Our Story Needs No Filter

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  Looking back to see if anyone from the mob had tried to follow them, Raghu made her sit on the edge of the road and went to look for water. Except for a few children, the road was deserted. Scared to be left alone, Ruhi shouted after him, ‘Raghu . . . Raghu . . .’

  ‘Okay, let’s leave.’ He came back and gently helped her up.

  Raghu looked at Ruhi helplessly as they walked towards the university. He couldn’t believe what had just happened; the slogan-shouting, the mob and specially the way that man had looked at him while hitting him. Like Raghu didn’t deserve to live. They had had nothing to do with the riots, but had been targeted nonetheless. And he had been unable to protect Ruhi.

  Before they entered the campus, Raghu made her sit outside at a dhaba and wiped the blood from her chin. He handed her a glass of water while he went to wash his face. Ruhi remained silent throughout, not uttering a single word even when they took the turn towards her hostel. Raghu stopped her and turned her towards him. ‘Are you feeling better now?’ he asked softly.

  Though her physical injuries weren’t serious, the mental trauma she had endured was too much for her to handle. Sensing her misery, Raghu wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Finally feeling safe, Ruhi broke down. ‘I thought I lost you . . . that I would lose my own life . . . I thought I would never meet my parents again . . .’ she wept.

  ‘Don’t worry, baby, I am safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you. We are both safe and that’s what matters the most,’ Raghu said, ignoring his own fierce pain in order to comfort her.

  ‘I’m too scared to leave the campus again. I just want to be with you . . .’ Ruhi said haltingly.

  ‘Yes, I will stay with you, always. Now calm down, everything will be all right.’ Raghu continued to comfort her although he knew it would take a while before she felt safe again. He dropped her off at the girls’ hostel and walked away, completely shaken.

  As he walked back to his room, Raghu felt ashamed of his position in society, ashamed that his freedom was constantly taken away from him although he harmed no one and only tried to find happiness with the ones he loved. What hurt him the most though was that Ruhi could end up being made to suffer because of the accident of his birth.

  Twelve

  29 April 2016

  ‘Is Ruhi all right?’ Chris asked.

  He and Raghu were returning from a walk. Still traumatized by the incident, Raghu needed to clear his head.

  ‘I tried to comfort her, that’s all I can do right now,’ he said. ‘What scared me most was not the fear of death, but the fear of their hatred. Their terrible slogans and the violence against people like me made me question a lot of my beliefs.’

  ‘It’s not like that, this wasn’t a personal attack on you. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. There were many others too.’

  ‘There they are.’ It was Akhilesh, pointing at Raghu and Chris walking down the road towards the campus.

  ‘But Megha isn’t even with them, neither is Jai,’ replied one of his friends.

  ‘It doesn’t matter; they all belong to the same group. The whole lot of them deserve to be taught a lesson.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes, just let them come closer, and then we will attack,’ Akhilesh declared.

  Akhilesh was still furious at the fine that had been imposed on him because of Megha’s Facebook post. Nursing a grudge since that day, he was determined to show the whole group what happened when they mess with the leader of the SCI. This was the perfect opportunity: the issue had cooled down and her group was emotionally scattered by the riots. Surveying the area to make sure there were no cops around, he gave his group the signal to attack.

  ‘That’s the problem. Religion is something personal for me, not something that I publicize; that’s why even this mass attack feels personal,’ Raghu said.

  ‘Hmm.’ Chris nodded.

  ‘They wanted to stop us from socializing; stop all the people of lower castes. How ridiculous is that? What if something had happened to her? Who would have been responsible?’ he went on.

  ‘But nothing serious happened, right?’

  ‘Yes, today nothing serious happened, but can you say the same about tomorrow?’

  ‘You are just overthinking this; it was a one-off thing. Don’t take it so personally.’

  ‘But it was personal! They attacked Ruhi because she was with me, just because she was with someone from a lower caste. There were others there too. Why weren’t they targeted?’

