Yours Truly, Cammie

by S. J. Sylvis

  I half-laughed.

  “Why hasn’t he called you?”

  I let out a long breath. “I blocked his number right after I deleted my email.”

  JoJo formed an “O” with her mouth and then nodded in understanding.

  “Do you think this is a good idea?”

  Nervousness washed over me. It felt strange for me to be so vulnerable. I didn’t used to be the pitiful, eat-a-pint-of-ice-cream-because-a-boy-broke-my-heart type of girl. I’d never been like that, not even in high school. I’d just deal on my own and move on, burying myself in work until the next thing came along. But with Luke…it was different.

  And I hated that.

  “I think it’s a great idea. You have to face him sometime, and plus…” JoJo walked swiftly over to her closet and pulled out a light blue dress with very thin, delicate straps that crisscrossed in the back. It was beautiful and simple, so it wouldn’t look like I was trying too hard. “He’ll die when he sees you in this.” An evil grinned formed on her face and I blew out a huge breath.

  In the middle of stripping down and pulling the dress over my head, JoJo asked through the bathroom door what I was planning to do once I got to the party.

  I said matter-of-factly, “I’m going to find the hottest man there and bang him right in front of Luke.” Okay, that was highly unlikely, but a girl could dream.

  Her groan was full of disgust. “I’d advise maybe just kissing the hottest guy there. Let’s draw the line at flashing everyone your boobs and vagina.”

  I snickered, “Fine.”

  But my only thought was, “What happens when Luke is the hottest guy there?”

  * * *

  The party was in full-swing when Ryan pulled the car around with JoJo and I smooshed in the back. He said he felt like our chauffeur, and that’s exactly what we told him he was. It was a good thing he was madly in love with JoJo, or else he’d probably kill us both.

  This coming-home party was the type I was used to. Loud music, people all over the place yelling and being totally rambunctious, playing drinking games and taking shots. Marines knew how to party; I learned that at a very young age when my own parents would throw parties similar to this one.

  My heeled ankle boots felt wiggly on my feet as JoJo and I walked with our arms interlocked, trailing behind Ryan, who was nodding at all his friends. The Marine Corps was such a small, family-like community. It was quite possible that Ryan knew almost every single person here, even the ones who weren’t from his actual company.

  I squeezed my eyes shut right before we walked in the front door, trying to bring myself off the ledge that I was about to jump off of. The amount of anxiety swarming my body was suffocating. I still knew nothing about Luke and his wife. I’d pestered Ryan, but he professed to know nothing about Luke being married, and when he had asked around, no one really mustered up anything juicy.

  I wished I knew. I wished I had some indication of what he was going to say to me when we finally met in person again. Did he try to email me and realize that I’d deleted it because I didn’t trust myself to fall into another lie of omission? Did he try to write me a letter? I went days without checking my mail, afraid he would write me something and that I wouldn’t have the willpower to throw it out.

  I never got a letter, though, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

  “Want a drink?” JoJo yelled in my ear over the loud music, bringing me back to reality.

  “God, yes,” I answered. I needed something to still my trembling hands.

  I looked around the room cautiously, smiling at familiar faces here and there. I spotted Daniel with his wide and infectious smile across the room and gave him a tiny wave. I recognized a few friends from high school along with a few of our closer friends, but I didn’t see Luke anywhere.

  A sudden fear washed over me that he wouldn’t come tonight, and then when I did go back to my house later on, he would be there. Waiting for me. And I’d be all alone without backup.

  JoJo handed me a beer and the second I put it up to my lips, I gulped the entire thing. I chugged it. It would have been the cherry on top if I’d smashed the can against my forehead and then everyone applauded for me.

  “Jesus, Cam. Calm down.” Ryan laughed and I shrugged my shoulders innocently. At least the buzz of this beer would help me relax.

  I hope.

  Too bad I hadn’t swallowed the beer twenty minutes ago because the second I sat the empty can on a nearby table… in walked Luke.

  Looking better than ever.

  I froze in my spot, my hand still mid-air from releasing my can. JoJo stepped in front of me, partially shielding me from Luke, but his gaze never even touched her. His light eyes stayed trained on me.

  They looked lighter than before. They appeared so much more vivid against the color of his darkened skin. The Afghanistan sun had done him wonders. His body looked leaner, too. His t-shirt was pulled tightly around his biceps but hung loosely around his waist. That sandy-blond hair of his was cut shorter on the sides than normal, a sure sign that he’d just gotten back from deployment.

  His smoldering look did something to me. I no longer felt unequipped to hash this out with him, right here, right now. I felt bold and prepared. The light blue dress was my armor, and I was ready to knock him on his ass.

  I squared my shoulders and put my hands on my hips, keeping my face even and steady. He stalked towards me, and it was like Moses parting the Red Sea. People moved within seconds, providing a straight path right down the middle of the room.

  JoJo turned her head over her shoulder and looked at me, “Want me to move?”

  I didn’t even meet her eyes. “Yep.”

  He was in front of me within seconds. His eyes searched my face and he looked like he was huffing and puffing.

  I wasn’t going to be the first to speak. No fucking way.

