Turned Out by His Hood Mentality 1

by Diamond D Johnson

  In the past, my word wasn’t that credible, but it had been almost seven fuckin’ months since I’ve stepped out. I was done with that shit. Two things were going to happen from me continuing to fuck around on Twinkle; she was going to snap and kill my ass, or she was going to leave me for good, and there wouldn’t be shit that I could do to get her back. I realized that shit months ago, which is why my black ass had been faithful.

  I was working on getting out of the streets. That right there was like my main priority. I had the ring and everything, and once this hustling shit was over, I planned to propose. On top of that, I had a house being built from the ground up for Twinkle and me. That house had been in the works for almost two years, and no one knew about that shit but my mama. I hated that I was accused of some shit when I knew that I was out here doing right.

  Before all of this shit happened, Twinkle and I were in a good space. Billion was home, after serving his five years, and shit was just cool. Yeah, I wasn’t home as much as she wanted me to be, but when I was home, a nigga was so fuckin’ good to her ass, man. She would often be tired from working at the doctor’s office plus doing her online clothing business. Some days I would purposely beat her home, so I could already have dinner cooked, her bathwater ran, with her pajamas and shit already laid out on the bed. Then, when it came to Dream, I treated that little girl like she was my fuckin’ daughter.

  A year ago, when Loyal went in for that shit load of charges and the judge hit her with ten years, Twinkle let me know that she was going to file for temporary custody of Dream and have her move in with us. I ain’t ask no questions about it, I just went with the flow. I stepped up, and it was because of Dream living with us that I even knew a little something about being a father. I may fuck up here and there when it came to Twinkle, but since Dream moved in with us, I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t there for that little girl. Yeah, Dream had her daddy in the picture and whatnot, but she stayed with us, so ultimately, I did a lot for Dream.

  I was a good man to Twinkle, and as much as I loved the fuck out of that girl, I was done. There was no point in me staying with someone who I knew for a fact I would end up resenting, probably for the rest of my life.

  “Why you not saying nothing? You must be on her side like you always are. I swear, that woman can kill me, and you’ll still try to justify the shit that she did. You something else, man,” I said, pissed with my mama as I moved the plate of breakfast that was sitting in front of me.

  It was Saturday morning, and I was at my mama’s house because this was where I had been staying for the past two weeks. I could have still been sleeping at the old house since I knew that Twinkle wasn’t going to be over there, but I ain’t want to be in a place that used to be filled with so much love, and now the shit was just dead. As much as I didn’t want to step foot in that house, I had to drop by later today because a nigga needed some more clothes and shit.

  My mama was standing in the kitchen with her back propped up on the kitchen counter. She stared at me as she took a drink from her coffee mug. I know society hates when people say this, but this woman right here was both mother and father to me growing up. I ain’t never have a daddy in the picture. I knew who the fuck nigga was, though, because when I was younger, he would pop in and out of my life, just to say he popped up, but that was it. The nigga ain’t ever help take care of me.

  When my birthday came around or Christmas, he made it clear that those holidays didn’t have shit to do with him, and he didn’t even try to go out of his way to come and see me at least. He ain’t ever attend any major moments in my life, like when I always made the honor roll in school. When I graduated from high school… nothing. I hadn’t seen the nigga in years, and because I’d forced myself to forget about the nigga, he could literally walk right past me today, and I wouldn’t even know it was him.

  My mama had me when she was twenty years old. At that time, she had just graduated from nursing school and shit. We struggled a little bit when I was a kid, but it was never no shit where we were homeless. If anything, I probably just wore the same pair of shoes for a whole school year or the same uniform and shit, but shit like that was normal. When you grow up not having much, that need to have something is increased times ten, which is why I turned to the streets by the time I was fourteen.

  As a little nigga, I saw how the older niggas were living, so I wanted to live like that too. Because I was best friends with Billion, I saw the way his daddy was living. Billion’s daddy was a hustler, and he had all the fly shit. All the lil niggas, myself included, wanted to be like him.

