by Lizzie James
“He loves you,” he said.
“I know.” I smiled up at him. “I told him I would finish tomorrow.”
“Why so early?” He gazed down at me curiously. “Is he closing over Christmas or something?”
“Yes. He likes to spend it with his family, he said, and I guess it’s easier to not have to worry about coming into the coffee shop each day.” I shrugged my shoulders. “He said it was family time.” I couldn’t hide the sadness from my tone, and I knew that he was most likely picking up on it.
“Hey.” He squeezed me closer to his side and kissed the top of my head. “We’ll have an amazing Christmas. All of us.”
I nodded, needing to hear him say that. “Could we still do dinner at ours this year? Have everyone around to ours? Luke, Christopher and your mum?”
“As long as you don’t expect me to stuff anything, of course we can.”
I giggled at the thought of him having to put his hand up any animal’s butt. It would be comical. “I promise I’ll do the stuffing, but you can help me with the vegetables.” I loved the way that he was looking down at me.
“Deal.” He dipped his head and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before we walked the rest of the way in silence.
As we approached the building, he clasped my hand in his and led me up the stairs. “Is everything okay?” he asked as we entered the apartment. “Luke mentioned that he came by to see you earlier.” He took a seat on the sofa and quickly toed his shoes off. “Did he open his big mouth again?” He grinned at me to show that he was teasing.
“No.” I toed my shoes off and walked over to him. I crossed my legs and turned to face him. “He said something that I have been thinking about a lot.”
“What did he say?” He turned his body a little to face me, leaning his arm on the back of the sofa.
“Nothing huge,” I said, shaking my head. “Nothing really that I shouldn’t have already thought about.”
He stared at me with his eyebrows raised, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.
“He asked me why you weren’t coming with me.” I peeked up at him from beneath my eyelashes, wondering what his reaction would be. Was it something he had thought about? Did he want to come with me? Or was he secretly thankful I had never asked him?
“Ah. That.” He chuckled, reaching over and taking my hand in his. “Can I ask why you hadn’t thought about it?” He sounded patient but with Thomas, I could never really tell. He was good at playing things close to his chest.
“I don’t know.” I tightened my grasp on his hand. “I guess I just thought staying here was the most obvious choice.”
“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked me.
I looked up at him, not having an answer. Did I want him with me? Of course I did. I didn’t want to only see him on the odd weekend or on term breaks. I wanted to see him as much as I could, but I also didn’t want to take him away from his life here. “I want you to be happy,” I whispered, “wherever you are.”
21
Thomas
Lying in bed that night, I couldn’t switch off. Sleep continued to evade me and my thoughts wouldn’t turn off from my conversation with Lauren from earlier on the sofa. Her words kept spinning around in my head and it was making me question everything.
Long-distance had seemed the way for us to go, but now she was questioning it, it made me feel like I was being naïve or stupid. I wanted to be with her, but I also didn’t want to get in the way of whatever experiences could be waiting for her in Paris.
I wanted her to be happy.
“Hey.” She rubbed her hand up over my chest. “Can’t you sleep?” she asked.
“Just thinking,” I whispered.
“Is everything okay?” She looked up at me, watching me. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“Not tonight, baby.” I kissed her forehead, allowing her to pull me closer.
She rolled over and pulled my arm around her until we were spooning. “Good night, Thomas,” she whispered.
“Good night, baby.” I kissed her cheek, laying my head back down on the pillow. I breathed her in, inhaling her scent as I tightened my arm around her waist and rested our clasped hands on her stomach. Her breathing slowly evened out and moments later, the sound of her gentle breaths lulled me to sleep where I hoped to stay until morning.
Waking up the next morning, I frowned when I saw that Lauren was already awake and out of bed. I turned over just in time to see her pulling her jeans up.
“What are you doing up so early?” I croaked out.
“Did I wake you?” she asked. She came over to me and sat on the bed, leaning over and giving me a quick kiss. She tasted minty, indicating she been up for a while. “Andrew called to ask if I could cover one of the staff and do a twelve-hour shift today.”
“He’s going to miss you when you leave.” I chuckled. “He’s going to have to find some reliable staff.”
“I don’t mind. It is my last day, and he’s done more than enough for me over the years.”
“Why did you finish so early?” I asked. “I mean, I kind of expected you to stay working there until you were leaving.” I wanted to know what was going on inside her head. Sometimes she was so easy to read and other times—like right now—she was difficult.
She stared at me for a moment before she reached over and stroked her fingers across my cheek. “Because I want to spend my Christmas with you. With Luke and Christopher. With your mum. I want to spend the time I have with the people that I love.” She smiled. “With my family.” She leaned down and kissed me again.
I was stopped from deepening the kiss when she pulled away, shaking her head at me. “I have to go,” she whispered. She stood and stepped away from me. “I’ll make it up to you tonight.”
“You had better, you tease!” I grinned, loving the way that her eyes trailed down over my chest, stopping at the blankets that were bunched up around my waist. I slowly reached down and grabbed them, moving them lower, teasing her back.
