My Soul Then Sings

by Michelle Lindo-Rice

  “He’s been taken to the OR,” the head nurse said. “Dr. Newhouse is scrubbing in and waiting for you.”

  Patricia gave the nurse a thumbs-up and made her way to the elevator. She reviewed the chart until she had arrived at her designated floor. This would be the first time since she had rejected Timothy’s advances that they’d be in surgery together.

  She prayed things wouldn’t be awkward between them.

  “Dr. Oakes, we’re prepped and ready to go,” Timothy said as Patricia entered the operating room.

  She arched an eyebrow at his professional tone. If that’s how he’s going to play it, it’s fine by me. “Thank you, Dr. Newhouse. Let’s save this man’s life.” With a curt nod, she addressed the OR nurse. “Scalpel?”

  Eight grueling hours later, she exited the operating room. Pulling the cap off her head, she threw her gloves in the special designated can and washed her hands.

  “That was some awesome work in there, Dr. Oakes,” Timothy complimented.

  She rubbed her eyes. “Will you stop with the Dr. Oakes already?”

  Timothy stared. “I thought that was what you wanted. To keep things professional.”

  “I don’t know what I want,” Patricia said. She laughed at herself. “My life is all mixed up.”

  “Patricia, what’s wrong?” Timothy shed his professional cloak and placed a hand under her chin for her to look at him.

  “I should be talking to God,” she said. “Or my pastor.”

  Timothy made a show of scanning the room. “Well, they’re not here. I am.”

  Patricia crooked her head for them to leave the small area. She didn’t need anyone overhearing. She led him to her office. On the way there, the Holy Spirit advised her against letting Timothy into the mess that was her marriage.

  Patricia obeyed. She’d share something else.

  She strode to her desk and unlocked the drawer. Pulling Anna’s picture out, Patricia handed it to him. She told him about losing her baby. “That’s why having both Anna and Alyssa survive their surgery is so personal to me.”

  “I understand,” Timothy said. He stared into her eyes. “I don’t think this was what you wanted to talk about, but I’ll let the matter rest.”

  Patricia lowered her eyes.

  Timothy lifted one of her hands and gently kissed the back of it. “Go home, Patricia. Rest up. Deal with whatever is on your mind. Mr. Seaver doesn’t require the concentration the twins will.”

  Patricia pondered Timothy’s words long after he was gone. The twins would require serious concentration. For the first time, she wondered, Am I the right person for the job?

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Karlie eyed the Skype invite. Merle’s smiling face taunted her. She drummed her hands on the keyboard and debated whether to press the accept button. Neil and Jamaal’s warnings against Merle swirled in her head. Merle might be the devil’s daughter, but Karlie knew she was blood. There was no test needed to prove that.

  She pressed the accept button, and then initiated the Skype call.

  It was just a little after nine a.m. Her heart pounded in her chest. She hadn’t seen her grandmother since Tiffany’s funeral, and then it had only been for a moment, because Neil tossed Merle out of the service.

  Karlie bit her lip, second-guessing herself. Just as she was about to press the end button, Merle clicked on. Her image filled the screen. Karlie pressed the video button so that her grandmother would also be able to see her.

  “Hi, Karlie, thanks for accepting my request. I was praying and hoping you would.”

  Karlie didn’t know what she was expecting, but Merle’s voice didn’t sound evil. She sounded young and pleasant. Her face was another matter. Merle had been burned badly in a fire the same night of the funeral. The left side of her face was scarred, but plastic surgery helped. Karlie had footed the expenses, but Neil had banned her from visiting Merle in the hospital.

  “I . . . I don’t know why I did to be honest,” she replied. She shifted in her chair. “Why did you reach out to me?”

  “I wanted to get to know my only living relative. It’s been years, and as you get older you wise up. I made a lot of mistakes with your mother, and I just need a chance to set things right.”