  I remember when my mama found a baggie of coke in my room, under my mattress, that I was supposed to sell the next day. Mannnnn, she fucked my little ass up in that bedroom. It didn’t even matter that she beat me the way she did or screamed to me how she didn’t want me hustling, because I ended up doing the shit anyway. I was hardheaded like a motha fucka, and once I had my mind made up about doing something, there was literally nothing that anyone could say or do to change my mind. Besides, it was because of my hustling that my mama ain’t ever have to work a day in her life again. This beautiful ass house that she was living in was paid for. Her bank account was full, so she was straight for life.

  “I’m not on anybody’s side. I’m just letting you vent because I know you’re angry. You’re probably not going to agree with me when I say this, but I personally feel like a woman having a man’s baby is something that you have to earn, and—”

  I cut her off by sucking my teeth because from that right there, I just knew that she was about to say some bullshit. What the fuck did she mean, having my baby is something that’s earned? That’s stupid.

  “Hear me out before you catch an attitude. In the black community, I feel like it’s not enough wives or fiancées. All we see these days are baby mamas. Women around the world are having these niggas’ babies, and after that, it’s like you’re stuck in that box of being nothing more than a baby mama. Other than that, what woman wants to be a baby mama to a nigga who isn’t going to do shit but cheat on her every second he gets? I ain’t saying that Twinkle is right for what she did, but you men be out here thinking that you can do whatever the fuck you want, while a woman is supposed to sit at home, do all the hard work, and wait for you to bring your ass back.

  “I personally know how it feels to raise a child on my own. It’s not easy at all. I’m not saying that Twinkle would have to raise y’all child on her own, but son, I see you maybe two times out of the damn month. You always on your grind. On top of that, you are heavy in the streets. Why bring a child into some turmoil like this? You are in a field where your chances of getting life in prison are at an all-time high. I’m not agreeing with her decision, but damn, as a woman, I can see why she did what she did,” my mama told me.

  I didn’t even say anything; I just sat there quietly. It was crazy because there was so much more that I wanted to say, but I didn’t. If I did, I would probably end up disrespecting her, so I was just going to keep my mouth closed.

  “She called me the day after all of this happened. I didn’t tell you because around that time, you were too mad for me to even get a word in. She was hysterical, to the point that I couldn’t even hear shit that she was saying. Eventually, she got herself together and started talking to me. She wanted me to know that the abortion that she had wasn’t a way to get back at you, but her just really feeling like the two of you weren’t in a position to have a baby at that time. She says that the abortion happened two years ago. She plans to keep this baby and—”

  “Yeah, ma, because she don’t have a fuckin’ choice! I told her that I would kill her ass if she killed this baby!” I snapped.

  “We talked yesterday, and she’s still going through the motions. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a conversation. Her crying like that every second of the day, there isn’t going to be no damn baby because the way she’s over there stressing herself out, she’ll end up losing this one,” she t
old me.

  “Yeah, which is what she wants to happen in the first place,” I said and then stood up from the chair because I was getting ready to head up the stairs and get dressed.

  “What’s this about you having another baby on the way? Twinkle told me that you told her that. Is that true?” my mama asked.

  “You know Trinity, right? I haven’t seen that girl in months. If we’re going to be honest, seven months to be exact. I remember because Twinkle and I had got into this big ass fight when she saw the text messages in my phone from me texting her. You know how bad that shit had gotten with us and how Twinkle pulled a gun out on me and everything. I ain’t been fuckin’ with Trinity or no other bitches since then because that’s when it hit me for real that Twinkle had the power to kill my black ass.

  “Anyway, Trinity hit me the night that Twinkle accused me of fuckin’ around on her. She asked me to come over because she had something important to tell me. The only reason I went over is that she wasn’t trying to pick up the phone and tell me what was going on. Deep down inside, I wanted to know, so after I finished what I was doing, I popped up. She met me at the door with a big ass fuckin’ belly, talking about she pregnant with my son!” I snapped, getting mad at the shit all over again.

