Sunrise

by Kody Boye

  In his room, long after they had eaten and were preparing to go to bed, a knock came at the door.

  “Come in,” Steve said. Erik opened the door. “Hey, Erik.”

  “Hey,” Erik said, his eyes instantly seeking Dakota out on the opposite side of the room. “Dakota.”

  “Hi,” Dakota said.

  “You need to go talk to him.”

  “Who?”

  “Jamie.”

  “He’s the one that yelled at me.”

  “He was fucking scared out of his mind!” Erik cried, shutting the door behind him. “He thought something was going to happen to you.”

  “That gave him no excuse to yell at me.”

  “He loves you, Dakota. He fuckin’ loves you so much that he’s been bawling for the last two hours.”

  “He…he loves me?” Dakota asked.

  “Of course he does! What do you think?”

  “I don’t…I didn’t know.”

  “Fuck that. You can’t tell me you don’t know he loves you.”

  “We’ve only known each other for a few days. How am I supposed to know?”

  “It doesn’t take a fuckin’ genius to know when someone cares about you.”

  “The guy’s right,” Ian said.

  “I guess he told you then,” Dakota sighed.

  “I don’t give a fuckin’ shit,” Erik said, leaning against the wall. “I’ve known Jamie was gay since he was fifteen. All I care about is whether or not he’s happy and right now, he’s scared out of his mind that he’s hurt you.”

  “He did,” Dakota said. “I didn’t realize he was so upset.”

  “Jamie doesn’t yell at people, Dakota. He rarely acts like that. Kirn was an exception—he was being a dumbass. He only yells at people when he’s upset with them.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Go talk to him. Please.”

  Dakota nodded, pushed his way past Erik and made his way out the door.

  “Jamie,” Dakota said, knocking on the door. “It’s me. Can I come in?”

  The door opened. Sniffling, Jamie looked at him for one moment before stepping aside to allow him in.

  “I’m sorry,” Dakota said, turning when he heard the door close behind him. “Jamie, I didn’t know you were so upset.”

  “Of course I’m upset,” Jamie said, swiping tears from his eyes. “It’s pretty fucking bad when you think your boyfriend’s gonna die.”

  “Your boyfriend?” Dakota asked.

  “Yeah. My boyfriend, Dakota. You know, the guy who sleeps with you, the guy you kiss, the guy you care about more than anything else in the fucking world.”

  “We’ve only been doing this for three days, Jamie. I’m not sure if you—”

  “If I what? Feel the way I do about you?”

  “I…I don’t…” Dakota stammered.

  “Throw all that fundamentalist thinking out of the water, babe, because it’s the fuckin’ end of the world. Screw whatever anyone said about not being able to know if you’re in love in the first few days of knowing someone.”

  “I’m new to this,” Dakota said. “You can’t expect me to know everything.”

  “I don’t.” Jamie stepped forward. He wrapped his arms around Dakota’s shoulders and leaned into his body, bowing his face into his hair. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Tell me you love me, Dakota.”

  “I do.”

  “You do what?”

  “Love you,” Dakota said. “I love you, Jamie.”

  He reached up and brought the man’s face to his.

  As they kissed, he shed a tear.

  “Things go well?” Erik asked, adjusting his coat around his shoulders. “I assume everything did, since you didn’t come back last night.”

  “You were waiting in the room?”

  “I was.”

  “To answer your question,” Dakota said, stepping forward to view the rainy scenery before them, “everything went well. We made up. Everything’s cool.”

  “Anything else happen last night?”

  “Uh…not really.”

  “What’d you tell him after he told you he loved you?”

  “That I loved him back,” Dakota said. He bowed his head and shrugged his hands into his pockets, content with the words he’d just spoken.

  “You have to understand something, Dakota. Things are different now. I’m sure you already know that, but things like this, like with you and Jamie, they’re not going to play out like you’d expect them to.”

  “I already figured that.”

  “Back in World War II, people would meet over a weekend and be married the week after. You know why? Because everyone was so desperate to find love in a hopeless situation that they’d latch onto anything they could. To say it was rushed is an understatement.”

  “Are you saying that’s what it is with us?”

  “No,” Erik said, raising a hand to cut Dakota off before he could finish. “I’m not saying that what you and Jamie are going through is just a ‘latching onto anything you can’ thing. I know Jamie has feelings for you because I can tell he has feelings for you. A man doesn’t cry over a simple crush—I can tell you that much right now.”

  “Did he…uh…”

  “Did he what?”

  “Have a boyfriend? Before, I mean?”

  “That’s something I’m going to let the two of you discuss.” Erik pulled a cigarette from his pocket, followed by a lighter. He placed the butt between his lips, lit it, then inhaled the sweet nicotine before offering it to Dakota, who promptly shook his head. “I’ll tell you something right now, just so you won’t have to wonder about it—he didn’t screw around.”

  “Thanks for telling me.”

  “I’m not sure if the two of you’ve done it or not, but I’m just letting you know. Jamie’s a good, honest guy.”

  “We haven’t,” Dakota admitted quietly. He felt a blush creeping into his cheeks shortly after he said it. “Should I be embarrassed for admitting that?”

