Vicious Circles

by Leann Andrews

  “I’ll give you a call back tomorrow for times and locations; those aren’t in stone yet. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

  I skipped saying goodbye in my mindless, numb moment. I knew subconsciously that Mason had pulled into some random apartment complex and that he stopped the car, hopped out and ran around to my side. His arms wrapped around my entire upper body and yanked me from the car.

  “You got it didn’t you?” He almost yelled.

  We spun around once and some of the shock wore off. “I fucking got the part. I got the part. How did this happen?” My face most certainly wore a look of complete surprise.

  Mason set my feet down against the blacktop. “You went in there and showed those people what raw talent looks like. That’s how.”

  His green eyes burned into mine. There was a slight blush of color against his cheeks but that could have been the heat. Best of all, he was smiling.

  “I can’t believe this happened.” I grabbed a bit of his shirt in my fist and pulled him close. “Mason, this is because of you. No one has given me any hope…ever. I would still be rotting away in the forgotten parts of LA if you hadn’t been so damn persistent.”

  He actually looked slightly uncomfortable but quickly recovered. I knew Mason Jennings was an excellent actor without ever seeing any of his work. “You went in that place and blew them away; that was all you.” A sly smile grew along his lips. “That means I get to take you to dinner.”

  “I don’t like that look. You know my rules. No raw fish, no ginormous steaks and no McDonalds.”

  He was already around the hood of his vehicle. “Get your ass in the car.”

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “You need something to wear. I’ll call and get a reservation while you look.” He shifted the car in gear without batting an eye, as if buying some homeless girl a nice dress was shit he did all the time.

  “Mason,” I half laughed-half snorted, “you can’t buy me a dress.”

  “Uh-uh,” he shook his head back and forth. “You said I could take you out when you got the part. No take backs.”

  I scrunched my nose and looked at the small row of stores he was approaching with disdain. “Are you fucking five?”

  He pulled a one hundred dollar bill from his wallet. I was scared to take it from him. “Just take the money and find a dress.”

  I sighed and unhooked my seatbelt. “Fine, but I won’t have fun.” I made sure to snatch the money extra nasty-like to emphasize my dislike of the whole situation.

  The store smelled like lilacs and my immediate thought was Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Only difference was, I would poke a bitch in the eye. Luckily no one approached me and I browsed the colorful dresses in peace. Somehow black seemed to be what I kept going to. Black was always a smart choice.

  I wasn’t completely ignorant. I knew my size and I knew what was happening as far as style around Hollywood. The simple pair of black heels, tucked away in my backpack came to mind when I finally found the dress.

  A slight v-neck, calf length…perfect. I paid as quickly as I could and practically sprinted from the store. Mason was leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette. I dropped the change in the driver’s seat through the open window.

  “How did it go?” He questioned through a puff of smoke.

  “I would rather not talk about it. I found one, thank you.” I shielded my eyes from the sun and crossed in front of the hood to get back in the car.

  ***

  Makeup was not something I used often. I couldn’t put it on and in the end I never thought I looked any good with it on. For some reason, I felt like I had to wear it with that damn dress. One of Mason’s roommates came home while I was holed up in the bathroom, but lucky me; he grabbed something and left again.

  “We’re going to be late,” Mason called while pounding on the door.

  “Jesus, I’m ready…calm the fuck down.” I swung the door open with force to knock him back into the hall a bit.

  ‘Whoa.” He stared at me, silently. Half his face was hidden in the shadows but from the eye that was visible I could tell he was impressed.

  “It’s the dress,” I said shyly.

  He turned and walked toward the front door. “No, I still say it’s your eyes.”

  I almost didn’t hear him. He’d spoken the words so low I didn’t know if I was even meant to hear them. I didn’t respond in case they weren’t for my ears.

  Like a gentleman he opened the car door for me and then closed it behind me. I fussed over the placement of my dress as he made his way to the driver’s side and got in. He tapped the clock, probably because we were running a little late.

  “I think we’ll make it,” he said confirming my thoughts.

  The whole thing was surreal. The atmosphere screamed date but could I really call it that? He hadn’t asked me out, per se. It was more of an agreement.

  “Shit,” Mason swore.

  I turned my eyes forward to the cause of his anger. Traffic, of course. “We’ll never make it on time in this traffic.”

  “Well, aren’t you full of optimism tonight…” He laughed but I could tell he was still pissed.

  “Look, I’m sorry I took so long to get ready.”

  “Fallyn, you didn’t cause the traffic. This is Hollywood.” His hand left the gear shift, grazing mine on the way to his phone.

  “Are you calling the restaurant?”

