Crossing The Line (A Taboo Love series Book 3)

by M. D. Saperstein

  I sneak another glance at Chance just in time to catch the hurt in his eyes before he covers it up. He crosses his arms over his chest and turns away from me, his expression cold. Goddammit! I look back at Calvin to find him watching me through narrowed eyes.

  "I call bullshit. Man, I've known you too damn long to know when you're lying to me. Now, why you decided to lie to me, I don't understand," he mutters, shaking his head. "Frankly, that pisses me off even more. So, how about you take another shot at telling me what the fuck is going on?" Calvin says, crossing his large arms over his even larger chest.

  I gape at him for a moment. I can't believe he just called bullshit on me. I sigh and shove my hands through my hair. "I...I don't really know, Cal. We've been seeing each other for the past few months..."

  "Seeing each other? That's what you're gonna call this?" Chance grunts in annoyance.

  Calvin lifts an eyebrow at Chance. "He obviously thinks it's more," Calvin says, motioning toward Chance.

  I go to reply but Chance beats me.

  "I thought we were in a relationship. Ya know, I thought that's what dating and sleeping together meant. I thought that’s what getting to fuck me every night for the past four months meant," he hisses, obviously pissed.

  Calvin's eyes widen as he looks back and forth between us.

  "Chance," I warn. "Stop."

  I really don't want him telling my best friend - who just found out that I've been dating a guy - all about our sex life.

  "You have had a boyfriend for four months and didn't think to tell your friends?" Calvin blurts incredulously.

  "Listen, I'm still not sure of where this is going, so I didn't want to say anything," I huff uncomfortably.

  Chance lets out a bitter laugh. "Oh, that's rich, Parker. I thought that we were in this together. And to think I let myself fall for you," he says as he starts for the door.

  My heart stops in my chest. What did he just say? I grab his arm before he can open the door. "What?" I wheeze. Surely he didn't say what I think he said.

  Chance rips his arm out of my grasp. "Forget it, you obviously don't give a shit about me or my feelings so just fuck off," he snarls. He tugs his mask back into place before storming out of the office, slamming the door behind him.

  I spin around to glare at Calvin. "You had to make a scene, didn't you? You couldn't have just waited to say something until tomorrow?" I bark.

  "Don't fucking blame this on me! You can imagine my shock at what I saw. There was no way I could just let it go until tomorrow," he retorts. "And maybe if you had quit being a little bitch and told me the fucking truth, he wouldn't have stormed out."

  "I did tell you the truth!" I shout angrily at him.

  Calvin gives me a “get real" look.

  "You just told me that you didn't know where this thing with you two is going when it’s obvious that something serious is happening. You clearly have deep feelings for each other or he wouldn’t have looked like you just killed his dog. It's your fault that he left. You lied to cover up your own insecurities. Nobody here was judging you. So own your own shit and don’t put it on me," he accuses, pointing at me.

  I can feel the heat from my anger rise up my face. "I don't have to listen to this bullshit from you," I snap before yanking down my mask and storming out of his office, too.

  I find Chance outside trying to hail a cab. He sees me coming toward him so he turns and starts walking quickly down the block.

  "Chance, talk to me, will ya?" I call after him as I follow.

  I have to jog to catch up to him. I grab his arm and spin him around. His livid gaze bores into mine.

  "Look, I'm sorry..." I start, but he cuts me off.

  "No, you're not. And I don't want to hear any of your excuses. We've been arguing about this for the past month and it's never going to change. You’re never gonna want to come out. And I'm not going to live my life in the closet. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret. You couldn't even tell your best friend about us," he rasps.

  "Charlie knows," I tell him sheepishly.

  "Good for Charlie. What about the rest of the fucking world, huh?” he asks accusingly, stretching and raising his arms in the air.

  But I have no answer for that. None that he would want to hear.

  “You’re falling in love with me?” I whisper, taking a step toward him. The enormity of what he said finally hitting me.

