by Jessie Cooke
Christo pulled off Connie’s large-rimmed glasses and pushed her down onto the chair where he was planning to do her makeup. “You are not an ugly duckling, my dear, and even if you were—you’re quite old enough to show us that swan you’ve become. Now, let me work my magic.”
The music was pumping so that Connie felt it take over her heartbeat, synchronizing her breath and her heart to the beat of the song the DJ was playing. Wednesday night was for women at Zippers, and small gatherings and covens of girls cluttered the dance floor—some with their token gay male; some without.
“I’m surprised your husband let you come out with us,” Connie yelled into Christo’s ear over the music.
He smiled and patted her arm. “Anything for a good cause. Besides, Simon trusts me, and I trust him. We know that there’s no other person on earth for either of us.”
At that very moment, a well-built young man with his brown hair cropped short, strode up to Christo, put his hand on Christo’s bicep, and asked him where he worked out.
“At home, with my husband, so back off,” Christo said and chomped his teeth at him.
The youngster thrust out his bottom lip in a pout and spun on his heel to walk away. Connie was amazed.
“I’ve never seen anything like that happen in real life,” she said. “Only in the movies.”
“And half these queens think their life is a movie,” Christo said from the corner of his mouth. “Now, let’s get a little juicy juice in you and hit that dance floor.”
Bella led the way towards the crowded bar, inched her way between a short but handsome guy in leather shorts and a leather biker’s vest and a Barbie-look-alike with a strong Valley-girl accent she hadn’t heard since the early nineties.
“Three mai tais,” she motioned to the bartender. She figured fruity was better for her friend Connie who hardly ever drank. She handed the bartender her card with instructions to run a tab, and weaved her way back to the table where Christo and Connie stood. They were an unlikely pair—Christo bopping to the music and warding off the fellas; Connie looking extremely uncomfortable and school-girlish despite all of Christo’s efforts and wonderful make-up job. Bella placed the drinks in the middle of the table, then she walked around to the back of Connie. Gently, she place her hands on Connie’s shoulders, pulling them back and loosening them up.
“Relax a little,” she whispered in her ear. “You’re here to have a good time, remember? No one’s judging you, but you seem very closed and uncomfortable.”
Connie tilted her head from side to side to loosen the muscles in her neck. She lowered her shoulders and shook out her hands.
“Here,” Christo said as he slid the mai tai nearer to her. “Take a sip of two of this. It’ll loosen you up.”
She put her lips onto the slender stir-stick and smiled at the taste. “This is good!” she said as Bella and Christo watched the level of the liquid in her glass begin to sink.
Bella pulled the glass away. “Easy, tiger,” she laughed. “That’ll go to your head really fast. Pace yourself. You’ve got the whole night.”
“I feel warm,” Connie said, and the flush on her cheeks was already coming in red and clear.
“I’m sure you do,” Christo said. Then his face fell. “Uh-oh,” he mumbled.
“What?” Bella turned her head in the direction of his gaze and saw Luke heading for their table. “Shit,” she griped.
“What are we cursing about?” Connie asked a little more loudly than Christo or Bella would have liked.
“Probably at seeing me.” The voice came from behind her, startling Connie, but then she burst into laughter.
There stood Luke in nothing but a red pair of bikini shorts. Connie stared for about ten seconds and then hid her eyes prudishly.
“Hi, Bella,” he said.
“Luke . . . you work here?” Bella asked, barely able to find her voice.
“I knew you’d be ashamed,” Luke said. “That’s why I never really told you.”
Bella swallowed hard. “Not ashamed, just . . . confused maybe.”
“It’s great money. I make more than any guy here on any given night. And I’m free during the day to work on designs and networking.”
“How’s that going for you?” Christo asked. He seemed to be the only one who could look at Luke fully.
“Hi, Christo,” Luke smiled. “It’s slow going, but . . . well, you know how the business goes. In the meantime, I’ve met some really awesome people here and made some great friends, and this money more than pays the bills.”
