The Fire Inside

by Skye Ryan

  She felt tears well up and she mouthed the prayers, searching hard in her mind for a distraction, for something to numb the growing feelings inside her. She concentrated on the ornate beading along the pews and whispered softly the absolutions, her mind wandering unbidden in different directions. After an hour, her mouth felt dry and her knees hurt, but she did not dare change her position or stop praying. Beneath the watchful eyes of the High Mother, even seeking a small physical comfort seemed a sin.

  The end of the prayers came to a close and Lia rose along with the others. They would eat a small breakfast and then attend their duties for the day. Perhaps the councilmen would talk to them. Perhaps not. Lia could not speak to the ways the council operated. It was often shrouded in utmost secrecy. The truthsayers changed daily; there were often conflicting reports in the official news regarding policies and pacts. That was a task Lia did not envy. Truthsayers only seemed to last as long as the truth they were told to report, and after, they disappeared, many never to be heard from again. The empirical doctrine often stated they were relocated or “retrained,” but Lia knew that was far from the real truth. They were not simply “vanished,” or run off to some distant point in the galaxy. Lia suspected they shared the fate of those hanging outside the grounds, killed and disposed of like trash. She felt her face scrunch up with the feeling of intense anger, and she took a deep breath and instead schooled her features into cool neutrality.

  She should not dare incite the High Mother’s wrath this morn. She felt the High Mother held some special resentment towards her, though Lia could not fathom why. Lia completed her duties without complaint, and was more than proficient in her studies, and yet nevertheless, the High Mother’s cold eyes seemed to hold something akin to hatred whenever they passed over Lia’s visage. Lia coped the only way she knew how; she kept her head down and stayed as far away from the High Mother as she could.

  After the short breakfast, everyone quickly went about their duties. Lia scurried to the kitchens, trying hard not to trip over her long heavy skirts and falling. The last thing she desired was to be leveled with some obscure charge of indecency. She raced as quickly as she could along the byzantine and meandering halls of the order. The first bell had tolled, indicating that she had less than five minutes to get to the kitchens before she incited a charge of tardiness. Tardiness was a sin for the Probity, and sins were always punished. She burst into the doorway into a wall of heat, her heart beating fast and her breathing labored. The steward stood with arms akimbo, her demeanor hard and unforgiving, but they softened ever so slightly as Lia stepped deeper into the room. The steward was a sturdy woman, her body and mind whittled by the increasing demands of the Empire, but she continued to excel and seemed to admire Lia’s hard work and eye for detail.

  “It’s about time you wondered in here. Go with Myrinda to prep dinner. I need you to direct the menu. The Councilmen asked for a special meal this day. And Lia--,”

  Lia paused and looked up, meeting the steward’s gaze. “Get some extra food for yourself. You look too frail and thin. Not a good look for a Constant like yourself. It offends the eye. Now go,” she said gruffly, though there was a slight edge of kindness there, and Lia’s spirit held onto it, her face betraying her gratitude and the steward sniffed and waved her away.

  Lia nodded and curtsied and followed the wispy young girl into a corridor and then down a lengthy hallway into a large sanctum filled with women racing about. The girl turned to Lia and smiled.

  “I know you.”

  Lia furrowed her brow and inclined her head. “You—do?”

  “Yes. You’re promised to the High Councilman Ezra. Many of the Constants can only dream of being promised to a Council member. It is a great honor and life is easy for them. You are blessed,” the girl gushed and Lia shrugged.

  “I suppose I am,” she said softly and the girl beamed.

  “I hope one day I will be promised too. I will work hard to bear strong sons for the Empire. I heard that if one eats at least three fruits a day, you can bear many sons. Have you heard of such a thing?”

  Lia nodded absently as the girl chattered and talked. They finally entered the master kitchens and Lia took in the delicious smells of freshly baked bread and spices. Her stomach rumbled and she was sure she would be taking up the steward’s suggestion. She and Myrinda circled the island of women who were chopping, prepping and tossing together various ingredients. They stopped near a statuesque blonde with a scar that ran near her hairline, who was silently watching the activities with an intent expression marked against her keen features.

