by Jessie Cooke
“You know, I had suspicions,” Bella said. “That you were gay, I mean. Well, really it was Christo that had suspicions, but I didn’t listen. I was just certain you would have told me if that were the case. Were you with a guy while we were together in Fort Worth?”
“No. Never,” Luke said. Then the morning that Bella saw Andrew’s text message dawned on him. “I mean, I take that back. I had just met Andrew through some friends. We were just starting to talk. Had merely had a conversation or two, nothing serious.”
“But you said that you met him at Zippers.”
“Our paths happened to cross again there. I’m really not trying to complicate things or lie to you, Bella. I just wanted to give you the simplest answer for a complicated situation.”
“How about just give me the most truthful answer?” Bella asked.
“Fair enough,” Luke said as the waitress set their margaritas down in front of them. She had barely taken her hand off them before Luke took it and gulped down some of the lime-flavored tonic. “And I’ll ask the same of you,” he said.
“Fair enough,” she agreed and took a long sip of her own concoction.
“I’ve lied to you. I lied to you about Andrew. The morning he kept texting me, and you asked me about it. I didn’t tell you the truth: that I had met him one night with friends. That we’d hit it off and made out a little bit, but I told him I was in love with a girl. He laughed; said there was no such thing as bisexuality. I was probably just using it as a stepping stone out of the closet for good. I explained the entire situation to him—how I’d always identified as gay but had gotten to know you and fallen in love with you. I wasn’t ready to tell you everything yet. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I was still trying to understand what was happening to me. I lied about him. I lied—sort of—about the job. But there’s one thing I’ve never lied about to you, Bella, and that’s how much I love you.”
Bella stirred the ice in her margarita before she took another sip through the straw. She looked at Luke, his hazel eyes darker than she’d noticed before, sadder. “So what do you want to know?” she asked.
“Are you in love with Reece Hamilton?”
“Wow! Wasting no time, are you?” she asked. “Boom, straight out of the gate.”
“I’m just wondering if I have a chance here,” he replied.
Bella smiled weakly. “I do love him,” she whispered. “But I love you too,” she defended.
“Just not the same as Reece,” Luke finished for her.
She shook her head slightly. “I’m in love with Reece. I have been for a while. I guess that was my lie to you,” she said. “I tried to escape it. That’s why I even went to Fort Worth in the first place. But all that did was make me realize that I wasn’t being true to you or to myself or to Reece in this whole scenario. We can love many people, Luke. But we can’t fall in love with just anyone.”
She watched Luke bat back the tears that had sprung to his eyes, and it made her feel horrible, like she’d just denied someone his dying wish. She felt selfish in a way, but she also didn’t want to lead him on and lie to him. She knew how it had hurt when he wasn’t completely honest with her.
“I can’t be who you need me to be,” Bella said softly. “I just don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to share.”
“I know what you mean, and I can respect that,” Luke said. “But you have to understand that what Andrew and I have would be very separate from what you and I have.”
Bella smiled. “But he’d still have you. The fact remains: I love you, Luke, but I’m not in love with you. To try and make something work would be lying to both of us.” She reached across to take his hand. “You deserve someone who feels exactly the same about you as you do about her or him or both.” She laughed lightly.
“We could make this work, Bella. Reece is not the man for you. You’re from two different worlds, you and he.”
“You’ve said so yourself: you can’t help who you fall in love with,” Bella replied. “I don’t fault you for falling for Andrew, if you honestly are.”
“I’m not in love with Andrew like I’m in love with you, and I would gladly break it off with him to have you and find someone who would completely understand me and love me even with you.”
“But I can’t do that, Luke,” Bella said. “I just can’t share. It was always in the background, not only because you knew and didn’t tell me, but because I felt it. Couple that with the fact that I was always in love with Reece, and that is what eventually drove us apart. We have to be honest with each other.”
“What if I told you that Reece isn’t the man you think he is? Things aren’t always what they seem, you know.”
Bella laughed as she thought of how this applied to her life: Nicky, Dave, Hayley Jo, Reece, body painting, even Luke. “But you weren’t exactly who I thought you were either, Luke. Does that change my love for you? No. Does that make me more or less able to fall in love with you? No. No one really is who they seem to be to us ever. I seem to be living and learning that lesson over and over again. My mantra as of late has been exactly that: things aren’t always what they seem. You really have no idea how this has become the theme of my life.”
Luke ran his finger nervously around the edge of his margarita glass. Bella could tell he was thinking, but she was uncomfortable and simply wanted to get home to Reece. He was supposed to be getting his cast off this afternoon, and the promise that he’d made to her kept echoing in her head, even as she sat here breaking her ex-boyfriend’s heart.
“Life is complicated enough, Luke. What I’m trying to do is simplify it by being honest with myself and the people I love and focusing on just that: love and happiness in the simplest of terms.” She motioned to the waitress who came to the table quickly.
“Are y’all ready to order?” she asked sweetly.
“I think we’ll just take the check when you get it ready,” Bella answered.
