by Lizzie James
“Tell me something,” I whispered. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
I hated the irrational worry that was starting to grow in my mind that I didn’t know her. At least, not all of her. I worried she had kept so much of herself hidden away from me by not being completely honest with me about her emotions, and I needed to wipe that out. It was sick, but I wanted her to not be able to answer that question. I wanted her to tell me that there was nothing about her that I didn’t know—that I knew everything and that the only thing she had hidden from me was the way she felt for me in her heart.
“You know everything,” she whispered. “You know I hate peas. You know I prefer white chocolate buttons rather than milky brown ones. You know I was Team Spike from the moment he arrived in Sunnydale. You know I cry every time I hear the song Baby Mine from Dumbo.” She paused for a few moments, staring up at me. “More importantly, you know that when I’m with you, there’s no one else that I want to be with. No one else’s arms I want to hide in. No one else’s fingers I want to wipe away my tears.” Tears leaked from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. “No one else I ever want to love me in the way I want you to one day.”
I thought I would feel a little panicked when she said the ‘love’ word but I didn’t. As we lay together, I knew the woman that I was holding in my arms, was as close to a soulmate as I was ever going to get.
We dragged our bodies out of bed, and after scrubbing Lauren clean—before dirtying her back up again—we hung out in the kitchen, making toasted sandwiches. Well, she was making them: I was observing from my seat at the kitchen table.
“Here you go.” She set the plates down and took a seat opposite me. “No one makes cheesy toasties like me.”
I rolled my eyes, not bothering to disagree because we both knew she was the better cook. I took a bite before taking a sip of the coke in front of me.
“Are you working tonight?” I asked.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Day shifts were nice, but I think I prefer late afternoon and evening work.” She smiled at me. “I’ll just see you back here.”
“Uh, no. Come by Dominic’s and I’ll walk home with you.”
“What about Christopher?” she asked.
“Don’t worry about Christopher.” I shook my head. “Laur, you can’t worry about him all the time. He’s a big boy.”
“I know.” She nodded, looking past me to the envelopes that were sitting on the worktop counter. There was a particularly bulky one on the top. “Is that another gaming magazine?” she asked.
“No.” I leaned over and grabbed it, holding it out to her. “It’s for you.”
“For me?” She took it from me, staring at it. Seconds later, a look of shock came on her face. “Oh, wow!” She quickly ripped it open, pulling a cardboard folder out of it.
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s an application packet for a two-year study programme at the Paris College of Art.” She sounded so excited and I knew that this was unexpected. “Remember when I applied a couple of months ago?”
“I remember.” I moved my plate to the side before leaning my elbows on the table, giving her my full attention. “Only now they are getting back to you?”
Her eyes filled up as she stared at the letter that was attached to the folder. She had wanted to study art for as long as I had known her. She loved animations, and I knew she had what it took to do it professionally if that was what she wanted to do.
“That’s not an application, is it?” I grinned over at her, not surprised at all that they were accepting her.
“It’s a scholarship,” she whispered. A sob escaped her as she clapped her hand over her mouth. She reached up and wiped the wetness from her cheeks. “It’s a scholarship, which means I could work and maybe get some experience.”
I reached across and took her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb across her knuckles. “So, I guess this is where I lose you,” I whispered.
Her face dropped and I fucking hated it, but one of us had to be realistic. One of us had to be honest and admit that there were other things more important in the world than what happened between us in our home. I had to be honest enough that no matter how happy she was making me, I would never stand in the way of her dreams and ambitions.
“You know I won’t be going.” She shook her head, moving the folder aside. “It’s too far away. My life is here. My family and friends are here. I wouldn’t last two seconds out there on my own.”
“Come here.” I tugged on her hand and pulled her around the table and down on my lap. “You are going.” I wrapped my arms around her waist, rocking her slightly. I leaned up and rested my chin on her shoulder. “You can’t turn this opportunity down, Lauren.” I hated chastising her, but there was no way in hell I was ever going to allow her to put her life here with me in front of her dream.
“What about us?” she choked out. “I mean, you and I have only just…”
“I’ll still be here.” I gave her a cheeky wink, needing to erase that look of worry that was on her face. “You’ll come back for term breaks during Christmas and Easter. Right?”
She stared down at me before she reached behind me and threaded her fingers into the back of my hair. She looked so sad, but I could see the spark of excitement in her eye at the idea of going and finally living her dream out now she had been given the opportunity.
“Right?” I teased. I dug my fingers into her ribs, making her shriek as I tickled her. “I mean, I’ll try not to set fire to the apartment or anything while you’re gone.”
“I’m sure we can ask Luke to take care of you. Make sure you’re fed and all that,” she teased. She snuggled down in my lap, resting her head on my shoulder.
A few moments of silence passed until she spoke again.
“Who knows?” she asked. “Long-distance could work for us.”
“Maybe.” I turned my head and kissed her forehead. “When would you be starting?”
She tensed at my question and I knew I probably wasn’t going to like the answer.
