Flirt (Chasing Hope Book 1)

by Lavinia Leigh

  “Isn’t it just darling?” Amy clasped her hands together at her chest. “You aren’t saying anything.”

  Emmeline boiled under the surface. No one had bothered to consult her on what her daughter’s room should look like. Shouldn’t that be a mother’s decision?

  Nicholas put on a smile and acted the diplomat, thanking Amy for what she had done.

  “Emmeline, speak up! You aren’t saying anything. Doesn’t that fancy school of yours teach you anything?” her mother asked, looking confused.

  No matter what Emmeline said at that moment, she would be letting someone down: her mother or herself.

  Chapter Six

  “How did you get all this done? I was only gone a few days,” Emmeline finally managed to squeak out. What else could she say? All the bravado she had acquired during her labour was gone along with the energy she had.

  Amy took this as approval and launched into an in-depth explanation of how she had pulled it off. Her words floated over Emmeline’s head as she kept saying to herself, Dory-style, just keep smiling, just keep smiling. The phone ringing downstairs finally released them from Amy’s clutches, and as soon she left, Emmeline wiped her hand across her forehead and mouthed “Phew” to Nicholas.

  They settled Millie into her sugary sweet room. Emmeline tried to remind herself that her mother’s intentions were good, even if the execution was severely flawed, as she went through the drawers seeing everything Amy had done. Besides, it wasn’t like she could afford to do something special like this for Millie herself.

  As the days wore on, she and her daughter settled into some sort of ever-shifting routine of diapers, tears, and feedings. Millie seemed hungrier at night, leaving Emmeline a sleep-deprived zombie. Nicholas ran over to see them every chance he got between school and his shifts at the train station, where he sold tickets and announced arrivals and departures. He brought Emmeline the last few assignments she needed to do before school was over for the year—something she was desperate for. Nicholas watched Millie as Emmeline took her final exams. Emmeline was pretty sure she passed, which felt like a huge win considering everything that had been going on. On top of that, her body was healing from the delivery and her muscles still felt sore and uncomfortable. She was amazed at how different her body looked now that she had given birth compared to before she had been pregnant. Nicholas couldn’t help but comment how much curvier her hips were, and salivated at the two round melons that stood up at attention on her chest.

  “Of course he’d say that,” said Ginny, sitting cross-legged on the floor, playing with Millie in her bouncy chair. Nicholas was working most of the day, but did a flyby visit to snuggle with Millie on his lunch. He had been a littler friskier than normal, whispering some words into Emmeline’s ear that made her blush.

  “I know, but he didn’t have to be so graphic about it.” Emmeline was still embarrassed.

  “Meh, he loves you. I’m sure if you came out of pregnancy flat chested, he’d love that too.” Ginny smiled at Millie. “Your mommy’s a pretty girl, just like you!”

  Ginny pulled down one of the tiaras and a feather boa and dressed Millie up. Drool hung out of her mouth, and she tried to put the feathers from the boa into her mouth. Emmeline absentmindedly pulled the boa off, her mind wandering to bigger issues. Millie protested, but Ginny started kissing her belly and Millie forgot about the hot pink feathers. Emmeline smiled, seeing her best friend and baby playing together on the floor of the nursery.

  “The big problem isn’t finding some alone time with Nicholas, but the fact that I’m powerless,” Emmeline said, scrunching up her face. “And powerless is the last thing I can be right now.”

  “Back to this. You just gave birth two weeks ago. You need to give yourself time.”

  “Time to do what? I have no idea what I’m supposed to be or what to do. I can’t work at the moment—Millie eats about every ten minutes, and I don’t even know how I’m supposed to go back to school in the fall. I am reliant on everyone for everything. What kind of example is that?” This thought ran through her head a hundred times a day as her new reality settled in. “I felt like I didn’t have the option to tell my mom I hated the nursery. You know she didn’t even ask me what colour I’d like it. I had planned for Millie to stay in my room with me. I want her close to me at night, not all the way across the hall.”

