Yours Truly, Cammie

by S. J. Sylvis

  My hand found his loose shorts and I reached my hand inside, taking his length in my palm and stroking it up and down.

  Luke sat up quickly and pulled a condom out of his wallet, ripping the foil packet open with his teeth, and then he was in me within seconds. It was quick and painful at first, but the pain was quickly masked by pleasure.

  “It wasn’t a one-time thing, Cammie,” he said hoarsely, thrusting into me hard and fast.

  His arm was wrapped behind my lower back, protecting me from the floor, and I moved underneath him, needing to feel the release one last time.

  My voice was barely audible, “You’ve had me hooked from the beginning, Luke.” In between his thrusts, I could feel my heart attaching itself to his.

  I already missed him and he wasn’t even gone yet.

  “You’ve got it wrong, Cammie.” His mouth found mine again, kissing me deeply, just as he started to work the orgasm out of me. “I haven’t hooked you…” My legs began to tremble. “You’re the one who’s hooked me.” Then I completely lost control, welcoming everything about him into my body.

  He kissed me one last time before he fell on top of me with a loud groan. His head was in the crook of my neck and I actually enjoyed the sweat falling off his forehead onto my naked body.

  We didn’t say anything for several minutes and I felt a wide range of emotions. I’ve gotten myself into a mess. Things were messy, and unorthodox, but I couldn’t seem to care.

  Just as Luke was pulling out of me, I looked up at him with a small smile and mustered, “I’m still mad at you…”

  He smiled that lazy smile. “I would expect nothing less…”

  Luke left my house around seven that night. We didn’t talk about the next day or what would happen when he left. I think we both just wanted to remain in this little bit of normality we had before he was gone, even if I was still pissed he hadn’t told me he was leaving. He needed things to be normal right now, though, and I wasn’t mad enough to leave things dicey between us.

  I needed to be straight with myself. Luke was… everything. He was compassionate, funny (even if most of his remarks were sexually related or used to tease me), he was obviously selfless considering he was fighting a war for the people of the United States. Plus, he was a fucking gem in bed. What more could I want?

  But… he would always end up leaving me. Even if we got into something serious, which wasn’t even really possible until he returned home—he was still going to be this amazing, selfless man who put his country first. It was admirable, it really was. I just wasn’t sure I could go down that path.

  Sure, if Alex were still alive he would tell me I was being ridiculous and that anyone could die at any given time. He once told me, after I’d confided in him that I was afraid when our dad left for one of his deployments, “You could walk out the front door and fall over the porch steps and break your neck and die…” And now that I thought about it, would that make Luke stray away from me? The fact that I could die? Of course not, but it was hard for me to embrace that perspective, especially after Alex’s death overseas. But then again, there was an end to every relationship, and there was an end to every life. I knew that better than anyone.

  My phone’s ringtone jolted me out of my conflicting thoughts. JoJo’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hey,” she said in a voice lacking much emotion.

  “JoJo, why are you calling me at the crack of dawn?”

  I had texted her a brief encounter of what had happened with Luke and I last night, so I was assuming that was why she was calling.

  I sipped on my coffee, savoring the chestnut flavor and stared over at Luke’s vacant house. He was already on base. I’d watched him climb into his friend’s car before he left. He’d glanced at my house, but thankfully I was hidden in the shadows of my living room so he couldn’t spot me.

  Was it strange that he didn’t say goodbye? Or was our goodbye our little love-making session yesterday? He only told me that he was leaving at promptly nine in the morning. Maybe that was his unspoken invitation for me to come say goodbye to him.

  JoJo’s voice wavered. “I’m calling because I know that you’re probably contemplating the whole you and Luke thing, and there’s only an hour or so before he leaves…” she trailed at the end and I continued to stay silent. “As your best friend, it’s my duty to tell you to pull up your thong and go say goodbye to him.”

  I quipped, “I’m not wearing any underwear.”

  She laughed. “Cammie. Answer this...”