  He takes a step back away from me. “You know what…no, I didn't fall in love with you… you fucking tripped me. And now...now it's over because I'm done," he says sadly.

  "Chance, please, don't do this," I plead, reaching out for him.

  He steps out of my reach and shakes his head. "I'm done. I've told you twice now that I'm in love with you and you can't even say it back."

  "I really don't think this is the best time to say it back, Chance. You probably wouldn't believe me if I did," I argue.

  "At least if you did I would feel like you were actually trying to fight for me," he croaks. "I don't think you want this as badly as I do."

  "Come on, man, you know that's not true." I sigh. I know nothing I say is getting through to him right now; he's too hurt and upset. Plus, I’m not sure if I do want it as badly. Am I prepared to come out? To tell my family, my friends…fuck, the whole world that I’m gay?

  He shakes his head. "I'll see you on set," he says before turning and darting down the street.

  At the end of the block, he's able to quickly catch a cab and drive away. Shit. I really fucked up this time. I need a drink.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Parker

  I never thought that there would come a day where I would hate going to work. But for the past two weeks, I have utterly dreaded having to go to work every day. Outside of filming the movie, Chance and I no longer speak to each other. It's not that I don't want to, but he's closed himself off big time. He barely even looks at me whenever we're not filming. And the only reason that he looks at me while we are filming is because he HAS to.

  Do you have any idea how difficult it is filming romantic or even happy scenes with someone who you once had all of that with in real life but no longer do? It's pure torture. I long so badly to have back what's been lost. My heart physically hurts in my chest every day at the loss of my relationship with Chance, and it’s all my fault - my insecurity, my stupidity.

  If I had just told Calvin that Chance and I were together, and not tried to dumb down what we shared, we would still be together. Or at least I think we would. Chance was starting to get a little itchy about telling the world about us, and he had every right to feel that way. I understand now that all he wanted to do was tell everyone how happy he was – with me, with himself, with what we found. He was in love with me. He wanted to share that with everyone. I get it. And even though I think he understood my anxiety about coming out, he probably saw it as me being embarrassed to be with him. I’m such an insensitive prick.

  I wonder every day if he still loves me or if I ruined that forever. I realize now that the heartache that I'm feeling is because I'm in love with him, too. I didn't even know it was happening. Why does that goddamn saying always have to be right? You don't know what you got ‘til it's gone.

  “Guess which two Oscar winners don't keep just their shoes in the closet?”

  I'm jolted out of my thoughts and focus back on the TV and TMZ.

  "Rumors of the possible love affair between Parker Hamilton and Chance Steele have been confirmed by a close relative of Hamilton..."

  I blink stupidly as they continue to talk about Chance and me, spewing out things that only someone very close to me would know. Then...then the pictures start popping up.

  “…That's right, you heard it here first - Parker Hamilton and Chance Steel are more than just costars...”

  Grainy, yet completely recognizable pictures of Chance and me flash before my eyes. Holy fucking mother of fuck! They look like they were taken through my windows!

  There is one of the two
of us snuggled on the couch watching TV. There is one of us in the kitchen, Chance standing at the counter cooking while I'm wrapped around him from behind. There is another one of us on the couch, making out with Chance on top of me. And the last one they show is the mother of them all! It was from the night I fucked Chance against the front door. We're naked but my ass is blurred.

  My heart is pounding so hard that I can barely hear the TV anymore. Who the fuck would do this? Certainly none of my friends. And no way Chance would do this to me or himself. I rack my brain for someone, anyone, who I know that would fuck me over like this. I call Chance’s cell phone but it goes straight to voicemail.

  "…This close family source says that Hamilton has already brought Steele home to meet the family..."

  That sonofabitch! My brother! He is the only person I know that would do this to me. My family has completely betrayed me. The fury that I feel right now is nothing I've ever in my life felt before. My whole body is shaking and I'm trying to choke back tears of hatred at the one group of people in the world who are supposed to love me but don't.