“I’m going!” She spun around, averting her gaze from me. “I’ll see you later.” She gave me a wave over her shoulder as she left the bedroom.
I laughed when I heard the front door shut before I climbed out of bed. I grabbed my jogging bottoms and pulled them on over my boxers. Walking to the kitchen, I smirked when I saw steam coming from the coffee pot. Lauren spoiled me some days. She knew I was dysfunctional until I had my first cup of coffee.
I grabbed my phone off the worktop and sent a text message to Luke, hoping he would be cool with it.
Cool if I start an hour later? I need to run an errand.
Minutes later, a response came through.
That’s cool. Hope Lauren enjoys her last day.
I chuckled at his response. Typical that he knew already. He had always been a very supportive friend, but sometimes he could cross over the line with his inquisitiveness. Or nosiness, as I preferred to call it.
After taking a long cold shower, thanks to Lauren’s teasing, I changed clothes and grabbed a taxi, directing him to Oxford Street. I didn’t usually shop anywhere near there due to how expensive the shops were, but I wanted to get her something perfect for Christmas.
Getting out of the taxi, I quickly passed him a note and told him to keep the change as I headed into the store.
Swarovski.
She was going to kill me when she found out I’d shopped there. She wasn’t the most materialistic person in the world, and usually preferred a book or something artsy, but this time was different.
She was moving over five hundred miles away from me.
I wanted her to have something—something just from me to her that she could keep—so that if she missed me, she could look at it and know I was right there with her, wherever she may be in the world.
I browsed through the glass display counters of bracelets until I found the one I’d seen on their website. I stopped when I saw it, smiling when a clerk came over.
“Can I help you with
anything, sir?” She smiled at me politely and I immediately liked her.
She was smartly dressed in a blouse and knee-length skirt and had a name tag on.
Jayne.
“Can I see this, please?” I pointed down at the bracelet through the glass.
“Excellent choice, sir.” She unlocked the compartment and picked the cushion up that the bangle was sitting on. She gently unclasped it and laid it on the glass counter for me to see it. “It’s a beautiful choice. May I ask who it is for?” she asked.
“My girlfriend.” I smiled at her. “It’s our first Christmas together as boyfriend and girlfriend, and I want to give her something special.”
“Very special. It is a delicate pearl strand, white and rhodium plated. It will sit beautifully on her wrist and is also perfect to wear for special occasions.” She raised her eyebrows at me, and I laughed when I caught the gist of what she was trying to imply.
“No way am I ready to pop that question yet.” We both laughed as I rambled at her. “Maybe one day but not yet.” I stared back down at the bracelet, nodding my head. “I’ll take it.”
“Lovely.” She bent down and grabbed a bracelet box as she began packaging the item up. “I am sure she will love this gift.”
“I am sure that she will.”
After paying, I took the gift bag from her and left the shop, hailing a taxi to take me back home so I could hide the present before I made my way over to Dominic’s bar.
Walking in, I groaned when I saw how full the place was. It was often busy but with the Christmas season on us, it had picked up a lot.
“Finally,” Luke mocked sarcastically. “I was starting to think you weren’t going to come in.”
“Sorry.” I chuckled, walking around the bar and dropping my coat off in the staff room. I came back and quickly made myself busy, helping him to fill a round of cokes for some kids in the corner with their families. “I got one of Lauren’s presents this morning.”
“Can I see?” he asked. He could be a nosey fucker when he wanted to be.
“Absolutely not.” I pushed the tray of cokes toward a waitress, chuckling when she rolled her eyes jokingly at Luke. “I know you too well.”
“What do you mean?” he asked me quickly.
“I mean, you’ll say something or let it slip mid-conversation and I want it to be a surprise.”
“Okay. I have a big mouth. I’ll hold my hands up to that,” he replied, doing just that and holding his hands up, defeated. “So, uh…” He gave me a cheeky grin. “What else are you getting for her?”
“I haven’t decided yet.” I shook my head, mentally hoping he would drop it and shut up.
“You haven’t decided yet?” he asked, repeating my words back to me. “You don’t exactly have a lot of time, man. Christmas Eve is in two days.”
“No shit, Sherlock.” I turned to face him. “What I mean is, I don’t know if I should give her the present I have been thinking about giving her as I don’t know if it’s too soon.” I glared at him. “So, I would appreciate it if you let me think more on it and stop asking me a zillion fucking questions.”
“Woah! Backing off.” He looked at me and I knew I had surprised him with my outburst. “What’s brought this on?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed, puffing out my cheeks and blowing out a breath. “I’ve just been thinking with mine and Lauren’s arrangement for her to go and me to stay.” I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. I took his silence as a hint for me to continue. “I’ve just been thinking over the conversation you had with her, man. Why aren’t I going with her? I mean, as far back as I can remember, it has always been me and her against the world. Always.”
“I know, man.” He nodded his head.
“So, why the hell am I staying? Why didn’t I ask to go with her? And why didn’t she ask me to go with her?” I frowned at him, hating how vulnerable that question made me.