  Karlie’s nose flared, and she drew a deep breath. Her body overheated. She wasn’t as ambivalent toward Merle as she had first thought. Anger bubbled underneath the surface. It surprised her but liberated her tongue. “How can you set things right? My mother is in the grave. She died without you there to hold and comfort her.”

  “Yes, Tiffany died, and I’m living with that guilt every day. Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t die in the fire.”

  Maybe God knew you would need her.

  Karlie’s flesh revolted at that sentiment, even though in her spirit she knew it was true.

  “Dad thinks I should stay away from you,” Karlie said, curious to know how Merle would respond. She wasn’t about to mince words or avoid any sensitive topics. If they were going to move forward, or whatever, they had to tackle the issues of the past.

  “The way I was five years ago, I would have to agree. I was bitter. It’s not that easy to live with yourself when you put a man before your only child.” Merle lowered her head.

  Karlie’s heart moved, but she pressed on. “Clifford violated my mother. She lost her innocence because of him. Why would you think she would lie about something like that?”

  Merle shook her head. “No reason I tell you will be good enough. I have been in a lot of therapy following the fire, and all I can tell you is that I see where I’ve failed Tiffany. I’m trying to fix that by being there for you.”

  “I don’t need you,” Karlie said through gritted teeth. In her heart, however, she felt the opposite.

  “We’re blood,” Merle said. “Like it or not, my blood runs through your veins. I’m family. You’re grown, but you do need me.”

  Karlie straightened at Merle’s sassy tone. It was as if she was hearing her mother’s voice. She couldn’t hold the small smile.

  “Come see me in person,” Merle pleaded. “I hate this whole Internet thing. I like talking face-to-face. I only learned this thing because I wanted to contact you. Neil won’t let me within five feet of you. But I figure, you’re grown and old enough to make your own decisions now.”

  Karlie’s eyes filled with tears. She was touched at the gesture but wasn’t sure how ready she was for a relationship. “I’ll think about it,” she whispered. “I’ve got to go.”

  “I love you, baby girl,” Merle said. “You can hate me for the rest of your life or you can choose to forgive me. It’s your choice. I’ll still love you, and I’ll still be praying for you. I’m a churchwoman now. When I was on my face, it was church folk who reached out to me, and I’ve been studying with them. God is the only person who would have me. I’m hoping to add you to the list.”

  Overcome, Karlie nodded and ended the call.

  She picked up her cell phone. It was flooded with voice mails and text messages. Neil, Myra, Winona, and even Jamaal. Resting her phone on the desk, Karlie pushed her chair back. She massaged her lower back. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone. The only person she had spoken to was Brian, and that was because he was right next door. She couldn’t avoid him, and it wasn’t for lack of trying.

  Yentl and Griffin had posted an edited version of Brian and Jamaal’s fight on YouTube. Now the whole world thought she had slept with Brian. What would people say when they learned Brian was her brother?

  A month or two ago, she was walking in sunshine. Now she was in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a dark and lonely forest.

  You are not alone. I am your shepherd.

  Karlie picked up her Bible. She scanned the pages and read Psalm 23 though she knew it by heart. She closed the Good Book, knowing that she needed a talk with God, but she wasn’t in the mood for conversation.

  She donned an all-white swimsuit hoping that a swim would clear her mind. Karlie grab
bed a huge towel, pushed her feet into some flip-flops, and slipped outside into the lobby. She had just entered the elevator when a hand shot out to hold the door. She rolled her eyes when a shirtless Brian sauntered inside. He had on swimming trunks.

  “Are you spying on me?” she asked. She avoided contact with his muscled chest.

  “I’m just going for a swim,” he replied innocently. “Mere coincidence.”

  She scrunched her lips, knowing he was lying through his teeth. “I just need some space. Leave me alone.” She slapped the towel against her thighs.

  “Not going to do that. Until I know you’re okay, I’m your shadow.”

  The small space added to her claustrophobia. Karlie clamped her jaws, squelching down a scream. As soon as the steel door swooshed open, she stomped toward the pool.