  “Wow. Is there a chance that the baby could be yours?” my mama asked, and I ran my hand down my face.

  “I strap up with Trinity or any other woman outside of Twinkle. I know this a little bit too much information, but we done had lil malfunctions when the condom done popped, but Trinity was on the pill, so I always thought we were straight. On top of that, I know that I wasn’t the only one she was fuckin’, although she was screaming that shit out of her mouth. I told her straight up to call me when she goes into labor, and the second the baby gets here, I want a DNA test. If that’s my child, I gotta do what the fuck I gotta do. If it ain’t, I’m getting the fuck on.

  “As mad as I am with Twinkle, it doesn’t make me feel good that I could have possibly had a baby on her. I wasn’t even going to tell her this shit until Trinity had the baby, and I found out the results. That night, I swear she just pushed me there, so I threw it out on some petty shit. The way I see it, we both hurting because I could have had a son or a daughter right now, but she robbed a nigga of my chance to experience that,” I said.

  I didn’t even wait for my mama to respond; instead, I just got the fuck on. I was staying in one of the guest bedrooms that my mama had at the house. The room was nice and all, but I swear, there was no better feeling than sleeping in your own damn bed.

  After I showered and shit, I ended up throwing on some sweats and a wife beater with some slides. There were a few things that I needed to take care of today. For one, I needed to get a fuckin’ haircut because, for two weeks, I had been thuggin’ it with all this hair on my damn face, looking like a caveman. I wanted to also check on the house that was supposed to be for Twinkle and me. All the money I had invested in that shit, and I didn’t even know if I wanted to be doing that shit anymore. I could still keep the home for myself, but the shit that I was building for that house, it was meant for a family.

  It was Saturday, so I also had to check on my traps. Billion finally broke down and told me about his business venture. If he hadn’t, I was going to think that the nigga was back hustling and didn’t want anybody to know. He told me about the business that he was in now with flipping houses, and I was supposed to meet up with him later today, so he could show me what he was working on.

  I can’t even lie, I admired Billion in a lot of ways. Of course, during his bid, I would make it my business to go down to the prison and see him, and one of the things he talked about the most was coming home and leaving the streets alone. Of course, I didn’t believe him because, just like me, hustling was all he knew, but nahhh, that man was for real. Him going legit like that and not even asking me about anything that revolved around this street life let me know that he really was done with this lifestyle. If everything goes as planned, I could be following in his footsteps within the next few months or so.

  9:34 P.M.

  It was after nine when I pulled up to the house that I used to live in with Twinkle. I sucked my teeth like a lil bitch when I saw that her Mercedes was parked in the driveway. I just knew that she wasn’t going to come back over there, but I guess I was wrong. Again, I’d underestimated what this woman could do. Everything was telling me to just leave and come back in the morning, and she would more than likely be gone, but a nigga needed some more clothes.

  I planned to go in there, ignore the fuck out of her, get what I needed, and then leave. Silently, I prayed that she wouldn’t say anything crazy to me, and I snap the fuck out and try to kill her ass again. I knew that I could have some self-control because I’ve come this many years without trying to kill her ass, so I was sure that I could do it again tonight. Then again, I had never been this mad at Twinkle.

  I shut the car off and got out. I still had the key on my keyring, so I used it, and I let myself into the house. The second I walked in, I noticed how she didn’t even have the alarm or nothing on in this bitch. The only light shining was the one coming from the living room. I walked further into the house and was about to head for the stairs when I saw that the TV was on in the den area. It was muted, but it was still playing. Figuring that Twinkle may have forgotten to turn the TV off, I walked into the room, and that’s when I saw her lying on the couch, sleeping, with a throw blanket wrapped around her body. She was snoring, and her ass didn’t even snore, which let me know that she had to have been tired.