Bella slurped the rest of her mai tai and reached for Connie’s. “Well, this is most definitely unexpected,” she commented.
“Bella, I still want to talk sometime—maybe have lunch.” Luke had turned his full attention to her as if no one else were standing at the table; as if no one else were even in the bar. Bella looked beyond him, unable to meet his eyes and noted a tall, good looking dark-haired fella wearing as little as Luke was approaching them.
“There you are,” the handsome fella said as he slapped Luke on the butt and leaned into him. “I’ve been looking for you. I’m going on break and thought maybe you could join me.” The handsome stranger stroked Luke’s arm possessively.
“Bella, this is Andrew,” Luke said, his face forlorn and his body tense.
Andrew cocked his cute little head. “Bella? The Bella?”
“The Bella,” Luke said with resignation.
Andrew squealed and moved in to hug Bella, but it was clear that neither Bella nor Luke really wanted that to be happening. “I feel like I know you already, Luke talks about you so much.”
Bella faked a smile. Suddenly, this night where she was teaching Connie to have confidence in herself—to try new things and trust herself; to get outside her comfort zone—had flipped, and here she was feeling confused, hurt, uncomfortable, and ready to go home and hide under the covers, hoping it would all just go away.
“Why don’t you go ahead and take that break,” Luke said as he turned to Andrew. “I need to talk to Bella for a minute.”
“Okay. So nice to meet you,” Andrew said, and Bella watched as he squeezed Luke’s buttock before leaving.
She widened her eyes and shook her head slightly as if to clear it before saying, “I need some air.” Turning to head out the door, Luke called to her and started towards her. Christo, however, put a hand on Luke’s bare chest.
“Let’s give her a little space,” Christo said. “She’s got quite a bit to wrap her head around at the moment.”
“I need her to know the truth,” Luke said. “And the truth is that I still love her.”
Connie’s eyes widened as she took it all in, then suddenly, the sound of sputtering was heard coming from her lips.
“Connie?” Christo asked cautiously.
“I am so damn confused,” Connie said, her hands at each of her temples and her giggles coming uncontrollably. “What in the hell is happening here?”
Luke looked at Christo, one eyebrow cocked higher than the other.
“Lightweight,” Christo answered. “Don’t mind her.”
Connie giggled in response.
Luke looked back at Christo, concern and worry all over his face. “I haven’t been completely honest with her,” he informed Christo.
“This seems to be a theme I keep hearing today,” Christo mumbled as he took another sip of his drink.
“I need to come clean, and I need her to know that I think we can make this work.”
Christo slammed his glass down on the table to the sound of Connie’s escalating giggles. “Let’s get something straight—sorry, poor choice of words—clear: You have this need to tell Bella everything, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she has the need to hear it . . . at least not right now. You may believe you love her. Okay, fine, but the girl has been through a slight trauma just realizing that you worked here—at a gay club. She’s putting the pieces together, Luke. You don’t have to do it for her. And just because you
love her doesn’t mean that she would be able to love you, not the way you want to be loved.”
“I didn’t choose this,” Luke said. “Of all the people in the world, I would expect you to understand. I love her, and I want her to understand that nothing—not Andrew, not how we met, nothing changes the fact that I do.”
Christo stepped towards Luke so that he was inches from his face. “Listen, I know the hows and whys of your meeting, and I know who was behind it all, and I’m telling you that while she deserves to know the truth of it all, there’s just too much truth that you’re trying to lay on her right now. Leave her be. Let her have a little space. She just confirmed suspicions she’d had about you. She just learned you aren’t all that you’ve seemed to be. She doesn’t need anything else complicating all of that at the moment.”
Luke looked at the door Bella had just exited. He knew Christo was right, but he knew he had to do something. He didn’t want to lose her.
“Give her some time,” Christo said again. “I’ll talk to her.”