  I cleared my throat, letting her know she could continue.

  “Is Luke worth it?”

  That’s what she had to ask? Is Luke worth it?

  I didn’t even hesitate answering in my head—yes, he’s worth it.

  “I know the answer is yes. Stop fooling yourself. Even if Ryan died on his last deployment, I would never, ever take a moment away that we’d shared. If Luke is worth it, go tell him. Don’t be stupid, because you’ll regret it.”

  I swallowed loudly, taking another sip of my coffee to distract my mouth from blabbering.

  Once I swallowed, I mustered up, “He’s worth it.”

  And then I hung up my phone and threw on my best jeans and my favorite band t-shirt, fluffed up my unwashed hair, put on some fiery-red lipstick, and made a beeline for my car. The clock read 7:46. I had exactly an hour and fourteen minutes to tell Luke how I really felt.

  What the hell was I going to say?

  Twenty

  When I pulled up to the Marine Corps base, the shiny, black gates were surrounded by men and women in military uniforms, black rifles strapped on their backs and at their sides. Beastly military German Shepherds sat nicely beside them, just waiting for the wrong person to drive up so they could strike.

  I remember once when I was younger, begging my father to let me pet one of them. He had answered sharply with a “They will bite your hand off,” and ever since then I’ve been terrified of them. They looked friendly, though, with their tongues sticking out of their mouths like they were actually smiling.

  I showed the military police my military id (definite perk of having a Marine for a father) and sped through the open gates of the base. Everything was cleaned up from the small hurricane that had come through. The town was back to its normal beauty.

  My foot pushed down on the accelerator as my eyes bounced to the several small gravel side roads that I knew the military police liked to park on to catch people speeding. I was hoping the speed demons were on my side today so I could get away with doing fifty in a thirty-five-mph speed zone.

  Once I found the giant, white buses glinting in the early morning sun, I felt my stomach clench. The last time I’d seen these white buses was when I said goodbye to Alex and the rest of his unit. This was such a familiar sight; I’d said goodbye to so many people in my life, but this time was different. Much different.

  I pulled into a tiny parking spot between two minivans and took a few deep breaths, inhaling the new-car air freshener scent trapped inside my car. I clasped my eyes shut at the digital clock on my dash that read 8:37 a.m. I puffed my cheeks anxiously and exited the car, rising up on my tiptoes to scan through the many Marines dressed in their deployment uniforms, surrounded by their families, mustering up the courage for their final goodbyes.

  I walked a little further and my eyes quickly found a striking inconsistency. In the midst of families clamoring around their military members dressed head to toe in deployment gear, there was a short, bald man in a sleek, black, tailored suit. That’s why I locked onto him; he stood out sharply. My gaze lingered on him a little longer before I moved a bit closer and saw the person whose hand he was shaking: Luke’s. My head inched to the left, wondering who the hell that man was, but that was just the thing about this whole situation: I was so wrapped up in Luke, yet I didn’t really know much about him.

  Sure, I knew what his dick felt like inside me (amazing). I knew that he came fr
om South Carolina. That he’d almost gotten shot on his last deployment… and that was about it.

  The closer I got to Luke, the more my ears stood at attention, trying to listen to what he and the man were discussing.

  I heard the bald man mumble as soon as I stepped up behind Luke’s back, “I know how to reach you if we need anything else. We’ll get this taken care of, Lucas.”

  Hmm. Interesting. As soon as the man peered to the side of Luke’s tall frame, he spotted me and gave a faint smile before dropping Luke’s hand and walking away.

  “Who was that?” I asked, and Luke whipped around fast.

  He paused, and his lip twitched. I walked a little closer to him, trying to gauge his reaction.

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d come, Doc…” he said slowly, deliberately.

  I cast my glance away from his stare. “I wasn’t sure I would, either.”

  My heart felt weak in my chest as I took in the crowd: small children clinging to their military dressed parent, a woman clutching the dear life out of her husband’s hand, another loved one wiping away the tears that were streaming down her face.

