She looks out the window, worrying her hands. “I’m scared. I can’t lose him.”
She won’t lose him, even if I have to go talk to him myself. “You won’t. He’s your son. You told me yourself you have a relationship that goes beyond a regular mother and son bond. Talk to him. It’ll be a shock at first, but you’re teaching him an important lesson.”
“Which is what?” she looks back at me.
“To never settle for less than being happy.”
“GIVE THESE AWAY, I don’t need them,” Li says, pointing to a pile on her classroom floor. I haven’t been in a classroom since I was a student, but damn are these kids lucky to have her as a teacher. Her room is (well had been, she packed it up now) a bright, colorful place to learn, full of things kids love. I would bet that there are some boys in this school with a crush on Mrs. Collier. Ugh. I hate even thinking that name. I make a mental note to ask her if she’s going to go back to Kelly now.
“Okay. I’ll put them in a box in the teacher’s lounge. Maybe even the new teacher that comes in will want some,” Kinsley says, looking over at me. She’s a very friendly, outgoing woman, and I can see why they have been friends for so long. She hasn’t cornered me yet, but then again we’ve been very busy walking boxes in and out of the classroom. When we first arrived, Li had gone in and talked to her boss. After she came out, her eyes had been red but she had sworn she was okay. I really hope that is the case, because I don’t want to be the reason that she regrets another thing in her life.
“Blake, if you can take that bin and the small shelf to the truck, I think we’re about done,” Li says. “I’m just going to say goodbye to the rest of my team and I’ll meet you out there, okay?”
“I’ll help,” Kinsley says, grabbing the bin that needs to be packed. “Lead the way.” I take the shelf and walk in silence down the long hallway, knowing Kinsley came with me for a reason.
“She’s happy,” Kinsley says after a moment. I inwardly breathe a sigh of relief. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting from her, but I wasn’t sure it would be support. “I’ve never seen her glow like this. It’s been a long time coming, Blake.” We stop at the tailgate of my truck and she looks up at me. “Take care of her. You’re all she’s ever wanted.”
I don’t know this woman at all, but damn if she didn’t just make me want to cry. Fighting past the lump in my throat, I reach out and put my hand on her arm. “If she’ll let me, I’ll take care of her for the rest of my life. She’s all I’ve ever wanted too, Kinsley. I know this is hard, for both of you. I don’t ever want to be a reason that she looks back on anything and regrets it. Do you think her quitting her job and coming with me is the right choice?” I’m terrified of her answer, but I have to ask it. This woman knows Li even better than I do at this point. They’ve been friends in the time that I wasn’t around.
“Let me tell you something,” she says, hopping up on the tailgate. “I know it was a lifetime ago, Blake. But I was the one that picked up the pieces after everything happened with you two. I took her to the clinic when she found out she was pregnant. I’ve lived most of our adult lives watching her pretend that she was happy for her child. I think she loved Ronan in her own way, but he was right in that letter he left her. She’s never loved him all the way, because she couldn’t. She gave her heart to you way before he tried to borrow part of it.”
“Did she tell you everything he did to keep us apart?”
Kinsley nods. “Yes. That asshole better hope he steers clear of me, too. It’s one thing that she got pregnant and they got married, but the rest of it? It’s uncalled for. He cheated in order to get what he wanted, and he affected both of your lives. I’m so sorry that happened to both of you. And to answer your question, Liane is a different person over the last two weeks. Since the day that Ronan left her that letter and she left to go to Sanibel, she’s had a lot of time to process everything that’s happened to her. Just talking to her now shows me that she really knows who she is. I know she’s been seeing that therapist down there, and plus talking to you and working out the past has taken a lot of stress off of her. If she wasn’t ready to really be there with you, she wouldn’t be. For the first time in her life, she’s thinking about what she needs and what she wants. I’m going to miss her like hell, as is everyone else here. I don’t have to tell you that she’s a gem. I’m just going to ask you to do one thing.”
