Hard

by S. R. Jones

  My phone beeps on the table beside the big chair I’m curled up in, and I grab it. It’s a text from Tristan.

  Hey sugar bee. Can I come and stay tonight? I’ve got a conference in Harrogate tomorrow and I’d rather be at yours than in some corporate hotel. No worries if you’re busy, but are you free tomorrow evening? I have something I want to show you. I’m so excited.

  T x

  My heart does an odd little flip-flop when I read his message. A curious mix of happiness at seeing my old friend and anxiety over the way he’s been pushing and pushing to get more closely involved with me and my life.

  As I’m about to type back, I pause. Should I let him come?

  I’ve only got two bedrooms. The third room is used as my office. It means he’ll know I’ve got something going on with Luka. Unless, I ask Luka to go home for a night. No…I can’t do that. Luka might be suspicious if I do. A male friend comes to stay, and I ask him to leave? If a guy did that to me, I’d think the worst.

  Luka and I have slept the night through together a few times, if he falls asleep exhausted. Most nights, however, he snuggles up to me after we have sex, and then goes to the spare room. He says it’s so he won’t wake me if he has a nightmare. But the couple of times he’s fallen asleep beside me, I’ve not been aware of him making a sound.

  I take a sip of my peppermint tea and consider what to do re Tristan. The fire is on, and the room feels cosy. Like a safe cocoon for me to hide away in. Luka has gone for a run, but I didn’t feel like joining him today. Too cold and grey out there for my liking.

  Sod it. Tristan will hear about Luka sooner or later, and he should be happy for me if he’s the good friend I used to think he was. This might help him realise I have a life I am building slowly, and I don’t need him to move in with me, or to change cities and go live with him. Maybe, he’ll finally drop it if he sees me happy.

  I type back a reply before I can change my mind.

  Of course. What time you be arriving? I’ll cook something nice.

  C x

  My phone buzzes a few seconds later.

  About eight and you always cook something nice.

  T x

  I smile and place my phone back down.

  Four hours later and with Tristan here, I’m regretting my decision. Things feel strained. Tristan either feels awkward around Luka, or he’s being awkward around me.

  I miss the easy friendship we had at the start. I try to think back to when it changed. When he began to be too all up in my business.

  First of all, there was the time he decided I needed to rewire the house. He didn’t think it safe. Went on about it for ages, and hated me not doing it. Used to bring it up repeatedly. Other times, he’d tell me I should change jobs, or color my hair. He’d build me up, compliment me, but then knock me down with tiny slights. Strange stuff, and more than once I thought of ending the friendship, but how? He didn’t leave me alone if I stopped being in touch. He’d chase me up.

  Then we’d meet for a drink or a night out, and it would be great, like old times, and I’d feel foolish. But ever since his last relationship ended, and the attack happened to us, it feels different. More intense. As if everything has stepped up a notch.

  Now he’s sat here in my home, things feel much more off somehow. In a way I can’t put my finger on. I don’t think Luka likes him.

  He won’t be the only one. Maggie doesn’t like him either. She thinks Tristan is creepy, which I think is taking things too far. He can be difficult, changeable, and at times too demanding, but he can also be charming and funny, and kind. He was there for me before I knew Maggie and Laura. When no one else was, right in the aftermath of losing my parents and then my cousin. How do I walk away because he’s a bit up and down? Maybe he struggles with depression at times or something?

  We’ve stuffed our faces with my homemade veg lasagne, and now we’re sipping at wine and nibbling crisps. I notice that Luka doesn’t drink much at all. Just the odd sip now and again, and I wonder if it is because he still thinks these guys might turn up. He doesn’t drink much in general but might have the odd beer. Tonight, he’s been nursing one small glass the whole evening.

  Tristan is shifting in his chair a bit and looking distinctly uncomfortable. I want to talk to him, but it will be difficult in front of Luka. As if reading my mind, Luka stretches and announces he’s going to take a shower and read for a while in bed. I throw him a smile and try to convey my thanks with my eyes.

