by Kendra Riley
“Hey Olivia.”
“Where are you?” she sniped.
“Just landed. I’m on my way back. What’s that sound?”
“Nariah’s in labor!” A series of scratching sounds and muffled curses came over the speaker. “Hello?”
“How long has she been in labor?”
“Her water just broke. I don’t know what to do.” Olivia’s vision blurred. “How long until you get here?”
CRASH.
She looked at the phone to confirm the call was still connected. “Hello? Russell?” She dropped her voice. “What was that?”
“Son of a bitch. Someone got in a wreck.”
“Well, how far are you?”
“Shit. Call the midwife. Tell Nariah to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth,” he instructed. “The midwife, her name is Tracy, she’ll be able to help you when she gets there. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Keep her calm, Olivia.”
The call ended before she had a chance to respond. She straightened her face and calmed her own breath before walking into Nariah’s room.
“Why is nobody answering meeee? Where’s Russell?”
“He’s in the city. He’s on the way. How far apart are the contractions?”
“I don’t knoooowwwww.”
“I’m gonna call Tracy.”
“Yeah, do that. Please do that.”
Olivia left the room, holding the phone between her shoulder and cheek. She paced while the phone rang, her hands shaking as she poured a glass of wine. She poured it out, after the first sip, unable to taste it. “She’s in labor,” she spat.
###
Tracy, who arrived ten minutes prior, managed to calm Nariah, informing that her contractions were worsened by stress. Together, they performed several yogic breathing exercises, Nariah describing the pain as a dull ache versus the sharp pain they were when first starting.
Nariah had become too engulfed in preparing her body to worry about Russell. She began the process of hypnotizing herself, her affirmations becoming background noise to the scene.
I surrender and relax with confidence.
My body is powerful and strong.
My body was made to have this baby.
Tracy directed Olivia in how to set up the birthing pool, Nariah’s contractions growing closer together.
Once it was done, she turned around to see Nariah’s legs spread wide. “I’m gonna go call Russell,” she said, covering her eyes, swallowing the bile in her throat. “I’m never ever, ever having kids.” Her feet carried her back and forth as the phone rang.
“How is she?” he answered.
“Okay, the time for her to push is getting closer.”
“The traffic is a standstill. I’m not gonna make it.” A moment of silence passed between them. “Thanks for being there for her.”
“That’s what best friends are for. She’s my sis.”
“Well I really do appreciate it. I don’t know how to repay you for—”
“Don’t worry about it bro. Just take care of my girl and my nephew. And get here ASAP.”
“Working on it.”
###
Six hours after the first contraction it was time to push. Nariah had no time to be mad at Russell, not that the pain in her stomach would let her. Tracy and Olivia helped her into the pool, guiding her down to her hands and knees. The original plan was to hold on to Russell, using gravity to aid the process. Tears streamed down her face before mixing with the water.
“I’m here sis. It’s almost over. You’re the strongest woman I know.” Olivia accepted the water splashed in her face, reminding herself that it wasn’t the real Nariah.
“Remember, don’t hold back. If you have to scream, do it.”
“I ca—I can’t—”
“Yes you can,” Tracy replied. She made sure Nariah was fully dilated. “Channel your inner warrior goddess and push.”
The noise that erupted from Nariah’s throat first resembled a prolonged crow’s caw before transitioning to a wounded cat’s whine. It then transformed into a steady howl that ended in a soulful croon.
“Great job, that’s one. Take a deep breath and push again.”
Olivia kept an eye on the door, hopeful that Russell would walk through at any moment.
There’s no way he would miss this, she thought. Cold water to the face convinced her to refocus on encouraging her sister in bond. “You got it, babe. You are so strong. Maybe you could be my surrogate.”
Nariah’s eyes were red when she looked up.
“Too soon. My bad.”
Nariah channeled the frustration into extra energy to push.
“I see the head,” Tracy announced.
“I think I’m gonna throw up,” Olivia said.
“Don’t you leave,” Nariah hissed. “You’re the only one I gggoootttt.” Blood bubbled on Nariah’s lip as her teeth sank into it. Her hands and fingers were blue from being balled so tight. Her chest heaved as she stopped to take a breath. Arms shaking, legs twitching, a string of drool stretched from her lip until it was barely visible.
“He’s right there. Give it all you got,” Tracy willed.
Nariah sucked down a long breath of air. The affirmations circling through her mind reminded her that she was meant to do this. She pictured holding her son for the first time. She shoved the thoughts of Russell’s absence to the back of her mind. That would be addressed later. She relaxed her face, calm flooding her mind and body. Everyone’s voices faded as she entered a place of solitude and tranquility. She didn’t feel pain, only peace.
Her baby boy’s wails called her back into reality. Olivia instructed her to stay in the position until Tracy could come back to help.
“He’s beautiful sis,” Olivia said with tears in her eyes.
Nariah fought the exhaustion tugging at her eyelids. The contents of the water also served as a deterrent.
“Tracy says that’s all normal.” Olivia chuckled.