  He nodded with the phone already to his ear. I listened to his side of the conversation which wasn’t going so well. “I don’t understand, I made a reservation…Why can’t you hold it?…”

  “It’s not a big deal,” I said when he dropped the phone back into the cup holder between us.

  “We aren’t going to make it, I’m sorry.”

  The dinner must have meant more to him than I originally thought. His eyes told me right away. He had definitely tried and in my own eyes he had done more than enough for me to begin with. I gathered my nerve and placed my left hand on his right thigh. It was the first time we’d really touched since the night I tried to seduce him.

  “Mason, I appreciate everything you’ve done. I’m wearing a new dress. No man has ever bought me a dress. We could swing through the drive thru at In and Out for all I fucking care. I could eat anything looking like this and still be happy.”

  The smile returned which made me warm inside. Something told me he wasn’t appreciated often.

  “I like In and Out…” He eyed the street to the right of us. “I can turn here and find us one, if that’s what you want.”

  “That’s what I want,” I confirmed with a grin.

  ***

  Mason and I sat across from one another, legs crossed with In and Out paraphernalia scattered all around us. Our candle was a Wal-mart nightlight, plugged into the nearest outlet. We talked about anything that came to mind, including the part I’d just got. He toasted me with his value meal cup full of Sierra Mist and I laughed my ass off.

  “You look beautiful in the soft glow of this night light.”

  Hopefully, he couldn’t see the blush that consumed my face. “Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t every day someone told me I looked beautiful.

  I stretched my legs out in front of me, the only pair of decent heels I owned were still on my feet. Mason leaned over and swung my feet into his lap. I looked on, stunned as he removed the shoes from my feet. I wiggled my toes as soon as they were free, refusing to meet his gaze. His hands ran up each of my legs, slowly. I uncrossed my ankles, confused but ready for anything he wanted to give me.

  “It’s like you understand me,” he said softly. “We don’t really know anything about each other…is that bad?’

  My body was screaming as he gripped my knees and pulled me forward until I was straddling his lap. “Knowing someone is more than words.” My voice sounded strangled.

  His breath was warm and the slight aroma of In and Out onions were there. I rolled my head to the right, willing hi
m to kiss my neck. We pressed our bodies together tightly, both searching for something. In that moment I felt like myself again. I was a normal girl, enjoying the company of a normal guy. All the shit fell away as soon as his lips met mine. I had no idea what would happen after, or if we would even be able to speak to each other in the morning but honestly, I didn’t care.

  Mason grabbed my dress and yanked it up, breaking our kiss only to pull it over my head. We’d been in the same position before, but I could tell by his frantic movements that he intended to have sex with me.

  Desperation took over and I scrambled to remove every piece of his clothing. Somehow, we were there, together. All our clothes had been littered along the floor with the burger wrappers. Mason and I stopped our exploring and just took a good look at one another.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered and rolled so he was hovering above me.

  With the blessing I assumed he was waiting for, his lips met mine once again. He sighed and flipped us so I was on top of him. I didn’t move right away. Instead I looked down and studied the lust written all over Mason’s face. His hands never stopped roaming my body and it was almost too much. How could I ever let another man touch me after he had? I felt ruined.

  Chapter 7

  One mistake almost always leads to two more. From there it multiplies until your life is unrecognizable. Mason and I met at such a sensitive time in my life. On one hand he helped me out but on the other, he unknowingly invited a whole new life form into my already unstable world.

  July 2009

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I sat in the little trailer on set. The transformation from the me months ago was astounding. I’d made it through my first acting experience; a top rated crime show. When they called me to come back, I almost shit myself. Mason, couldn’t have been prouder.

  Things hadn’t really changed since Mason and I slept together, the night I found out I had my first job. Sex just showed up at our door every now and then. Of course we let it in and never spoke of it afterwards. Talk about your red flags.

  The best thing about the whole situation was that I didn’t have to sleep in a shelter anymore. Yeah, I didn’t make enough to get a place of my own but that was a pipe dream anyway. I did, however; make enough to rent a room at a decent hotel.

  Overall, I looked like a functioning member of society, by Hollywood’s standards and no one would ever be the wiser.

  Someone knocked on the trailer door. “Come in,” I called not willing to let my own gaze go.

  “Hey, are you ready? I was waiting in the car but I thought maybe your day ran long.” Mason climbed the steps and came all the way in the door.

  “Shit, I’m sorry. No, I’m ready.” I grabbed my things and I followed him out.

  I waved at people I worked with along the way. I knew most of what went on around me was superficial but damn if it didn’t feel nice to be noticed for good things.

  “How was your day?” Mason asked, hitting the button on his keys to unlock the car.

