To Love, Honour and Disobey

by Natalie Anderson

  ‘Your honeymoon?’

  For one second, absolute triumph zapped through Ana. Unfortunately it was instantly zapped by a regret so awful she felt sick. She wanted to retract. Immediately she drained her glass and escaped to the bathroom. But when she walked out five minutes later she saw blondie in earnest conversation with Sebastian’s mother.

  Oh, no.

  She met the ice-cool gaze of his mother with a flush, helplessly watched as the older woman turned and went to Seb, interrupting the photo call as she asked the question.

  By rights the glass windows should all have shattered. The decibel of the shriek certainly had all heads turning.

  ‘You’re married.’ His mother’s voice carried clearer than a bell.

  Seb, standing to the right of his father, turned and looked across at Ana. She lifted her head, meeting his eyes full on and determined to hold onto her justification. She had some somewhere—didn’t she?

  And all of a sudden she was trapped between him and his mother, who was firing questions machine-gun style.

  ‘When?’

  Seb looked at her. Forcing her to answer.

  ‘A while ago.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘A registry office.’

  ‘A registry office? Oh, Sebastian.’ His mother looked appalled. ‘Let me guess, no witnesses, no guests, no party. You’ve never had the celebration.’ She tutted. ‘Never had the first dance.’

  ‘It wasn’t something that interested either of us,’ Ana muttered.

  ‘Sebastian, how could you?’

  ‘Quite easily.’ He finally spoke. Cooler than Arctic waters. ‘I figured you and Dad have had enough weddings between you. You didn’t need me to add another to the calendar.’

  Ana looked at the expression in his mother’s eyes and for the first time realised that their mess of a marriage might actually hurt someone other than herself. This was the woman’s son—her only child—and she was finding out about his wife for the first time at her ex-husband’s latest wedding. It must be a bit of a shock.

  ‘Will you excuse me a moment?’ Another bathroom trip was definitely in order. To give them a moment. To escape from the energy she could feel in Seb—the angry energy.

  Mistake. Big, big mistake.

  He was waiting for her when she emerged and she didn’t have the courage to look at him.

  ‘I thought we were going to keep the details under wraps,’ he said a little too quietly.

  Ana knew the colour in her cheeks was deliriumfever red—and only deepening. ‘Well, Cassie was digging her elbows into me as she tried to plaster her breasts all over you.’

  His lips were firmly pressed together. Too firmly. After a silence that stretched Ana’s nerves to utter defence mode he finally spoke again. Still soft, still dangerous. ‘You’re not jealous, are you, Ana?’

  The woman was blonde and petite and beautiful. Of course she was jealous. Not just jealous but threatened, insecure and apparently capable of a lioness-like display of alpha-girl territorial behaviour. Since when did she do that? And yet her claws itched to be unsheathed again just at the thought of the woman. Not that Ana wanted to admit to any of it. ‘I…er…’

  ‘I’ve never been interested in Cassie,’ Seb said evenly. ‘She’s the daughter of my father’s friend. I’ve known her most of my life and I’ve never even kissed her.’

  ‘Although I’m sure you’ve had the opportunity.’ Ana just had to dig.

  ‘Sure. But I didn’t take them.’

  Them? As in more than one opportunity? So the vixen had been hunting him for a while, had she? Ana’s claws sharpened enough to cut more efficiently than a diamond-tipped blade.

  Seb stepped closer. Took hold of her chin in firm fingers and made her look at him. To her surprise it was amusement glowing in the depths of his eyes, not anger. And while his voice was still low, it was threaded with a half-laugh that made her spine go scarily soft.

  ‘If I wanted to I would have a long time ago. I didn’t want to then, don’t want to now, won’t ever want to. Satisfied?’

  The guilt was sloshing around inside with an unusually large dose of embarrassment. But there was a warm twist of pleasure too—and, yes, satisfaction. Then the embarrassment gained supremacy. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘I’ll leave. I can just sneak away.’