“Will you tell her that I need to see her; that I need to talk to her?”
Christo nodded.
“Can I just say,” Connie began, her speech slurred and interrupted with giggles, “that you are one amazingly beautiful creature?” Her laughter interrupted her own train of thought. “I can’t believe I just said that,” she said mainly to herself. She leaned towards Luke. “Let’s have a drink,” she said.
“Um, thanks but, I’m on in a few minutes,” he answered.
“Well, I’ll be getting my dollar bills ready,” she slurred again.
“One drink,” Christo mumbled, “and I’m already gonna be babysitting. Bella owes me big time!”
77
“How do things shift from going so well to suddenly going to shit?” Bella asked Christo. “Everything was great—awesome. Reece and I have been doing great. We’re moving in together. The sex is good even with the cast. I’m building my own confidence, seriously considering your business venture. Then BAM! Everything goes to hell! Rita wants me to stay in Fort Worth; even with a demotion, she doesn’t know if I’m ready to come back to Dallas for work. Luke is working at a gay bar and obviously has a boyfriend but stands there and tells me he’s still in love with me before he goes off to get dollar bills stuffed down his underwear! How did this become my life?!”
Christo was stroking Bella’s long dark hair. They had deposited Connie back at her sister’s home safe and sound and a little more sober than when they’d left the bar. Netta had been excited that Connie had finally decided to walk on the wild side, even if just for a night.
“Bella, you should give him the chance to talk to you. At least let him tell you what he needs to tell you. Then, you can end it all and get on with your life,” Christo advised.
“On with my life,” Bella repeated. “I thought I was going to get on with my life, but it seems like I’m going to be going backwards—back to Fort Worth to manage that office and simply see Reece when I can on the weekends.”
“So that’s it? You’re throwing in the towel? Just going to tuck that little tail in and run back to Fort Worth crying ‘poor me’ all the way home? What about Reece? What about Divine Designs? What about your own personal happiness?”
Bella could hear the strain in Christo’s voice. It kept getting higher and higher, indicating his level of frustration with her was growing as well.
“Oh, who am I kidding, Christo? I put on this great persona—Bella Ryan, badass designer, here to train even the least confident on how to be a badass. It’s all a sham; such a ridiculous farce. I’m no one to be giving advice to anyone else on getting out of your comfort zone and becoming wonderful. I can’t even really do it myself.”
“Bella, I’m tired,” Christo said with a sigh. “I’m tired of being your cheerleader. You’re on your own. I can’t keep cheering on someone who sometimes believes in herself but more often looks to someone else to do the believing for her. You have two men who are professing their undying love for you, yet you’re going to pout your way all the way back to Fort Worth because of one slight glitch in the plan you had laid out in your mind. Life doesn’t work that way. You can’t control everything, and you sure as hell cannot keep running from your own happiness.”
They had pulled up in front of Christo’s apartment. He took her hands in his and squeezed them hard to get her attention. “Call Luke. Meet up with him and hear him out. Let him at least get everything off that beautiful chest of his. Then you can have your say. Then talk to Reece about what you can work out. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to still be true to yourself and your pursuit of happiness without giving up on everything. And start believing in yourself for real this time. If we’re going to start a business together, you have to believe in our brand, and half of that brand is you. Either you believe in you or you don’t. Simple.”
After hugging her tightly and kissing her on the forehead, Christo got out of the car, waving his fingers at her as the taxi pulled away. She didn’t deserve a friend like Christo. Were the shoes on the other feet, she probably would have walked away, disgusted with the number of times she had had to pick him up and brush him off. When was she going to start being worthy of his friendship?
“Now!” she told herself.
“Miss?” the cab driver asked, thinking she was speaking to him.
“Sorry, nothing,” she clarified.
She opened up her cell phone and texted Luke.
“Lunch tomorrow?” her text read.
When she got home, Reece was already sleeping. She dropped her clothes beside the bed and slid between the covers, nuzzling up to him.