  The next twenty or so minutes are a blur. All I know is that I end up parked out front of my brother's mini-mansion. It probably wasn't smart to drive, especially since I don't even remember driving here. I get out of my car and make my way to his front door. I see that my dad's car is here, too. Perfect. I only have to say what I have to say once.

  I pound on the door and wait. The large wooden door opens a minute later to reveal Allison in all her supermodel glory.

  "Parker? What are you doing here?" she asks in confusion.

  I shove past her without a word.

  "Hey!" she complains at my back.

  I make a direct line for the library where I know my brother and father like to sit, chat, and drink their fucking brandy. The double doors are closed. Without knocking, I shove them open, both doors slamming into their respective wall, leaving holes in the drywall. Both my brother and father jump up from their seats in surprise.

  "Dammit Parker! What is the meaning of this?" my father demands.

  I ignore him and glare at my brother. "It was you, wasn't it?" I growl.

  He raises an eyebrow at me. "What are you talking about?"

  "You hired someone to spy on me, didn't you?" I shout at him, my fist balling at my sides.

  A smug smirk curls his mouth. "Ah, that, well I had some suspicions that needed confirming. And boy, were they ever confirmed," he says with a snort.

  "I cannot believe you have been...been...consorting with a man, Parker!" my dad booms, flustered.

  I turn toward him. "Who I'm with is none of your damn business," I tell him.

  "It is a reflection on your family and you're giving us a bad name!" he barks angrily.

  "FUCK THIS FAMILY!" I scream at him, completely at the end of my rope.

  "What is going on in here?" comes my mother's grating voice from the doorway.

  "Nothing mother, just your queer son having a hissy fit," my brother says to my mom, his tone nonchalant.

  Something inside me snaps. The next thing I know, I tackle my brother to the floor and start punching the ever living shit out of his face. My mother is screaming in the background and my dad rushes over to try to pull me away. My brother is almost unconscious and bleeding from his nose, mouth, and a cut over his eye; but I can't stop, there is too much anger, too much resentment.

  My dad finally yanks me away and shoves me into a chair. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" he pants furiously.

  "What's wrong with me? He's the one who had someone spy on me, take private pictures of me in my house without my knowledge, and then showed them to the fucking world! And you're asking what's wrong with me?" I shout and shove to my feet.

  "Listen here boy, you've become a disgrace to this family and I will not tolerate such behavior. As soon as you leave here, your career is over. I will make sure you never work in Hollywood again, you hear me? You will not destroy this family's good name with your disgusting behavior," he growls.

  I step up to him and get in his face. We're pretty much the same height. This is what I've been afraid of since starting the relationship with Chance. And here it is, my worst nightmare coming true. But then I remember...

  "Try it asshole. You fuck with me and you will be opening up a can of worms that you do not want to open. You seem to have forgotten that I was the company's attorney for a year. I know all your dirty little secrets and I will expose each and every one of them if you try to fuck up my career," I snap, never breaking eye contact so he knows that I have no problem fucking this family over. They’re no longer my family, anyway.

  My father just stares at me. He's got nothing and he knows it.

  And you, I point at my pathetic excuse of a brother’s battered and bloody face. “Your money would have been put to better use with a private investigator tailing your whore wife.”

  I hear my mother gasp, but I’ve had enough. I back away then turn for the door. "I hope I never have to see you people again," I mutter before walking out on them for what I hope is the last time I ever have to look at their horrible faces.

  Before I can even think about fixing this with Chance, I need to find my real family and tell them all the truth. I hop in my car and call Calvin. I explain to him what’s going on and he offers to come finish what I’ve started over here. I love that guy. Now that’s what real family does for each other. Since he is off from work today, I get him to agree to call everyone and have them gather at his place. The paparazzi is going to be brutal once they find me and I can’t go home. I guess the security isn’t as good as I once thought.