  ‘No, you can’t,’ he said calmly. ‘You have to smile your way through this as I do. It’s your fault for announcing our marriage so smoothly. You were the one who insisted we come. I’d have skipped it altogether.’

  ‘I didn’t want to come. I just wanted you to.’

  He shook his head and pulled her wrap from her shoulders, baring her arm, and her body in the silk dress.

  ‘What are you doing?’ She reached for it but he tossed it onto the nearest chair—grabbed her by the arm to stop her following it.

  ‘I think the least you can do is give me something good to look at.’

  ‘Seb.’

  His smile was wicked. ‘Ana, what you and I need to do is make the best of a bad situation.’

  Somehow she got through the dinner. The jokes. The speeches. Smiling hard, she watched the cake being cut. Finally it was the first dance. A few songs after that she was sure they’d then be able to leave. Ana watched the couple walk to the middle of the floor. Heard Seb groan as the musicians struck a few chords.

  ‘It’s a snowball,’ he muttered.

  ‘Snowball?’

  Seb shot her a pained look. ‘Not up with wedding traditions, are you?’

  Ana watched, mystified, as the couple began to waltz. She couldn’t see the problem; they looked sweet. And then the musicians seemed to pause—holding the note. The bride left her husband’s arms and went and got Seb. While his father went and got her brides-maid—then another chorus of the waltz was played and the two new couples danced. Another pause. Seb went to his mother and the others found new partners. They waltzed round the room for another chorus. Then came the pause again. And Seb walked to her.

  She got what he meant now—the dance was repeated over and over, with each pause those dancing would go and get a new partner. Snowballing—slowly expanding the participants until all the guests would be on the floor.

  She stared at his outstretched hand. ‘I don’t want to dance, Seb.’

  He pulled her into his arms as if he hadn’t heard. The music began and they moved around the room. Finally, thankfully, the pause came. But Seb didn’t move. Didn’t let her go.

  ‘Aren’t you supposed to get another partner?’

  He shrugged. ‘I like the one I’ve got.’

  ‘Even though I keep standing on your feet?’

  ‘Just stand and sway.’

  And so she did. Turned her face into his neck and breathed in his scent, unable to meet his eyes for long. The expression in them was too overwhelming.

  She was like a sea goddess. The pencil-slim shimmering dress deepened her blue eyes, her long glossy hair hung loose, and with her skin gently golden from the sun and the deeper brown henna tattoo across it she looked stunning. She was so lovely he nearly swallowed his tongue. It felt as if it had grown to three times its usual size—but it wasn’t only his tongue getting thick.

  His heart beat uncomfortably hard as he realised just how much he’d wanted to hold her again. And now that he was, he was in no hurry to let go.

  He watched her; with the shoes she was wearing she was only a little shorter than him and he could see almost levelly into her eyes. Or he would be able to if she actually looked at him. And suddenly it struck him—that was the thing, wasn’t it? For all the fantastic sex they’d had, she never looked him in the eyes—at least not for long. She took pleasure from him, burned under his touch, but refused to connect with that simplest of intimacies.

  No more.

  ‘Ana.’ He felt an utter compulsion to reach through to her. ‘Don’t go remote.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Look at me.’

  He knew his mother was watc
hing. And his father. Both were staring over the shoulders of their partners. But he didn’t care what they thought. He just wanted to be with her. It was all he seemed to want.

  She’d enjoyed the wedding. He’d watched her face during the vows, seen her smile. Could see the way she was glowing now. Yeah. She loved the whole deal. She’d want the big performance one day. And how would she look in a traditional wedding dress? With a veil wisping over her hair and face and the bloom of radiance that he had to admit did descend over a bride?

  He pulled her closer. She followed him easily now. Her body soft against his. Then her leg tangled, brushing too close, and his pulse went even more erratic. She was going to be the death of him. He hauled her even closer and gave up on the trying-to-step bit. Stand and sway was all it could be. Her lids had drooped again, but it was different this time. Masculine pleasure filled him for he knew the reason—desire-drugged, she couldn’t keep them open.

