by Lizzie James
I waited for his answer, prolonging the buttoning up my coat, wondering what his response would be but it never came.
“You ready, Laur?” Thomas’s voice called out.
“Yeah.” I turned around and walked towards him, smiling when he held his hand out for mine.
“See you all tomorrow.” I gave them a small wave as Thomas held the door open for me and quickly followed me out into the night.
We walked in silence for several moments—just the two of us walking home hand in hand in the cold wintery night.
“So, how do you think that went?” He cocked his head behind us.
“I think it went okay.” I looked up at him. I was starting to get a little paranoid, worrying that maybe Thomas wasn’t as okay with all of this as he was trying to make out. “How do you think it went?” I asked, turning the question back on him.
He opened his mouth to answer but I quickly cut him off.
“And don’t lie to me,” I interjected. “I don’t want there to be any lies.”
He blew out a breath and it sounded so agitated that it just made me worry more. He swung our arms from side to side between us before he began rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.
“How about we talk when we get in?” he asked.
“Okay,” I whispered. I looked ahead, feeling relieved when I saw our building was only a street ahead. I tightened my grip on his hand and pulled him towards the door, eager to have this conversation. There was no way that I could move to another country knowing that this would mess things up for me and him. I had waited too damn long for him, and there was no way I was willing to press reset for the two of us. I’d make this work, even if I had to give up on drawing.
Walking inside the apartment, I slipped my shoes and coat off and hung it on the back of the chair as I took a seat on the sofa. Thomas quickly followed my actions and reached for my sock-covered feet.
“That feels nice.” I moaned as he placed them in his lap and dug his thumb along the arch of my foot. “You’re trying to distract me.”
“Busted.” He grinned over at me. “So, ask your questions and I promise, no lies.”
“Okay.” I stared at him, needing to catch him in a lie if he tried it. “I heard Luke and Christopher talking to you when I was putting my coat on.” Being honest was the best way for us to do it. I wouldn’t lie to him and he wouldn’t lie to me. “Luke asked you if you’d be able to say goodbye to me.” I kept my gaze on him. “Is it going to be goodbye for now? Or are you planning on saying goodbye to me for forever?”
19
Thomas
“Is it going to be goodbye for now? Or are you planning on saying goodbye to me for forever?”
Fuck. How did I answer that?
I could feel her watching me, waiting to see a crack in my armour, but I had no god damn clue how to answer her without lying to her. No lies was a bigger fucking promise to live up to than I thought it’d be.
“Thomas,” she whispered. “Thomas.”
“Come here, baby.” I held my hand out to her, giving in and admitting defeat. I helped her crawl into my lap, sitting her across me.
She reached her hand up and stroked the hair back from my forehead. “I don’t think I have ever known you to be so quiet,” she teased.
“I know.” I sighed before resting my head back against the cushion. “Forever,” I muttered. “That always seemed like such a loaded question.”
She smiled sadly at me and I fucking hated it.
“Forever with one person used to sound like my idea of hell.” We both laughed. “Forever with you, though.” I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. “It always seemed like a given. Like, no matter what happened in our lives, I’d always have you.” I rubbed my thumb along her bottom lip. “I’d always have my best friend.”
“Thomas,” she whispered.
I tilted her face down to mine and kissed her sweetly, gently. I tried to pour all the passion I had for her into that kiss. I knew that if I tried to give voice to what I felt for her, the words would fail me.
She pulled her lips from mine and stared at me, looking for what, I didn’t know. After a moment, she seemed to find it as she spoke to me in a quiet whisper.
“Thomas, it feels like I waited so long for you. I had given up on you ever seeing me as anything other than your best friend, your confidante. Your Lauren.” She smiled. “Now that I have you—now I know what it feels like to be held by you, to be with you”—her eyes glistened and I hated that she was becoming emotional—“I don’t think that I am ready to say goodbye to you.”
“What are you saying?” I asked her.
“I’m saying that if it's my life here with you or studying art in Paris, then there is no choice.” She was starting to sound choked up. She placed her hands on either side of my head. “I choose you every time, Thomas.”
“I’d never let you do that.” I reached up and moved my hands over hers. “I’d never let you sacrifice anything for me.”
Tears leaked out over her eyes and slowly moved down her cheeks.
“Then please don’t make me.” She crashed her lips on mine, swallowing my groans as she thrust her tongue in between my parted lips. “Don’t give up on us yet,” she whispered against my lips.
“I want you,” I gasped. I thrust my hips against her, rubbing my hardness against where I knew she was wet. “Stand up.”
She quickly did as I asked, standing in between my parted legs. She didn’t waste any time in pulling her jeans and knickers down.
I quickly undid my belt and pulled them down over my hips. I pulled her towards me, groaning when she parted her knees on either side of me.
“We need to get a condom,” I whispered.
“No.” She reached down and began lining herself up with me. “I’m clean, and I know you are. I want you inside of me. Just you.”
“Are you sure?” I grasped her hips, halting her movements until she answered. “Are you sure about this?”