  “Emmeline, you’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

  “I wish you could just wave a magic wand and give me some direction. I always thought there would be more time. I should have had a whole extra year of high school to decide what I wanted to do before having to turn into an adult. Do you think I’d make a good lawyer?”

  That was Ginny’s dream. “Ha, not unless you learn to stand in front of large groups of people and not get your words all tangled up.”

  Emmeline laughed. “Can you imagine? ‘Your honor, my client pleads guilty—I mean not guilty! Really, sir, he didn’t do it. Please believe me!’”

  “You’d both end up in jail!”

  “Probably.”

  Ginny glanced down at her watch. “I gotta go, but you’ll figure this out. We can talk about it more later.”

  Emmeline puffed out her cheeks, then blew out slowly and said goodbye. She wished Ginny could stay longer, but understood that her life was very different from Emmeline’s now. At least when Ginny was around, her mother left her alone, temporarily stopping the how-tos and the why don’t you just give the baby to me’s and the I’ll do it’s. She had even harassed Emmeline for deciding to breastfeed and chastised her on the inappropriateness of Callum calling every evening to make sure they were okay. What was the problem? They had been friends for as long as she could remember.

  “Really, if you would just bottle feed the baby, then I could do it for you,” Amy said again the next afternoon.

  “Mom, there’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding. Besides, formula costs too much.”

  Her mom always threw money at problems, money that she didn’t always have. She kept buying Millie all this paraphernalia she didn’t need, making Emmeline feel guiltier because she couldn’t do it herself. Apparently, a three-hundred-dollar swing that Millie hated was a necessity. It was too much, all of it, and the worst part was Emmeline had to pee!

  She was sitting on the couch in the living room, where she had just nursed Millie to sleep. She looked down at her daughter—so peaceful, half-drunk from milk, and making a sucking noise as if she was still nursing in her sleep. Maybe, thought Emmeline, if I move ever so slowly, I can put Millie down and have a chance to go to the bathroom in peace.

  She leaned back as far as she could, putting an inch between her and her captor, and then started to wiggle her left butt cheek over. Millie moved. Emmeline froze.

  Must move slower.

  “What on earth are you doing?” Amy looked at Emmeline as though she was the most ridiculous person on earth. Emmeline rolled her eyes. Despite the house being immaculate, Amy was wearing her bright yellow cleaning gloves, in the midst of scrubbing every surface of the house for the baby shower she had planned for that day. It didn’t seem to matter that Emmeline didn’t want the baby shower; she really just wanted a nap. Besides, none of Emmeline’s friends were coming, only her mother’s, and Emmeline had no interest in spending the afternoon playing “My life is perfect” with them.

  “Shhhh,” Emmeline hissed as Millie stirred.

  “Just put the baby down,” Amy said, exasperated.

  “If I just put the baby down, she’ll wake up, and I’ll have to start all over again,” said Emmeline, through clenched teeth.

  “For God’s sakes, you will spoil that baby. Is that what you want? Every time she cries, you come running?”

  As if on cue, Millie started to cry, and Emmeline groaned. She picked Millie up and stormed out of the living room, down the hall to the bathroom. It wouldn’t be the first time she went to pee carrying the infant, and she had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last. Thank God for stretchy pant
s that she could pull down with one hand!

  By three o’clock, the house was in a state Mr. Clean would be envious of, and Amy wore a slimming black dress that flared in the skirt, with a simple pair of Mikimoto pearls draped around her neck. She had bought them on a boat tour to Japan, and they were her pride, bringing them out only for special occasions. She had on a pair of yellow heels, looking perfect and completely put-together.

  Emmeline was still in her yoga pants and a t-shirt with baby drool decorating the shoulder when the doorbell rang. A throng of ladies, all bearing gifts with pristine pink bows, came barging through the door. Amy showed them to the living room, where music was playing and there was a table full of church lady sweets. A two-tiered cake was the centerpiece, and they oohed and ahhed at it.