“Anything,” I say, and mean it. Getting the blessing of Li’s best friend is just as good as getting our families. Oh. Our families. We still have to cross that hurdle as well.
“Love her like she’s always deserved to be loved, Blake. Show her what love feels and looks like when that person can’t breathe without you. She needs that.”
I nod. That’s easy. I’ve loved her like that my entire life. “I do love her like that. I always have. We have a lot to work through and learn about each other again. But she’s it for me. My life is complete.”
“All set!” Li comes out of the doors, interrupting our conversation. “Everything okay out here?”
“Great,” Kinsley hops off the truck. “You guys headed out of town now?”
Li steps up to me and tips her head back so she can look into my eyes. “We sure are. Ready to go home?”
I never thought I’d hear those words from her lips. Home sure just got a million times better. “Let’s go home, Li.”
“HERE IT IS. Home sweet home,” Blake says as we pull into his driveway. I know he’s worried, and he has been since he drove down the street in my neighborhood hours ago. I wish I could convince him that none of it matters, but I know he’s a man and they see things differently. I’m nervous, but for a different reason. His house is adorable, exactly like the kind of house I’d wanted Ronan to buy years ago. It’s well kept, with nice landscaping. Large windows and a beautiful double door entry makes it inviting, not standoffish. It’s painted a light tan color with cream trim. It’s nestled in a nice family friendly neighborhood. I’ve seen several kids outside playing on our way through the neighborhood. Blake hits the garage door opener, and I see the old Camaro he’d had when we were kids, fully restored and shiny red. I never saw it in person, but I’ve seen enough pictures to know that it is the same car.
“You still have your car?” I’d always dreamt of riding in that car back when we were kids, stopping at the beach and making out like the teenagers we’d been.
“Yes,” he says. “I’ve spent years restoring it. It’s finally all done.” He steps out and comes around to my side of the truck while I’m still staring at the car. Opening my door, he helps me to the ground, his hands on my waist. “God, it feels good for you to be here, Li. Thank you.” He dips his head to kiss me, and I sigh as our tongues meet. The uncertainty and nerves of today melt away as his lips move on mine. Blake presses into me, sucking my tongue into his mouth as he intensifies the kiss. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize this probably isn’t the best place to do this, but I can’t stop. He’s an addiction I can’t get enough of.
My legs are shaking when we break apart, both of our chests heaving. He puts his forehead against mine and we stand for a moment, reveling in the moment we’re in right now. “Are you ready to go in?” I nod, wondering if I’m making the right choice. I don’t ever want him to think I’m just jumping from one person to another, because he should never feel like the ‘other man’.
“Yes. But first, I want you to know something,” I say. “You aren’t second choice, Blake. Not now, not ever.”
He looks at me like he can look straight into my soul. “You’re the only choice, Li. Now and always. Let’s go in.” He grips my hand and leads me through the garage and into the house. I want to pinch myself to make sure this is really happening. We enter into a laundry room, then into a beautiful kitchen. It’s painted a light yellow and has large windows out to the green backyard. I can see a large deck with a table and chairs and a grill area.
“It’s beautiful,” I say, squeezing his hand as we wa
lk through to the family room. These are the large windows I’d seen from the outside. Natural light shines through and onto the warm oak floors. A plush sectional takes up most of the room, facing a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall. Pictures of what must be Brooke and Brianna’s kids adorn bookshelves on either side of the television.
“Nothing fancy,” he says from behind me. “But it’s mine.”
“Blake,” I say, turning to face him. “Please stop that.”
“What?”
“Comparing your house to mine. I told you, there’s nothing about that house that was me. This house? It’s exactly the kind of home I wanted. You’ve done well decorating it, and it’s perfect.” He nods, pulling me down the hall to two guest bedrooms, a guest bath, and then across the house to the master bedroom.
