Living Dangerously

by Dee J. Adams

  Running a hand through his hair, Zach shot to his feet and paced to the front window. “I haven’t heard from him since you both left. He made it clean. No connection.” He paused. “We should find him.”

  The thought made Troy’s stomach knot. He didn’t want to find him. He couldn’t prove anything, and the son of a bitch would never cop to pushing his wife down a flight of stairs. There was no point. It was yet one more bit of irony that the man who specialized in finding people, didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t find the man who’d raised him. If there was one thing he’d learned as a P.I., it was getting answers to questions didn’t always lead a person to the results they wanted. And nothing could bring his mother back. Avoiding this town helped him forget the painful memories. In his head it was all a matter of logic.

  Sometimes life just didn’t work out the way you imagined. Sometimes things couldn’t be answered in a few questions or wrapped up nicely.

  “I want to find that SOB and...” Zach’s angry words trailed off as he shook his head. “I should’ve done more. Maybe if I’d known how much she cared about me all those years I would have.”

  “It wouldn’t have changed the way you felt about Celia,” Troy reminded him.

  Zach nodded. “You’re right. But I had a right to know about you.”

  “That might’ve destroyed your relationship with Celia.” Troy hated pointing that out, but it was true. He’d remembered Celia being sad a lot of the time. Was that because she hadn’t been able to conceive?

  “It would’ve changed things, yes,” Zach agreed, “but I don’t know about ‘destroyed.’ You know, Celia didn’t have a problem getting pregnant, she had a problem staying pregnant. By the sixth miscarriage, she couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much for her to hope then lose that hope.”

  Troy swore softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know any of this.” For a P.I., he’d certainly missed the boat when it came to his own family.

  “No reason you would. You were tiny. Just a boy. This stuff didn’t affect you. We purposely didn’t tell people because her chances of carrying full-term weren’t very good. It was easier to keep it to ourselves.” The sadness on Zach’s face spoke of a man who’d lived through emotional hell. But as Troy watched, Zach’s eyes took on a new look of hope.

  “The day I discovered I had a son was just about one of the happiest days of my life. Even if you didn’t know, even if I never saw you again, I understood that the connection we shared when you were a boy stemmed from something in here.” Zach patted his chest. “I’ve always loved you, Troy. I’ve hoped and prayed that someday you’d come back so I had the chance to tell you. After so many years of wanting a son, I finally have one.” His grin stretched wide. “I gotta say, son. It feels real good to see you again.”

  Troy had learned to keep a poker face from a very young age, but staring into the eyes of his uncle, no his father, cracked a line in the hard shell he’d wrapped around his heart and he let a half grin curve his lips. He glanced up in time to see Julie wiping her cheek quickly, her eyes brimming with tears. He swallowed back the emotion in his throat.

  He had a chance to change his life. A chance to go from the loner he’d been to a man with a family. He had a father who loved him and wanted to know him, and he had a woman who filled his life with happiness. His relationship with Zach was bound to grow because Zach seemed to want the relationship as badly as he needed air to breathe. Maybe if Troy handled his confession the right way, he could keep Julie too.

  * * *

  Julie struggled to blink back the tears, but Troy saw how much this conversation with Zach affected her. The man wasn’t used to this kind of emotion. She read it in his stance. In the way he sat forward on the sofa like he might bolt at any minute. But he wouldn’t. Funny how she knew that about him. He was solid. Reliable. The kind of guy you could count on when things got rough. When bullets were literally flying.

  So, no, she didn’t worry about him bolting from this particular conversation, but she worried how he’d react. Would he open himself up to the love his father—his real father—wanted to give or would he stay tucked in his tight circle of Troy? He may have let her in to an extent, but she still got the feeling he was holding something back. The man was smart enough to see how it bothered her when he didn’t open up, and she conceded that he had been trying. He kept things close to the chest. Was he afraid to get hurt? Afraid he’d be rejected the way his father had rejected him growing up with constant abuse?

