by Rae, Alicia
Jim, Caroline, and I had all taken turns to sit with Luke, so he wouldn’t be alone. After I finished my dinner break, it was my turn, so Jim and Caroline could eat.
I sat back in the chair next to Luke’s bedside and remembered all the good times Luke and I had shared together—having pizza nights together, enjoying the beach with his friends who had openly befriended me, venting to each other when we were stressed beyond reason, helping him study and prepare for tests. They were all such great memories.
My sister had been that person for me for so long, and when she passed, I’d felt lost and alone. I missed her so, so much. I would have done anything to get her and my parents back.
I flinched at the memory of the intolerable ache I had felt at that time in my life. The day Luke had walked into my life, offering me unconditional friendship, was something I would never forget.
“Hey, you.” Reaching forward, I covered his hand with mine.
Luke was never the silent one. It was truly heartbreaking to see him so still.
“Remember that time when you came over late one night after a fight with your dad? We ordered pizza, and by the way, I only had two slices. We sat out by the ocean, listening to the waves crash. We both promised to follow our dreams…” I said to his unmoving body.
“You need to follow yours, Luke. This is just a bump in the road. It’ll wake you up and make you more alert, and then you can go back to focusing on your destination.”
I hesitated and watched his heart monitor, still beeping a steady beat. “You always said I was the levelheaded, determined one…I’m not, Luke,” I self-confessed and shook my head. “That’s you. You don’t see the way you are with your friends, your job, and your education. You’re so focused and strong-minded. It’s—”
“Do you always talk out loud to yourself?” Luke asked in a raspy voice.
“Shit!” I jumped out of my chair, startled. “Luke! Oh my gosh! How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”
He gave a somewhat strained smile. “Hey, Lil. Other than my body feeling like I got hit by a semi…” Luke gave a lopsided grin. “I feel great. So, do I have brain trauma? Or were you talking to yourself?”
He was teasing me as if it were just a regular day and he wasn’t lying in a hospital bed. I smiled gently as relief washed through me. My vision slightly blurred as I tried to keep the tears at bay.
He is really awake. He is alive.
“No, I don’t always talk to myself out loud. I was talking to a…supposed-to-be-unconscious person.”
Luke grinned again. “Do you want me to fake it? I was lovin’ all the flattery. It was a major boost to my ego. Please don’t let me interrupt. Do continue.”
There was my Luke. He had only been awake for a few seconds, and I already wanted to smack him.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.”
He let out a small laugh. “It already did,” he replied, smirking. “And I won’t forget it.”
I smiled. I was so happy he was awake. “I need to let your parents know. They’ll be so happy to see you.”
As I turned to leave, his voice stopped me.
“Wait!” he croaked.
I pivoted to meet his eyes, and he sighed.
“I don’t want to see them yet. You know how it’s going to be. They’ll think I was being reckless, and then they’ll try to convince me to leave school, join the firm, and live happily ever after. Blah, blah, blah.” He sighed as his brow creased with frustration. “Give me a few more minutes of peace before it starts, please.”
I stared at him for a moment, pained to see his expression. Parents were supposed to support and love their children unconditionally. Luke had been seriously shortchanged on that childhood experience. Even as an adult, parents should offer guidance or an opinion, but in the end, they should still support your decision. And it should never affect the unconditional love for a child.
Being deprived of such love and support was foreign to me because my parents had given me all of those essentials in life. It hurt me to see how much Luke had missed out on.
This was part of our connection, our unconditional friendship.
I had seen his pain, and he, even though I hadn’t told him details, had seen mine. Judgments were never passed. We just gave each other support and a willing ear to vent to.
Seeing his parents change over the past few days made me optimistic that they could have closer ties with Luke someday in the future.
I scooted the chair closer and lowered back down into my seat, placing my hand over his. I took in a deep breath, needing to gain some courage. This would not be easy for Luke. It would be a battle for him to see the light and for his parents to follow through. I silently prayed that Luke’s father had been truthful in wanting to mend his relationship with Luke because I would not jeopardize my friendship in the process by making things worse than they’d been before the accident. If it were in my power, I would nudge them to amend their relationship because Luke deserved it.
“I have always hated your parents,” I started.
Luke raised his eyebrows at my blunt admission, and I ignored it.
I continued, “You know my feelings about unconditional love and how your parents go against the grain of it, so I won’t get into that part. But I want you to trust me when I say that after spending the past few days with them, something has changed in them.”
His eyebrows rose even higher. I was sure he was in complete shock. Quietly, he listened to the rest of my speech.
My feelings just seemed to pour out. “This was their eye-opener. I know it’s a little late, but nonetheless, I think it happened. So, I’m going to ask for you to please hear them out and give yourself time to think about what they have to say. I know forgiveness can take months or years, but all I ask is that you listen when the time comes…for me.”
Just when I thought his eyebrows couldn’t creep any higher on his forehead, the word me seemed to do the trick.
He sat, completely stunned, for a few seconds. “That’s some favor, Lil. It’s one I never expected to hear from you. What the hell happened while I was out?”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “A lot.”