“January fifth,” she whispered. She reached up and kissed behind my ear.
“That’s quick.”
“It’s a late start on the year so they said I may need to work through the summer on additional credits. I guess they had some students drop out?” she said, ending it as a question.
I rubbed the outside of her thigh hating how insecure she suddenly sounded. “You should call them,” I said, nodding my head to the folder. “I’ll go and get ready for work and you can secure your spot.” I lifted her off me, escaping to my room, eager to get away from her.
I closed my door and leaned my weight back against it. I shook my head, cringing at the thought of her leaving me and jetting off to another country alone. I hated to admit that I selfishly wanted to tell her to stay and forget about Paris but I couldn’t. Lauren always put other people first, and I could never be the one to tell her to do it again. She had to go, and I had to be man enough to let her do it.
After a quick change into my normal dark tee and blue jeans, I walked back out to the lounge, grinning when I saw her sitting on the floor in the middle of the living area, looking over everything that was in the folder. It looked like they had packed all the essentials. She had several leaflets spread out around her, a course catalogue, a tour guide and a desk calendar. I’m sure it had important dates in it or something.
“Did you call them?” I asked, nodding my head to the cordless handset on the floor next to her.
“Yes.” She looked up at me. “She was in a meeting, so I am just waiting.” Her eyes flicked down to my chest before coming back up to my gaze. “Are you sure about this?” she asked again.
“I’m sure.” I grabbed my coat off the sofa, bending down and kissing her lips. “You’re going to have to help me put these decorations up before you go, though.” I waved my hand around the living area. We only had our Christmas tree up, and it was looking rather sad and lonely standing there by itself.
“I’ll be here for Christmas!” She beamed her megawatt smile up at me. “So, there’s a lot of pressure for you to make this the best Christmas ever.”
“No pressure,” I joked. I slipped my coat on, giving her a wave. “Come to Dominic’s after work and I’ll walk home with you.” I grabbed the handle of the door. “Do you want me to tell Luke or…?”
“Um, no.” She shook her head. “I’ll tell him tonight, if that’s okay?”
“Sure. I’ll see you later.”
After too long a day, I was finally ready for it to come to an end. Lauren had arrived an hour earlier and had spent some time in the kitchen with Christopher. I was relieved when she came out smiling with a portion of Mint Aero cheesecake. She had been teasing me with every bite and every time she licked her spoon, I imagined her licking something else.
“You ready?” I asked.
She spooned the last bite into her mouth, licking her lips, moaning at the taste and nodded her head.
I grabbed my coat and slipped it on. “Boys, can we have a word?” I called, just as Christopher came out of the bar. Some of the staff were still there and Luke was behind the bar, stacking glasses on a shelf. “Lauren has some news that she is excited to share with you all.” I wrapped my arm around her, squeezing her to me and nodded my head at her.
“Are you pregnant?” Luke asked from behind the bar.
“No!” She rolled her eyes at him. “I had an exciting offer today.”
I looked over her head at Christopher and noticed he looked just as clueless as everyone else.
“I got an offer from the art school in Paris.” She began dancing on the balls of her feet, unable to contain her enthusiasm. “They have offered me a scholarship for two years, and after Christmas, I’ll be moving to Paris.”
Luke stared at me in shock for a moment, speechless for the first time. I widened my eyes at him and nodded my head down to Lauren, urging him to hurry the fuck up and congratulate her. He quickly rounded the table and pulled her into his arms, congratulating her. She was soon passed to Christopher who began firing questions at her.
“Didn’t see that one coming,” Luke muttered beneath his breath.
“I know. She deserves it, though.” I looked over at her, smiling when I saw that she had a small group of our friends around her. “She deserves everything.”
18
Lauren
After arriving at Dominic's bar, I took a seat, smiling as I watched Thomas pull funny faces at a little girl in her daddy’s arms. She was giggling at him before her father held a short glass up for her to drink out of.
“You’re good with kids.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Kids are easy. It’s when they become adults that they turn into little—”
“Thomas!” I reached over and quickly slapped my hand over his mouth. “Be a good boy.” I shrieked, pulling my hand away when his tongue licked my palm. “Freak.” I rubbed my hand against my leg.
I was secretly thrilled that the offer I had received to move to Paris and study art hadn’t changed us too much. I don’t think it had fully sunk in for him that I was going. I was worried that when it did, he would start to freak, but until that moment came, I was sure we would both be flying blind. If he told me to stay, though, I wouldn’t question it.
For him, I would stay. For him, I would do anything.
I looked toward the kitchen, noticing Christopher walking from the staff room.
“Why don’t you go and say hello?” Thomas asked. He leaned his elbows down on the bar and stared at me. “We chatted earlier.”
“You did?” I asked. “What did you guys talk about?”
“He said ‘hey’ and I said ‘hello’.” He laughed at my expression. “Guys don’t really talk about emotional crap like girls do.” He nodded his head toward the kitchen. “Go and say hello. Talk about girly crap.” He gave me a wink before he went down the bar to serve a customer.