  More than ever the time seemed right to tell him her feelings. She wanted to believe that he’d return the emotions. That he cared about her as deeply as she cared about him.

  Hours ticked by as Zach talked about the past, filling in gaps for Troy of the decades he’d been gone, talking about the town and the additions to the cabin. He clearly and desperately wanted a relationship with his son. Zach finally checked his watch. “Look,” he said, getting to his feet. “I didn’t mean to eat up your whole day. I’ve had a long time to get used to it, but it seems only fair that I give you some time.” He moved to the door. “I just wanted to talk to you, you know, after you read the diary. I think you deserved to have any questions answered.” He put his hand on the knob and turned back to Troy. “I’m hoping you’ll let me be part of your life from here on out. That’s all I ever wanted.” Zach opened the door. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow and maybe we can talk some more, do some more catching up.”

  Aside from standing, Troy hadn’t budged from his spot near the sofa. “That sounds good,” he said. He must have sensed the emotion radiating from Zach because he moved toward the door. “Zach.”

  Zach looked up and saw him coming. He took a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around Troy in a hard hug.

  That about sealed it for Julie. Quietly, she moved into the hallway and into the bedroom where her own tears escaped silently down her cheeks. Seeing the possibilities for those two men made her feel hopeful and happy. They had a future.

  Now it was her turn.

  * * *

  Troy found Julie in the bedroom. He’d seen the look in her eyes before she’d snuck out, leaving him and his uncle—father—alone. Any remnants of tears were long gone as she turned from the bay window. The setting sun lit her in a soft pink glow and her smile leveled him.

  “Hey, there,” she said softly. “Your...” She faltered. “Zach seemed like a pretty happy guy knowing he has a son.” She watched him and her mood sobered. “How’re you holding up?”

  The woman always asked the questions he wasn’t sure he had answers to. His world had shifted in a total turnaround. Trying to keep up was taking everything he had, but having her with him now made his life complete. With her by his side he could handle anything that came his way. “I’m good.” He stopped in front of her, wrapped his arms around her waist at the same time she draped hers around his neck.

  Her eyes sparkled into his. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man more relieved in my life than when Zach hugged you. You’re like this amazing gift.”

  That observation seemed over the top—by about a thousand feet—but Troy felt his cheeks heat up anyway and Julie chuckled.

  “It’s true,” she said. “And I’m not speaking just in terms of Zach.” Her serious gaze had his pulse rate doubling. “You’ve been a gift to me too.” She licked her lips. “Look, I need to tell you something.” She swallowed and took a deep breath. “I don’t know about you, but this whole thing...us...feels really good. I don’t know exactly what you think about it. I mean, I know you like me well enough... as far as...” She gestured to the bed. “But I just want you to know how I feel. What I feel. I don’t expect you to return the sentiment, I mean, it would be nice if you did, but we haven’t known each other that long and I don’t want to...” She sighed and dropped her forehead against his chest. “I suck at this.” She mumbled into his shirt, but a second later, she pulled back. “Here’s the deal.” She looked him right in the eyes. “I love you. Yes, I said it. I know it�
�s fast. Way too fast, but you have a way of getting under a girl’s skin. There you have it.” Her double blink signaled the end of her speech and they stared at each other. For many long seconds.

  Troy was surprised he hadn’t fallen over yet. She loved him? Him? No woman had stuck around long enough to feel that emotion or say those words. He was too closed off, too introverted. Too used to being alone.

  Her brows furrowed. “Are you going to say anything or have I completely ruined a great thing?”

  What the hell could he say? Yeah, sure, he’d seen the signs. He observed people for a living, but hearing her say the words tilted his world completely off its axis. He shook his head, still totally at a loss. He had a new father who happened to be a man he truly loved and respected and now he had this? Was he dreaming and this whole thing would slip away with the ring of an alarm clock?