  Once he’s upstairs, I turn to Tristan.

  “What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet all night. Is it Luka being here?”

  He looks away from me to the fire for a moment, before giving me his full attention. “No, it’s not Luka. It’s you.”

  I flinch. He must see because his face falls. “I’m sorry. That came out way harsher than I meant it to. What I mean is, being here with you, it keeps bringing the attack back. I’ve been having panic attacks.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Not because of the attack, but because of how worried I am about you. I hate the idea of you being here all alone.”

  I smile at him. “Yeah, but I’m not alone.”

  He snorts and rolls his eyes. “But will the big bad hero still be here a month from now? I doubt it.”

  I wince at his words, and this time he doesn’t soften things. “Sorry, Cara. But I don’t like him or trust him. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I think he might be dangerous.”

  “What?” I take a sip of my wine totally nonplussed at Tristan’s words. “I hardly think he’s dangerous.”

  “That’s the thing, though. You’ve got dire taste in men, and you’re not the best judge of people. Look at the boyfriends you’ve picked in the past.”

  Livid now, I fix him a hard stare. “Excuse me? I suppose you do a lot better with women?”

  Tristan is always the one to end it, but he goes through women at a fair rate, and there’s always some deal breaker or another. In his own way, he’s as useless as me in love.

  He laughs. “No, I don’t. And here we are. Two people who keep fucking up by falling for those who aren’t worthy of it, and yet I bet you’ve never thought of me as anything other than the friend. I saved you. From those men. Why aren’t I your hero? I did the same after your cousin died. What does it take, Cara? For you to really see me?”

  With those words, he sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

  My throat is dry, and I find it hard to swallow. I’m in total shock, and at a loss as to what to say. Has he admitted he likes me? In that way? I’ve never thought of Tristan in such a way because he’s like a brother to me. A bossy, controlling brother, but still, I thought we were on the same page.

  “I’ve said too much. Forget it. You need to think about your life and where it is heading. I keep offering to let you come and stay with me. New city, new pad, fresh start. No worries about those meat heads finding you. But you reject me each time. So, I’ve sorted something else. You need help…guidance. But now isn’t the time to talk about it. I’ve had too much to drink. I’m going to bed.”

  Before I can say anything else, he heads out of the room and up the stairs. I sit for a while with my mind whirring and then decide I better head to bed too. How do I tell Luka about this? Should I? Luka doesn’t want anything serious with me, so in a way it’s none of his business. Then again, Tristan has been making me more and more uncomfortable if I’m honest with myself. Perhaps Maggie is correct? I want to discuss it with Luka, but also don’t want to. I need time to think this through.

  Luka smiles as I enter the room after cleaning my teeth and pulls me in for a big hug the moment I scoot under the covers. There’s a real nip in the air tonight. I rest my head on his chest, loving the smattering of hair, and the way it always smells of the sexy as hell aftershave he wears. Joop, I know, because I nosed in his wash bag. I want to get him the body lotion too, if they do such things in men’s fragrances, because it smells so damn good. Slightly warm, musky, and supe
r masculine. It suits him.

  “What’s wrong?” He kisses the top of my head as his hand strokes down my back.

  I’m naked and I shiver under his touch. “Just Tristan. He’s being a bit weird.”

  “Weird how?” He lifts my chin, making me look at him.

  I shrug, not ready to share yet. I know I don’t have those sorts of feelings for Tristan but Luka doesn’t want anything permanent and I’m going to be stuck here in this town, maybe unemployed. And single. It makes me sad. One look at Lukas beautiful face and I don’t think anyone will be taking his place for a long time.

  “It’s nothing.” I change tact slightly. “You don’t like him, do you?”

  “Nope.” He shakes his head.

  “Why not?”

  “Because he wants in your pants. I don’t like competition.”

  His words shock me. Both that he read Tristan’s intent way easier than I ever did, and perhaps I am useless when it comes to men. But also, his second sentence. I frown at him. “Why should you care? You don’t want anything other than a sexy interlude. You told me as much when this began.”