  He let her have a moment and glanced down at her arm. It looked as if someone had drizzled melted chocolate over the caramel skin of her upper arm. He ached to taste it. To run the tip of his tongue over the swirling design. OK, he was glad it wasn’t permanent, but it was fun for now. Just like the rest of her—right?

  Fun for now. But their fun was over—closure. They were supposed to have left the lust in Africa.

  ‘Ana.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You’re not looking at me.’

  ‘I’m looking at your chin.’

  ‘Look into my eyes.’

  ‘You want to hypnotise me or something?’

  Part of him wished he could. He had no idea what she wanted from him. Did she want to kiss him the same way he was dying to kiss her? With the same kind of desperation? She wasn’t saying. But now he longed to know exactly what she was thinking. Why she was thinking it and what was she feeling for him?

  Or maybe he didn’t want to know. In case it wasn’t the same.

  He was losing track of his thoughts. So gave up and just sealed himself to her, lost in the blue of her eyes and the soft invitation of her mouth.

  Closure? Who was he kidding?

  Ana’s head was spinning and she was needy. The kiss was incredible. Soft and gentle and not enough. She wanted more—she wanted it all. But now the waltz was over. She wanted the cheesy music back. She wanted his arms back.

  But he stepped away, breaking the contact. Putting on the brakes.

  And then his mother was there, all over-bright eagle eyes, and his father too. She managed to be polite but inside she was bursting. It hadn’t gone—hell, would it ever go? This desire she felt for him?

  And he knew. Played on it—making the best of a bad situation? He did that by invading every inch of her personal space. His hands didn’t leave her body—either he held her hand, or rested a palm on the small of her back, or slung his arm along her shoulders, his leg pressed to hers as they chatted to his father’s friends. And he looked at her—the way he looked at her. As if she were the most beautiful woman on the planet.

  He made her feel like an enchantress. And she longed to be able to cast a spell—so she could get herself some kind of fairy tale.

  Stupid. She already knew the power to make her life something special was in her own hands—down to her decisions.

  So she gave up on the bubbly and switched to mineral water in an attempt to regain sanity. But it didn’t help her increasing temperature—the need spiralling through her system. She was hotter than she’d ever been in Africa—and now glad of her skimpy dress. She couldn’t be this close to him and not have him.

  ‘Are you ready to leave?’ His eyes searched hers.

  She looked away from the heat in them. ‘Whenever you are.’

  He had the goodbyes done and them out of there in under ten minutes.

  They drove back through the dark, wet streets. It was late but she wasn’t tired. Every sense wide awake.

  ‘Did you have a good time?’ He finally broke the silence.

  ‘Yes,’ she admitted honestly. ‘Did you?’

  ‘Yeah. Parts of it were pretty good.’

  He pulled into a parking bay a couple of spaces from Phil’s building. She felt a bite of disappointment. There’d been no invitation back to his place. It really was over, wasn’t it? He might have flirted, might have stolen a kiss, but when it came to it, he was playing safe.

  He turned off the engine and looked at her. ‘Thank you for coming with me today,’ he said gruffly.

  Well, neither of them had come. But she wanted to. Badly. Once more the recklessness flowed through her veins—the damn-it-all-to-hell burst of ‘I want’ that had swept over her in Africa.

  And so she moved, undoing her seat belt and leaning towards him. She did what she’d wanted to do all evening. Hooking her hand round his neck, she brought his mouth back to hers.

  What caused this madness? Was it the champagne or the frock or the whole shock of the evening when they’d been exposed as almost newly-weds?

  None of the above. It was pure Seb. From having him so close and not touching him the way she’d ached to for seven or so hours. The pressure had mounted inside her, now it was on its unstoppable release. And with the rush of sexual adrenalin she remembered there were benefits to simply taking what you wanted. To just going for it. Excitement—raw and intoxicating.

  He had long legs and so the driver’s seat was positioned back as far as it could go—meaning there was plenty of room between his chest and the steering wheel. She used all of it. Straddling him, her dress slipping up as she spread over him, she unfastened his trousers.