  “Today was amazing. I had this really wicked makeup…” My words caught in my throat. Across the street, a pair of familiar eyes had apparently followed my every move since walking off the soundstage.

  “What’s the matter?” Mason followed my gaze. When he realized who it was he turned back to me. “Just get in the car.”

  “Fallyn! Long time no see!” Jill yelled over the passing cars. She checked the street and crossed. She didn’t look any different, except she did.

  Her hair was black and it had grown out a bit. She reminded me of a snake as she slithered across the pavement in her impossibly high heels.

  “We’re in a hurry,” Mason said, trying to save the situation.

  Jill smiled sweetly. “I won’t keep you. I just wanted to say hello.” Her eyes burned into mine and I knew she was pissed. “So, you’re working here at the studio?”

  I held my hand up to silence Mason who was about to open his big mouth again. “Jill, you have a lot of nerve. You left me to rot in Philadelphia.” I was practically yelling and I made sure to point my finger right in her face to get my point across.

  I expected so much more from her, the bitch, but her reaction was pitiful. She smiled and left; just walked away.

  “What the hell was that?” I asked a wide-eyed Mason.

  “She disappeared. That’s what you said.”

  “I…she…fuck I can never tell with her,” I sputtered. “This is bad. Really bad.”

  Mason started the car but instead of putting it in drive he turned to me. His jeans made weird sounds on the leather seat so I concentrated on those to keep me in the moment.

  “This doesn’t change anything, right?” He flailed his hand back and forth between us. I assumed he was referring to our unspoken sexual agreement.

  “You have no idea what she could do to me. She knows more than most people and I’m probably high on her shit list. I have the career she wanted, the guy she wanted…” I sighed. My head was starting to pound.

  “Maybe you should just tell me what she knows and we’ll kill the shit storm before she can cause one.” He set the car in drive.

  My mind went in two directions. One, he obviously wanted to know more about me. Fair enough. I hadn’t offered him anything beyond my body and name. Two, he was actually concerned about my budding career. The smart part of my brain told me it was a little of both.

  “I’ll make you a deal and you better fucking feel special because I wouldn’t do this for anyone else.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  “I’m serious, Mason!”

  “Sorry, OK. Just tell me what your terms are.” We’d reached the hotel by then. I assumed he was coming in because he parked his car. “You should know by now that I don’t care about your past, Fallyn. It stings a little that you don’t trust me like that.”

  I looked at him as if he had three heads. Where did he get off being so damn hypocritical? “You have a lot of nerve.” I accused.

  He stopped and turned to glare at me. “What are you talking about?”

  “You expect me to dump all my baggage in your lap but you don’t have the common fucking decency to do the same? If I’m supposed to trust you, you should most definitely trust me!”

  His mouth flopped like a dying fish, which pissed me off. I stormed past him and into the lobby. He could stand in the parking lot with his own idiocy for all I cared. Of course, I should have known better. We were the non coupled, couple who got it on and never talked about it. We were both in the wrong and maybe there wasn’t any way to fix that.

  “I’m sorry!” He called as I emerged on the second floor walkway of my small hotel. He hadn’t moved at all.

  “You always think that will fix things,” I called back, making sure to give him the most energetic finger I could.

  “Fallyn, I’m coming up.”

  I stopped walking and leaned over the railing. “Mason, if you plan to come up here and act like things are peachy I will punch you in your man parts.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” He walked toward the lobby.

  I was lighting a cigarette when he appeared. “Did you leave the bullshit in the parking lot?”

  “When are you going to get a real place?” he asked, totally ignoring my question while he fought with the key card.

  “I’m lucky to have a place to begin with,” I chided as I pushed past him when he finally got the door open.

  “Why did you leave Florida?”

  I felt sort of trapped, like I had no choice but to unzip my baggage and see how he would deal. Despite feeling trapped, I also felt slightly liberated. He wasn’t spending time with anyone but me and he wasn’t sleeping with anyone but me, that I knew of. I let my things fall to the floor noisily.

  “We’re gonna need some alcohol for this. I’ll order a couple of pizzas.”

  He smirked and left my room to buy our usual drink of choice, whatever was cheapest at the liquor store on the corner.

  ***

 
The one thing Mason and I did perfectly was drink. It wasn’t as if we were alcoholics; we didn’t drink every day. When we did drink, it was to perfection and we usually ended the evening with sex. I wasn’t so sure he would want to sleep with me after the shit I was about to tell him.

  “OK, we’ve eaten one and a half pizzas…not to mention I’m almost too intoxicated to understand. I think it’s about time you tell me what has you running scared from Jill.” Mason fell back along the bed, landing with a thump.