She saw the flash of disappointment on the waitress’s face; how dare they take a table and take up her time with only two margaritas when she could have seated a whole table for lunch? But she swished herself away and came back with the check and a smile.
Bella gave her enough cash for both drinks and a generous tip, gathered the daisies in her arms and stood. “I wish I could give you what you want, Luke. I really do, but in the long run, it wouldn’t be what either of us needs.”
“I’ll always love you, Bella. You haven’t heard the last from me,” he smiled. “And I mean that in a good way.”
She thought about leaning down to kiss him gently on the cheek, but then rethought it. Would it be like rubbing salt in the wound? She settled for an amiable pat on his shoulder, and then exited the restaurant. Luke placed his hand where hers had been on his shoulder. He could still feel the heat of her hand. She needed to know who she was choosing, what she was choosing. If she wanted her life to be full of honesty, then she needed to know it all, including Reece’s involvement in her pursuit of happiness and truth. He would do the right thing: he would call Reece and inform him that Reece had some time to tell Bella everything, but if she didn’t know it all soon, then he—Luke—would fill in all the blanks. Who knew—she just might fall in love with Luke for saving her from the monster that Reece truly was.
79
Reece used one crutch to practice walking around the apartment. His cast off, he felt a new sense of freedom, but complete mobility still tantalized him. He heard the front door open, and he swung himself around to head towards the arriving Bella, all smiles.
“Well, look at you,” she said as he hobbled towards her putting a little weight on his newly freed leg.
He looked up at her and smiled, raising his eyebrows as if asking for encouraging feedback. She clapped her hands, reassuring him.
“Doc says I should be back to ‘normal’ in about four weeks,” he informed her.
“Physical therapy?” she asked.
“Got someone coming three days a week. Since the
muscles atrophied a bit, it’ll take a bit to get back to complete use. I’m just glad I got that damn cast off. I feel lighter than I have in years.”
“I’ll bet it didn’t smell too good,” Bella said, wrinkling her nose.
“Yeah, be glad you missed that part. And look,” he pulled up the leg of his jeans to reveal a whiter more shriveled looking leg. “See what you’ve got to look forward to?”
“What I’ve got to look forward to? What do you mean?”
“This is what I’ll look like as an old man,” he laughed. “Only all over.”
She stepped towards him and snaked her arms around him. “Wasn’t there something more recreational you promised me after this cast came off?” she asked.
“I thought you’d never ask,” he said as he bent down and kissed her softly. “Come on.” He offered up his arm and began to escort her back to the bedroom.
Candles were already lit. A bouquet of pink roses adorned each bedside table, and pink rose petals were scattered on the floor around the bed, and Reece had carefully placed the rose petals in the shape of a heart on the bed.
“This is cheesy-romantic,” Bella said with a grin.
“Well, I’m just that kind of guy,” Reece said, turning to Bella and leaning in to kiss along the nape of her neck. “You smell good,” he growled into the softness of her flesh. The sensation of his breath on her neck traveled all the way to her core, warming her from the inside out. She could feel herself dampening, and she smiled at his tickling.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her to him, his head nestling into her stomach.
“You are such an incredible woman,” he said. “Do you know that?”
“I’m beginning to get a glimpse of the good woman I could be,” she said.
“Don’t sell yourself short, Bella,” Reece told her as she brushed his hair with her fingers. “You should see what I see.”
She smiled. “Maybe one day I will,” she said.
He tugged on her shirt, his signal that he wanted her lips on his, and she complied, pressing them tightly around his mouth, her tongue sliding into his lips, tickling and teasing. She felt Reece’s mouth curl into a grin, and she pushed back on him slightly. He fell back into the rose petal-drawn heart and pulled her onto him. She reached for him, exploring his details—his eyebrows, his nose, his lips down to his Adam’s apple, and unbuttoning his shirt. She slid her fingers onto his chest, the tips of her fingers tracing his nipples.
“Time to get you undressed,” he said, and he rolled her over onto her back. Expertly, he began slowly unbuttoning her blouse, sliding it away from her skin and bending to kiss her stomach when the last button was undone. “I have a treat for you,” he said, and he left the bed to retrieve a bottle from the bathroom. He showed it to her with a flourish.
“Lavender and rose scented massage oil,” she read. “Niiiiice.”
He motioned for her to rise from the bed, which she did. Turning down the comforter, Reece smoothed the covers and brought out an angled pillow with a hole in the center.
“So, lie face down into this,” he instructed, “and I’ll give you a massage.”
“You really are making up for that cast,” Bella said as she dropped her bra and panties on the floor. “But I think it is only fair if you drop your clothes too. Besides, wouldn’t want to get oil on those clothes.”
Reece was already shedding his jeans and underwear before Bella could get the sentence out of her mouth. His giddiness was evident even underneath his clothing. She situated herself on the bed, her face in the pillow and her arms by her side.
She felt the bed shift with Reece’s weight and then it evened out as he straddled her, his knees on each side. She heard him rub his hands together, and then he placed them on her shoulders and began smoothing in the oil as he worked through the knots he found as he went.