  Heedless of the cool temperature of the water, Karlie dived in and began her laps. She heard another splash. She turned her head to see Brian keeping pace with her. She was a superb swimmer, but Karlie was no match for his longer, leaner strides.

  They continued their brutal pace for fifteen minutes before Karlie trudged out of the water.

  Brian completed two more laps before resting in the chair next to her. “That was exhilarating,” he smiled and briskly rubbed his hair dry.

  Karlie grunted, determined to ignore him. The heat seared her skin. She bit back a groan when she realized she’d forgotten her sunscreen. No sooner had the thought escaped than Brian’s hands were on her back. He was lathering some sunscreen on her exposed shoulders.

  “Can’t have your beautiful skin blotching in the sun,” he said.

  Karlie stiffened. She hated the feel of his hands on her. Rather, she hated that she liked the feel of his hands on her. He’s your brother, she reminded herself.

  Allegedly.

  In a fit of temper, Karlie shrugged off Brian’s hands. Fixing him with a glare, she held her hands out for him to squeeze the lotion in her palms. “I’ll do it myself.”

  “I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said.

  “It feels wrong,” Karlie replied.

  Brian emitted a huge sigh. “Let’s change the subject then. Have you spoken to Jamaal?”

  “No, and I don’t want to talk about him either.”

  Brian gave a slight shrug. “Fair enough. My mother called. She and Ryan told Neil and Myra and things didn’t go so well. Neil kicked them out of his house.”

  Karlie leaned forward. “Dad kicked them out?”

  “Yes,” Brian cackled. He shook his legs with delight. “Mom said he told them to show themselves out. I wish I had been there to see that.”

  “Wow. This is too much.” Karlie shifted her body to face him. “I spoke to Merle this morning.”

  “Your grandmother?”

  “Yes. She wants me to come see her.”

  He toyed with the string on his trunks. “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m thinking about it,” Karlie said, biting her lower lip.

  “Did you pray on it?”

  Karlie dipped her chin. “For someone who isn’t saved, you sure do speak like one who is.”

  “You’re rubbing off on me.” Brian playfully swatted her arm.

  Karlie eyed him. She wished . . . No, she couldn’t go there. “Are we still going mudding?” Mudding was a popular sport in Florida. She didn’t relish the idea of gunk in her hair, but she wasn’t going to back down.

  Brian shook his head. “The network scrapped that plan. They want us to head back to New York. They think we should start our adventure with learning trapeze arts. That would be the focus of the season. Then for the finale, several staged mishaps will occur. We won’t know about them, of course.”

  Karlie shuddered. “I hate heights. I don’t know about being a circus act.” She looked around. “Where’s Yentl and Griffin?” The two men always managed to pop up wherever they were.

  “You’ll be glad to know they left an hour ago. We’ll see them in a couple months when we start taping.”

  Karlie’s shoulders drooped with relief. “I’m so glad they’re gone. They were getting under my skin.”

  Brian gave her a pointed stare. “You can change your mind about the show. We don’t have to do this.”

  Karlie nodded, but she was hesitant. It was kind of late, but she wondered what her mother would think. She did not have to think long. Tiffany would not approve of the intrusion into their lives. But these were different times.

  “I want to do the show.” She sat up. “I can’t tolerate any more of this scorching sun. My skin is frying in this stifling Florida heat.” She swiped at her perspiring brow. “When are we going home?”

  “We leave tomorrow,” Brian said, coming to stand by her side.

  As soon as she uttered the word “home” Karlie gulped. Where was home for her? Once again, her life was being turned upside down. Brian took her hand. “Home is where love is, Karlie. You have plenty of people who love you, including me. So, fix your droopy face.”

  Suddenly the dam holding her emotions at bay exploded. Karlie pushed out of his grasp heedless of the tears streaming down her face. “Stop saying that. Stop telling me you love me. It’s confusing me even more than I need to be. I have all these crazy, unexplained feelings and it’s creeping me out. A week or so ago, it was all about Jamaal. I haven’t even dealt with his betrayal yet.” Karlie tilted her chin toward the heavens. “Lord, what are you trying to show me here? Because I’m not seeing it.”

