by JM Scott
I thought about Trent and how we shared the same bed. I wondered what it would be like to touch him, for him to touch me. I wondered if he thought about his family. He had to and there was no way I could be anything like Theresa.
“Have a good day, honey,” I said sarcastically. Which was like our thing. We lived together like were together, but we weren’t.
“Anything you want?” He asked as he put on his boots, his thick winter coat, and blue bandana around his face.
Every morning was the same. He asked me what I want. And what I wanted was him. Or at least, I believed I did. But then I would answer, “No. I have it all.”
“Yeah sure, you do,” he answered and disappeared into the hallway.
The snow started to fly as I made my way to the office. Although Huck lived on the same floor as me. His office was across the street, in what used to be a local politician’s office. He conducted all the business through there.
I stepped inside, Huck had two propane heaters roaring. He sat at his desk with another man in front of him. The man wore a suit and fancy shoes.
“Holly, I’d like you to meet, Shane McBride, he works for the government,” Huck said.
I took off my coat and gloves.“What government?”
Shane McBride laughed and shook my hand, “Our new government.”
I didn’t say anything.
“He is here just to take a census of our town and ask some questions. Do you mind talking with him, while I get the assignments on the board?”
I nodded. Huck threw on his coat and flappy hat.
I sat in the chair beside Shane McBride. He couldn’t have been much older than me.
“Don’t we have elections?”
“We will. I was selected to come to New York State. We are trying to get an accurate count of people left. Don’t let this suit fool you. I am was a lieutenant with the Marines.”
I didn’t say anything.
“The suit is supposed to look like I am important. And people respond better to suits than military uniform.”
“I don’t think that’s true. Some people in suits are bad news.”
“Holly, right? What’s your story?”
“Why does it matter? That part of my life is over. I live here in Ipswich now.”
“Fair enough.”
“So you want to get started on copying on your information? All we need are names and ages.” He gave me a sheet of paper with columns already drawn on it. “And in the other column put down if there were any pregnancies and how many.”
“Is it going to be like the same?”
“The government? We hope so.”
“What happened to all the people?”
“Don’t know. There are rumors about the milk or some people’s DNA just had a ticking time bomb. No one knows. Are you together with Huck?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“Come on, a girl like you is like his secretary. I’ve been in enough new settlements to understand the dynamics. There is the boss, which is always a guy, and then there is girl or woman who right behind him, and she’s special.”
“Well it’s not like that here.”
“What is it like Holly?”
“Safe,” I said and finished up the last name.
“I don’t know where you came from, but I would consider your proximity to the boss man.”
“Huck is my friend, he saved me months ago from people were going to kill me. He gave me a new life.”
“And there it is. What does he want from you?”
“Nothing.”
He looked over the list and frowned. “Five pregnancies ended in miscarriage. Would you happen to know how far a long.”
“Five-six months along, but I’m not doctor. Are there babies out there?”
“I have counted five, in all of New York, but I have not been to the cities yet. If they make it through winter, there is hope.”
He put this newly written paper back in a leather briefcase and said, “Babies and baby making women are a precious commodity in the world. Just remember that you’re a kid. And things might be great for you right now, but eventually someone will come along and see if you can carry babies.”
“I’m not a kid.”
He looked at his list. “No Holly Biscayne you are a precious seventeen. That makes you more valuable.” Shane pulled a slip of paper out his notebook and scribbled something down, and then gave it to me. “You need help? If anything changes you can come to the base in Plattsburg or go to Stowe, Vermont. There are people to help you.”
Huck returned, and I muttered something about my job. Why would he say those things? Why couldn’t he see how great life was here? I watched Shane McBride drive off in a van toward the east.
Chapter Eleven
I was down the reservoir. There was already an inch on snow on the ground. I just finished pumping up fifty gallons. I put the clothes and toilet flushing water their containers, when the radio came alive.
“Holly Berry get back to the Beederman. Now.” Huck said. His voice firm.
“I’ll be there,” I replied but he never replied. I loaded the water containers in the wagon and got on the mule that the town acquired just for water collection.
I never drove in the snow before and it wasn’t like there were capabilities of plowing any time soon. Maybe it was because I was out here in central New York, but I never felt snow storms like this one. I pulled in front of the Beederman. Huck and some others were waiting for me in the lobby.
“Come with me,” Huck said. I wondered where Trent was. We went up to the fifth floor, the floor we lived in. Did we get someone new? Why all this urgency? Every time we got someone new, it was never like this. We came to 5B. Two guys stood at the door, locked and loaded. While another guy finished screwing a lock on the door.
I touched Huck on the arm, which is something I did every so often. Like a friend. And I was getting more used to touching. “What’s going on?”
“Leave us,” he told the others. The guy who installed the lock handed him two keys. We were alone in the hallway. Then he turned to me grabbed both of my arms tight enough where I could feel the pressure under my winter coat. His green eyes were one part wild and one part excited.
