My heart skips. I can’t speak, so I just nod. “I’m so scared, Li. I can’t lose you again. Please don’t go back home. I know you work there and you love what you do, but I’m pleading with you. I can’t go anywhere or I’d follow you, I promise. But my shop is here and I just can’t think about you going back there, where he is. If he were to somehow change your mind…”
“Blake,” I whisper, knowing now is the time I need to find my voice. “I’m not changing my mind. I wouldn’t have last time either if things had been different.”
A look crosses his face, and I know he’s blaming himself again. We can destroy everything by continuing to worry about whose fault it is that we had spent so much time apart, and I don’t want that. We need to move on from that. Together.
“Don’t,” I say. “No blaming yourself. What happened happened. We can’t change that now. But Blake, things with Ronan are over. He made that abundantly clear. And knowing what I know now, there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that he can make things right with me, even if he were to show up right now and beg for forgiveness.”
“Melinda said that there’s a teacher that had a family emergency and isn’t reporting to work next week,” Blake says. “They need to find a long term sub that could turn into a possible permanent position. Will you do it, Li? Will you stay here with me? Let us figure out where we’re going, and give this one hundred percent of our effort?”
He looks so hopeful; he’s wearing the same expression he used to wear when he begged our parents to take us for ice cream. It’s crazy that in so many years, I can still pick that out. I don’t even have to think about it, I know that this is the right thing for me to do. For once in my life, I’m going to think about what I want to do and do it.
“What grade is it?” I pretend I’m thinking about it, but I know I’ve already made up my mind.
“I think she said third,” he taps his finger against my nose. “Do you want me to beg? Because I will.”
I sit up and roll him onto his back, and then I lay myself on top of him so we’re face to face. He caresses everywhere he can touch, and I almost forget what we’re talking about. “No begging needed,” I say, kissing his neck and then lips. “I’m staying. I’ll call my boss in a little while and tell him so they can find someone else.”
He closes his eyes for a moment, and then looks straight through me. “Come back to my house when this week is up,” he says. “I know it’s fast, Li, but I can’t bear to think about you anywhere else. Not after everything.”
“I’m going to need to go home and pack my things,” I say. His fingers hesitate at the hem of my shorts. I want him to touch me so badly that I fight the urge to move his hands further.
“You aren’t going without me,” he says. “There’s no way I’m making you face that asshole alone.” I know what he really means by that. He doesn’t want the chance that Ronan will try to stop me from moving. But the papers in the other room are proof that he wants nothing to do with me anymore, and I sure as hell don’t want anything to do with him. In fact, the only thing I want to see him for is to kick him in the balls for what he did to us. And possibly sit back and watch as Blake does more than break his nose.
“You’ll go with me?”
“Li,” he says, he fingers moving again. My eyes almost cross as they skate across my skin, leaving me almost panting with desire. “I’m not leaving you ever again. Whatever we do, we’re in this together. Okay?”
“If we’re in this together, can I ask you to do something together right now?”
He seems to get my gist, and a mischievous twinkle appears in his eye. “What’s that?”
I lean down and whisper into his ear. “Touch me.” Before I can register what’s happening, he flips me onto my back. The look in his eyes is enough to send me spiraling out of control.
“Now that I can do,” he says, covering his mouth with mine again. Talking is over.
SHE HAS NO idea how hard it is for me to be a gentleman right now. She asked me to touch her after assaulting me at her front door. I want it all; every single part of her to belong to me, right now and forever. But I have to force myself to slow down, because I’m still afraid. Even though she said she’ll stay here with me, part of me is still terrified. I know rationally that things are drastically different this time. She’s not eighteen years old and pregnant, and I haven’t left her without a word. I try to think about what Mia said to both of us about moving forward and not looking at the past all the time, but that’s really hard to do. We’ve spent the week together, and as the day has loomed closer and closer for her to say goodbye, I began to panic. When Melinda called me this morning to tell me that she’d heard of an opening at her school, I knew I had to ask. Even if she said no, I had to try everything this time.
I’m also afraid she’s going to put the brakes on this whole thing. I mean, I’ve jumped in with both feet and basically asked her to do the same. Yet she’s the one that just found out everything Ronan did to destroy her less than a week ago. The man in me reminds me that she probably needs some time to process, but I just can’t give her that time. I asked her to move in with me, for God’s sake. That isn’t giving her time. But she would’ve been going home tomorrow if I didn’t, and I just can’t bear to think about that. Even though it’s only a few hours away from here¸ I know myself well enough to know that I can’t think about her being in the same town with him. He better hope that I don’t see him when we go there to pack her things, or the broken nose I gave him all those years ago will be nothing in comparison.
“Blake,” she whispers, shaking me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
She’s lying on top of me, and I’m worried about beating Ronan’s head in. What is my problem? I’ve wanted this for so many years, her being here like this, and I’m thinking about her ex. “I’m so happy, Li,” I say. “I’m just thinking about everything. I can’t believe we’re here right now. That you said you would stay. That this is really going to happen. It’s all just blown my mind.”
