Infinite Loss (Infinite Series, Book 3)

by L. E. Waters

  “Well, if anything goes wrong I can always blame it on that.”

  “What do you think it means?”

  I sigh. “I am not sure. But if I am warned about rage I would think something bad might be ahead.”

  She nods, pulling the blanket slightly. “What do you think ‘remember the child’ means?”

  “Maybe think of the next generation of ancestors?” I try.

  “Or maybe you forget one of your children somewhere.” She laughs.

  I laugh along with her. She starts again, “Strangely, while you were off to have your vision, I had a vision of my own the same night.”

  “How do you know it was a vision?” I ask, curious, since I hadn’t heard of young women having visions.

  “My grandmother used to have visions, and my mother said she has had them too. I knew I wasn’t dreaming since I saw my grandmother, and it was so different than anything I had ever dreamt before.”

  “Tell me what you saw.”

  “I was running in a field of tall grass, running my hand along their prickly tops when someone called my name. Suddenly, I was on top of my storm cliff and there was my grandmother. She told me she brought me this vision and that I had to pay close attention to what she showed me. All light disappeared and, just as quick, this symbol appeared.” She leans over, grazing my arm, sending goose bumps all along it, and puts her two index fingers crossed in front of my face: one vertical and one horizontal.

  “That is not a Lakota symbol.”

  She lays back. “I know, but I saw it out of the darkness and a snake emerged and wound its way around it and then rattled its tail loudly. Then the snake unwrapped itself and slithered off but became a long dirt path. I walked up the path in the darkness and came to a beautiful grey-eyed mourning dove on that same symbol made of two crossed sticks. As I got closer, I saw its breast was pierced with an arrow. I took it in my hands, pulling the arrow out, and it flew into the sky. I ran after it, up the path, and suddenly the sky was bright. A brightness I had never seen before. It was a pure light, so bright you felt it under your skin but strangely you could look at it without squinting. In front of the light was a large one of those symbols, and it was so beautiful I cried and from my tears grew the most beautiful wild roses, thick with pink flowers and rose berries.” I wait for her to go on. “That was all.”

  “What do you think it means?” I ask, but I’m wondering if this was truly a vision.

  “I think I will know when I see that symbol again.”

  Someone walks near us, and I disrupt Nagi to lean up to see who it is. It’s a man with hands around his back. We hear kissing sounds, and Wakinyan whispers, “It is just some lovers.”

  As I’m about to lie back down, the man turns to his side, and it’s only Apawi with his arms wrapped around himself. He laughs strangely and jumps over the brush. Wakinyan laughs so hard she rolls over into me. Once she is there, she stays. I lay back down and Nagi resettles.

  In the silence, we hear the crickets that come out on warm nights. We listen to them for some time before I speak again. “Mika is with Hanska now.”

  “I know. I miss her so much now that she is in your camp.”

  “You will be in her camp soon.” I venture, watching her reaction.

  She pauses a moment. “Yes, we will be together at the Buffalo Feast.”

  That doesn’t tell me anything.

  But she continues, “Chase has left to the trading post ever since Mika married. I don’t know if he will come back.”

  “Did Reynard go with him?”

  “No, he is still here. He says Chase will be back for another wife soon. Says there are no women at the trading post.” She gets up then and turns her body sideways on the blanket so that her head lies on my stomach. She puts her ear to my skin and laughs.

  “What are you laughing about?”

  She keeps laughing. “Your stomach is making the strangest noises.”

  I stick my stomach out quickly as far as I can and her head bumps up into the air slightly and she laughs again. “How did that sound?”

  She recovers from her giggling. “Okay, I’ll stop listening.” She turns her head back up to the stars. It’s so nice having her next to my skin.

  “I am now a warrior.”

  She stays quiet.

  “And we will be going on the warpath again, to the west, in a few days.”

  Nothing—only the sounds of the crickets.

  “So I am going to try to get as many good ponies as I can take.”

  “That is good, to get ponies,” is all she says.

  “So that I can offer them to your father.”

  She’s quiet for a moment but then says softly, “I would like that.”