  Brian’s eyebrows furrowed. He moved into her space. “You think this is easy on me? You think it’s nice hearing that Ryan messed with our lives like we’re a yo-yo?”

  “I don’t want to hear any more,” Karlie raged. She trotted toward the elevator. Her feelings were unbalanced. If she were a drinking woman, she’d be hitting the club. But since she was a child of God, prayer was her drug of choice.

  Unfortunately, she was all prayed out.

  Brian raced after her and grabbed her arm. “My life was less complicated without you invading my thoughts . . . and heart.”

  “Leave me alone, Brian. You’re trying me.” She jabbed the button, willing the elevator to appear.

  Ugh! None of the three elevators were available. Karlie’s impatience propelled her toward the stairs. Of course, Brian was fast on her tail.

  She whirled around. “Don’t you understand what it means to leave me alone? I need air.” She sprinted up the first floor.

  Brian followed her.

  With all the strength she possessed, Karlie ran. Her feet pounded on the steps, but she could hear him a beat behind her.

  “I’m not letting you run from me,” he said, two steps behind her. He tugged her elbow and forced her to stop midstride.

  Giving up, Karlie slammed her body to the ground. Brian almost fell on top of her but caught himself. He settled beside her on the steps.

  “I’ve never been in love before,” Brian whispered, his breath close to her ear.

  “Don’t think it, don’t speak it,” Karlie warned. “I mean, did you forget about Jamaal?”

  He shook his head before running his fingers through her curls. Brian exhaled and buried his head in her hair. “I love you.”

  His warm breath fanned her senses. She shook her head, denying any feelings. “I can’t allow this.”

  “Then don’t do anything,” Brian said. “Just let me this once. I’ve got to know.”

  Karlie didn’t resist. She closed her eyes and imagined the serpent tempting Eve. How appealing the offer was to her senses. Brian’s lips teased her neck.

  Stop him!

  Her body tingled. I will, in a second.

  His lips were on her cheek.

  You already want it in your heart, so you might as well let Brian kiss you. You’re already guilty.

  No! Finding her strength, Karlie shoved him away.

  “I wasn’t going to,” Brian said, crushing her to him.

  A minute passed before he released her. Karlie saw his eyes shimmer
ed with a glassy hue. She could not think of a time she had seen Brian so emotional.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “I’m not.” He squared his shoulders. “What this means is that we’ll be in each other’s lives forever. It’ll take me a minute to adjust my thinking, but I’m going to love having you for a sister.”

  Mere seconds ago, he had been about to kiss her, and just like that he was ready to move on? Under the circumstances, she didn’t see a choice but to follow his lead.

  The two shook hands on it. Together they returned to their suite. Karlie smiled wide and bright. However, her smile collapsed once the door closed. She plopped onto her bed and beat it with her fists. The last thing she wanted was Brian for a brother. In her secret heart of hearts she could admit that.

  With a little laugh, she remembered her prayers for a sibling. What a time for God to answer prayer!

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Is there ever a right time to get saved?

  Puttering around in his apartment back in New York, Brian knew the answer to that was a big, fat, emphatic, “No.” He could never be right enough for God. Karlie told him all the time that God wanted him just the way he was, blemishes and all. But he couldn’t help but wonder, Does God want someone who might be in love with his sister?

  Brian scoffed at that thought. No way would the Lord condone that perversion.

  His cell vibrated. It was Neil. “Is Karlie with you?”

  “No. Once our flight landed, she hopped into a cab and told me she was headed home.”

  “She hasn’t been here. Neither Myra nor I have heard from her. Do you have any idea where she might be?”

  Brian’s stomach clenched at the worry in Neil’s voice. “No, I’ll try to reach her as soon as . . .” The line went dead. “We end the call,” Brian said to thin air. Wow, Neil had not even said good-bye, which was evidence of his worry level.