want a piggyback ride to the car?”

  “Yes!” she screamed.

  Chuckling at her reaction, Luke spun away from Nil. “Climb on.”

  She maneuvered her way onto his back while Luke grabbed hold of her legs and hoisted them into the air.

  “Careful,” I said.

  Luke rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry, I got her.”

  “I want to fly daddy,” Nil said.

  “You want to fly? You better hold on then.” Luke double-checked her grip was secure then took off like an airplane, dipping this way and that across the parking lot.

  Squeals of elation floated in the evening air. I captured this moment in my memory and tucked it away to sustain me in the long nine-month wait before we were a family again. Nil and Luke buzzed past me.

  “Crash landing,” Luke said in a pretend walkie-talkie voice. “I repeat crash landing.” He jostled Nil on his back, eliciting a giggle from her.

  They did a final nosedive and came to a halt a few feet away from Luke’s car. Dread ran through my veins as I approached them. Once we left this parking lot, we had to say goodbye to Luke. I wanted to sustain our time together as long as possible.

  “What do you say about ice cream?” I asked.

  Nil jumped in the air. “Yes,” she cheered. “This is the best day ever!”

  Luke peeked at his watched and grimaced. “I am sorry, but I have to go. The tour bus leaves in fifteen minutes.”

  “Oh.”

  Sensing my dramatic change in mood, Nil tugged on my skirt. “What’s wrong mommy? Are you sad?”

  To make this easier on everybody, I had to slap on a happy face and pretend as if my heart wasn’t breaking. “No sweetie, just tired,” I said to her. “Let’s get you in the car.”

  Luke removed my hand from the door handle. “I’ll get her strapped into her booster seat.”

  “You sure? There are a lot of buckles.”

  “It’s easy.”

  “Whatever you say,” I said.

  I had the same exact thought Luke did when I bought the booster seat for Nil. An hour later, the straps were so tangled I had to call my grandmother for help. To my amazement, Luke had Nil buckled in and ready to go in under two minutes. He deserved a trophy.

  When he climbed into the driver’s side, a smug smile turned up his lips. “See? Easy.”

  I smacked his arm. “You mister, have a huge ego.”

  “You love me.”

  “I do.” I held his gaze. “I really do.”

  Luke squeezed my hand and turned on the car. The drive was spent in silence, each of us in our own heads. It was crazy to think that three days ago I considered not letting Luke into our lives. Now he was such an integral part, it was hard to imagine any other way.

  “We’re here.”

  Dazed, I looked out the window and found us parked in front of an old building. The crumbling brick façade looked as if it would collapse any minute.

  “Does somebody live here?” I questioned.

  “The drummer does. Supposedly, the apartments are really nice inside.”

  If you didn’t mind rats in your bathtub, which he probably didn’t. Hygiene didn’t seem to be high on his list based on our brief introduction. The click of the car unlocking pulled me from my thoughts.

  “The tour bus is down the street, but I don’t want to leave Nil in the car alone,” Luke said. “And I certainly don’t want you to walk down there with me.”

  “Are we in Pioneer Square?”

  “Yes.”

  That explained why he was worried about our safety. Pioneer Square was known as a richly historic neighborhood with its Renaissance Revival architecture. During the day, tourists walked the streets, oblivious to the seedy underbelly. Once midnight struck, the cobblestone paved alleyways turned into open-air drug markets. The clock on the dashboard, glowed 6:55 p.m.

  “I can step out for a second.” I turned around to Nil who was fast asleep. Her head rested against the stuffed penguin Luke bought her. “I’ll be right back,” I whispered.

  A cold gust of wind swept off the Puget Sound and snaked underneath my jacket as I got out of the car. Wrapping my arms around my body, I shivered.

  Luke came around to my side. “I want you to have these.” He dangled the car keys off his finger. “That VW bug you drive isn’t safe.”

  I crossed my arms and lifted my chin. “It has airbags.”

  Luke raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, but it’s rusting and doesn’t have the best track run.”

  He was right. In the winter months, the engine turned over repeatedly until it spewed a black cloud and chugged to life.

  I laid my hand on the hood of the Chevrolet Equinox. A car that wasn’t associated with rock stars. “Why did you buy this one?”

  “Because it has a good safety report and you hate minivans.”

  A chuckle rose out of my throat. “I’m so predictable.”

  His gaze flickered to the curve of my lips. “After seven years of knowing you Marlene, you still mystify me. I would hardly call you predictable”

  Heat pooled in my lower stomach as he bent down and kissed me. I sighed in pleasure against his mouth. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he deepened the embrace. When we broke apart, the taste of breath mints lingered on my tongue.

  Luke rested his forehead against mine. “I am sorry, I couldn’t stay longer”

  “You have work.”

  “Yes, but you and Nil are more important.”

  I savored his words like a piece of hard candy. Three days, and Luke had turned into a family man. Hopefully his newfound outlook was enough motivation for him to make some serious changes. I couldn’t live with only seeing him for three months out of the year for the next twenty years or so.

  “If I can swing the time off, maybe we can come and visit you on the road,” I said.

  “I would love that.”

  Luke pressed his lips against my forehead before he stepped away. “Would you mind waking up Nil? I want to say goodbye.”

  “Sure.”

  I opened the car door to find her already awake. Her blue eyes studied me intently, acutely aware of what was about to happen. “Does daddy have to leave?”

  “Yes, sweetie he does.”

  Tears welled in the corners of her eyes. “Why?”

  “Because he loves being a bass player. Just like you love being a ballerina.�
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  Nil’s head tipped to the side, mulling over my answer. A beat later, she held out her arms. “Take me to him.”

  I swallowed a laugh. Nil was watching too many princess movies. Following her command, I unbuckled her legs from the booster seat and lifted her onto my hip. Luke was off to the side with his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyes downcast. Saying goodbye to the daughter he had just gotten to know must have been heart wrenching for him.

  “I want daddy to hold me,” she said.

  At the sound of her voice, his gaze lifted. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the anguish written into the lines around his mouth. He wordlessly took Nil into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his upper torso and buried her head into the crook of his neck.

  “Be a good girl for mama, you hear me?” Luke said

  “I don’t want mama, I want you.”

  The threads that were barely keeping me together, unraveled. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks as I watched Nil’s heart break in two.

  “Don’t say that.”

  Nil clung onto her father tighter. “If you stay daddy, I’ll be your audience.”

  “I wished it worked that way, Nilly.”

  Luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When they fluttered open, I could tell this was it. He had to leave.

  I walked over to them and lightly grabbed Nil’s waist. “Come on sweet girl, we have to get home,” I said.

  “No.”

  Hooking her ankles, she pressed herself against Luke’s chest. Words weren’t going to pry her away from her father, because nothing would. Their bond was indestructible.

  “I am sorry.” His voice was heavy with torment. “I am so sorry.” Grabbing her legs, he peeled her off his body among her screams of protest.