  “Troy. You’re scaring me.”

  Her earnest eyes gazed into his. He pushed some hair off her cheek and shook his head again. “You love me?” he asked. He laughed, a burst of joy that erupted from his gut and spread through every cell. “I knew I really liked you around the second season of The Only Way, but I also realized I didn’t know you.”

  Her hopeful expression faded.

  “Because you can’t know someone watching them play a television or movie character. You can’t be in love with a fictional person or someone you don’t know. But when you introduced yourself to me on the red carpet, minutes away from dying... That’s when I fell in love with you.” His meaning hit home and her eyes widened. A wobbly smile touched her lips.

  “I think you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I think you’re beautiful and talented and funny as hell and I don’t know what I did to deserve your love, but I’m sure as hell glad I got it.” He kissed her gently. “I would do anything for you. Anything. You’ve given me all the things that have been missing in my life for more years than I want to count.”

  A tear slid down her temple and Troy gently wiped it away with his thumb. “You’d do anything?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

  He nodded. “Anything.”

  “Will you make love to me?”

  Like she had to ask... “I’ve got news for you. That’s a given.”

  Her infectious grin widened. “Oh really?” She wrinkled her nose in that way she had and Troy went down for the count. “Is that headline news or just gossip column stuff?”

  “CNN all the way.” He brushed his lips across hers and the kiss turned slow, deep and heartfelt. After long minutes of the steamy wet connection, Julie held his face and pulled back from his mouth. “Seriously?” she asked. “You love me?”

  That she had to ask amazed him. What man wouldn’t fall head over heels in love with her? “Yeah,” he said, nuzzling her cheek. “I love you. Always will.” Now was the time to tell her he was a private investigator, but she reached up and kissed him so sweetly, so softly that he couldn’t pull away. Didn’t want to stop the incredible feeling of having her in his arms, at his fingertips. Troy angled his mouth along hers and kissed her deeper. He cupped her head and held her steady as he devoured her mouth in another long, slow kiss that stole every thought from his brain. Julie rubbed against him and the semi-erection that had sparked as soon as he walked in the room and seen her smiling turned into a full-blown hard-on.

  Shifting her, Troy walked her backward toward the bed. He continued to move his lips across hers slowly, continued to taste the warm sweetness of her mouth in a deep kiss. He wanted to show her how he felt and this seemed the best way.

  Julie melted into his arms. She submitted to his roaming hands and hungry mouth. One article at a time, their clothes methodically landed on the floor and Troy eased her down to the bed. He stroked his hands over every inch of smooth skin and kissed all the erogenous zones he’d discovered in the last few days. He tickled the spot behind her ear with his tongue. He caressed the underside of her breast that made her arch into his mouth as he sucked on her hard nipple. Every moan, every restless move made him harder for her.

  She loved him. The thought alone nearly made him come and he refused to cut this session short. He rolled onto his back and took her with him so that she straddled him. Her fingers ran through his hair as he grabbed each ass cheek and rubbed her against him.

  This time, she moaned.

  There was nothing more beautiful than watching her ride him, the way she moved her hips and took him so deep. It was the rapture on her face that leveled him. Her parted lips and nearly closed eyes. Goddamn, it was too good, so he pulled her down so she covered every inch of his chest. Her mouth fell hungrily to his, but the ferocious kiss slowly turned sensual, sexy and full of more heart and soul than he deserved. Feeling the way she slid along his chest and made contact with every inch of skin on his front, he held back his climax. He loved the play of muscles on her back as she flexed over him. His pulse pounded harder as he fought for control. She slowed her pace even more then froze as her inner muscles clenched and spasmed around him. As she held on tight and her slick skin glided under his hands, Troy came with an orgasm so intense, he saw spots behind his lids.