“I’m sure.” She slowly lowered herself until I was at her entrance. She placed her hands on my shoulders and moved down on me, moaning as I slipped inside of her.
“Ah, fuck.” I tightened my grip on her hips, groaning at the feel of her. She was so slick and warm and tight—so fucking tight.
She lifted up and quickly sunk back down, taking more of me inside of her.
“That feels good,” she whispered. She rocked on top of me a few more times until she was taking all of me inside of her. She tilted her head back, moaning at the feel of me.
“Take this off,” I whispered. I tugged on her top, hating that it was in the way. I wanted to see her. All of her.
She reached down and grabbed the hem of it, quickly lifting it over her head, throwing it to the side of us on the sofa as she unclasped her bra. She quickly tossed that aside and roughly pushed my T-shirt up, revealing my stomach to her. I quickly took the hint and sat forwards, grabbing my T-shirt at the back of the neck and lifting it up and off my body, sliding my arms up to her back, supporting her weight. I kneaded her breast in my hand, tugging on her nipple before I sucked her other nipple into my mouth.
She moaned as I bit down, soothing it with my tongue. She grasped the back of my hair and held my head to her chest as I felt her hips pick up speed a little.
“That’s right.” I slumped back and fondled her breasts, roughly massaging them as I felt her begin to tighten around me. “That’s right, baby. Keep fucking me.”
She leaned her hands on my chest and began moving up and down on me faster, chasing what we both wanted. I grabbed her hips and helped to lift her up and down on me. I needed to come. I wasn’t going to last.
“Touch yourself,” I whispered. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand down between us, directing her fingers to her clit. “I need to come, baby.”
She moaned, rubbing as I tilted my hips up, meeting her halfway and feeling her muscles start to quiver around me.
“That’s right.” She squeez
ed me and I knew that she was coming. She tilted her head back, digging her nails into my shoulders.
“Fuck, Thomas, I’m… I’m…” She moaned long and loud, tightening around my shaft, triggering my own orgasm to explode through me. I slammed my hips upwards, moaning as I felt little aftershocks from where she was still coming. I pumped my hips inside of her as I came inside of her.
She slumped against me, resting her head on my shoulder as her breath blew against my neck. “Well, that was...”
“Intense?” I asked, cutting her off. “Amazing. Sexy. Powerful as hell.” We both laughed at my rambles. “Enough to keep my hand busy while you’re away from me in Paris?” I said it as a joke, trying to keep the mood light for as long as possible, but it had the opposite effect.
I could feel her body slump further against mine, and I knew that she was still worrying. She was still afraid that this could be the end for us.
“It’s not goodbye,” I whispered after a long moment of silence. I turned my head and kissed her forehead. “I promise it isn’t.”
She leaned up and stared at me. “You promise?” she asked. “You’ll try this with me? For us?” She had so much emotion reflected in her eyes that it killed me a little.
“I promise.” I tightened my arms around her, smiling when she laid her head back down on my shoulder. “You’d better keep all those fancy, romantic French men away from you, though.”
She sighed before I felt her begin stroking her finger along my chest. “They don’t matter anyway.”
“They don’t, huh?” I trailed my hand up her spine, loving the shivers it brought to her. “And why don’t they matter?” Why didn’t they matter to her? Why was she so certain of her feelings for me? Did she feel for me what I was pretty sure I was definitely feeling for her?
She lay there in silence for a few moments until she slowly turned her head up to face me. “Because.” She paused, licking her bottom lip, blowing out a shaky breath. “I think I’m in love with you.”
I stared into her eyes, into her open and honest face and slowly dipped my head, pressing my lips softly to hers. I pulled back and trailed the tips of my fingers across her cheekbone. “I think I’m in love with you, too,” I whispered.
I had never said those words to another woman, and if I hadn’t found out how she felt for me, I honestly don’t think I would have meant them with anyone else. Saying them but meaning them were completely different things, and as I looked into her face, ignoring that we were still connected physically, I knew I could never love anyone the way that I loved her.
As I said the words, it was worth every second of doubt when she beamed her full megawatt smile at me.
“Well, that’s good.” She sighed against my lips before she slipped her tongue inside my mouth. She moaned as she felt me begin to grow hard inside of her again. “Not possible,” she gasped. She sounded disbelieving but it didn’t stop her from rocking her hips slowly against mine.
I grasped her hips and slowly pulled her off me. “Get your ass in the bedroom.” I placed her feet down on the floor, loving the sight of her naked ass as she went running across the room, disappearing into her bedroom.
We hadn’t done anything in my bedroom. I knew that it was probably because of the many women I had screwed in there. But no matter how many women that had come and gone over the years, she would be the last woman I would ever be with. I didn’t want that to change. Ever. No matter how many miles there may be between us physically in the future, she had my heart and I never wanted it back.
20
Lauren
“What are you doing?”
I was surprised to see Luke standing in front of me. I don’t know when he snuck in.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working today?” he asked, pointing his thumb over his shoulder to the counter. He pulled the chair out and took a seat opposite me.