“Thanks ‘Liv. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”
“You’re underestimating yourself, Nariah. You’re the strongest woman I know. Besides me of course.”
Nariah splashed her, her giggle turning into a guffaw as Olivia scratched frantically at her tongue. “Now we’re sisters.”
“You’re lucky you just pushed a baby out.”
Tracy was stripping off her gloves as she entered the living room. She and Olivia helped Nariah to her feet before walking her to the bedroom. The three of them were quiet as she laid the baby boy on Nariah’s chest. She gave Olivia a hug, thanking her for her presence.
“Hey Carson. It’s your mommy.” His fresh scent was hypnotic. Though his hair was slicked down, she knew it would be curly like hers. His skin was closer to Russell’s hue, though she knew that could change as he got older. As far as facial features, he had a good mix of both she and his dad.
Nothing felt better than feeling his skin against hers. Her breath escaped her as he opened his eyes. They were Russell’s with a hint of a deeper brown swimming in the green. After she had gotten her fill of him, she allowed Olivia some time to bond with her new nephew.
“He is gonna be a heartbreaker.”
“Don’t I know it?”
“At least you’re still young. You got 18 years of having to beat girls away with a stick,”
Olivia joked.
“So, you’re not gonna help.”
“You know I keep a Louisville Slugger in the trunk.”
At Nariah’s request Tracy called her family, who couldn’t contain their excitement, especially after being banned from the birth.
###
Nariah’s family was crowded around her as Russell came in. He was relieved as he stepped off the elevator, though it didn’t last long, six pairs of eyes landing on him. The walk across the loft felt like he was crossing the Sahara Desert at midday heat. The vibrations from his footsteps traveled up his leg and twisted his stomach before continuing to his brain. “Hey, hey
everybody.” In a moment he was supposed to be truly happy, he was scared.
Maxwell, Tyra, and Jacoby broke their circle, lining both sides of the narrow pathway they created.
Tears welled in his eyes as he saw the love of his life holding their child. He couldn’t hear what she was telling him, but it was sure to be filled with love. He froze as both of their gazes landed on him.
“There’s your daddy,” Nariah explained.
“I’m so sor—”
She passed Carson to him, bringing his apology to a halt.
All the tension in the room melted as the family saw how good Russell looked holding the baby. Nariah couldn’t stop smiling as she watched him rock Carson back and forth, humming the Angie Stone song he stole.
“Thank you,” Russell mouthed.
“Now that he’s here,” Tyra started, “we’ll be leaving. We’ll see you two tomorrow.” She placed delicate kisses on her daughter and grandson’s foreheads. Maxwell and Jacoby followed suit. “Olivia…”
“Yes, Mommy.”
“...take care of my babies.”
“Yes ma’am.”
After the Alexander clan left, Olivia and Tracy decided to make a food trip.
Nariah stared at the ceiling, listening to Russell and Carson coo at each other. Though the sounds made her heart jump, the previous tension came creeping between them.
After Carson had fallen asleep, Russell tucked him into his crib and pulled a chair next to the bed. He winced before asking the question on his tongue. “What’s his name?” His gulp was audible.
“Carson.”
“Was it painful?”
“Nothing I couldn’t handle on my own,” she answered.
“Baby I’m so sorry. There was an accident and I—” His words failed him. Russell hung his head.
“Just when I thought things were changing,” Nariah said more to herself than him. “Shame on me.”
“Nariah please—”
“Please what Russell? Please what?” She pulled herself into a seated position, so she could look into his eyes. “What?”
“I didn’t mean—”
“You didn’t mean for this to happen. Of course you didn’t.” She swallowed the urge to spit in his face. “If it wasn’t for him I would be done with you. This is who you are. I see it now. He won’t remember you weren’t here, but I always will.”
“There was a wreck,” he tried to explain.
“I don’t give a fuck about a fucking wreck. You left me alone to deal with the worst pain of my life. And you want me to forgive you?” she scoffed. The bed creaked and moaned as she turned her back to him. “Change his diaper when he needs it.”
###
Despite having shared the same space for a week, Russell and Nariah shared minimal communication. They tiptoed around one another, Nariah talking mainly to tell when Carson needed to be changed. In her mind, their relationship was over. She hadn’t had a chance to talk to her family, but she was sure they would agree with the decision.
With both of them in the living room and Carson fast asleep in her room, the time for the discussion had come.
Nariah’s mouth salivated at the burgundy liquid in Russell’s glass. She quelled her thirst with room temperature water. They sat silent for a long while. She didn’t speak because there was nothing for her to say.
“I apologize for missing Carson’s birth.”
“You said that already.”
“I’m making no excuses. All I can do is be the best father I can be from here on,” Russell explained. “I won’t miss another day.”
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“How do you make promises you know you can’t keep? Under promise, over delivery; that’s a key principle in the business world, right?”
“This isn’t business Nariah.”
“Can’t tell.”
“Don’t do that. You know you and Carson come first.”
“But you went to handle business knowing he could come at any second,” she broke down. “Tell me again what comes first.”