  I need to make one more important call before I get to Calvin’s pad. The most important one of all. Sitting in my car out front of Calvin's house, I call my Grams. The phone rings three times before she picks up. Just the sound of her sweet "Hello?" eases me.

  "Hey, Grams, it's me," I say.

  "Oh, Parker, honey, I've been worried about you. I saw what the TV said, are you okay?" she asks.

  "Not really." I sigh. "But it has nothing to do with what was said; it was how they got the information and the pictures."

  "Okay," she replies cautiously.

  "It was Archibald, Grams. He hired someone to spy on me. I just left his place. It didn't go well," I tell her.

  "What happened?" she asks, an edge of anger in her tone that wasn't there a minute ago.

  "I kicked the shit out of him, then dad threatened to ruin my career, but I threatened to ruin his in return. Of course, this was after dad called me a disgrace to the family. I'm done with them, Grams. I never want to see them again."

  "How dare they treat you like this! Why I never!" she exclaims. "I am absolutely furious!"

  "I'm sorry. I wasn’t calling to upset you. I just wanted to give you my side of the story before they twisted it. I’m sorry," I tell her wearily.

  "Even if they twisted it and got to me first, I never would have believed it, sweetheart. You have nothing to apologize for. I am proud of you and the man you’ve become," she murmurs.

  "Thanks, Grams. That means the world to me," I say with a small smile.

  "How's Chance?"

  "I don't know, we broke up a couple of weeks ago," I whisper, my heart clenching.

  "Oh no, what happened? I thought you guys were doing well?"

  "We were until I messed everything up," I grunt.

  "Everyone makes mistakes, Parker dear. I'm sure if you want things with Chance to work out, you will find a way. Fight for what you want, you've been doing it your whole life, why stop now?" says the wisest woman in the world.

  "You’re the best, you know that, right?" I smirk.

  "Yes, I know," she chuckles. "I love you, darling. I'm honored to be able to call you my grandson."

  "Thank you, Grams. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you, too."

  After we say goodbye and I hang up, I let out a huge sigh. Damn, that woman always has a way of making me feel better. De
termination building, I get out of my car and head into Calvin’s.

  Chance

  Well, it’s finally happened. I’m doing the one thing I swore that I would never do. Drink like my father. And where am I? In a fucking bar, drunk as a skunk.

  Parker fucking Hamilton finally got the best of me. It’s my fault, really. I mean, did I actually think that he would come out of the closet for me? He has a family and friends to worry about. I have nothing. I am nothing. Except a drunk, just like dear old dad.

  With my Yankees baseball hat pulled down low on my head and the fact that I haven’t shaved my face since the day my world came crashing down, I’ve pretty much been able to be incognito in this bar. I came to this place because it’s in walking distance to my studio. I knew I was going to get blasted, so why bother going anywhere for the “atmosphere.” It’s mostly all toothless regulars sitting at the bar with me and a few yuppy business men around the corner at the tables enjoying their happy hour. I haven’t had a happy hour in who knows how long. I haven’t seen any women yet, either. So basically, there is nobody here to bother me or that would have reason to know who I am.

  I call the bartender over, signaling to him that I need another beer. I tell him to add a few shots into the mix. I’m not numb yet, and it’s taking way too long to get there. A college age kid slides in close to me, wanting to order another round for his buddies. When did they get here? He tries to make small talk with me, but I just offer one word answers; he’s not taking the hint. He is droning on and on about how there are no hot women here when something catches my attention on the TV overhead.

  "Rumors of the possible love affair between Parker Hamilton and Chance Steele have been confirmed by a close relative of Hamilton..."

  What the fuck? I must be really drunk. There is no way…

  “Hey, man, anyone ever tell you that you look just like that Chance Steele dude they’re talking about?” the dumbass asks, pointing at Harvey Levin from TMZ.

  “Nope,” is all I answer, popping the “p.” I immediately throw back my shot.