“Can I trust you?” He asked suddenly.
“Of course, you can. You know that. What’s going on? Who’s in there?”
“The future is in there, Holly.”
I didn’t know what he meant.
“We found a pregnant girl. She’s pretty far along.”
“But why lock her in?”
He put his finger to my lips. “She doesn’t want to be here. I think she is unstable, you know mentally. She’s a danger to herself and to the baby. You get that right?”
I did, I suppose. But every woman who had become pregnant were on bed rest and wanted to be on bed rest. Of course, they did. They were happy because I did their work, served their meals, did their laundry flushed their toilets because they weren’t allowed to. And no matter how much food I gave them, or did all their chores. I would still get the call and someone miscarried. So maybe this girl was someone different then the rest of the girls.
He put the keys in my hand and closed my hand around them.
“Holly, it’s just like all the other times. The only difference she’s not allowed out. She doesn’t care about resting. She wants to keep moving to god knows where. This is for her own good.”
“No problem, Boss,” I said. I was a little worried about looking after this pregnant girl. If she was crazy would she hurt the baby out of spite. Would she hurt me and eat my flesh like an animal?
Huck then yanked me closer and kissed me on the lips with no tongue. “Holly, if she makes it, this town will finally have a baby. Hope that it can be done.”
“Okay.”
And then he was back to himself. “And Baby Girl, I’m right next door. If you ever want to try with me.”
I ignored that statement. I went into my apartment and
Trent wasn’t there either. I grabbed the book and went to apartment 5B.
She lay on the bed weeping. She had the blankets wrapped around her. It was cold in the room. The wind knocked on the window. I locked us in the room. I called on the radio for someone to bring me a propane tank and heater. I let her be, although I think she was aware of my presence because I could feel her eyes on me. She had dark hair that looked like in curlie q’s on a sheet of a paper. I could see her belly. And she definitely was the furthest along. I had to remember to get the stethoscope when I brought her dinner so we could listen to the heart beat. I wondered if she would like that.
I hooked up her heater and propane tank. Soon the room turned on full blast. I gave her a radio.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said and lit candles. She didn’t seem crazy just sad. And then I looked at her tear stained face. She was my age or maybe even younger. Maybe Shane McBride was right, baby making women were a commodity. Someone probably raped this girl. No wonder she was out of her mind, and with no way to get rid of it safely, she was stuck with it. Good thing we found her. Once she delivered, she could leave no questions asked. Everyone would be happy.
“You can reach me on channel six. Huck and the others use seven. Six is the baby line or at least that is what I call it.” I dragged a chair over. “I’m Holly. I’ll be caring for you until you deliver.”
She stared at me with her dark eyes, like she was afraid of me. I pulled out the book and uncapped my pen.
“What’s your name?”
“Lane Snow.”
“Where are you from?”
“They’re monsters.”
“Who?”
“The people you live with.”
“Why would you say that?”
She looked to be thinking and then said, “I was going to Mapleton. And then we were stopped. Where am I?”
“Ipswich, New York.”
I wanted to build trust with Lane, but I was never good at these kind of things- making friends. She looked scared and tired. Maybe something happened to her out there. I wanted to know, but I also knew she needed to tell me on her own. I felt bad for her being locked up. It had to be for her own good.
“Why don’t you try to get some rest? I will be by around four with your dinner and some snacks. Is there anything you shouldn’t have? Like peanuts or something?”
She shook her head.
“We’re good people, Lane. You’ll see We want the best for you and your baby.”
“Maybe, you’re good people, Holly.”
What did she mean by that? “Do you need anything? Are you craving anything? Like chocolate? There probably isn’t any at the store. But Trent will go out and get you some. And if you need be, call me anytime. I’ll be here.”
She settled back in bed with the covers up. I thought I heard her cry softly in her pillow.
Chapter Twelve
“Holly,” her voice came over the radio late one night. Trent wasn’t in our apartment. Since Lane arrived, he and I haven’t spoken. I wondered if he was mad about Huck kissing me on the lips. I didn’t know why he would care anyway? We lived together but we weren’t together. Anyway, he knew that I wasn’t interested in Huck. Lately, he had been staying out with some people down at the bonfire. Next to Huck’s office was a huge empty lot. Huck said there was a restaurant there but it went up in flames. Now we use to have a nightly bonfires and we came together to unwind. I often went but since it was cold, I was grateful to have my warm bed and the books I got from the library.
“Are you okay?” I asked pulling on my shoes and sweater.
“Fine. Are you busy? Can you come by?”
“Sure.”
I unlocked the door and slipped in. Her room was warm. And she had a lantern on full blast. I took off my sweater.
She smiled at me. “The baby kicked tonight. Look she’s doing it again.” I pulled up a chair and she grabbed my hand and put it on her stomach. I felt the hard kick of the baby. I never felt a baby move. I kept my hand there and it kicked again.