Why hadn’t she asked me to go with her?
“It works both ways, man,” he quickly interjected. “Instead of asking why neither of you brought it up, the more important question is, how far apart emotionally is this move going to make you both?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused by his words.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered beneath his breath. “Lauren has been burying her feelings for you since her teens, man. Maybe she’s afraid to ask you. Maybe she’s afraid that if she asks you, she’ll lose you.” He clapped me on the back, moving further down the bar and heading toward the kitchen.
Lose me? She could never lose me. She was all I thought about. All that I wanted. Lately, it felt like my world had been spinning madly out of control and she was the only thing that centred me.
She was my gravity.
22
Lauren
The last shift working at the coffee shop with Andrew was a lot more emotional than I had imagined it would be. They had a banner up saying, ‘Bon Voyage, Lauren!’ I burst into tears as soon as I saw it, and that was only the start.
The day flew by, between chatting with Laura and being swamped all day with customers—the regulars popping in to grab their orders (I was proud to say that we made the best cinnamon hot chocolate) and many wished me well on my next adventure.
As I left the shop in the evening, I was a blubbering mess. Andrew pulled me into a tight cuddle. He had slipped a bonus payment into an envelope for me and made me promise to come and see him before I jetted off. He was a really wonderful man and I was going to miss working for him so much.
The next day, I spent emailing my student representative in Paris. I also thought it’d be good to introduce myself to my future roommates before the actual move. I always got so nervous meeting new people
Thomas was working a twelve-hour shift and I was thankful because that meant he was out of the apartment and couldn’t pop up and ruin the surprise I was making for him. I fastened the final picture in place and wrote a little note beneath it, cringing as the sound of a key sliding into a lock came from the front door. Seconds later, it opened and in he walked.
“What are you doing home?” I shrieked, quickly shoving the book behind my back. “You’re supposed to be working twelve hours.” I stood, still keeping the present behind my back.
“What have you got?” He grinned down at the floor, spotting some wrapped gifts for Luke and his mother. “Is that for me?” He attempted to flick his eyes to the side.
I shook my head at him. “Don’t you dare!” I threatened. “I have worked so hard on this, and I don’t want you ruining it.”
“You know I hate surprises,” he whined.
“I don’t care!” I snapped. “Go in the kitchen so I can hide this.” He rolled his eyes at me as he slunk off.
“I’m in the kitchen!” he shouted.
I disappeared to my room and quickly hid it behind my dressing table. I’d had to become more inventive over the years as I knew how nosey he could be. He had found all of my hiding places over the years, and I had learned not to be so obvious. Under the bed was too obvious and he’d probably raid my wardrobe sometime tomorrow. Hiding it in places that he’d never think of was the only way to go.
“You can come out now!” I called when I walked back out to the living area. I grabbed the presents off the floor and placed them beneath the tree before turning to Thomas. “Thank you for being so accommodating.” I placed my arms around his neck and smiled against his lips as he bent his head to kiss me.
“You know I hate surprises.”
“No, you don’t.” I tangled my fingers in the back of his hair and smiled when he closed his eyes as I scratched my nails against his scalp. “You just turn into a big kid on Christmas Day.”
“You know you love it!” He grinned at me. “I got you something as well.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I am sure that I will love it.”
“You’d better.” He winked at me, moving his hands down and grasped my ass cheeks, bringing my body closer to
his.
“So, why are you home so early?”
“I wanted some time with my girl before the madness descends. Christopher and Luke said they would both be here on Christmas Day.”
“Good. Your mum called today and she’ll be here. I think it’ll be nice if we could do presents together. All five of us.”
“Sounds perfect.” He kissed me again before he walked to the kitchen. “How about we order some food and watch a movie?”
“Sounds good. I’ll go and take a shower. Just order me whatever you’re having.” I leaned up and kissed his cheek before I disappeared to the bathroom.
After changing into my pyjamas, I towel-dried my hair and brushed the knots out, separating my hair and tying them into plaits on each side of my head. I opened my bedroom door, expecting to catch him picking a film for us on Netflix, but instead, he was on the phone and standing by the window. I wasn’t normally one for eavesdropping so I quickly closed the bedroom door, leaving only a gap to listen through. I hated myself a little for it.
“Thank you, James. I really appreciate this.”
James. I thought over the name, trying to place him, but I didn’t think I knew anyone called that.
“Yeah, man. I don’t know…” He sighed. “It’s just something to think about.” He was quiet for a moment. “How are things for you now? Do you like it there?”
I opened the door a little more, refusing to hide behind it or spy on him. If we had an issue, we talked about it. I opened it wider and stood in the doorway.
He turned around and tensed when he saw me. A small smile crossed his face as he took a seat on the sofa and held his hand out to me.
I quickly took the hint and walked to him, taking the seat next to him and holding his hand.
“That sounds good, man. I appreciate it and I…” He paused, giving me a cheeky wink. “Thanks, man. I won’t forget this.” He quickly said goodbye, hanging up and placed the handset down on the coffee table.