He stops at the door, looking back at me. “This is the master,” he explains, and I nod. I wonder if I should assume I’ll sleep in here with him, but as much as it excites me, it makes me nervous. We haven’t crossed that line yet, as close as we’d come, and I’m not sure if I should stay in one of the guest rooms for a while or just bite the bullet and jump in with both feet.
“You’re welcome to stay in a guest room if you aren’t ready,” he says, reading my mind. “Li, I want you in my bed so badly I can hardly think of anything else. But I won’t push you. I want you to be ready.” He doesn’t wait for my answer, and I don’t have one. When we step into the room, I gasp. It’s painted a light grey-blue, and his furniture is dark mahogany wood. The large king sized sleigh bed takes up most of the room. There are two matching nightstands, a dresser, and a hutch that probably has another TV in it. The bedding is a shade of blue-grey that accentuates the paint color, with lots of throw pillows. It looks like something out of a decorating magazine. More pictures of the kids decorate his walls and nightstand. When I look at the other nightstand, a picture I recognize catches my eye.
Letting go of him, I walk across to the framed photo. It’s us, the night we went to dinner and stayed at the hotel. It’s the one we had taken by the stranger, and we’re wrapped around each other. I pick it up, my eyes filling with tears at the memory. I trace Blake’s face on the photo. I feel him come up behind me, and he wraps his arms around my waist.
“You kept this,” I sniffle, one tear running down my face.
“I kept everything,” he says. “It’s all in a box in my closet. But ever since Melinda and I split up, I’ve had this back out. I never thought you’d be here.” His voice cracks, and I close my eyes. I feel him swallowing, trying to keep his composure. “You’re here now, Li. That’s all that matters. I can’t ask for more.” I feel his lips on my neck, and I put the picture back on the nightstand. He holds me tightly as we both stand quietly, lost in the swirling thoughts of the past and the present.
“Let’s see the rest,” he says. “I want you to feel comfortable. Whatever you want or need, we’ll make happen. Okay?” I want to tell him that I don’t want or need anything more than what’s right in front of me, but I still can’t speak. He takes me into the master bathroom, and I stop in my tracks. It looks almost exactly like the hotel bathroom we visited all those years ago, but more modern and updated. The same type of shower stands in the corner, the glass walls making it open to the rest of the bathroom. I can see it has several shower heads and sprays. Dual vanities take up most of one wall, and a huge Jacuzzi bathtub sits underneath a beautiful window.
“Did you live here with Melinda?” I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does. He has to have remodeled this bathroom to replicate one of our dreams, and to think he shared this house with her makes me insanely jealous. Thinking of him making love to her in here, in that bed…
“No,” he says. “We lived in the house she currently lives in. I bought this after we split up. I’ve remodeled a lot of it over the years. It’s a good stress reliever for me, especially when I’m tempted to drink.”
My heart clutches. I hate when he talks about that. It makes me feel guilty every time, even though Mia said multiple times that nothing Blake chose to do was my fault. I’m relieved that he didn’t live here with her, even though I have no right to be jealous about anything. The man did just spend several hours in the town I lived in with Ronan, many of which were spent in our house. No. His house. I don’t live there anymore.
“I want to do something before it gets dark,” he says, pulling me behind him through the house. “Since you spent our lifetime listening to me drone on and on about this, it’s about time you get rewarded for that.” He stops at the door to the garage, and I smile.
“I get to ride in your car?” He nods, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.
“It’s my number one fantasy,” he says, stepping into the garage.
“It is?”
“I worked for years to restore this. I got it the summer I turned sixteen. If you remember, it was a beater. I drove it for several years before garaging it and working on it. I just finished it a few years ago. I only take it out now for special occasions. This definitely falls into that category.”
I walk up to the car and run my fingers gently across it. The smooth paint feels like silk under my fingers, and it’s so shiny red I can see my reflection in it. “Beautiful,” he murmurs. I turn and smile at him.
“Me? Or the car?”
“You,” he steps forward, caging me in between him and the car. He leans forward so his lips are against my ear. “Standing next to my car. Get in. I want nothing more than to watch your hair blow as we fly down the road. I want to touch you, Li.”