“Mmmmmmmm,” Bella found herself saying as he applied pressure to the muscles. “That feels so great!”
His hands slid to the middle of her back, and she felt his thumbs dig in to make small circles on either side of her spine.
“You’ve got a lot of tension,” he commented.
“Not for long,” she said, her voice muffled around the pillow.
The heat from his hands melted the tension away, and Bella found herself wanting to feel that heat on her breasts. Then she thought better—the oil may not taste good, and she knew she wanted his lips there more than she wanted his rose-scented oily hands.
More pressure came from his strong hands on her mid back, and another groan came from the angled pillow at the top of the bed. Reece found himself laughing.
“Don’t ever go get a massage,” he said.
“Why?” Bella asked naively.
“Because people in the waiting room will most assuredly get the wrong idea.”
“I can’t help it,” Bella defended herself. “It feels incredible.”
“How does this feel?” he asked, and she felt him slide down and rest himself between her butt-cheeks. Her head popped up from the hole in the pillow.
“Like you want to try something new,” she said.
“Have you ever?” he asked.
“No, have you?”
Reece laughed. “No. Hardly, but . . . well, I have wondered.” She felt him pulse in wonderment against her.
“We can try it,” she said a bit hesitantly.
“You really haven’t ever done it before?” he asked, Luke’s bragging ringing in his ears.
Bella shook her head. “I mean, I was propositioned once, but . . . I just couldn’t do it.”
Reece couldn’t help but feel relief at the fact that Luke had been lying. “Well, we do have the oil out,” he pointed out.
Bella turned over on her stomach and spread her legs a little for him. “But all this conversation has left me in a less heightened state. Maybe you can do something about that,” she winked.
“By all means,” Reece said, and he lowered his head into the beckoning area between her legs. First he licked lightly, and then Bella felt him suck at her, swirling his tongue around her hardened pearl. Another moan escaped, and she realized just how vocal she was when her body received pleasure. She couldn’t help but grin.
A zing of electricity sailed through her body, and she felt him pull at her with his lips. She took his face in her hands and gently pulled him away from the space between her legs. “Let’s try this,” she whispered.
She poured some of the lavender and rose scented oil into her hands and slid them down the length of his hardness, making sure to do it slowly, applying just the right amount of pressure to elicit a soft whisper of a moan from Reece.
She got on her hands and knees and braced herself. She felt the bed shift as he repositioned himself, trying to get the best angle.
She felt him hard against her backside, and he reached underneath to stroke her, making sure she was still as aroused as she was earlier. She felt him move his fingers from her core to her bum and slowly enter. She gasped in pain.
“I don’t know about this,” Bella heard herself say.
“We don’t have to do it,” Reece said, but the thought of doing it made her wet again. “Maybe you need to relax some more. Champagne?”
“Sure,” she smiled, and she lay back to watch his naked body leave the room for the bottle. He returned, still erect but fading. He popped the cork, and Bella grabbed the bottle, waving the crystal flutes away. She chugged down half the champagne before offering it to Reece who laughed.
“Didn’t know I’d have to get you drunk to make love to you,” he said.
“Just trying to make your dreams come true,” was her response.
“You already have,” he replied. Then, he crawled across the bed towards her and kissed her lips, the taste of champagne still on her mouth. She reached down between his legs and found him, hard and wanting. Her fingers slid around him as her tongue stroked his tongue and her hands stroked his rigid length.
Once again he
lowered his face into her lap and drank from between her legs. She knew that with him in that position, she wouldn’t last very long, and so she signaled to him again that they should try. Before he let her roll over, however, he eased the length of himself between her legs, letting her feel his desire for her.
“We do not have to do this if you don’t want to,” he said again.
“I want to do it with you,” she whispered in response. “And only you.” Something inside of her had made her braver, more daring. She realized that she felt emboldened by Reece’s love.
“Let me try something,” he said, and he slid himself into her slowly, bringing an exhale of satisfaction between them. He rolled her over so that they were on their side facing each other, and he reached around and slid his finger into her ass. The sound she made this time let him know it was pleasurable. He began to slowly thrust against her while he moved his finger around, and he heard her breath catch as if she were on the brink, so he pulled himself out and quickly repositioned himself to gain access. Slowly, centimeter by centimeter, he embedded himself into her, manipulating her hardened core with his fingers as he did. Every sensation shifted her closer to mind-blowing, body-numbing ecstasy.
Bella felt the wave building, an odd and sideways sort of sensation that she hadn’t known before. A sensation of both pain and pleasure, and within seconds, she heard Reece bellow in release as he shuddered against her backside, still playing her like an instrument he had mastered.
She had lost herself in his caressing pumps until Bella felt Reece’s stomach up against her bum. Then, tenderly, his free hand joined the working hand and together his fingers began to strum. Bella thought she could hear the tune in her head, could feel the vibrations of the song throughout her body as Reece brought her to the edge. Soon she was freefalling, lighter than air and faster than the light that was soaring through her body, between her and Reece and the scent of the roses that embraced her, imprinting on her memory, making her his and only his.