  “Maybe I’ve changed my mind?”

  Oh, my God. His words hang in the air. “Have you?” I whisper.

  “Yeah. I think I have. Is that an issue for you?”

  An issue? I could levitate with happiness at his words. “Not at all.”

  “It should be. I’m no good for you. I’m a mess. I need to sort out my night terrors and other shit before I can be what you need. But yeah, I’d like more, Cara. I’m not sure if I can give you all you should have.”

  “How ironic?”

  His brow wrinkles. “What is?”

  “I want you and you’re saying you don’t know if you can give me it all. And Tristan, who I don’t want in that way, is offering me everything on a plate.”

  Luka’s jaw tenses and I realise I’ve said more than I intended. “But you’re thinking about it, right? You wouldn’t be here talking to me like this if you weren’t thinking about it.”

  I sigh. “Not seriously, no. He’s been too controlling and up in my business for me to want to go and live with him, even as a friend. It’s thrown me for a loop though. I had no idea he felt that way.”

  “Then you must be blind. I knew the first five minutes in his company he wants more than friendship. Way more.”

  “He’s always been my friend. I don’t see him that way.”

  “I don’t trust him.” Luka brushes his thumb over my cheek. “There’s something about him I don’t like. I’m not sure you should trust him.”

  I could laugh. Luka’s words mirror Tristan’s. Both men telling me I shouldn’t trust the other. Both men who have come through for me when I needed them. Stepped up and helped me. But one is someone I’m falling for. I get butterflies when I think about him. And I can’t keep my hands off him. The other is a long term, once trusted friend who I can objectively see is handsome, and who maybe I could develop feelings for given time, but who recently has been too…much. A bit strange. The problem is my heart already knows which man it wants, but despite his declaration of moments ago, I’m not sure he truly wants me.

  I give Luka a kiss and snuggle back down intending to go to sleep, but I inhale at Luka’s neck and the scent of him gets me all turned on. I kiss there, and he exhales and pulls me in closer, tipping my chin up and kissing me.

  I scoot down the bed, taking the covers with me. Revealing his gorgeous body.

  I kiss his chest as I move down. Over his stomach, kissing the scars there from an explosion he told me about. He has more on his back. They don’t make him any less beautiful to me. He has a tattoo on his upper back, an eagle taking flight, and I love it. I never liked ink before, but the way it moves when he does is mesmerising. Its wings look as if they flex when he does.

  I move down past the hard ridges of his stomach, until I’m face to face with his gorgeous cock. I lift him with my hand from where his beautiful cock lays against his belly button, and bring it to my lips.

  Not feeling in the mood for teasing, I swallow him down as far as I can go in one smooth move.

  “Jesus, Cara.” Luka hisses as his back arches off the bed.

  I smile around and give a soft hum and he groans. Soon, I have a perfect rhythm going. I can’t remotely take him all, so I used my hand on the bottom half. I suck at him, and twirl my tongue around him in a way I hope makes him hot. Dane used to love it when I did that. I don’t want to think of that sleazebag now, so I push thoughts of him away.

  It doesn’t take long before Luka is thrusting his hips in time with my ministrations. “Come here.” He lifts my chin and indicates for me to climb up the bed.

  I do as he says and straddle him, positioning myself over him. I take him in deep as I sit down on his big, hard cock.

  The moment he fills me my head drops back, and my eyes flutter shut. My internal muscles grip onto the rigid flesh inside me and it feels so damn good.

  “Fuck yourself on me, Cara. Move. I want to see you work for it.”

  God, he’s got a dirty mouth compared to other guys I’ve been with, and I love that, too.

  Soon I have a great rhythm going and I’m bouncing up and down on him, but the bed starts banging against the wall, so I change things up and lay my upper body flat on him. My breasts are pressed against his powerful chest, and like this I grind down on him, my clit rubbing against his belly.

  Sparks zing deep at my core, and up and down my spine.