  Suddenly, I’m so comfortable I just relax and watch the skies. A shooting star flashes across the darkness and both of us put our hands up at the same time to point it out.

  “That is a good sign, Wakinyan.” My eyes fill low with tears. “I bet it means I will get many horses.”

  She smiles. “I hope so.”

  After some time, she says she must get back to her teepee, and I put Nagi on my shoulder bag so I can throw the blanket around me since the night is getting colder. She wraps her arms around her slender body, and I put my arm with the blanket up around her until we reach the teepee. She turns to look at me briefly and, if I were braver, I would lean in to give her a kiss, but I don’t act quickly enough and she bends down to the teepee flap and disappears.

  The whole walk home I think about how foolish I was not to have tried and keep a tight grip on my bow as the wolves howl in the distance.

  Chapter 15

  We watch Weayaya reach to the sky outside his medicine lodge, fanning the smoke of the burning sage with his eagle feathers. He’s painted head-to-toe in black medicine paint and is in a trance, speaking with the Great Spirit to see if victory can be ours. When his singing ends, he sits, lights his pipe and smokes, then passes it around for us all to smoke.

  “I have talked to the Great Spirit, and he has said this battle will be good. He has shown me which medicine to give to you for this battle.” He goes into his lodge for a moment and then comes back with a blue-painted bag. He unties it, pours it into his hand, and then goes around to each of us, tucking something into the pocket on our belts. “You will still need your own medicine, and be sure to leave some behind to protect your loved ones while you are away.”

  I look at Nagi, whose leg is completely healed and had just begun to fly yesterday and think about how I can leave part of him behind. As if reading my mind, Nagi preens himself and pulls out two brown, baby feathers from his almost all-black adult feathers. I take them from his tight beak and put them inside my pocket. All of the warriors are painted in their colors and adorned with bone-breastplates and feathers. We dance our war dance, striking out with our tomahawks and lances to show our strength. Nagi flies around the circle above me, still a bit clumsily in the air, calling happily—brooonk. Paytah spins by me—Weayaya gave in and allowed Paytah another chance to salvage some of his dignity. He is quiet, though, as many of the stronger warriors sing louder. Afterwards, I say goodbye to my mother and brother and give them the pieces of Nagi to keep on them for protection. I glance at the medicine Weayaya puts in my pocket—a bear tooth. I sense this is going to go well for me today.

  Hanska leaves his teepee with both his wives following close behind, helping him put on his war attire. He turns to his Ojibwa wife. “Be sure to rope Mika when she goes to bed.” Mika turns to look off to the horizon. “Chase might return when he hears I am away and if he disrespects our roping and takes her, he will be punished by death.” The woman nods, happy to have that power over the favored wife, and he hands her the horsehair rope. He then turns Mika around aggressively, with both hands tight around her upper arms, and kisses her. She remains detached when he releases her, and he nods to his other wife, who leans in for a kiss but is neglected. He hops on his pony and watches Mika until she fades from view.r />
  As we stride out on our painted war-ponies, we all turn to see Apawi trailing behind. I ask Hanska, “Is Apawi allowed to come to battle with us?”

  “A Heyota is allowed to do whatever he wants.”

  “But he is not a warrior. He will surely die,” I say, imagining how foolish he’ll be.

  “That is up to the Great Spirit then. Who are you to say who will surely live or die?”

  Normally, he would’ve made a joke about such a topic, but he has been different since he married Mika. He seems to have more on his mind.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  We arrive in enemy territory by midday. I look to the skies, and it’s a perfect summer day. Warm while in the sun but with a gentle, cooling breeze. Reynard pulls up beside me. “We’ll have to attack upwind so that our arrows travel farther.” I agree with a nod, and he stares up at Nagi, flying in circles above me. “That is some medicine!”

  We line up on the ridge overlooking the stream with Otaktay, Mato, and Reynard discussing different plans of attack. Otaktay seems to trust Reynard’s fighting experience, to Mato’s frustration. Hanska says to me, “If only they would listen to me. I could tell them exactly how to attack. We could sweep the whole village and take every horse.”