  ‘Ana.’ But he didn’t resist. Indeed his hands helped, his mouth settling on her most sensitive areas. He knew. He knew so well how to please her.

  It was quiet and dark on the London street. But inside the car their breathing was harsh and fast and their movements frantic until the blissful moment when she pushed down so he was deep inside her. She clenched her muscles hard to hold him. Loved the raw groan that shook him.

  ‘I thought we weren’t in Africa.’ He nipped the side of her neck and she shuddered with delight.

  ‘This is hotter than Africa.’

  ‘Sure is.’

  His hands slid over the silk of her dress, seeking skin, seeking to slow. But she rode him fast, catching his mouth to muffle the sounds as they both came too quickly.

  Only moments later, panting, she understood the futility as the surge of bliss waned and the hunger returned threefold. This wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t ever be enough. Chasing fulfilment in this physical way was a mistake.

  Damn.

  She’d opened his door and was off his lap before Seb could blink, let alone breathe.

  He leaned out and grabbed hold of her hand. ‘You’re not inviting me in?’

  ‘I don’t want to disturb Phil and Jack.’

  Given that those two were a couple of hundred miles away, he knew that would be impossible. She’d just lied—using them as an excuse to stop him from spending the night with her. Ironic when she’d been the one who’d just ravished him. But now she was running. Again. He let her go. ‘OK.’

  He watched her fly to the door as if the devil were at her heels. Looked down and saw he still had his seat belt on. He half laughed, figured she’d just put a whole new spin on the concept of safe sex. Yeah, real safe sex. The sort of sex where she didn’t look him in the eye and didn’t deal with him after—neither physically or emotionally. The sort of sex he’d had most of his life. And while it was frisky and fun, wickedly exciting, all of a sudden it wasn’t enough.

  Something savage burned deep inside his belly. No. He didn’t want sex like that any more. Well, he did, but he wanted even more—he wanted to hold her close in a big bed for hours. He wanted her to look at him, laugh with him, damn it.

  He inhaled a deep, totally rationalising breath of extremely frosty air. It was just the hit he needed. Hell, what was she doing to him?

  ‘Hey, Ana,’ he called as she stepped throug
h the door. ‘Who’s the pirate now?’

  Chapter Ten

  SEB knocked harder on the door of Phil’s apartment, finally heard Ana’s thumping footsteps and grumbles as she opened it up. He raised his brows at her appearance. Somehow her tan had got sallower overnight; dark circles ringed her eyes.

  ‘Your hangover’s that bad?’ He walked straight in.

  He’d spent the whole night awake reliving those frantic moments in the car when she’d ravished him. His heart still thundered with the recollection, making the blood surge vitally through his veins. For the first time in days he felt alive. Whereas she looked queasy. That made him nervous.

  ‘Why are you here?’

  ‘Have you eaten?’ He ignored her bald question. He’d deal with that once she had some sustenance.

  She shook her head, looking pinched at the suggestion. He didn’t think she’d had that much to drink at all. ‘You should—’

  ‘No, thanks, Seb.’

  At the very least she was having a coffee. He went to the kitchen and started fiddling with Phil’s espresso machine.

  She sank onto the sofa and stared at the black boots on the floor in front of her. ‘Why are you here?’

  He sat next to her, tapped his finger on his knee and figured he might as well get it over with. ‘I don’t know if you realise this, Ana, but we didn’t use a condom last night.’

  To his intense surprise she laughed. ‘Oh, don’t worry about that.’

  Don’t worry about it? After what she’d been through?

  She shook her head. ‘I’m on the Pill, Seb. I’m fanatical about it. Besides, I’m down one tube—there’s less chance of a successful pregnancy.’

  Oh. OK. The Pill. Good. That was good. She was safe. And he didn’t need to feel as if there were needles being rammed in him all sides over.

  But he did.

  Less chance of a successful pregnancy.

  Right.

  The silence grew. He watched as she slowly shrank deeper into the sofa. All of a sudden he knew he had to get out—and that he had to get her out. To fresh air and salt water—to where he could clear his head and she could hers. ‘Come on, we’re going for a drive.’