  ‘Think logically, Raghu. How would they know which caste you are from? They just targeted people randomly, their motive was violence,’ Chris tried to reason.

  ‘I am thinking logically and that’s why I feel unsafe now . . . I just can’t get over the attack.’

  And just as he had said that, Akhilesh’s gang fell upon them. They beat them with sticks, chains—whatever they could get their hands on.

  ‘Let us go, you bastards!’ Raghu shouted.

  He couldn’t see the faces of his attackers since they had all worn masks. One of the goons caught hold of Raghu by the shoulder and threw him to the ground. Another tried to stab Chris, while Akhilesh began kicking Raghu in the stomach. Despite being outnumbered, Chris managed to free himself from the boy who held on to him and ran to help Raghu, who was then being strangled by Akhilesh.

  ‘Let him go, you son of a bitch!’ Chris yelled, trying to punch him. Before long, a crowd gathered around them, causing the SCI members to disperse. But before leaving, Akhilesh pulled off his mask to reveal his identity.

  ‘You all deserve this. Remember never to mess with us again, because next time it will be much worse,’ he spat out and walked away briskly, leaving Raghu and Chris lying on the road, bleeding and badly hurt. No one in the crowd came up to help them; instead, some spectators pulled out their phones and began recording the scene. Both the boys tried to hide their faces in shame; they had never experienced anything like this before. Attacked the second time in such a short spell, Raghu felt exhausted—both physically and mentally. He was bruised and scratched, but the greatest damage had been to his soul. Disillusioned with society, he seriously began to fear for his life.

  ‘You should file a complaint. How do they think they can get away with something like this?’ Megha almost shouted, furious when she found out about the incident.

  Raghu was too traumatized to speak and despite the best efforts of his friends to comfort him, remained quiet.

  ‘Please say something,’ Ruhi pleaded, forgetting about her own breakdown just a few hours earlier. ‘I don’t know what to say . . .’

  ‘Someone has to stop these people,’ Jai finally said.

  Chris too was in shock but slowly regained his composure. ‘I think Akhilesh just wanted to show his superiority after Megha humiliated him publicly,’ he said.

  ‘Then why did they attack us? Are you still claiming this wasn’t personal, that they targeted us randomly?’ This time it was Raghu breaking his silence.

  Chris had no answer to that.

  Raghu looked at him and continued, ‘If it was just about Megha, he would have done this long ago. Why did he wait for such a long time and even then target only us?’

  ‘Raghu, calm down. We are there for you, I’m here for you,’ Ruhi tried to pacify him.

  ‘No, you are not there for me. There is no one who can support me or the people of my community. We are not the elite class, we are just the backward class who have no right to live in this society full of hypocrites.’

  ‘Raghu, what’s wrong with you? We are your friends; we will always be there for you. Please calm down.’ Ruhi was surprised at his reaction.

  ‘No, Ruhi, I can’t calm down. You were there with me, and you got attacked; what was your fault in being with me? Just because you were with me, you suffered. I can’t calm down,’ he said and threw his phone down in anger. ‘They think we are weak, but I won’t let this happen again.’ And just like that, shutting
himself from the pleading and shouting voices of his friends, Raghu stormed out of the room. His world had been shaken, his thoughts, beliefs, his entire outlook towards life put into question. And this change didn’t happen gradually, it happened in the blink of an eye.

  30 April 2016

  Alone and depressed, Raghu wandered around the campus with a variety of thoughts running through his head. He had thought he had the freedom to do as he liked, to go where he pleased; but that was not the case. The events of the day forced him to accept he could never live freely—all because he was from a lower caste. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that people like him were denied such basic rights, every day.