  At least he’s sounding more like Hanska again, and I smile at how lucky we are that he doesn’t get to decide this battle. Apawi pulls up between Paytah and me and sits backwards on his horse with his shield tied around his rear end. He turns to me, holding onto his horse’s rump, and smiles. I try hard not to laugh since this isn’t the time for that. Reynard notices Apawi ride up and pulls his lips tightly together at the sight of him.

  Reynard brings his hand up over his mouth and pulls down, trying to keep his composure but loses it. He chuckles to straight-faced Otaktay. “Are you sure he’s sacred?”

  Otaktay turns to us. “We will all run our fastest together along this ridge until I give this signal. Then we will cry and attack with the wind. We will head to the ponies in our buffalo formation.” He raises his arms as we get our bows in hand, and when he brings his arms down, we take off at top speed. Some of the villagers look up at the thunder of the horses and run back into their teepees. We let out a primal war yelp as we come down the ridge upon them.

  “Wa-woo-woohoo, wa-woo woohoo!” I get to scream this time, and the adrenaline surges throughout my body, giving me a wondrous high. Nagi swoops low over my head as I speed down the incline, croaking loudly along with us all. We dodge the village and go behind to the valley where the enemies scramble to their horses. They send some arrows out to us on foot, but the wind makes them fall short. None of us slow our horses to shoot back, and all fall into the semi-circle that causes their horses to stampede. The warriors on the sides close in on most of them, but some of the faster horses break free and circle back to their masters. We try to keep the rest running as we close the circle around them. Otaktay heads back around toward home as the enemies catch up and shoot at us from behind. We then have to turn around on our horses while riding forward to shoot back at them. This causes some warriors to break the circle, allowing some of the horses to escape through. Apawi flashes across the whole scene, holding on to his horse’s tail, bouncing with great force with every gait. He comes around, right in front of the enemy, and they all point their bows down since shooting a Heyota is a crime against the Great Spirit in many tribes. This gives us some time to turn the horses so we can at least shoot from the side.

  As soon as Apawi is out of the way, we open up with our arrows. One of my arrows bounces right off a shield. Otaktay yells, “Lasso the best ponies!”

  Otaktay, Chayton, and Mato release a hail of arrows that hit three of the warriors and cause the others to stay back, farther behind us. I hang my bow around my back, withdraw my horsehair rope, and cast it out to the fast brown pony closest to me—I miss. I try again and get it. I tie the rope to my pony’s lead and pull out my bow again as two warriors approach from behind. I turn and release, catching one warrior in the chest. Possibly my first kill! I don’t get to see if the man falls or not since I have to keep in line with the other horses.

  I take the rope hanging on my other side, cast it out into the sea of manes, and feel the rope hold. I slowly tear the pony from its pack and bring it along on my other side. Two ponies are all that I can tie on and will make maneuvering difficult. Otaktay yells for us to follow him. We leave the untied horses and follow him up to the far ridge. Once we reach high ground, Otaktay turns and shouts with great fury down to his enemies, now halting beneath the ridge, “Come!”

  Twenty or so warriors gather in front of us, spread out to try to match our greater number. They seem anxious and annoyed at our surprise arrival. Other men in the distance try to recapture the horses we let go. Nagi, seeing me stop, flies back to perch on my shoulder, and I do feel stronger with him there.

  It’s some sort of standoff, and we clearly have the advantage. “Fight or leave us!” Otaktay screams again with his feathered lance shaking in the air. The warriors only keep their horses moving by bringing them in circles or back and forth. Otaktay signals for us to hold fire, and he kicks his horse down the ravine and yelps, “Ahlahlahlahlalalala!” He sweeps from right to left in the space between our lines, causing the arrows to fly in every direction around him. He swoops back up to us on the ridge and, having proven his great medicine to all, yelps, “Ahlahlahlahlalalala!” Then he shouts to us, “It is easy to be brave from a distance!”