I slipped my coat off, leaving it on the stool and walked to the kitchen. I slowly opened the door, hoping that this wouldn’t be making things worse. I didn’t think I could handle another yelling match with him.
He had his back to me and it appeared like he was whisking something. His desserts were the best and he made a very tasty chocolate fudge cake.
“Hi.” I smiled at him as he turned to face me. “I hope I’m not disturbing you.” I fidgeted when he just stared at me.
I went to take a step back but stopped when he lifted his hand and waved me in. “Come in.” He gestured to a stool opposite him, setting the bowl of whipped cream aside. “I’m glad you came by.”
“You are?” I asked, curiously. I lifted myself onto the stool, facing him.
“Yeah. I, uh…” He chuckled embarrassingly. “I was a bit of an ass with you the other day when you told me about you and Thomas.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder to the door behind us. “I think it just, it just surprised me.”
“You don’t have to apologise.” I shook my head. “I mean, it was probably the last thing you ever expected me to say. It’s not like Thomas has ever been the loyal sort with his past girlfriends.”
“True.” He chuckled. “And, I guess I just never thought you two would ever actually get together. I never thought he would open his eyes and see what was right in front of him. Goes to show how well I know him, right?”
“I think all of us were surprised. Me more than anyone else,” I confessed. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”
“I’m good.” He gave me a cheeky wink. “I hope he can make you happy. I really do.”
“Thanks. He already does.” I slipped off my stool and took a step away from him. “Anyway, I had better get back out there and—”
“Wait.” He turned to the cupboard behind him and grabbed a dessert bowl. He quickly cut a huge slice of mint Aero cheesecake and squirted some whipped cream on the side for me. “We wouldn’t want you starving while you wait for his shift to finish.”
“You spoil me.” I took the bowl and spoon off him and walked to the door. “Come and hang out with me when you finish?”
“Sure.” He grinned, giving me a two-fingered salute as he went back to preparing the desserts I had disturbed him from finishing.
“Where did you get that?” Luke asked when I took my seat back at the bar.
“The kitchen.” I laughed. “Where do you think? The secret dessert shop in the basement?”
“Funny.” He leaned forward and opened his mouth, waiting for me to fork some into his mouth. He hummed when I did that, obviously loving the taste of it as much as I did. “Damn, that’s tasty.” He turned and walked down the bar, wiping the chocolate from his lips as he began serving a young blonde.
I giggled when Luke tried guessing what our announcement was. I couldn't even keep Thomas out of trouble. I hoped karma didn’t hate me so much that she’d send me more than I was ready for.
“I got an offer from the art school in Paris today.” I couldn’t stop my feet from misbehaving as I began subtly dancing on the balls of my feet. “They have offered me a scholarship for two years and after Christmas, I’ll be moving to Paris.” An overexcited grin took over my face and I was unable to stop it.
I began feeling nervous when people just stared at me. Christopher and Luke both appeared shocked, and it was beginning to make me feel like it was silly—like I was silly for getting excited at this opportunity. Did they think that I was making the wrong decision?
Thomas tightened his arm around my shoulders, and I could sense him move his head a little from my peripheral vision. Luke looked at him before he quickly came around the table and held his arms open to me for a hug.
“Congratulations, Laur.” He tilted his head and kissed my cheek before he passed me to where Christopher was waiting with arms outstretched.
“When did this happen?” he asked. He pulled back and stared down at me. “When do you leave? What will you be studying? Is Thomas going with you?”
; “Woah! Slow down.” I held my hand up for him to stop talking. “I leave after Christmas, in January. I need to pick my modules, but I think I’ll also be having some internship hours and no…” I could feel my shoulders droop as I had to answer his last question. “Thomas will be staying here.”
“Oh.” Christopher frowned at me before he looked over my head at Thomas. “I see.”
I turned to where Thomas was standing and smiled when I saw Luke and him standing next to each other. Thomas was muttering something beneath his breath, and I knew that whatever he was saying, it wasn’t intended for my ears. I walked over to him and slid my arms around his waist, smiling when he cuddled me against his chest.
“Well, now that we’ve shocked everyone…” We both laughed at the same time. “How about we go home?”
He grinned down at me. “I can think of a few things I would much rather us be doing.”
“Dude!” Luke smacked him on the arm. “I don’t need visions in my head of Lauren doing the nasty with you.”
“I’ll go and get my coat.” I smiled and turned away from them, not needing to hear their boy talk.
I froze when I heard Christopher approach Thomas. I was trying my hardest not to listen, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Hey man.” Christopher blew out a breath. “I didn’t see that coming.”
Thomas chuckled. “You and me both, man.”
I peeked over my shoulder and saw them do one of their manly fist bumps.
“So, Lauren told me that you’d be staying here?”
“Yeah. We’ve already talked about it, and she’ll be coming back for breaks and stuff.” Thomas sounded so sure of himself—so confident in what he was saying.
“Think that’ll be enough?” Luke asked. “Think you’re going to be able to say goodbye to her?”