  I feel trapped, trapped in a box that I can’t get out of. No matter how hard I try, I will always belong to the same caste. It doesn’t matter that I am screaming at the top of my lungs, no one can hear me in this box. I feel like I’m running out of air, running out of time, while the walls of the box continue to cave in on me. The more I try to escape, the smaller it becomes. I want to feel alive; I want to live a free and happy life with nothing holding me back. But I can’t, because I’m trapped, trapped in my caste and trapped in this college.

  ‘I can help you, you’ll be safe with us,’ a voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

  Looking up, Raghu saw Krishna standing in front of him. ‘I came to know what happened, and as a leader of the AISC, I stand by you. Those people want to make you feel like you have no place in society, but we are here to break those boundaries and question everything the caste system has to say. The AISC stands by you,’ he said.

  ‘But why? I have nothing to do with all this.’ Raghu was confused.

  ‘We all need to unite. The SCI and the ABCP are trying to undermine and destroy us, but that is happening in all the universities across India because they fear the potential in us. You say you have nothing to do with all this, but they won’t let you live your life. They are denying our right to speak out against caste discrimination. We have to stop this wave of intolerance.’

  Raghu was not fully convinced, but the events of the day kept playing in his mind. He was a victim of caste discrimination and Krishna used that knowledge to make the most of the situation and get him to join their movement. Raghu was dimly aware of this manipulation, but his anger overshadowed that thought, and he agreed to meet other students who had experienced similar discrimination.

  ‘Even I am from a lower caste. The SCI almost ruined my career by spreading malicious rumours about me in public . . .’ Raghu heard one of the students say at the meet.

  ‘The ABCP thinks only they understand what nationalism is. They simply condemn everyone else,’ said another.

  Every person around him urged Raghu to become a part of the AISC. Overwhelmed by the mountain of information before him, he found the boundaries between right and wrong blurring. He had a tough decision to take.

  The discussion continued. Krishna, noticing Raghu’s hesitation, decided to dig the knife deeper. ‘You are friends with Jai, who secretly supports the ABCP. Did you ever wonder why it was only you and Chris who were attacked, and not him?’

  Raghu moved a little. Krishna continued, ‘They didn’t even do anything to Megha, even though she was the one who wrote the post. It’s because you are from a lower caste and they feel they can do anything to you. You say you love Ruhi, but she told you to stop eating chicken . . .’

  ‘How do you know that?’ Raghu suddenly demanded.

  ‘That doesn’t matter here. The point is, she told you to stop eating chicken and you agreed. It’s because her religion does not allow it and neither do her parents. But who are they to decide what we can and cannot eat? Did we ever tell them to stop eating potato? Why are we the only ones who have to change?’

  The brainwashing continued, until Raghu’s head hurt. He had no idea what to do and whom to believe. He had avoided meeting anyone, including Ruhi, that day but Krishna convinced him to attend another of their meetings after college hours and then make his decision. It was in this meeting that Raghu heard a professor, Mrs Nair, criticize Hinduism for its violence and brutality.

  ‘Hindu society must be one of the most brutal societies in the world; it is deep-rooted in violence,’ Mrs Nair said, addressing the students on the topic of politics.

  ‘Isn’t Hinduism all about peace? To suppress the devil inside and become more righteous? It was never about violence. You as a professor of MGU should pass on the correct information rather than fabricating stories,’ Raghu interjected.

  It was at that moment when Krishna took over and led him to believe that they were not against any religion, but against those organizations which wanted to impose their beliefs on the lower castes. By the end of it, Raghu was convinced that he was a victim of a religious war, and that the only way to rebel against it was by joining his movement. Krishna explained the work that they did and how Raghu could help them.

  ‘See, our organization is for the youth of our community. Youth like you who have suffered. The motive of our movement is to spread the correct virtues of humanity and to help people educate themselves about basic human rights. We have a core section in the AISC, where the more dedicated students are given important tasks to execute. Teachers come from different universities to guide us in the right direction. I want you to join us. You just need to work on weekends. Would you like to join that team and spread our cause?’