  Paytah on my left moves toward me and hands me the horse he’s captured. His neck flushes with welts from fear. I try to tell him not to go, but he’s already kicked his pony’s sides and is off to try to prove to others that he’s a warrior. He takes the same path that Otaktay does and cries his own high-pitched yell, but midway, an arrow strikes him in the hip. He crouches over with pain, and his pony veers off to bring him back up the ridge. A short distance away from the top, Paytah falls to the ground, and his pony instead of running, grabs the strap of his side bag, and drags him back the rest of the way. The closest warrior leaps off to get Paytah back onto his brave pony.

  The enemy cheers when they hit Paytah so we all send a few arrows down, making them turn and run out of range. Otaktay yells to us, “Go!” as he turns and leads us to the river to cover our tracks. Nagi takes off again and flies before me. About three miles up the river, Reynard tells us to stop. Paytah slows us down greatly. Reynard jumps off and flounders for footing in the silty water. He takes two large clay pieces out of his bag and holds them up to us, smiling. None of us know what he’s doing. He heads to the bank and plunges the clay pieces into the mud repeatedly, up the bank to where the harder ground starts. He trudges back through the water to his horses, unties the two he just acquired, and brings them to the spot he tore up on the bank. He releases their ties and slaps them both hard on their hindquarters, causing them to whinny and take off into the woods along a path.

  He gets back on his French horse and holds the clay pieces out so we see the horse-hoof shape they have. We all nod, seeing now the genius in what he did. Reynard smiles. “A little trick I picked up from the Iroquois.” Then he kicks his horse back to a gallop.

  The trick must have worked since no one follows us. We return home after dark, and I bring Paytah right away to see Weayaya. Weayaya’s face drops at the sight of Paytah—the only one wounded from this battle. Paytah, who desperately needed this glory. He points for me to put him on the buffalo blanket in his medicine lodge and only nods for me to go.

  When I come back out, Mother runs to greet me, and she is so happy to see that it’s not me that needs Weayaya. Mika stumbles out of her teepee, her thighs tied together like Hanska wanted. She smiles, seeing me unchanged, and hops back inside before Hanska rides up. I tie Paytah’s medicine into his captured horse’s tail, tie two small feathers of Nagi on my new ponies, and set them free into our herd. I come back to complete the Scalp dance, but I don’t feel so happy with Paytah missing. As soon as i
t’s over, I go to my teepee and fall asleep—two ponies closer to Wakinyan.

  Chapter 16

  The next morning, on my way to offer my ponies up to Mato, I ride to the medicine lodge to check on Paytah. I hear some voices within and recognize Paytah’s. Right before I push the flap over, heavy sobbing emanates from within. I freeze and then step back. Weayaya says to him, “A good warrior makes a poor scout.” I only hear more sobbing. “Every man has his place in this world. Now you must go find yours, Paytah.”

  I’m glad I brought Nagi with me now since this is a bad start to this important day. I have the two fine ponies I stole yesterday and my father’s second-best war pony. The ride seems too short, and Wakinyan sees me coming. She skips, smiling, back into her teepee. I get off my horse, tie the three ponies to the tree beside their teepee, and wait at the circle campfire. Chayton is there, and he laughs at seeing me so early. He leans back to see the ponies tied at Mato’s teepee. “It is only because you saved my life that I am not competing for Wakinyan with you.” He slaps me on the back.

  “It was a good thing I saved you then.”

  He laughs. “Yes, but it’s some other maiden’s good fortune.” He then stretches and asks, “How is Paytah?”

  I shake my head, wanting to rid my mind of his heavy sobs. “It doesn’t sound good.”

  He squints up at the figure approaching quickly behind me, and I turn to see Mato. He looms above me. Nagi hops off my shoulder and flies to a nearby tree branch.

  “Green eyes will cost you much more than three ponies.”

  He spits right beside me and storms back off. My whole body slumps. Chayton seems uncomfortable but offers, “You will get more ponies.”

  I go back and gather the three reins. Mother sees me return and averts her eyes, trying not to shame me more. Mika glances up from her cooking to give me a sorry look, making me feel worse. I take the ponies to the field and then walk up the prairie shelf. After watching the wind blow, moving the plants like water, I decide I must simply try harder.