“Do you want to hear the heart beat again?” I asked and pulled out the stethoscope. Her baby was the only heart beat I ever heard. It was fast and strong. The books said it was a good sign.
“Of course”
I huffed on the end and placed it on her stomach and let her listen.
“Right there,” she said and closed her eyes.
She removed the part you listen with and asked, “Do you want kids Holly?”
“I don’t know. I would probably be a shitty mother. You probably had a good mother right. So you’d be a good mother.”
“I don’t think it works that way. You have to choose to be one or the other.”
“I think its genetic. You know like being an asshole.”
“Maybe, but being an asshole isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, you can only be pushed around so much. Anyway, if my mom were alive she would be rather disappointed that her sixteen year old daughter was pregnant.”
She touched the jagged scar on my right arm.
“What happened? Did they do that?”
“Who them? No. They would never hurt me. This was from my mom. Two years ago.”
“What happened?”
“Not much to say, I guess. So I found out she was stealing our money to buy booze. And then she shoved me, and I went to catch myself and my arm went through the cheap window.” Not many people knew that. Of course Trent did. We actually used to talk while we played games into the night. And of course Huck did. And they both promised me that I was safe and no one was going to hurt me like that. “I left home that day and been on the streets.”
“I’m sorry Holly.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“Is she alive?”
“I don’t know. If she somehow made it through the event, the library people would have killed her. They made it quite clear that only want certain people in their community.”
“The library people?”
And for some reason, I just spilled my guts to her. I told her everything that happened in Allentown. At the end of my story, she seemed like she had tears in her eyes. She squeezed my arm with the scar.
“And now? You seem important.”
“Well I guess. I try to be important. I do my work and stick to myself. I try to do as much as I can for the community.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid they’ll kick me out.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, laziness. I need to be useful.”
“Do you want some chocolate?” She asked. And chocolate sounded like the best thing in the world.
“What happened out there?”
“When?” she asked and got out bed. And brought two chocolate puddings. I secured them all for her since she said she wanted chocolate and fluff. I could only get the pudding and regular marshmallows.
“When you came here.”
It’s been a month since Lane came to us. And I never asked her about what happened. I thought she would have told me by now. But no. I thought she would know since I told her my story.
“Holly, are you sure you want to know?”
“Well it’s the truth right?”
“Clay and I.”
“Clay?”
“The father of the baby. We were on our way to Mapleton.”
“Did he rape you?”
“No, it was consensual. We were stopped a little way from here. I remember being in the care with the Latino with friendly eyes. You can’t forget him because he was kind. And the only Latino in the bunch. I don’t think he wanted anything to do with it. Anyway we were stopped. They forced us out and they killed him. One shot to the head.”
“Why?”
“You tell me.”
“That doesn’t make sense. We’re all good.”
“Then kind eyes hustled me to his car and turned on the heat.”
Kind eyes. Trent. So why wouldn’t he talk to me? What
happened out there? Who killed Clay? Why was the big question. We welcomed everyone. We never asked questions. Here in Ipswich was everyone’s turn to start a fresh new life. Everyone deserved a second chance. Why didn’t Trent turn in the shooter to Huck?. We had rules, like everywhere else, but nothing on the books for murder. We were on our own for the most part. How would we handle someone who killed someone?
“That was Trent- kind eyes.”
Her eye brows arched. “Your boyfriend?”
“No, we live together. We have since we got here. He does bring me fancy underwear though.” And for some reason that made Lane laugh. I guess it was kind of silly, but he always brought me nice panties when he was out. All the clothes were supposed to be given to Ginny for cataloguing. She ran the supply building and had a zero waste policy. Clothes that were not good enough to wear, were made into rags and blankets. Why we had so much was because Ginny ran the supply building with an iron fist. I helped out when the guys would bring back trucks of clothes. Everything had to be labeled precisely with size and organized with clothes the same size.
In fact, I had amassed a nice collection of panties since we moved here. I probably had a pair for two months without recycling. They were useless like the outfit I stole from that woman’s closet with sparklies. But I loved them so. I washed them in my apartment so no one would see them.
“It sounds like he wants to be something more.”
“I don’t think so. We’re friends, best friends.”
She invited me to play cards until she was tired. The voices from the bonfire were getting rowdy. I liked spending time with Lane. She felt like a real friend. Like Huck and Trent, she didn’t judge me for who I was.
Chapter Thirteen
I left Trent a note before I left. Lane was sleeping, as she normally was when I came in the morning. I left her a new box of food and water. I noticed she flushed her toilet. She wasn’t supposed to do that. None of the pregnant women were. When they went on bed rest, they took short walks, and moved around the apartment while I did all their chores and tossed water in their toilet. Lane was different, and I figured she made it this far doing what she normally did and the baby was alive and healthy. I left her a note with a pack of Little Debbie brownies that Trent had left on the counter of our apartment.