  Proud to be given a task of such great importance, Raghu not only joined the team but also took charge of the delivery of books and stationery to Ambala the next morning, which was generally assigned to dedicated students. Krishna promised to promote him once the task was completed successfully. Raghu did not tell his friends anything about his involvement in Kraanti, the movement. He didn’t even tell Ruhi. All he said was that he had a family emergency and would be back the same night. What he didn’t realize was that to solve one problem, he had set himself up for a hundred more.

  Once the task of delivering the parcels had been successfully completed, Raghu received a message from Krishna: Good Job. My man said he received the boxes in perfect condition. You are now officially a part of ‘Kraanti’.

  Thirteen

  27 May 2016

  ‘Good morning,’ Raghu greeted Ruhi who was glued to the screen of her mobile phone. They were at the campus café—their regular hang-out.

  ‘Hi!’ Ruhi replied, looking up momentarily before going back to staring at her phone.

  ‘Coffee?’ he asked, flipping through the menu.

  ‘No,’ she replied nonchalantly.

  Raghu picked up the newspaper lying on the table and began reading out the front-page headlines aloud. His eyes went to the top right-hand corner of the paper, where the date was printed. How time had flown! A lot had changed since that fateful day of the attacks, yet the memories remained fresh. And just as painful. Over time, Raghu had retreated into a shell. He wouldn’t talk as much and would remain reserved, even with Ruhi. He still loved her but the guilt that her life was put in jeopardy because of him still burdened him. Ruhi, on the contrary, had completely moved on from the incident and never once blamed Raghu for what had happened.

  ‘Your coffee,’ the waiter announced, placing the cup on the table in front of him.

  ‘Can you get her a Coke, please? She is too busy reading my kundali to predict the future and doesn’t have time to order,’ Raghu said in mock seriousness.

  ‘Raghu, stop it! I’m reading something important related to academics.’

  ‘Okay, please continue,’ he replied, flipping through the paper.

  Raghu’s change in behaviour had created an air of awkwardness among his friends. Although Jai, Chris and Megha had made peace with his behaviour over time, there was a bit of hesitancy when they interacted with him. Raghu had never been the outspoken kind, but he had become quieter after the incident. He continued working for Kraanti, and with each meeting, his way of thinking, his ideology underwent a massive change. Krishna’s company an
d nudges from other AISC members converted him completely. So despite pretending otherwise, the dynamics of friendship in his group changed.

  ‘What’s up, people?’ Megha entered the café and pulled out a chair for herself.

  Raghu continued to read the newspaper while Ruhi mumbled a feeble ‘hi’.

  ‘You guys look a little off today. Especially you, Raghu. Anything serious?’ Megha asked with concern.

  ‘No,’ Raghu answered uninterestedly.

  Everyone in their circle had realized that Raghu was going to take time to get over the incident, so they thought it best to give him space. However, no one knew that the seeds of the wrong ideology had already been sown within his mind and day by day, Krishna was watering it until it would become a full-grown tree. They would meet once or twice a week, at odd hours—either for the AISC meeting or for some tasks related to Kraanti. Gradually, Raghu became an active participant in the meetings and would express his views more openly than before.

  The only time he felt something was amiss was when he was either assigned the task of delivering parcels or asked to monitor those sent by others. He was never told the what, when and where of the task, and since he was a new member, he didn’t probe either for fear of offending the higher-ups. ‘Ruhi, I wanted to speak to you about something,’ Raghu suddenly broke the air of nonchalance.

  ‘Just hold on, one second. I’m almost done reading,’ Ruhi replied scrolling down on her phone. Raghu was deep in thought even as Megha observed him in silence.

  ‘I thought . . .’

  ‘Okay, so sorry, sweetheart. What do you want to say, baba?’ Ruhi asked, pulling his cheeks.

  ‘I don’t know how to tell you this but I think I will have to now. I . . . I have been hiding something from you,’ Raghu said, sounding a little nervous.