“I was in the city.” Russell dropped his voice after hearing their son stir through the baby monitor. “I was on my way.”
“But you weren’t here!” Nariah combed her fingers through her hair. She felt the bags under her eyes as she ran her hands down her face. “Look Russell, I’m not gonna stop you from being a father to Carson, but this, we’re done. I’m going to lay down.” She left him alone with the words, not caring how he reacted. Seconds later, her voice and face appeared on the small screen.
Russell’s teeth ground in his ears as he watched them. To avoid tearing up the space, he decided to leave.
Chapter13
Entry #: 1 A.C. (After Carson)
Mood: Conflicted
Title: Love and hate at the same time
I’m done with Russell. Once again, he’s proven that he ain’t shit. Why do I continue to choose the worst guys? What karma do I have that I don’t know about it? I’m thankful for Carson, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me, but his dad sucks. There’s nothing he can tell me about missing the birth. He wasn’t in a wreck. I told him not to leave. I TOLD HIM. But business comes first. He’s just like his dad.
Nariah pondered on the fact of never having met his family. They hadn’t even discussed it.
He’s so full of shit. I’m done with men. Carson is the only man I need. Maybe the prospects will be better in 18 years. I’m going to teach him the importance of keeping his word and how to treat the people he loves. He won’t be anything like Russell.
She snuck a peek at Carson, who was just waking up.
Damn those eyes. I guess I’m victim number one.
###
With Russell busy with business, Nariah and Carson got to spend some much needed time with her family. Tyra absolutely loved her grandson, possibly more than Nariah, who noticed that she was much softer with him. It gave some credence to the notion that Jacoby was in fact her favorite.
While the men were playing with the baby, Tyra pulled Nariah into the kitchen. “I’m so proud of you, especially with everything that’s going on.”
“Thanks Mommy.” Carson dissolved the walls around her heart in regard to her mother. They didn’t always see eye to eye, but Nariah knew she was in her corner.
“You know we’re always on your side and even if Russell—”
“He’s going to be in Carson’s life.”
“Even if for some reason he isn’t, you won’t be a single mother. I refuse to let that happen.”
“I know, Mommy.” The women hugged, their tears mixing as their cheeks touched. “Now let’s get back in there before they break my brand-new baby.” Nariah held back as her phone began ringing. Her snarl relayed who was calling.
Tyra’s eyes sent the message not to let him back in.
“I got it,” she reassured her. “Hello.”
“How are you?” Russell asked. “How’s Carson?”
“We’re both good. Do you need something?”
His sigh rushed through the speakers. “I want us back like we were. I know I messed up.”
“We can talk about co-parenting.”
“All I need is one more chance, baby. Please. Where are you? I’m coming to you right now,” he pleaded.
Nariah looked through the crack she made in the door, all three members of her family enthralled by Carson. Listening to Russell reminded her of the night he was conceived; the passion, the love that went into making him.
“I love you.”
The words, combined with the hurt in his voice melted some of the ice around her heart. She leaned against the counter, waiting for him to continue.
“All I’ve done is hurt you since we met. But I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t give up on me. I need you, baby. Tell me where you are.”
“Aren’t you at work?”
“You’re more important. And it’s not like they can fire me.” He laughed. “I
need to see you. I need to see our son. What’s he doing?”
“Mom, Dad, and Jacoby are playing with him.”
“So you’re at your parents’ house?” Rustling sounded on the other end of the line. Russell barked some instruction before informing the person he yelled at to cancel his meetings and appointments for the rest of the day. “I’m on the way.”
###
Unlike the first time Russell met her family, Nariah wasn’t sitting beside him. Maxwell and Jacoby sat on either side of her, Tyra standing next to the couch, swaying Carson in her arms. He didn’t shy away from their glares nor their unspoken loathing. They were right in their feelings toward him and he respected that. When it was clear none of them were going to speak first, he cleared his throat in preparation of his first words. On the ride over, he prepared an explanation, the speech dissolving the moment he sat down.
“I love Nariah,” he began.
A short laugh came from Tyra.
“My actions haven’t shown that.”
Another laugh.
“I didn’t have my priorities in order. And to answer the question you asked me last time, Mrs. Tyra, no I didn’t learn how to maintain work-life balance from my father.”
Nariah understood what he was doing, her father’s and brother’s legs brushing against her own discouraged her from going to him.
“My dad, the great businessman he was, wasn’t a great father. When he was home, which was rare, he treated us like the objects that decorated our house. My siblings and I were nothing more than a second thought. His love for us was nonexistent. As I’m sure you can see, I’ve inherited the worst of him.” He combed his fingers through his hair.
Nariah recognized the longing in his eyes to hold Carson. Again, she decided not to intercede.
“That’s also the reason I haven’t taken Nariah to meet my family. Honestly, I don’t think he would care to meet her; maybe now because we have him—” he pointed to the sleeping newborn— “but that’s only because he has someone else to mold to his liking.” Russell paused.
Tyra left to put Carson down, returning seconds later. “I appreciate your honesty, but I have to think about what’s best for my family and I don’t think that’s you.”