“I see that.” He looked my face over, probing for answers. “You look tired and stressed. I’m sure some of that is because of me, but there’s more, so keep talking. How was Colorado?”
“A step forward,” I answered carefully. “This time isn’t about me though. It’s about you.”
“It’s never about you, Lily. It’s always about me.” Luke shook his head thoughtfully. “Until now, I never noticed how you avoid talking about yourself. Even though you do it out of your kindness to help others, I think you need to work on your own problems. Let’s start with whatever is causing that large frown on your face.”
Only then did I realize that I was frowning, and he smirked. Ass.
“Well, I see you haven’t lost your charming personality,” I replied dryly.
Luke chuckled. “Nope. It’s still intact. So, what happened in Colorado, Lily? If you want me to move forward in my fucked-up relationship with my family, you can give me this. You’ve never let me be a real friend to you, to just be there for you.” He stared down at me. “No more avoiding the truth.”
His eyes looked determined. Even though I wanted to talk about his family, for some reason, he wanted this from me right now.
“Maybe we can talk later when you’re feeling—”
“Talk, Lily.”
I sighed, feeling defeated. Deciding to get straight to the point, I let the facts roll off my tongue. “I made it to my family’s graves.” I swallowed, took a deep breath, and then let it out. “I sorted through most of the house, and I’m in the process of listing it for sale. I visited the rest of my family and a few others, and I made amends with my aunt.”
Luke’s eyes were filled with compassion. “Family’s graves?” He frowned sympathetically.
Maybe he needed to know me better, or ma
ybe he needed to lessen his own pain in the moment. Or maybe it was to see that everyone had struggles in life that we had to push through to survive. I chose to believe it was the last of the three. It gave me the courage I needed to tell my story for only the third time in three years.
I prepared myself to share my profound secret that had been eating me alive for all this time. I told Luke about the drunk driver crossing into our lane and how I’d prayed for more time, hoping to save my family by turning in a different direction. I blinked back tears when I continued on and admitted that I remembered Annie screaming before the crash and how the sounds still haunt me in my nightmares. I explained why I’d fled Colorado before the funerals and how I’d ended up in Florida to write. A small smile spread across my face as I told Luke about how he and Brooke were my saviors when I was alone and at the worst, lowest point in my life. Then, I shared my recent struggles with finding the strength to face my fears of visiting my home and my family and my past. Finally, I confessed how heartbroken I was after discovering that Annie had been pregnant and that my aunt had known but hadn’t told me. With a smile, I reassured him that I had made peace with my aunt, and with all that I’d been through, I was now trying to move forward.
I told him everything.
“All this time…” He hesitated. His expression looked hurt by the vast part of my life that I had kept a secret from him. He seemed as though he was struggling for words. “And…I never knew. I mean, I guessed you had experienced some sort of loss.” He shook his head sadly. “But not like that…not to that magnitude.”
I was not sure if he’d said the last part to himself or to me.
“I’m sorry I never told you. Until recently, I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready most of the time,” I admitted. “But I’m trying to move forward with my life.” I took a deep breath and let it out.
“I understand. In other ways, you let me in, and I’m grateful for that.” His eyes turned serious with confusion. “So, my parents…you’re telling me they’ve seen the light, huh?”
“They are both so scared and worried for you. They’ve been here day and night, praying for you to wake up. They love you so much.”
Luke considered my words carefully. “I’ll talk to them…for you.” He inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I can’t make any promises though.”
“Fair enough. I should really go tell them you’re awake. They’ve been beside themselves. Oh, I’ll get the nurse, too.”
I got up and turned to see Kyle leaning casually against the door frame. He stood straight as we made eye contact. I let out a long sigh, feeling relieved to see that he was back. It had been a long, emotional day, and I missed him.
Kyle turned his gaze to Luke. “Glad to see you’re awake,” Kyle said.
“Thanks, man. It would take more than a big wave to take me out.” Luke laughed and then winced slightly as he grabbed his rib cage.
“Careful, Luke,” I said while standing to my feet. “Well, we should be on our way now. I’m sure Jim and Caroline are anxious to see you.”
“Thank you for coming, Lily.” Luke smiled. “And you can send my parents in.”
“You’re welcome.” I leaned forward to hug Luke before turning to face Kyle.
“Get some rest. We’ll be back in the morning,” Kyle assured Luke, then took my hand.
“Thanks. See you guys tomorrow,” Luke said.
Kyle and I made our way back to the waiting room. We passed the nurse on our way, and I told her that Luke had woken up. Jim and Caroline were just returning from their dinner, so I didn’t feel guilty for talking to Luke for a bit before I came to get them.
At hearing the good news, they both exhaled audibly. Intense emotions flitted across each of their faces. Caroline and Jim looked as though they couldn’t run to the room fast enough. I quickly told them I would visit in the morning, and then we said our good-byes.
My neck and shoulders were filled with the day’s tension. Waiting and waiting, I’d found out, was as stressful as running a marathon. The unknown was emotionally draining, but in the end, the outcome could also be very rewarding.