  “Senior Constant Von Arden,” the girl said seriously and the woman turned ever so slightly.

  “Yes,” she remarked drily and Myrinda coughed several times before speaking.

  “I—I was told that Constant Lia would be serving in the kitchens this day. The High Mother has asked that she prepare the menu.”

  The Senior Constant gave Lia a once over, her expression betraying nothing.

  “Very well. Tell the scribe to come at once.”

  “Yes, Senior Constant,” Myrinda’s tone was filled to the brim with deference, and the Senior Constant nodded.

  Myrinda slipped away to find the scribe and the Senior Constant and Lia stood in remarkable silence, the former acting as if no one was standing in the space beside her.

  Lia resisted the urge to fidget, and instead stood calmly as she waited. The Senior Constant finally broke the silence with a heavy sigh. “Now they want to prep the menu. It can never be in an orderly fashion, oh no, just the day of. A Constant’s work is never done I suppose. What were you thinking to suggest?”

  Lia jumped and then cleared her throat. “Um, I think a nice fruit to cleanse the palate first. Probably the ripe buds from the pomit trees in the orchard. They are especially tasty this time of year. Perhaps serve it with wine from the vineyards. Then follow with a light fish stew, and a soft cheese baked in dough with vinurian jam sprinkled with nuts. I think perhaps a fine steamed shelled fish with herbs and spices will do for the main dish, then a light custard for dessert.”

  Senior Constant smiled. “That is an excellent menu. I have heard good things about you Constant Lia. You’ve made yourself quite indispensable here. Such a shame you are promised.”

  Lia could only nod as the woman continued, “It seems we lose our best Constants to the Council. But it is for the good of the Empire. Your work is important. Tell me, are you thrilled to be promised to High Councilman Ezra? I have heard his palace is quite lovely in the spring.”

  Lia was saved from answering when the scribe came rushing over, her plump cheeks red and her chest heaving from exertion. The Senior Constant rolled her eyes and sighed. “Took you long enough. Take down the menu for Constant Lia and disperse it amongst the cooks. If there are any recipes that they do not have, I am sure Constant Lia can provide them.”

  “Yes, of course,” Lia replied and the Senior Constant gave them a curt nod and walked away.

  Lia spent the next few hours helping the cooks with prepping the meal. The kitchen worked like a well-oiled machine and soon the smells of the steamed shellfish, dough and spices filled the area, making Lia’s stomach grumble. She had been tasked with orchestrating the picking of the pomit fruits and was en route to the orchard when a Constant pulled her aside.

  “You’re off kitchen duty for now. They have the menu. You’re needed elsewhere.”

  Lia followed the Constant out the kitchens, through the maze of hallways and into a large reception area.

  Councilmen were seated in various places, wine-filled goblets in hand. Constants were running about refilling wine, passing about small bits of foods and attending the Councilmen’s every request. Lia and the Constant stopped short in front of Councilman Ezra, and seated next to him was a beautiful woman garbed in expensive Cartusian silk. Her heavy mane was pulled up into intricate curls and lined with precious gemstones that sparkled with her every movement. She bore an etching upon her hand and Li
a gasped softly before finding herself pinned by the woman’s gaze. The woman’s expression was cold and unreadable and Lia simply nodded and lowered her gaze.

  The etching upon the woman’s hand had the telltale mark of the covenant. It had whorls of its dark reds, gold and black interlaced into a web that pooled down onto the wrist; a true mark of ownership and marriage. The Constant spoke to Councilman Ezra first, her body bending gracefully into a full courtesy. Lia watched the Councilman as he gazed over at them with dark eyes set into a sharply, etched face, giving him a stern, hawkish appearance. The Councilman’s salt and pepper hair was neatly coiffed without a single hair out of place; and his suit with its various medals and rankings were tailored to perfection and pressed, lending to an imposing air.