She smooths my hair back with her fingers, and I revel in her touch. It’s even better than I’ve dreamed. She kisses along my jaw, stopping with her lips just hovering over mine. “I still think I’m going to wake up and be back in my old house, in my old life. This is really happening, right?”
“Oh, this is a dream alright,” I tease, capturing her lips with mine. “But we’re going to stay in it and never wake up. Okay?”
“WHAT ARE WE going to do if he shows up,” Liane worries, wringing her hands in her lap. We’ve been on the road just under two hours and had just turned off the interstate. The back of my truck is full of boxes for us to pack. She’s spent most of the ride sitting quietly, gripping my hand tightly and looking out the window. I’m afraid to ask her what she’s thinking, because my stomach has been in knots since we left, too.
“We’re going to handle this one thing at a time,” I tell her. “You’ve signed the papers and are going to send them to his attorney today. We’re going to get your things from your house and then from your classroom. Kinsley is meeting us, right?” I’ve never met her best friend, but it looks like today is the day.
“Yes,” she says quietly. I know that it’s still hard for her to think about leaving the school she’s taught at for so long, but I’m so thankful she’s taking this chance for me. I know that they are losing a fantastic teacher, and I’m gaining her. I can’t stop smiling like a fool about that.
“Are you sure you’re okay with all of this?” She looks over at me, and I see tears shimmering in her eyes. Dread runs through my veins as my imagination conjures up the worst-case scenario.
“I see that panic on your face,” she says, scooting over next to me in the truck. “I’m fine, Blake. More than fine. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t want to. If there’s something I’ve learned in all of this, it’s that I have to do what I want to do for once in my life. I’ve always worried about what everyone else wants me to do. Mia has help
ed me to see that I have to be my own person.”
“Aren’t you doing this because I asked you to?”
“Well, you did ask me to. But I wouldn’t have said yes if it wasn’t something I wanted. You brought up the subject and I know that it’s time for me to choose me. And for me right now, choosing me means being with you. So yes I’m sad that I’m leaving my school and my friends there. But I’m not sad I’m leaving Ronan’s house or the rumor mill that I’m sure is flying. So don’t misunderstand my tears for being unsure of what I’m doing. For the first time in my life, I’m completely confident in what decisions I’ve made. Okay?”
The GPS signals for me to turn, so we fall into a comfortable silence for a few moments. “Thank you,” I say finally.
“For what?”
“Taking this chance on me. On us.”
She smiles, and I smile back at her. Every single time I see that beautiful face curve into happiness for me, I want to cheer. I take what the GPS says is the last turn and begin to look for her house. As we roll down the street, I scan the homes in her neighborhood. Every one of them is huge with perfectly landscaped lawns and expensive cars. My stomach rolls. I do well, but not this well. How can I compete with this life?
She indicates out the window which house is hers (or formerly hers? I’m not sure what to think about that), and I stare. It’s probably the nicest house on the whole block. The two story modern home is lined with huge palm trees, a paver driveway, and a four car garage. It must be on at least a half acre, and I’d bet the backyard is full of high dollar amenities.
“Don’t,” she says, touching my arm. I force my eyes away from the house and to her face.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t look at this house and start doubting. I see it all over your face. This house means nothing to me. Having money or not doesn’t make me happy. I’ve never been like that, and I’m not like that now. This is all Ronan. He had to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ all the time. His parents are the same way, and he’s just like them. You should see their house across town, right on the beach. It’s ridiculous for two people, but they just have to have it so people know who they are. It makes me sick. I wanted just a small regular house in a nice neighborhood with kids for Carter to play with, but I didn’t get that. He grew up playing by himself or having friends over here from school because you won’t catch any of these people letting a basketball hoop in their driveway. I’ve hated it. I can’t stand that look on your face, Blake. Please believe me.”
“I do,” I say automatically. “My house isn’t anything like this, Li.”
“Good,” she says. “I was hoping it wasn’t. Now come on. Let’s get this over with.” She hops out of the truck and goes to the back and grabs some boxes. I follow, mentally steeling myself for what I’m going to see inside. I’m going to see the family and the life that should’ve been mine.
She hits a button on her keychain and one of the garage doors open. I follow behind her, carrying a stack of boxes. She opens the door to the house and turns around. “Thank you for coming here with me,” she says, leaning over to kiss me. It’s just what I need right now, and I love that she knows that.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I say. She nods and leads the way into the house. We enter in the massive kitchen, all granite and stainless steel. She keeps walking, past a formal dining room, a family room, and up the stairs. I prepare myself for seeing her bedroom, the room she went to bed with Ronan in.
She goes down a long hallway and stops at a double door entry. “Most of my stuff is in here. I’m going to box up some stuff and give it away. I just don’t need it all. Ready?”