  It made me feel physically ill. I wished saying goodbye was something that got easier with time, but it never did. The worry always stayed right there with you, no matter what.

  Luke took a step forward, his camouflaged hat casting shadows near the brim of his nose. We stood close, scanning each other’s faces. I could feel myself moving the extra few inches it took to get to him.

  Once I did, I grabbed the hands hanging down by his sides, interlocking our fingers. It’s all or nothing, Cammie.

  “I couldn’t not come say goodbye…” I started, and his eyes dipped just a fraction. I looked away, feeling my outer shell break into several pieces, all of which were crumbling to the ground. “I feel really silly saying this, Luke.” I cleared my throat. “But, I like you.” I let out a small laugh, “I mean, I more than like you but saying ‘I like-like you’ sounds completely ridiculous and immature.”

  His low chuckle warmed me from the inside out, and then both of our smiles fell when we heard a rough voice yell, “Last call. Get on the bus, Devils!” The person barked the last statement out, and I practically jumped.

  Luke swallowed and brought his face up to mine once more, “You know, this is my fourth deployment and…” His eyes moved to my mouth, “this is the first one that I have had to physically make myself get on that bus.”

  My smile was barely there as I kept the tears hidden. I only nodded my head when his hands found their way onto my face, cupping the sides of my cheeks. I stretched upward and wrapped my small hands around his wrists. Luke brought my forehead to his mouth, planting a small tender kiss there, and I melted.

  My heart ached in my chest, and I whispered, “You’ll write me?”

  “As much as I can.”

  I nodded again, my forehead still pressed to his mouth.

  “Be safe, okay?” My voice was barely loud enough for him to hear and I knew he had to go board the bus any second now. He was already pushing the limits.

  Suddenly, he backed away. Standing an arm’s length away from me. His mouth curved up on the side, and then he took his fingers, making a perfect square and closing one eye like he was snapping a picture.

  I laughed, “What are you doing?”

  “Remembering your face…” Then he made a snapping sound with his mouth and winked.

  “See ya, Doc.”

  I bit my lip and my eyes traveled to his. One last kiss would be totally cliché in this moment, but I didn’t care.

  I ran towards him and reached up on my tiptoes, planting a soft kiss on his lips. It surprised him and I grinned, stepping backwards. He flashed me a smile, showcasing all his perfect teeth, and bent down to pick up his hunter green duffle bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he walked to the bus. He was the last one to board, and I continued to stare at the white, obnoxious vehicle, waiting to hear the engine roar to life.

  I scanned the windows until I saw the glass sliding down near the back of the bus. Luke’s head popped out and he yelled, “Take care of my house and car! The keys are under the front mat.”

  I laughed and rolled my eyes, giving him a thumb’s up. Families were waving all around me and hooting and hollering at their loved ones to be safe.

  As soon as the bus was seconds from pulling away, I yelled, “I’m not paying your bills, Soldier!”

  I watched him laugh and he yelled back, “All my mail is forwarded to my mom’s. Relax!”

  I laughed again, and then they took off. The reality of the situation washed over me quickly. I put my fingers on my mouth, kissing them and then blowing it towards him. He gave me a curt nod and then I felt my heart drop to the cool, black pavement.

  * * *

  The next morning after my shift ended at the hospital, I slithered into my warm bed, cuddling up with Luke’s shirt, taking a huge whiff of his smell. He wasn’t in Afghanistan yet…I knew that, but he would be soon, and then he would be faced with all kinds of obstacles. Dangerous obstacles.

  I also knew he was a strong man, an amazing Marine and leader. He would be fine. He would have to be. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself, and that’s what I would continue to tell myself until he was back on American soil, safe and sound. It’s what I had to keep telling myself because if I let my mind wander to anything else, it would be like a swift kick to the groin. Staying positive was key.

  I hoped.

  My laptop pinged from my dresser and I sat straight up in bed, blonde hair flying past my face. I quickly crawled over my covers, planted my bare feet on the floor, and rushed over to it.