  Luka brings his hand to my mouth, and pushes his middle finger in. “Do you trust me?”

  I nod at him.

  “Good girl. Make it nice and wet.”

  I do as he says, and then he’s withdrawing his finger. A moment later I feel it circling my tight hole, and I give a little squeak, clenching my bum cheeks.

  Luka huffs out a soft laugh. “Babe, relax. Trust me.”

  I haven’t done this before. But I do as he says and trust him. He’s oh-so-gentle, rubbing around the tight ring, pushing a way in and then withdrawing. Soon though, he’s got his thick finger all the way in me. At first it burns, but soon it starts to feel…good. I’m full like this and as my orgasm starts to build his finger in my ass feels amazing.

  When I come it’s so intense I can’t muffle my gasps and cries. My inner muscles are clenching everywhere. Gripping his cock and his finger.

  “Oh, fuck.” He comes with a grunt as I’m still having the orgasm of my life.

  When it’s done I can’t move. I simply flop on him, drag the covers up, and close my eyes.

  *****

  “Get the fuck down. Keep behind the ridge.”

  I jerk awake. Heart hammering. Did I imagine the shout? Nothing but silence greets me, and I think I must have been dreaming.

  “Get him the fuck out of here. Drag him over the ridge, Jesus Christ.”

  Holy shit! It’s Luka and he’s growling the words. I’m struggling to dampen down the adrenalin surge being so suddenly awakened has set free in my body. I turn and switch on the bedside lamp by my side of the bed. It throws low light into the room. I turn to Luka…and nearly scream.

  His eyes are wide open.

  He writhes around on the bed and the sheets are thrown off. He’s kicking his legs as if running on the spot, and I move further away, not wanting him to kick me. Whispered words and moans leave his lips, but I can’t make anything out.

  “Luka?” I keep my voice low, but he doesn’t respond.

  Should I wake him? I’m sure you shouldn’t wake someone having night terrors. I recall Mags saying something about it once. A thick arm flails out and hits me, knocking some of the breath out of me. Shit. I need to move. I get out of the bed and stand by the back wall. I grab the dressing gown hanging from my wardrobe and tie it around me. I could go downstairs, let this burn itself out, but I feel bad leaving him.

  “Shut the fuck up and stay there. Don’t you fucking move, you cunt.”

  I flinch at the harsh words spilling
from his mouth and the door to the bedroom bursts open. The bright landing light illuminates Tristan. He looks to Luka, who is now sat up looking at me with those unseeing eyes, to me, and then back to Luka.

  Before I can say anything, Tristan takes three massive strides across the room and grabs Luka. “Don’t you fucking threaten her.”

  “Jesus. Tristan, no. He’s dreaming.”

  Tristan swings around to look at me, but Luka lurches up and grabs him. One big hand right around Tristan’s throat. Oh, God. I move forward to help, but Tristan holds his hand up, so I stay where I am.

  “I said sit against that fucking wall and do not move.” Luka enunciates the words as clear as day.

  “God.” Tristan stumbles back, but Luka moves with him.

  Tristan brings his hands up and he’s trying to pry Luka’s hand from around his throat. His face is starting to go red, and I panic. Not thinking, I pick up my pillow and whack Luka with it hard.

  “Luka, wake up!”

  A whimper wheezes out of Tristan as he tries again to get Luka off him.

  Every muscle in Luka’s arm is strained, popping, and it makes me realise how big he is.

  I’m scared of him. I hate it, hate to admit it, but I’m scared of him. Terrified of what he’ll do to Tristan and me, and it’s as if I’m back on the street with those men attacking me, and once more Tristan is putting his own safety on the line trying to save me.

  How could I have been so harsh on him all these months? Thinking him controlling or weird? He only wants what’s best for me. As a friend, and possibly as something more.

  This man seems to save me over, and over again.

  Luka half stands, one foot out of the bed now, and drags Tristan with him.

  “Fucking hell.” Tristan’s voice is strangled, and he claws again at the hands at his throat.