  “Cammie,” his voice was like the aloe to my burn, which was ironic considering he was the one who burned me to begin with.

  “Luke.” my voice was even steadier than my face.

  “We need to talk.”

  I smiled, “Go right ahead… I’m all ears.”

  He looked around, pleading with me, “Not here. Let’s go somewhere else.”

  I also looked around. People were trying to pretend like they were wrapped up in their own conversations, but I knew better. They were rubbernecking without the actual rubbernecking part.

  “Nope. I like it right here.”

  JoJo and Ryan scooted a little further back and I kind of felt like Luke and I were about to throw down. Just toss the pair of us into a fighting ring and it’d be a damn good show.

  He crossed his arms and growled. “Fine.” I raised my eyebrows, maintaining my strong façade.

  “Ash was my wife.” He paused. “I had been waiting for the divorce papers for months. She finally signed them a few weeks after I left, after my lawyer informed her that I was about to sue her.” His eyes darkened a bit. “You would have known that if you hadn’t deleted your fucking email.”

  I was appalled. How dare he act angry with me? I clenched my teeth tightly together, grinding my molars back and forth. “That doesn’t change a single thing, Luke.”

  His expression baffled me, several different emotions all coming together to form what seemed like an even-tempered face in the end.

  “What? Why doesn’t that change anything, Cammie? I’m not married, anymore!” he shouted, and now people really were looking.

  I felt my heart cringe, reminding me that it was this extremely fragile, little thing in my chest that truly hurt.

  “The key word is… anymore.” I walked closer to him and took my right index finger and pushed it on his chest. “You made me the other woman… and you lied to me.”

  He looked down at my finger and tried to grab my hand. I pulled it away fast.

  “I didn’t lie to you!”

  My mouth gaped. “Are you really that dense? Not telling me you were legally marri
ed… to a very pregnant woman, I might add, and then…” I stopped for a beat, looking around at our audience. “Well, you know the rest! That’s pretty damn close to lying, Lucas.”

  His shoulders slumped. “It’s not my baby, Cammie.”

  “I don’t care. You’re not who I thought you were.” I stormed past him and walked to the front door, holding it open. His brows furrowed when he found me standing there.

  “Either you leave, or I do,” I shouted over the music.

  He straightened his shoulders. “I’m not leaving without you…”

  My breathing felt shallow, but my body was hyped on adrenaline.

  “Fine. Bye.” I turned around on my heeled boots and marched myself down the tree-lined street. A gust of wind flew through the nightly air, rustling the leaves around me. I crossed my arms over my body, holding back a shiver.

  He thought this was another one of our games.

  But he was wrong.

  This wasn’t a game anymore, because I’d already lost.

  Twenty-Six

  I was waiting for Luke to come marching over to my house and demand that I open my door to talk to him, but all I got was radio silence. It was the first time I had been at my house for almost a week and it felt good to be back and surrounded by my own things, but every time I glanced over at Luke’s that night, I didn’t see a single light on…and that bothered me.

  I didn’t contact him though, even if it killed me not to. While he was in Afghanistan, I couldn’t contact him. Not right away, at least, and it made things a little easier. But now, he was here—within spitting distance. It was a lot harder to resist him when he was so close. I actually thought about morphing into my teenage self and star sixty-nineing his number a thousand times just to hear his voice, but I didn’t.

  My armor had slipped away the second I got away from Ember’s party. After texting JoJo that I was fine (total lie), I bawled my eyes out and if you must know, it wasn’t over a pint of ice-cream…instead it was over an entire gallon.

  So, what? I turned into one of those girls. Whatever.

  It didn’t last long, though. I’d worked three shifts this past week and I was beat. Even now, standing here at work. I was exhausted mentally and physically, but that didn’t really matter when you were a nurse. You were supposed to be the strong one in the hospital. You were supposed to be positive and caring, and that’s exactly what I was doing.

  I acted like I was happy as a clam, positivity pouring out of me.

  “Cammie, someone’s asking for you over at the nurse’s station.”

  I turned my head toward Jenny, one of the best nurses on our floor. Her cheeks were a shade pinker than normal, which had me puzzled.

  “Who is it?” I asked, curiosity and dread filling my voice.

  She got even redder. “I’m not supposed to say…”

  I ground my teeth just as my pulse started to quicken. “Tell him to go away.”

  I knew exactly who it was. Was he serious? Radio silence all week and then he came here! To do what? Make a statement?

  “He won’t go away. I tried and he’s really hot and it makes me nervous.”

  A laugh bubbled up inside me. It wasn’t the right time to laugh, but my life was just that fucking funny.

  I walked around the corner of the brightly lit hallway and my eyes found him within half a second. He was sitting in one of the waiting chairs, wearing jeans and a faded t-shirt. He stared directly at me and I swore even from several yards away, I could still see the twinkle in his eyes.

  I walked slowly towards him, adjusting my scrub top and praying that this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought it was going to be.

  “What are you doing here?” I let out an annoyed sigh, feeling a bit light-headed, and waited for a justifiable excuse.

  “Just felt like coming back to the place we first met.”