  “Ah, here she is,” the Councilman greeted and the Constant beside Lia curtsied.

  “I have fulfilled your request. Here is Constant Lia.”

  “Very well,” the Councilman said, his tone a curt dismissal. The Constant nodded briefly and scurried away.

  “Lia,” the Councilman began, “So nice to see you again. Are you keeping your absolutions?”

  Lia nodded, her eyes darting back and forth between the Councilman and the unknown woman before dropping to the ground.

  “So very good. I need you to take my wife around the complex. She would like to see the grounds a bit, and wanted a friendly face. Since we will all be family, I thought it good if you could this favor.”

  Lia wanted to sneer but instead pasted on a bright, artificial smile. “Of course, dear Councilman.”

  The Councilman made a shooing motion at his wife. “Now run along my dear.”

  The woman bowed graciously and stood. “I am ready. Let us make haste. I would like to return before third bell.”

  Lia nodded once more and turned to face the outside doors, her hands folded primly before her. The woman joined her side and the walked quickly out the doors and into the maze of hallways.

  “Madame, what do you wish to see?” Lia asked politely and the woman cocked her head to the side amusedly.

  “What did you say your name was?”

  “Lia, Madame.”

  “Hmph,” the woman said thoughtfully. “I am Iolana. Very nice to make your acquaintance.”

  Lia looked up at the woman’s steely gaze and nodded. “Very nice, Madame.”

  “Call me Iolana. We will be spending lots of time together, you and I. There’s little need for formality.”

  “Yes, M—Iolana.”

  Iolana nodded appreciatively and began to walk slowly forward. “I would like to see the room where the data is kept. I hear you have access to such.”

  Lia fingered the keys she kept in her pocket. She gulped convulsively. “I am only allowed in the rooms to clean. I—never stay long.”

  “Then we shan’t either,” Iolana told her, a sly smile on her face. “Remember Lia, I am in a powerful position. I would hate to use it to your disadvantage. I am only touring the grounds to see your good work. After all, you will be working for our family very soon.”

  Lia resisted the urge to narrow her eyes. Iolana was after something there, and Lia wanted no part of it. However, Iolana was protected by the hands of the Council, and denying her anything would be tantamount to treason. Lia nodded curtly. “Very well, Iolana.”

  Iolana sniffed, her expression triumphant. She followed Lia as they walked down the desolate hallway to the far side of the complex. Many of the Constants were preparing for the mid-day prayer and feast. Iolana had chosen the perfect time to enact any scheme if there were any at all.

  They soon arrived at a set of steel doors. Lia inserted a key and spun the lock once. She then tapped in a code depressed on the side of the wall and a faint beep accompanied the loosening of the locks. The area inside was in strict contrast to the rest of the hold. Rows of shining metal hubs of interfaces lined the walls, their various circuits blinking with multi-colored lights.

  Iolana strolled in with a casual air, and she closed the door behind them and redid the locks. Lia hesitated and was about to speak when Iolana placed a finger upon her lips.

  “Say nothing,” Iolana commanded and walked to the far wall, where their images were surely being recorded and monitored. Iolana smiled pleasantly and motioned broadly with her hands, she then turned to Lia, and then pushed on a brooch that sat at her bosom. A loud beep went off and then Iolana’s smile disappeared, replaced by a grave expression.

  “We don’t have much time Lia,” Iolana said brusquely and Lia looked at her in askance.

  Iolana sighed, “We both have a stake in this. You don’t want to be promised to my husband. Believe me. He is a very cruel man. Over the time I have known him, he has disposed of several Constants, usually violently. Do you want to be next?”

  Lia shook her head, “What you speak of is treason. I should walk away.”

  “But you won’t. You want to hear me out, don’t you?”

  Lia shot her a look but said nothing.