  My hands moved so fast that I quadruple-clicked the email icon flashing in the lower, right-hand corner. My heart was thundering as fast as a racehorse in my chest and my stomach was rapidly filling with nervous jitters. The more I stood there, waiting for my computer to load, the more they jittered around.

  Could it be him already?

  But how would he have gotten my email address?

  Usually what happened when a military member deployed was that the Family Readiness Officer would send out their assigned contact information (email included) to those who were wanting it, per the military members’ request. They typically had to fill out a form before they deployed listing the names and phone numbers of those who wanted to email them while overseas. So, it’s probably not him. It’s probably just an ad from Victoria’s Secret.

  But my stomach flipped when I saw the word “Unidentified” in my inbox. I swallowed and double-clicked the email. My foot pounded the floor uncontrollably, waiting for it to finally pop up, and when it did, I squealed:

  To: sexynursecam@heta.com

  From: (Unidentified) l.Wells.@global.mil.us

  Subject: Soldier Boy hearts Doctor

  Body: I like-like you too, Cammie.

  Well, it was nice knowin’ ya, heart.

  Twenty-One

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  Was it possible to fall in love with someone from seven thousand miles away? Or was the love always there, and I had just been shooing it away like a little gnat hovering over a ripe banana? To think that I’d fallen in love with Luke in such a short amount of time made me feel like I was the star in a Disney princess movie. Even as a child I’d thought it was completely absurd that Cinderella fell madly in love with the prince after only ONE night at a ball. Like, get real, Disney. They weren’t fooling me.

  Until now.

  Admitting to anyone that I had developed these deeper feelings for Luke was out of the question. Even if JoJo kept pestering me about it. Even if Becky was teasing me constantly, singing love songs every time we weren’t near a patient…that is, when she wasn’t droning on about how I was a workaholic who needed to get laid.

  The getting laid part was right. I could only fantasize about Luke so many times with my vibrator before I started to ache for his actual touch. He made it even worse by sending me dirty emails.

&nb
sp; What really opened my eyes to what I was feeling towards Luke was what he sent me only one month after he had landed in Afghanistan.

  I was at work and I had just performed CPR on an older man in the ICU. I was still out of breath from bringing the poor soul back to life, so I walked into the break room to take a chill pill, and of course, I wandered over to my locker. I pulled out my phone to see if I had an email from Luke. It had been a few days since I’d heard from him and although our e-mails were few and far-between, I still checked my inbox incessantly like a mad-woman.

  I almost fainted with relief when I saw his name in my inbox, but was quickly taken back with confusion when I saw the little paperclip icon denoting an attachment. My mind instantly went to the gutter: it was probably a naked picture, because he had been sending me some very inappropriate (okay, I totally loved them) emails lately. I kept joking with JoJo that we were having email sex, literally.

  Looking around the break room to make sure no one was behind me, I sneakily opened the email, and then I froze in my spot.

  It wasn’t a dick pic.

  It was something so much better, and was what inevitably sealed the “I love Luke” deal.

  The picture was as small as a thumb-nail and it was super blurry. I took my two fingers and stretched it to the capacity of my phone screen, and tears filled my eyes. There was Luke, tan, or maybe just covered in dirt, but I could still see his bright, white smile filling up his face. At first, I couldn’t really see what he was standing in front of, but I could tell he was pointing at something. I squinted my eyes, ignoring my co-worker, Emily, who was gibbering about her microwave dinner, and focused on what he was pointing at. I gasped out loud when I saw the words carved into the cave wall. The words that had been carved there over a year ago: Cammie is lame.

  Don’t ask me how the hell it was still there and don’t ask me how he had found it, but, in that moment, with him standing in front of the very cave wall that my brother had carved my name into, pointing and smiling back at the camera, I was done-for. My heart leapt straight out of my chest, and it climbed into that email, and traveled all the way to the hot desert of Afghanistan.