  Together they lay, their skin hot and slick, and Troy thanked the higher power above that Julie let him love her.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Julie woke up but didn’t bother opening her heavy lids. The heat of another sunny afternoon warmed her skin from the open window. She’d been in bed for almost twenty-four hours. A sleepy, satisfied smile curved her lips. She’d lost count of her orgasms and her energy had tapped out hours ago. She pushed a little closer to Troy’s big warm body. What was it about confessing feelings that turned great sex into passionate lovemaking?

  Troy may not have been a big talker, but he spoke plenty with his actions, with his smoldering looks, his talented hands and his hot mouth...

  Julie sighed. It didn’t get much better than this.

  Troy must have sensed she was awake because his warm hand traveled from her waist to cup her breast at the same time his lips caressed her neck. She couldn’t believe he could go another round again. She sure as hell couldn’t. She was sore, the best kind of sore. Her grin widened.

  “What’s got the birthday girl in such a good mood?” As if he didn’t know. His words rumbled in her ear, all sexy and soft and low.

  She’d been surprised at midnight when he’d stopped kissing her to tell her happy birthday. She hadn’t even remembered, but she blamed the amazing sex. Turning in his arms, she looked into his dark eyes and smoothed her palm across the stubble on his cheek. “I tend to smile when I’m happy and this has been the best birthday ever.”

  “Ah.” He nodded. “And here I thought it was all the orgasms.”

  She snorted a laugh. He wasn’t much for long speeches—at least he hadn’t been until yesterday—but she loved his dry comments. She loved how he bided his time before tossing in a zinger. He was such a contradiction with his serious eyes and quiet nature, yet he still had a sense of humor that lurked beneath the surface. She was bound and determined to dig a hole deep enough to free the part of him that seemed afraid to let loose.

  His half grin faded and his eyes remained darkly intent. “Look, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  He sounded serious. The kind of serious that she’d learned to be leery of. The kind of serious that said, I may have failed to mention I have a wife and three kids back in California and even though I said I love you, I can’t leave my family. Ack. She watched too much television. “Okay. What?”

  His cell phone rang on the night table. “Shit,” he said softly. He sat up and checked the number. “It’s Zach.”

  “Take it,” Julie said. They weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

  Troy punched the screen and flipped the covers off as he got out of bed. “Hey, Zach.” Julie watched as he paced the room, listening to his father. “Let me check with Julie, but it’s probably fine.” A few minutes later, he disconnected the call and tossed the phone
at the foot of the bed. “Zach wants us to have dinner with him tonight.” He headed toward the bathroom. “I told him I’d get back to him.”

  “Sure. That’s fine. He’s got a lot of years to make up for, Troy. He wants to know you. I don’t blame him.” She heard him flip the toilet seat up as his phone rang again. Probably Zach. She picked it up and the caller ID surprised her.

  Sophia Nepali.

  Interesting. She hadn’t even realized Troy had met Sophia, since she spent most of her time in London. The phone continued to ring as the toilet flushed and the faucet went on. Troy came out and Julie handed it to him.

  “Why is Sophia Nepali calling you?” she asked.

  “I don’t know.” He didn’t make any move to answer it.

  “Are you dodging her?” She smiled because it seemed so out of character for the man who ran in front of bullets to be leery of a phone call from Ari’s wife. But the serious expression on Troy’s face had her wondering about the phone call. “I didn’t realize you’d ever met her.”

  Troy wiped a hand down his face and stepped farther into the room. “Look, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a few days now...”

  Julie hated the tone of his voice, noticed the underlying edge of nerves as he paced in front of her. He snatched his shorts from the end of the bed and put them on. Apparently this conversation needed clothes. She threw on her T-shirt that she’d lost under the sheets.

  Troy paced in front of her and every bit of spit in her mouth ran dry. Not a good sign.

  “I wasn’t actually working for Ari all that time.”

  Julie waited, nodded. She refused to say a word.

  “I was working for Sophia.”

  “Is there much of a difference?” she asked. The money came from the same household, so what did it matter?