  With people actually in the house, Emmeline decided she better get dressed for company. One step in her room, and a yawn overtook her face; her bed was extremely tempting. She could just imagine crawling in and falling asleep. Instead, she picked up Millie and changed her into the bundle of pale ivory lace and frills that her mother considered a dress, then found a clean floral maternity dress and put it on. Not exactly the height of fashion, but most of her old clothes still didn’t fit, and those that did just made her feel fat.

  She plastered a fake smile on her face and threw her hair up in a ponytail, ignoring the makeup on her vanity that once belonged to her great grandmother. In her previous life, she would have spent hours putting on lipstick, eyeshadow, and blush before a party. Now it lay ignored as she started down the stairs. She would have to do just the way she was.

  Just the way she was—she liked that idea. She felt a bolt of steel build up in her spine. If she was going to make it, if she was going to be the person her daughter needed her to be, she had to believe that she was enough. Not just say it, believe it. No one else could teach her daughter that in any meaningful way. It was her job. Millie was her daughter, not her mother’s or anyone else’s.

  She went back up the stairs and pulled out a rainbow-striped sleeper from the closet. Emmeline loved it and it fit Millie just right. She had bought it downtown before she even got up the courage to tell her parents she was pregnant. She undressed Millie and put the new outfit on. She looked adorable, and better than that, she looked like her daughter. Emmeline was filled with resolve.

  “Well, kid, I don’t know if you’re a frilly girl or a tomboy, but in the meantime, I get to make the decisions for you. When you can talk, we’ll revisit this. What do you think?” She rubbed her baby’s belly and Millie gurgled and spit up a bit. Emmeline wiped her face and snuggled her in closely, smelling her soft baby skin. Would anything ever smell as good as her daughter?

  “You ready? Well, me neither, but it’s you and me, kid. And it’s about time we figured this thing out.” Emmeline glanced over at her vanity, and with one arm holding Millie, she picked out a shade of pink that always made her smile and tinted her lips. She yawned, then steadied herself. “There’s no time like the present.”

  Chapter Seven

  Emmeline walked down the stairs boldly with her newfound sense of purpose adding a wiggle to her hips. She carried Millie snuggled in her arms. For the first time in months, she felt like herself, like she was finally able to breathe.

  She landed on the last stair and hopped around the corner. Everyone sat sipping glasses of wine, gossiping about the latest decision by the town to add an odd art feature along the river that seemed to have everyone riled up. Emmeline sucked in her breath and forcefully let it out.

  “Oh, Emmeline, there you are,” said Betty, Emmeline’s former grade one teacher, as she walked into the living room. Betty’s short curly brown hair was cut in the typical grandma style, and she wore a soft sympathetic smile.

  “Hello, Mrs. Goldish,” Emmeline said, reverting back to age six before she mentally kicked herself.

  “Emmeline dear, bring Millie in here,” her mother called from the kitchen.

  Emmeline stepped forth and presented her non-frilly daughter. Her mother pinched her lips together and breathed in slowly before she stood up. The look of disapproval swiftly vanished, and she said, “Everyone, I would like to present my granddaughter, Emmeline, Millie for short. You should have seen her earlier—she has this stunning dress that I was hoping she was going to wear.” Her words slowed down slightly at the end of her sentence. “But you know children, always making a mess for their parents. Isn’t that right, Emmeline?”

  “Actually, Mom, I put the dress on her, and I thought—I decided that she would look better in this.”

  Her mother’s mouth actually dropped open. Emmeline couldn’t help but smirk slightly.

  “Aren’t kids funny?” said Amy, struggling to regain her composure. “Why don’t we head into the living room.” She ushered everyone out of the kitchen. As she walked past, she leaned over and whispered forcefully into Emmeline’s ear, “I do expect you to be on your best behavior. They are here for you, and they are my guests. Get it together.”

  “You know, Mom, I think this is the first moment that I have actually got it together.”

  The door opened and a familiar shrill echoed in her ears. Emmeline instinctively held her daughter closer.