“I am.” I nodded my head and closed the accommodation leaflet that was in my booklet. “I was just flicking through the photos of the apartments they have for their scholarship students.”
“Let me see.” He grabbed the handout and pulled it towards him before I could try and stop him. “So, this is where you’re going to be staying?”
“Why the look of disgust?” I asked, reaching over for it and snatching it out of his grip.
“Well, I’m a little confused about something.” He leaned his elbows on the table and crossed his arms.
“What else is new?” I giggled when he scowled at my mock insult.
“Well, am I the only one wondering what the hell you and Thomas are doing?” He raised his eyebrows at me, obviously waiting for me to fill in the gaps.
“What do you mean?” I was confused by his question. What did Thomas have to do with where I would be staying?
“Well…” He stared at me, blowing out a breath. “Why the hell are you going and he’s staying?” He frowned at me. “Why isn’t he going with you?”
I stared at him and I hated the answer I was about to give. I hated the answer because it would sound so stupidly selfish but it was the only answer that I had to give.
“Well?” he prompted me.
“Well…” I pulled on the ends of my sleeves, fidgeting in my seat. “This will sound silly but…” I stopped to look at him.
He raised his eyebrows, silently telling me to continue.
“Well,” I continued, “what about his life here? What about his mum? What about his friends here? What about his job here?” I could feel a knot forming in my throat and I know that Luke could hear it as well. “What if he moves all that way to be with me and it doesn’t work out?”
He reached over and placed his hand over mine, squeezing my fingers gently in his closed palm. “Lauren. If you two are living in different countries apart from each other, how long do you think it’s going to be until cracks start appearing?”
I nodded at his words, not liking the way that he ended it.
He stood and walked away, giving me a small wave as he walked out the door, leaving me staring into space.
I sat there, staring at the door for a few moments until I made my way behind the counter. After hanging up my coat and bag in the staff room, I grabbed my apron and tied it around my waist. “I can take over now, Lucy.”
“Thanks, Lauren.” She grabbed her coat and headed to the door, giving me a quick wave as she left.
After a long shift, I locked up and made my way back to Andrew’s office. Knocking on the door, I peeked my head around the door. “Can I have a minute?” I asked politely.
“Of course. Come in.” He smiled, taking his spectacles off and placing them down on the desk as he gestured to one of the chairs opposite his desk. “What can I do for you?”
“I, uh…” I took a seat. “I have to hand in my notice.”
“Why?” He frowned at me with a look of concern on his face. “Have you gotten a job somewhere else?”
“No.” I quickly shook my head, mortified that he thought I might have been going to a bigger coffee shop. The big chains bothered him. He always said that they moved in and pushed the little shops out. “No. I applied for a scholarship spot at an art school in Paris a few months back and I got in.”
A huge beaming smile replaced the frown on his face as he quickly rounded the desk. He held his arms out and pulled me up into a tight hug. “Well done, Lauren!” He rocked us from side to side as he patted me on my back comfortingly. “When do you leave us?”
“January.” I gave him a nervous glance. “I know that I haven’t given you a lot of time.”
“That’s okay.” He shook his head at me, trying to alleviate my worries. “We’d be closing down for Christmas in a couple of days anyway.”
“Why don’t you remain open?” I asked inquisitively.
“I’m a family man.” He gave me a smug grin. “I love spending the time with my loved ones over Christmas. It is family time, after all.”
“Yeah. I’ll finish up tomorrow if that’s okay. It’
s only three days till Christmas Eve, and I still have to get something for Thomas.” I walked to the door, almost escaping when his voice rang out again, stopping me.
“Is Thomas going with you?” he asked.
“No.” I shook my head, Luke’s words reverberating in my head.
If you two are living in different countries apart from each other, how long do you think it’s going to be before cracks start appearing?
“He’s going to be staying here. I mean, his mum lives here and everything so…” I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what else I could say. “I’ll be back for visits and stuff.”
“Well, don’t forget to come and see me on these visits.” He gave me a wink, chuckling.
“I will. I’ll see you tomorrow anyway.”
“You’d better.” He nodded his head at me. “You go on home and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Andrew.” I gave him a small wave and left his office. I quickly grabbed my coat and bag before slipping out the front door. I turned to lock the door back up and slipped the keys back in my bag. I made a mental note to leave them behind tomorrow after finishing my shift.
Turning around, I froze when I bumped into a hard body behind me. I shrieked in surprise, my eyes latched on to Thomas’s tall frame. “You scared me!” I mock-punched him in the arm causing us both to laugh at my reaction.
“I’m sorry!” He laughed, slipping his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. “I thought you saw me.”
“What are you doing here so early?” We began walking together down the street. “I thought you were in till ten pm this week.”
“I wanted to be here when you finished work.” He tightened his arm around me. “Did you tell Andrew about your news?”
I smiled up at him. “That’s really sweet of you.” I leaned my head against him, touched at his thoughtfulness. “He was happy for me. Told me that I had better come and see him before I leave and when I come back for visits.”