  He stood as he said this and my leg itched to kick him.

  “I just knew you couldn’t avoid me here.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “What do you want? I’m working.”

  I could sense Becky staring at us from her little spot behind the desk.

  “I came here to talk to you. You didn’t really let me explain much the other night.”

  I retorted, “There is nothing to explain, Luke.”

  “But you don’t believe me, and I hate that.”

  I let out a sigh. “I do believe you, Luke.” He looked surprised and relieved all at once, but I was about to shoot him down. “It just…doesn’t change anything.” I looked down, staring at the tiled floor. “There had to be an end to us eventually. It was never even supposed to happen.”

  He stood in front of me and I raised my chin to stare at him.

  “But it did happen.”

  “And now it’s over.”

  Was I doing the right thing? If what I was doing was right, then my heart probably wouldn’t be thumping this hard in my chest and it probably wouldn’t be physically painful to look at Luke in this state.

  The light in his eyes went dim and it hurt me. I looked away as confusion set into my body. This was stinging a lot worse than I’d thought it would.

  “The baby isn’t mine.”

  I felt like we should be on Jerry Springer. The baby isn’t mine! I’m not married, anymore!

  His voice shook when the next words poured out, “We were having problems when I deployed last time, and she cheated on me with a guy back home. That was the news I got—the day that Zach took a bullet for me. Remember?” I looked away for a second and then met his stare.

  “The guy got her pregnant and she wouldn’t sign the divorce papers because she was using the Marine Corps medical insurance, claiming the baby was mine.”

  My eyes widened. I felt like I had gotten slapped. I could almost feel the sting on my face. The haunted and determined look in Luke’s eyes told me he was telling the truth.

  “She was…” his voice dropped a bit, “fucking with me one last time by telling you she was my wife. She isn’t my wife, and I haven’t considered her my anything for a really long time, Cammie. What she and I had, it wasn’t real.” He looked away briefly. “I know that now.”

  Wait. What? My heart halted in my chest. I couldn’t form words; it was all too much to process. My father’s words echoed in my head, “Everything isn’t always what it seems to be.”

  I didn’t have a chance to say anything else because Luke walked backwards and said, “I hear you. I get it. It’s over. But I just wanted you to know the whole story. I would never intentionally hurt you, Doc.”

  He turned around and walked over to the elevator, never once glancing back at me. I watched him walk inside, his back still facing me and then he dropped his head low. He placed his hand on the back wall, and the doors slid together, slowly.

  My heart was aching in my chest. My pulse had picked up pace and I just stood, staring at the chrome elevator doors until I heard Becky’s voice.

  “That was so much better than Days of our Lives.” I met her raised eyebrows. My dazed expression matched hers to a fucking T.

  “Mom, I need to ask you something.”

  My mom had been jabbering my ear off since I called her twenty minutes ago. She thought I was calling to see how Mexico was and how she was keeping sane while staying with José’s huge family, but I was really only calling for one particular reason.

  I wanted the truth about her and my father. I had been so angry at him after he had cheated on my mom. I had been so angry that they had just separated without even giving it a chance. They hadn’t gone to marriage therapy or tried to work on things for a while. They’d just…given up, and maybe that’s why I gave up so easily on Luke.

  Ash had cheated on him, as his wife, while he was deployed, fighting for our country and freedom. What a low fucking blow! I hated her. I hated her and I didn’t even truly know her.

  “What is it, honey?” My mom’s voice held a gentle tone.

  I leaned back against my counterto
ps, feeling the edge dig into my back. “What really happened between you and Dad?”

  There was a long pause on her end. So long, I started to pace around the kitchen.

  She cleared her throat. “I know you were mad at your father despite me telling you not to be.” She paused but I didn’t say anything. “We wanted to protect you and Alex. We tried to stay together for so long that by the end of our marriage, the last few years, anyway… we were so tired we both just gave up.” She took a long breath and blew it out so loudly that I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

  “So, what do you mean?” Confusion washed over me.

  “Your dad technically cheated on me because we were still legally married, but we had already established that our relationship was over long before then…” Her voice trailed at the end and I felt like I had been run over by a Mack Truck.

  “Now, don’t get me wrong. I was still annoyed that he’d gotten his new wife pregnant, but my anger wasn’t really justifiable. She made him happy, and he no longer made me happy, so there was nothing left to salvage.” She cleared her throat. “Then by the time things blew over and your father and I were ready to talk to you about our reasons for separation…Alex happened, and we didn’t want to add anything else to the mix. We wanted to give you time. We knew you would come around and you’d stop being so…”

  I finished for her, “Angry.”

  She laughed, “I was going to say sad, but angry works, too.”

  I found myself turning towards my kitchen window, and I stared over at Luke’s house. My mom changed the subject after mumbling something motherly about following my heart, but I only pretended to listen. I stared at Luke’s, wondering if he was really giving up or if he was just leaving it all up to me.

  Part of me (okay, most of me) hoped it was the latter. But, should I fix it? Or was it truly over? Did we just give up that easily? Did he finally throw the towel in and actually give up? Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure I was ready to throw my towel in just yet.