  “Why Dorothy, you’re here. I am so glad you could make it,” Amy said in a sickly sweet tone that made Emmeline’s teeth want to fall out of her head.

  “Mom, what is she doing here?” she asked, trying to stand taller and pushing her shoulders back.

  “She’s the baby’s grandmother, she is supposed to be here,” Amy answered through a forced smile. She leaned over and whispered in Emmeline’s ear, “I’m not thrilled either, but I strongly feel that fences should be mended for Millie’s sake. The first step is to invite her over and have a civilized conversation. Besides, she agreed to back off, didn’t she?”

  “There’s my granddaughter,” said Dorothy in a grandiose tone, capturing the attention of the entire room. She spoke as if the scene at the hospital had never happened. Emmeline grabbed a blanket that was on the couch and threw it over Millie’s head just before Dorothy wrapped her arms around them both, holding on a little too tightly.

  “You need to leave,” said Emmeline, pushing her back a little: Millie began to whimper. The rest of the guests filed into the living room—because they sensed some juicy gossip was coming their way, Emmeline figured.

  “I just came here to see my granddaughter. You haven’t even let me hold her yet,” said Dorothy, playing the victim.

  “That’s because you tried to take her away from me. What did you expect?”

  “I was helping. Doesn’t anyone understand that? I was doing what any decent mother would do, volunteering to clean up after your mess. You could be a little grateful.”

  Emmeline’s mouth gaped open like a codfish. Her mother elbowed her in the arm, reminding Emmeline her appearance was unbecoming.

  “Now,” continued Dorothy. “Now, will you let me see my granddaughter?”

  “Over my dead body.”

  “Listen up, young lady. I am her grandmother, I have the right to see her.”

  By this time the group of women in attendance were practically salivating. This must be the most interesting baby shower they had ever been to.

  “You, Dorothy, are only looking after your own interests. You want everyone to look at you like the dutiful grandmother that had to swoop in after your son was duped by the town slut. Well, I can tell you something: I don’t need you, and neither does Millie. We are doing just fine.” Emmeline was grateful that the words came out just as she intended. There was a first time for everything.

  “I think you are overreacting, child.” Dorothy pulled at the hairs at the side of her head, yanking several of them out one by one, and then straightened her dark cherry blazer.

  “I am not a child. I ceased to be one the moment I pushed my own child out of my body. Now get out.” Her voice was cool and even.

  “I am not being kicked out of my own granddaughter’s
baby shower.” Dorothy’s face turned the same color as her blazer and she pursed her lips.

  “Mom, I think that’s enough,” Nicholas said, shutting the front door behind him. There had been so much commotion, no one even noticed he was there. He mouthed “Sorry,” to Emmeline and then wrapped his arm around his mother in a formal hug.

  “Nicholas, darling, I am so glad you’re here. I can’t do anything with this girl. I tell you, your next girlfriend should be much more reasonable.”

  “I’m not going to have any more girlfriends, Mom, I told you that before,” Nicholas said, running his hand through his hair. “I think you should go. This is not the time, and we talked about starting to slowly mend fences, not bursting in and taking over.”

  “You’re young, and I just don’t want you to shut all your doors before you become an adult. You know I only want the best for you and Millie. Her, on the other hand…” Nicholas glared at her and Dorothy changed course. She turned to the other women in the room and said, “He only started shaving a few months ago, just a baby, really.”

  Nicholas blushed, stammering.

  “She’s your mother, Nicholas. Do something with her, or I will.” Emmeline’s lips drew a hard line. She was trying so hard to hold her temper, but her will was slipping.

  “Emmeline, why don’t we go?” Nicholas said. “I have something to show you.” There was a spark in his eye that intrigued Emmeline.

  “She can’t leave!” shouted Amy, startled. “It’s her baby shower!”

  The other women in the room nodded while munching on their chips and deviled eggs and glanced at their presents on the coffee table as if to prove Amy right. Emmeline assumed they were none too eager for the show to be over.