“Ready,” I echo, though I don’t really feel ready at all. She pushes the door open into the massive bedroom. Probably half of my house could fit in this one room. There’s a massive bed in the middle, adorned with a purple flowered bedspread that I know is her doing. French doors and large windows take up one whole wall, and I assume it goes out onto a private balcony. She walks to her nightstand and starts unloading things, so I tape up a box and walk over to her. “Here you go. Where do you want me to pack?”
She looks around, probably wondering what’s the safest for me to do. “Well, why don’t you go into my closet and pack my clothes. Is that okay?”
“Li,” I say. “Of course it’s okay.”
“I know this is hard,” she says, and I don’t argue with her. It is. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do since leaving her to marry Ronan. She indicates the closet so I open the door, not shocked when I see a massive closet the size of a small bedroom with custom built-ins. My eyes immediately go to the bare side of the closet. Ronan’s side. So he’s already taken everything out of here. Good. I don’t want to see his clothes hanging here so intimately with hers, anyway.
I lose myself in folding and packing her clothes, hearing her moving around her room but neither of us talking unless it’s for me to ask her whether she’s donating or keeping things. I stack the boxes by the door to the bedroom into two stacks: donated and taking with us. I know she still has classroom things, so hopefully we’ll have enough space in my truck to get it all back in one trip. I smile to myself. She’s moving in with me. This is really happening.
“I’m going to the office as soon as I finish in the bathroom,” she says. “There are some books and pictures in there I want. Then we’ll be ready to go. I’m not taking anything else.”
“Do you want me to help you?”
“Would you mind taking some of these boxes to the truck? I want to get out of here as fast as we can.”
“Consider it done.”
I leave her in the office and walk through the house. A huge picture on the wall in the family room catches my eye, and I stop to look at it. I grit my teeth at Ronan’s arm slung protectively around her waist, but it’s Carter that I can’t stop staring at. He has his mom’s blonde hair, but he’s taller than Ronan even at his young age. I can clearly see the blue of his eyes even in this picture. I guess he did get something from Ronan, after all. My heart clutches. I wish I could’ve known him growing up. I wish he would’ve been mine. I allow myself to envision that it’s me in the picture, my arm around Li’s waist. In my version, however, there would be three or four other kids standing in front of us, all of them replicas of our love.
Forcing myself to step back from the picture, I focus on what I need to do right now. I didn’t get that life, and who knows if I ever will get to be a dad. I’m not old, but I’m not young, either. I can’t worry about the years that I lost. I have to just move forward.
WE BOTH COLLAPSE into the truck, sweat coating both of our faces and shirts. It’s hot. Summer in Florida is brutal, especially when carrying over ten boxes to the bed of the truck. I look at the clock in surprise. We’ve done a lot already and it has only been two hours. We’re making good time. And best of all, no sign of Ronan.
“Damn, it’s hot,” I say, lifting my shirt to wipe my dripping face. I’m used to being hot, working on cars in the Florida heat all the time. But it’s stifling today.
“I would say it is,” Li says, and I hear the teasing tone in her voice. I turn to look at her, and her eyes are zeroed in on my bare stomach from where I’ve lifted my shirt to wipe my face.
I grin. I love the playful side of her. “Is that right? Well, I could say the same for the beautiful woman sitting next to me.”
She laughs. “Oh yeah. I’m sure I’m beautiful right now. Sweating like a pig with my clothes stuck to me is super sexy. You, however, are hot whatever way I can get you.” It takes everything I have in me to not jump across the truck and make her even sweatier, but then I remember where we are.
“You’re beautiful at all times, and whether you’re sweaty, sleepy, in a bathing suit or dressed to the nine’s. You got it?” I press my lips to hers. “Now let’s get to your school and get that done. Am I going to get the third degree from Kinsley?”
She laughs as I pull out of the driveway. �
��Quite possibly. We’ve been best friends since college. You actually talked to her on the phone that time.” Yeah, I remember. The time that I called and talked to Ronan. “She knows all about you, about us. You’ll really like her. She’s the exact opposite of me.”
“Why would I like her then? I only like you.” She smacks my arm playfully, and I grab her hand and lace it with mine. “Are you okay?”
“I’m more than okay, Blake,” she says. “Are you?”
“I have you,” I answer. “That’s all I need to be okay.”
“There’s just one thing,” she says, and my heart almost stops. I look at her once the truck is stopped.
“What is it, Li?”
“What’s Carter going to say? How is he going to understand what’s going on here? When I left him at college, I was married to his dad. Now, we’ve signed divorce papers and I’m moving to another city with you. He knows nothing about you, Blake. What’s he going to think of me?”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. I think back to the picture of him on the wall in their house. “Li, you need to talk to him. From what you’ve told me about him, he has a good head on his shoulders. Explain everything. Ronan should be part of that conversation, too. I’m not going to pretend that everything will be okay, because I’m sure that no kid wants to hear that their parents have split up. He’s an adult now and is going to have to figure out some adult things.”
“Are you saying to tell him the truth?”
I nod. “Yes. You remember what it’s like to be his age, Li. Lying to him or giving him half truths is only going to come back to bite you in the end.”
Twisted Paths Page 11