  “I don’t care. Besides, I figured Jamie wouldn’t have done it with you anyway. It takes ages for him to do anything, let alone have sex.”

  “I appreciate what you did for us last night, Erik. I really mean that.”

  Erik flicked the ashes from the cigarette over the side of the tower railing and cursed as the cigarette went out. “Stupid move on my part.”

  “It’s just a cigarette,” Dakota smiled.

  “We’re running low on them too. They won’t last forever.”

  Dakota shrugged.

  He took his seat in one of the two chairs in the first tower, set his hands in his lap, and closed his eyes.

  He used to love the rain.

  Hours later, after Dakota and Erik returned from their watch posts, a storm began to blow in. Hail buffeted the building and a sickly growl began in the distance. It first began as a low, throaty sound, echoing ever so softly like a cat when working up to a hiss, then eventually began to snarl like dogs in a courtyard. This snarl eventually turned into a chorus of banging hammers until, finally, the true noise came, the sound that shook the earth and threw Dakota slightly off balance.

  “It’s a big one,” Dustin said, emerging from his room to look out the bay windows.

  “Yeah,” Dakota agreed, “it is.”

  Each clink-clink of the hail made him grimace. It sounded like glass slowly breaking under the immense pressure of an underwater laboratory.

  And then the sharks will come.

  He chuckled at the thought.

  “Something funny?” Dustin asked.

  “Not really,” Dakota smiled, content with the image inside his head. “Just thinking to myself.”

  “Hopefully this doesn’t get any worse. We don’t want flooding.”

  “Arcburrow doesn’t have a flooding problem.”

  “Not when the sewer was maintained.”

  Dakota swallowed a lump in his
throat. It’d been bad enough during the first few weeks, when the sewer systems were slowly overfilling with waste in the absence of human attention. Thankfully, the rain had managed to wipe away most of the smell, but not without flooding smaller, suburban areas at the bottoms of hills.

  Does Arcburrow’s sewer go up or down?

  He didn’t know. Even if he wanted to, he probably wouldn’t pursue it. Just thinking about it made him want to gag.

  A clap of thunder shook him out of his thoughts.

  “I feel for whoever’s out there right now,” the older man murmured, running his fingers through the length of beard on his chin.

  Dakota smirked. Apparently, Dustin had no idea that it was Kirn and Wills out in the towers freezing their asses off and getting pelted by hail and rain.

  I shouldn’t be thinking like that.

  Still, he reveled in what Kirn and Wills’ arrogance had gotten them. They were, after all, the only two who’d complained about the shortened schedules. Let them sit out in the cold and rain—he didn’t care.

  “Hey,” Jamie said, offering a slight wave as he came up the stairs. “Quite a storm we’ve got here.”

  “I’d say,” Dustin said. “How are you, sir?”

  “Better, thanks.”

  “Glad to hear it.” The man yawned and stretched his arms over his head. “If you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I should probably get going. I’d like to catch up on some sleep before I have to go out in that hellacious weather.”

  “Sleep well,” Jamie smiled. Dustin nodded and disappeared into his and Michael’s room. When he was sure that no one was around, Jamie stepped forward and gently pressed his lips to Dakota’s forehead. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine,” Dakota smiled. “We probably shouldn’t be doing this in public.”

  “What?”

  “PDA.”

  Jamie blushed and ran his fingers through his hair.

  “I’m not worried about me,” Dakota said. “I’m worried about you.”

  “Honestly, I couldn’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks right about now.”

  “Me neither, but I don’t think it’ll reflect kindly on you if we’re caught together.”

  “Who’s going to bitch? Kirn and Wills?” Dakota shrugged. Jamie laughed and slapped his arm in response. “Seriously, Dakota, I could give a flying fuck about their opinion. All they’ve been doing is giving me shit since…well, you know.”

  “I’d say you can’t really blame them, but you kind of have to.”

  “I just wish they’d cooperate with me, that’s all.”

  “I know.” Dakota frowned when the rain began to lessen. He sighed shortly after. “I don’t know what to tell you. You’ll figure something out.”

  “You’re not disappointed in me, are you?”

  “No. I understand your situation.”

  “But you’re not happy with it, are you?”

  “I’d be lying if I said I was.”

  “DADT really fucked me up,” Jamie said, leaning back against the banister. He took a look behind his shoulder—most likely to look for prying ears, but also to check if he might fall—then turned his attention back on Dakota. “I’ve always been pretty good about hiding who I am. I guess you could even go so far as to say I’m ‘straight acting,’ if you want to call it that, though I never really denied who I was. I just didn’t talk about it much. When I joined the army though, I had to play by their rules. Their way or the highway, you know?”

  “I understand.”

  “I’m on the fence. Right now, I’m pretty much at the point where I’m ready to just say fuck it and not hide anymore, because it’s the end of the world and I’m not about to let some dickwad dictate who I can and can’t sleep with. I understand where you’re coming from. It’s the only thing keeping me from doing just that.”

  “I’m not sure how I feel about it,” Dakota said.

  “You’re not out to anyone, are you?”

  “Other than you, Steve, Erik and Ian? No. I told Alexis, but that was only because I didn’t want her to freak out when I was looking her over.”