“You’re cold,” he mumbled half-awake.
“That’s why I’m snuggling you,” she replied.
“Good time?”
“Ok.”
“Get Boring Betty out of her shell?”
“We’ll talk in the morning,” Bella said. “We have a lot to plan for,” she whispered into the back of his neck where she kissed him.
She closed her eyes just before hearing the chime of her cell phone alerting her to an incoming text message. She groaned and rolled over to retrieve the phone from the bedside table. Running her finger across the screen, she saw that Luke had texted her back. She opened the message.
“Iron Cactus at noon?” the text message read.
“That’s fine. See you then,” Bella typed back and then hit send just as Reece was turning towards her.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said as she set her phone back on the bedside table. “Christo just making sure I made it home okay,” she lied.
“You can tell him that I said you are more than okay,” Reece said as he pushed himself up against her.
“Gotta rest up there, cowboy,” Bella said kissing him tenderly on the lips. “Big day tomorrow.”
“Yep, and as soon as I get this cast off, I’m going to come home and give you the loving I wish I could have been giving you all this time.”
She felt his arousal between them, but just couldn’t find it within herself to respond—especially not since she’d just seen her ex in nothing but his bikinis while he was being manhandled at his job he hadn’t really been honest with her about. Just when she thought life was getting simpler, somehow it became more complicated.
“All the more reason to rest,” she said as she turned her back to Reece. “You’ve got a lot of making up to do.”
78
Bella looked at the time on her cell phone again. It was twenty minutes past noon, and she was sitting in a booth at the Iron Cactus waiting on Luke.
It isn’t like him to be late, Bella thought, then stopped and self-corrected. What do I know what’s really like him or not? Apparently, there’s a lot I don’t know about him . . . or told myself I didn’t know or want to know.
“Here you are,” she heard his voice come up behind her, and he presented her with a bouquet of dark pink gerbera daisies. They ha
d a black center—her favorite color scheme. She smiled as she accepted them.
“Sorry I’m late. I had to stop at two flower shops to find what I wanted. It put me a little behind schedule.”
“These are beautiful,” she smiled. “Thank you for your thoughtfulness.”
Luke smiled shyly. “It’s the least I could do after seeing you last night. I never expected you to frequent Zippers, or . . . well, I don’t know that I would have told you the entire truth even then.”
“Why not?” Bella asked.
“I was afraid you would judge me, think less of me for stooping to such a level to make money. I mean, some people would say I’m only one step away from prostitution.”
“Would you say that?” Bella asked.
“Some days I would. Some days I wouldn’t. I know I would have said it earlier in my life most likely, but now . . . well, I guess I see it as just a job. And it’s not prostitution, so . . .”
“I was just surprised,” Bella said. “I’m not judging you. What I am doing is wondering why all the lies?”
“I may need a margarita to answer all of that,” Luke said as he motioned to the waitress. She took their order for two margaritas—no salt, on the rocks—and said she’d return promptly.
“So, let’s talk about Andrew,” Bella said as she smoothed her napkin in her lap.
“I met him here in Dallas. He works at Zippers too. It just sort of happened. We hit it off, started hanging out, and that’s that.”
“What’s what?” Bella pressured. “Do you love him? Are you in love with him?”
“I could ask you the same about Reece,” Luke said pointedly.
“You could, and I could answer . . . after you answer my question that I asked you first.”
“I am in love with him, I think. It’s a little early to tell. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but . . . well, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m in love with you, too, Bella. He knows about you. I’ve told him how much I love you and need you in my life to be complete. How my love for you doesn’t change my love for him. He gets it; doesn’t like it really, but he’s working on it.” He leaned forward. “I never knew I was bisexual,” he whispered. “I had always believed I was gay. But, well, there was just something about you that broke through all those illusions. Bella, I need you and want you and love you more than I have ever experienced before in my life. I’m not ready to let go of you.”