  Because the light from the TV was shining our way, I could see the dried-up tears on her face, and I knew she had to have cried herself to sleep. I wouldn’t say that I didn’t care that she was crying, but I ain’t feel the need to console her like I would in the past. Still too fuckin’ mad with her ass, and I was still in my feelings.

  After looking down at her for another two minutes, I left her there and went upstairs. I checked in Dream’s bedroom, just to see if she was in there, but she wasn’t. It was the weekend, so she was more than likely with Chance. I ain’t know the nigga like that; I just always heard about him and shit like that. I knew the nigga was heavy into fraud, and Twinkle swore that nigga put her sister, Loyal, on.

  The way I see it is, Loyal was bound to hop on that scamming shit regardless because of the shit her mama did in the past. It just happened that she got with a nigga who was into credit card scamming and all of that other shit. He obviously taught her the game wrong because there was no way in hell his baby mama should be doing a ten year bid while he was walking freely around this motha fucka. If I was in that nigga’s shoes, and even if the cops had some evidence, I would have taken all of the charges and left my baby mama in charge of raising our kid.

  Loyal and I were cool as fuck; I put money on her books all the time. I loved her like a sister, and I even go with Twinkle to the prison sometimes when she goes to see her. It’s a fucked-up position that she was in, but I been promising her since she went in that Dream was going to be straight, no matter what.

  I made it to our bedroom, and the first thing I noticed when I walked into the room was Twinkle’s suitcase that she had laid out on the floor, which is the same suitcase that she took with her when she left. That led me to believe that she was coming back home. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before she left her mama’s house because although they got along, there were times when they would clash, and when they went at it, they went at it hard.

  I walked into the closet, grabbed a duffle bag, and started throwing all types of shit out of my drawers and my closet and putting it in the bag. There was too much stuff for just one bag, so I grabbed another. Once both bags were full, I left the room, carrying both bags. I closed the bedroom door behind me and took the stairs.

  As much as I wanted to just walk out, I needed to tell Twinkle to get up and put the alarm and shit on the house. Look how she just slept through me being there. I’d been th
ere for over twenty minutes, and she still hadn’t even turned in her sleep. That shit was crazy because if I were an intruder, she wouldn’t have even known.

  “Twinkle! Yo! Get up. I’m about to dip. Put the alarm on the house. Why you sleeping on the couch when you got a whole bed upstairs?” I questioned as I shook her.

  Twinkle’s eyes popped open and landed on me. They danced around the room for a few seconds, and then she wiped the slob from her face. I didn’t notice until she got up that she was wearing her real hair. All this fuckin’ hair on her head and she chose to wear weave all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I loved any look that she did, but it was something about a woman wearing their real hair that any real man just appreciated. Her long hair was parted down the middle, but because she was just sleeping and had forgotten to wrap it, it was all over her head. Shit, she still looked good to me.

  She went to move the blanket from over her body and let out a groan then placed her hand on her stomach.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked right after because I could tell from her face that whatever she was feeling right now, it had her in pain.

  Yeah, I was mad, but I wasn’t so mad that I would ignore the fact that she could possibly be in pain. At the end of the day, she was still carrying my child.

  “I been getting these sharp pains all day. It’s cool,” she said and then stood up from the couch.

  Twinkle had on a pair of gray shorts with a white tee that I knew was mine. The second she stood up, she let out a loud squeal and placed her hands on the edge of the couch. She then dropped to the floor, cuffing the lower part of her stomach and crying out.

  I dropped my bag and rushed to her side. Because we didn’t have children, Twinkle and I could chance having a white room. The den was our white room. A huge, white, faux fur rug took up most of the area. I looked down and saw crimson blood spilling out from her vagina onto the rug. I swear, it looked like she was pissing, from the way the blood was just flowing out of her. She was on her knees and was cuffing her stomach with her head still buried in the couch as she screamed from the pain.