  “Which she probably did anyway,” Jamie laughed. “Most girls don’t think you’re gay if you’re trying to get them naked.”

  Laughing, Dakota leaned against the wall and tried to gain his composure, hoping that the sound wouldn’t echo off the walls and attract any unwanted attention. It took him a few minutes to stop—and it took him even longer to recover from a coughing fit he endured whilst trying to do so—but he finally managed to get a hold of himself and looked Jamie straight in the eyes. “Sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry about. It’s always a good thing to laugh.”

  Dakota couldn’t agree more.

  He started worrying about his current situation the night Steve knocked on his door. Alone, dressed-down for the night and unsure who might be knocking at this ungodly hour, Dakota rose from his place on the bed and crossed the room, sighing when he saw it was only his friend coming to check on him.

  “Hey,” Steve said, pushing his way into the room. As always, Dakota closed the door behind him. “Where’s Jamie?”

  “On guard duty.”

  “So you’re here alone then?”

  “Of course,” Dakota chuckled. “Who else would be in here?”

  Steve shook his head. He cast a glance at the candle lantern burning on the bedside table, then crossed the room to the windows, where he looked out at the park in the distance. Contrary to his initial entrance, he didn’t move from his spot once he settled himself in place.

  “Steve?” Dakota asked. “What’s going on?”

  “They’ve been sneaking around, Dakota.”

  “Who?”

  “Who do you think?”

  It didn’t take much thought. “Kirn and Wills?”

  “Who else would be sneaking around the place at night for absolutely no reason at all?”

  “There’s bathrooms on this floor,” Dakota offered. “Are you sure it’s them, Steve, because there’s a lot of us here.”

  “It’s them. Alexis tipped me off.”

  “She did?”

  “Uh huh. Told me she heard them talking about ‘something suspicious’ in the corporal’s room.”

  “Shit,” Dakota sighed, running a hand through his hair.

  “Shit is right, Dakota. I told you this would happen.”

  “That was before the sergeant died.”

  “I get it. No need to tell me.”

  “Me and Jamie talked about this this morning.”

  “And?”

  “He said that he understands why it’s not a good idea for us to reveal our relationship to anyone.”

  “Most everyone here already knows,” Steve said. “Other than Michael, Dustin, Desmond and the two deputies. It’s bound to get out eventually.”

  “Jamie’s trying to do damage control.”

  “He’s going to do more damage than actual control if he doesn’t come out already.”

  Sighing, Dakota sat down on the bed and set his hands on his knees, watching his friend pace back and forth between the row of windows against the wall. He wanted Steve to say something—anything—to help ease his troubled conscience, but already knew he wouldn’t unless absolutely necessary.

  So…do I ask?

  He didn’t see any harm in doing so.

  Dakota pushed himself off the bed, made his way to his friend’s side, and put a hand on his arm. “What do you think I should do?”

  “I don’t know,” Steve shrugged. “Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how honest you want to be about who you are. I can tell you’re not ashamed of it—because when you came out to me two years ago, you did it in a very straightforward way—but I can understand why you wouldn’t want to.”

  “It’s crosshairs on his back if I do.”

  “I know.” Steve paused, then rubbed his chin. His brow furrowed a moment after. “You said you already talked to him about it, right?”

  “Yep.
”

  “And he’s on the fence about it because he doesn’t want to cause problems, right?”

  “Right.”

  “But Kirn and Wills seem to be the only problem. Why doesn’t he just can them if they start causing problems?”

  “I hate to say it, but I think he needs them.”

  “Probably.” Steve clapped a hand across Dakota’s shoulder. “I know you’re worried about this, but it’s not going to do either of you any good if you butt heads over this. Let him come around—it’ll be easier than forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do.”

  “Yeah,” Dakota sighed. “I already found that out.”

  Two hours later, long after the lantern had been blown out and the clock struck midnight, Jamie slid into bed. First startled, thinking that someone had snuck into the room, Dakota lashed out and struck him in the chest, then stumbled back and out of the bed in a tangle of blankets.

  “Shit,” the older man said, voice tinged with humor. “I didn’t know you were so jumpy.”

  “Neither did I,” Dakota said, grimacing. He tore himself free of the bedding and stood. “I thought I would hear you come in.”

  “The door’s not very quiet.”

  “That’s my point.”

  Shrugging, Jamie reached forward and began to help Dakota remake the bed. In almost-pure darkness, it was hard to tell what exactly they were doing, but they managed to get the bed made in a somewhat-organized state before they both collapsed onto it.

  “How was your watch?” Dakota asked, sighing when Jamie settled the blankets over both of them.

  “It was ok.”

  “Is it still raining?”

  “Drizzling, if that counts.” Jamie set an arm over his side. “Sorry I scared you.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Can I talk to you about something?”

  “You know you can.”

  Dakota sat up. Though Jamie remained on his side, Dakota could tell he was being watched. He could feel the man’s eyes boring into his soul like a cat clinging to his arm. It didn’t hurt, because the cat’s claws weren’t out and its teeth weren’t sinking into his wrist, but the added pressure was enough to make him feel uncomfortable.