***
The short drive to our hotel seemed endless. I wanted to know what new information Kyle had dug up on this Aaron character, but I was mentally exhausted. I was just someone who had a cap on how much I could take in one day. I felt myself shutting down, and I wanted to sleep and turn off my mind.
Some would feel uncomfortable with silence, but to Kyle and me, it was natural and comforting when appropriate. We didn’t need constant conversation to enjoy each other’s company. We could just be. I loved the easiness of my relationship with Kyle because every other aspect in my life was complete chaos.
As soon as we closed the door of our hotel room, Kyle seemed to share my thoughts as we silently removed our clothes to get ready for bed. I dug through Kyle’s suitcase for one of his simple white cotton T-shirts. I loved them more than my own. There was just something intimate and sexy about wearing my man’s clothes. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him watching me. A soft smile tugged the corner of his lips. We both walked into the bathroom to brush our teeth.
I thought about how we must look in this moment—undressing together and brushing our teeth side by side. We seemed to have the routine of a couple well beyond our years.
My heart skipped a beat as we climbed into bed together.
“Good night, beautiful.” Kyle kissed me gently.
He tucked me into his side, and I rested my head on his chest. I draped my leg over his body, feeling the need to be closer. He tightened his arms around me in understanding my need for closeness, making me feel secure. My eyes felt heavy and tired as sleep began to pull me under.
Wet kisses started on my collarbone, causing my breasts to tighten as heat ignited in my belly. A warm tongue ran a rhythmic circle around my nipple before closing over it. The resulting suction created an even more intense pull in my body. Each sensation felt carefully connected to the rest. My moan of pleasure echoed in my ears, making me open my eyes.
The darkness surprised me, and I instantly wondered what time it was. When those warm, delicious lips closed over my other nipple, time was instantly forgotten. Unable to stop my back from arching up into his mouth, I groaned again, wanting and yearning for more.
My favorite intoxicating scent assaulted my senses. Powerful, strong hands caressed my body. I could feel his need and desire for me in every touch.
I didn’t have to see him. I could feel him—everywhere.
On a growl, he suddenly pulled his head out from under my T-shirt, and then he had me entirely undressed in seconds. I reached for the bare skin of his shoulders, longing for the contact as much as him.
His demands were raw and intense. He took my lips roughly until they were plump and swollen from his kisses. I raked my fingers through his hair, desperate to take everything he offered.
Suddenly, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t know what, but I could feel it. Kyle’s body was tense yet still loving. His hands gripped my waist, drawing me closer. His lips took mine desperately, and I felt an overwhelming amount of passion behind them.
He seemed plagued with restlessness and stress. His emotions kept bouncing all over the place.
My chest constricted at the many thoughts trying to fill my mind at once. I pushed back and closed them off, knowing that Kyle needed me first.
With each touch, I tried to comfort and soothe the heavy tension pouring out of him. Making his way down my body, he spread my thighs wide. His tongue made wicked strokes along my sex, around and around, until I was aching for release. On a soft cry, I dug my fingers into his shoulders.
“Lily,” Kyle moaned. His voice was edged with frustration and desire, which made his tone low and husky and rough.
He was fighting himself. His movements were measured. He was dragging out my pleasure, and I was bursting with need.
Unashamedly, I pushed my sex against his wet lips. His teeth care
fully took my clit into his mouth, and he sucked it gently as he pulled my tender pink flesh back. I cried out as he pushed me over the brink. My orgasm pulsated as it rocketed outward from the center of my core. My legs shook uncontrollably with rippling waves, each one stronger than the last.
Wow. I blinked up at him. His posture was rigid. I could see his chest expanding on each deep breath he took.
I wrapped my arms around his neck while his hands grasped my hips as he rolled us over until he was flat on his back. He let out a deep sigh, and I took his lips with gentleness. Letting me take the lead, I wanted to erase all the anxiety from his body with a soft caress. I wanted to be there for him the way he was for me—always and unconditionally.
I made love to each and every surface of his body. Giving him my heart and my strength, I tried to soothe whatever it was that he needed from me, hoping that it was enough. His low, deep rumbles of appreciation vibrated his chest. The energy in the room was palpable. We were like magnets, two opposites pulling together forcefully, desperate to connect.
“I can feel your love for me.” His voice was full of awe while raw and throaty.
I kissed his throat and breathed in his familiar scent. Slowly, I made my way up to the curve of his jaw. The ache between my thighs was almost painful. Only he could make me feel this way. I kissed my way across to just below his ear. I could feel his pulse beating fiercely against my lips.
“It overwhelms me sometimes,” I whispered. My breaths were irregular. My eyes met his. “It’s so intense and irrepressible.”
“Good, because I ache for you,” he growled before taking my mouth against his.
As we made love in the darkness, we each felt the need to be closer, always closer as we soothed away one another’s worries. Our low moans of pleasure, deep shudders, and tender touches were extremely erotic as we both found our releases together while in each other’s arms.
It was still dark as I snuggled up to Kyle’s side, draping my leg over one of his. I laid my hand on his chest, drawing small circles over his heart with my fingertips.