  “You see, I am member of the resistance.”

  Lia gasped. “But that’s a rumor. It doesn’t exist.”

  “Do you believe everything the truthsayers tell you?”

  Properly chastened, Lia nodded. “Go on.”

  “I infiltrated the Council and have been doing so for many years. And I need your help.”

  “What can I do? I am only a Constant.”

  “But that is exactly why Lia. You have access to everything within this complex. Reports, data, and travel logs are all things you know. You have vital information. And in return, I will give you your freedom.”

  “That is what Lucinda said, and look at where she hangs.”

  “Lucinda was a fool. We warned her to move slower, to build her network and not move in such a way that rouses suspicion. But she didn’t want to listen. We disavowed her long ago.”

  “I can’t risk it. If the High Mother suspects--,”

  “She won’t.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Are you afraid? Or are you content with a life where you are punished for every little thing, tortured and given to a man for legalized rape? Tell me Lia, do you realize what my husband plans to do with you? He’s already built quite the homage to your intended presence. The torture devices and the instruments--,” Iolana walked gracefully around the room, touching various pieces of equipment before turning back to Lia.

  “Our last Constant didn’t get pregnant, so he punished her by flaying her alive. Her skin sits in his office. The one before that did give him a child, but it had a genetic abnormality. He killed the child and threw her into a vat of acid. I have a pampered position. I am not his plaything, to be disposed of or used. So, he leaves me be. You will not be so lucky.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “You know it’s true. Constants have left here before never to return, nor to be heard from again. Constants are the toys of the Empire and they are used and abused over and over again.”

  Iolana sauntered over to a machine, took a slim metal stick from the confines of her gown and stuck it into the machine. It lit up for a few seconds and she removed it quickly and tucked it back inside.

  “Thanks for this. This data just saved the lives of thousands of rebels.”

  “But they will see, we are being watched--,”

  “I interfered with the signal. The watchmen are looking at footage that is being looped in succession with slight variations to suggest continuity. We are safe. But I want to offer you this, a boon if you will--,”

  Iolana stuck a slim thumb sized tube into Lia’s hand. “It is a transference module. Only a few of its kind exist.”

  “What will I do with this?”

  “You all employ B-185’s do you not?”

  “Yes, but those machines are only used for--,”

  “Interrogations. Right.”

  Iolana shot her a long, considering look and then smiled.

  “In any case, you could use this module to transfer your consci
ousness into the mind of a B-185. You can send your body to coordinates nestled in this necklace.”

  Iolana slid a necklace over Lia’s head and then smoothed it down. She touched one of Lia’s ringlets and sighed.

  “Such youth and vitality. A shame you fear to use it.”

  Lia said nothing but stared back impassively at Iolana.

  “The instructions are in the necklace as well. If—you decide to go through with any of this. I suggest doing it as soon as possible. The distraction of your disappearance will be helpful. My husband can have a one-track mind when it comes to his playthings. He will spend so much time looking for you, he will hardly be bothered with what I do.”

  “So, this is all a ruse for me to be captured and killed.”

  “But you won’t be. You will be safely behind resistance lines. He will have no clue as to your whereabouts. It takes you out of the picture and really—you should be loathed to continue here. Join us Lia. We need you. The resistance needs you.”

  Lia began backing away. “I can’t. I—I would like to--to be free one day. That is a dream, a fantasy really, but this plan is certain death.”

  Disappointment washed over Iolana’s face. “Very well. But do one thing for me.”

  Lia reluctantly nodded. “Possibly. What is this you ask?”

  Iolana came close to Lia’s right ear, her breath sweeping close to the lobe. “Ask the High Mother what happened to your own mother,” she whispered and stepped back.

  Lia looked at Iolana suspiciously. “You seem to have all the answers. Why don’t you tell me?”

  “I think you’ll get a better, more in-depth answer from the High Mother. After all, she did preside over the proceedings. Oh dear, did I let something slip?”