My knees are weak and I can’t say anything. The look in his eyes has robbed me of the ability to speak, so I just allow him to lower me into the front seat, his lips finding mine for so long I forget where we are.
I watch him as he revs the engine up, a small smile playing on his lips. Seeing him like this, in his element, makes me simultaneously sad and ecstatic all at the same time. He looks over at me as he backs carefully out of the garage. “I’m going to have you in this car, one day,” he promises. My throat dries out as I just stare at him. This car makes Blake… forward. And I like it. I try to memorize everything about the way his face looks right now.
He squeals the tires as we leave his driveway, and I can’t help but laugh as my head hits the headrest. I’d listened to him talk about this car for two years when we were kids; it’s surreal to be in it right now. He has the windows down, and I hold my hair as it wraps around my face with our speed. When he stops at a red light, I smooth my hair down and feel him looking at me.
“My dream come true,” he murmurs, leaning over to press a kiss on my lips. His hand touches the bare skin of my thigh, and I almost jump with the sensation it sends through my body. We don’t realize the light has turned green until someone honks behind us, but then Blake gets that gleam in his eye again as he floors the gas. As the trees whip past and he clutches my leg tightly, I feel carefree.
“YOU START WORK tomorrow, and I have to go back to work,” Blake says, stroking my hair as we lay on the couch, watching mindless television. After the exhilarating car ride that ended way too soon, we’d cooked dinner together and have just been relaxing, both of us exhausted from the weekend’s events. “Should we turn in?” I hear the question he doesn’t ask. Where am I sleeping? I nod, my mind battling against what I want to do versus what I think I should do.
“It’s okay,” he says. “I’ll understand if you need more time. But I won’t lie. I want nothing more than to sleep wrapped up in you all night long.” He smiles, lifting my hand and kissing it. Such a gentleman. Just like that, my mind is made up.
“I want you,” I say. And he gets my meaning. I don’t just mean I want to sleep in the bed with him. I’m not going to the guest room. I’m going to get what I want, and not feel bad about it.
He stands, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “Beyond sure.”
“Wait here for five minutes,” he
says. “Then come in. Okay?” I nod, and he takes off for the room. My mind reels with what he could be doing, and my hands shake with nerves. I did it. Mia would be so proud. I said what I wanted, and I meant it.
Blowing out a shaky breath, I push the bedroom door open and stop short. I know it has been five minutes exactly, because I’ve been pacing for 4 minutes and 59 seconds of them. As far as I can see, the bedroom is covered in candles that I know I hadn’t seen earlier, and not a single light is on. Soft music pumps through invisible speakers. My eyes aren’t sure where to go first, but in the back of my mind I realize I don’t see Blake. I gulp, my throat feeling like I had swallowed cotton. This is really it. This isn’t a setup for a friendly chat or reminiscing about the past. We’re two adults that have missed out on a lot over too many years, and it’s all coming down to this. Every step we’ve taken this weekend has lead right here, right now.
I take a step into the room, my eyes swinging back and forth. I swear my breathing is loud enough to hear across the entire house. I wring my hands, my finger automatically going to the empty ring finger on my left hand. It’s so natural for me to worry my ring, but it’s no longer there. Separated, about to be divorced. Moving on. With the person I should’ve been with all along.
“B-Blake?” I finally find my voice, but it sounds small even to my own ears. I wasn’t this nervous when I was a teenager and we had been together for the first time. Well, maybe I was. But the circumstances had been completely different. Then, we’d been nervous because we were inexperienced and crossing the line together for the first time. This time, we are making up for lost time; time that has been stolen from both of us.
No answer. I force my feet to move further into the bedroom, my stomach churning. What if something is wrong? What if he changed his mind? I press my ear to the bathroom door to see if he’s in the shower or something. We might be making headway and I might know exactly what we’re doing, but that doesn’t mean I want to startle the man while he’s showering.
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