Flirt (Chasing Hope Book 1)

by Lavinia Leigh

  “But Mommy, she was wrong. How can she be our teacher if she doesn’t even know the answers?” asked Millie, her wide, innocent eyes begging for a logical answer.

  “Millie, your kindergarten teacher doesn’t like it when you do that, though. Couldn’t you just pull her aside and tell her nicely that you think she made a mistake instead of yelling it in the middle of class?”

  “But then the class wouldn’t know the right answer!” Millie said, throwing her hands up into the air. Her teacher had been teaching the class a song about the colors of the rainbow that wasn’t entirely correct. “Mom, it’s violet, not purple, and they sang the colors out of order!”

  Damn kid! thought Emmeline. Making sense! ”Okay, there is a right way and a wrong way to do things. Shouting ‘Don’t be so stupid,’ in class is the wrong way. Politely saying, ‘Perhaps you made a mistake,’ is the right way.”

  These were the types of situations that Emmeline never expected as a parent; there were a million of them. She fumbled her way through, trying to teach Millie all the things she needed to know, and answer all the questions she wanted answers to. The situation with the teacher wasn’t the first of its kind, and unfortunately, Emmeline knew it wouldn’t be the last. It wasn’t that Millie meant to be rude; it was just that the world was a little bit more black and white for her than it was for everyone else.

  That made having a routine very important. Very important for both of them, especially as Pernella was a little scatterbrained and regularly told time by feel instead of by what the clock said. For instance, if it felt like noon to her, it could actually be nine p.m., and she would be left wondering why the stores were closed, then annoyed when she had to acknowledge what the pesky clock actually said.

  Not acknowledging things for what they were seemed to really work for Pernella in lots of ways, especially at the five-year mark from her last chemo treatment. She said she would beat cancer despite the doctors’ dire warnings, and she did. The doctors were now optimistic that it was gone for good. They threw a party on the day she got the news. Ginny came up from Port Hope along with her parents and Callum, and they all celebrated together.

  It was Emmeline who made the cake, covered with white fondant and little daisies. At her time in the bakery, she had learned so much, and she began to dream that one day she could open up her own coffee shop and bakery. It was still just a dream, one she quickly dismissed and refused to actually admit out loud. She had a kid to worry about. That needed to be her entire focus. Still, a dream for herself—would it be all that wrong to consider?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Millie entering grade one took Emmeline almost by surprise. It felt like just seconds ago when she and Nicholas were happily moving into that train station. It seemed surreal to think about that time; another life. She thought about Millie having a baby at seventeen and then pondered the idea of permanently putting a lock on her bedroom door. Nicholas would approve of that.

  Life was changing again—not that it had ever stayed still for more than a minute. In a blink, Millie didn’t need her as much, becoming capable of doing things on her own: she could brush her own hair, and insisted on picking out her own clothes. She had a wicked sense of style, mixing sparkles and busy patterns. At first Emmeline would fight with her about her clashing choices, but soon learned how strong-willed Millie was. She started to let her just wear whatever it was that she wanted, unless it was really important. Parenting that kid was usually an exercise in compromise, and, well, Emmeline asked herself, did it really matter if the sparkles on her shirt didn’t exactly match the sequins on her skirt, if it made her happy?

  Besides, Emmeline wasn’t exactly a stranger to getting weird or disapproving looks from people. She couldn’t count the amount of times she had to explain that Millie was her kid, and she wasn’t babysitting, then see the other person’s eyes fall as they backtracked awkwardly. Her heart sunk at their disapproval. So she was young, but she had stood up to the challenge, and Millie was turning out to be a pretty awesome kid if she did say so herself.

  It wasn’t just Millie who was growing and changing. Emmeline was too. She loved being in the kitchen, and daily she was getting more and more responsibilities at the bakery. She tried new recipes, and they went over so well that Kathy, her boss, changed the bakery’s recipes to hers. People came just for her cookies, and Emmeline was thrilled. Kathy saw the enthusiasm and set out to teach her everything she knew. Kathy was a French-trained chef with some serious skills. That was a while ago; now she was starting to lose her passion and was happy to let Emmeline take over as she spent more time in the front of the bakery, chatting with customers and munching on Emmeline’s creations.

  Emmeline finally felt like she had some control over her life. She was on the verge of twenty-two, and she finally knew where she wanted her life to head. The idea of having her own bakery flitted through her mind regularly, challenging her own sense of what she thought she could do. If only she had the money. No matter how much she tried to put some aside, other more pressing things always seemed to come up, like the summer that Millie went through two whole sizes of clothes, or when her car needed new tires and brakes in the same month. It was just never enough.

  Emmeline supposed that she could work longer hours, but the idea killed her. She wanted to spend as much time with Millie as she could. It was one reason why she didn’t date. Firstly, the idea seemed so foreign. Besides, what twenty-something guy would want to date her in between her running Millie to gymnastics and ballet class? It wasn’t like she even had time to date, or had any guy to make her question if she even wanted to. Pernella was slowing down, and it wasn’t easy to leave Millie with her for long. And she didn’t exactly have a lot of money left over at the end of the month to pay for babysitters, especially to go out with guys that weren’t going to stick around, or worse yet, would die. Millie provided hours of entertainment, hardly ever leaving her with a moment of peace.

  Halfway through grade one, as Emmeline went to pick her daughter up from school, she found Millie bouncing, her eyes danced with excitement.

  “Mommy!”

  “Hi, Millie. Looks like you had a good day!”

  “Mommy! Today we were working on an art project and it was really boring, and I said to Keesha that I wanted to put glitter on it, ’cause that would make it better, and she said that it would make it better. Glitter makes everything better, Mommy, and so we found the glitter and we put glitter on it and it was sooooo beautiful!” Millie took a breath.

  “Wow, that sounds amazing.” Emmeline took Millie by the hand as they crossed the street to where she parked.

  “Soooo, we decided that it would be sooo much better if all the projects that we work on need to have glitter, ’cause glitter makes things so much better, and then we will even do better in school that way.”

  Emmeline laughed. Millie’s energy was infectious as she talked nonstop about her new best friend and how they were definitely going to get the bestest marks ever with their new glitter system. She went on with all the things they were going to glitter as Emmeline parked the car at the house. As they walked inside, they were greeted by a turkey strutting around the kitchen.

  “Pernella!” Emmeline yelled, then groaned as she realized she would have to scrub the floor again tonight. “Why is there a turkey in the kitchen?”

  Pernella came out wearing a fifties-style apron, jeans, and her hair tied up in a ponytail with a handkerchief around her head.

  “I heard howling,” she said plainly.

  “Awhoooo,” Millie said.

  “I’m sorry, I’m still confused,” said Emmeline.

  “There was howling outside, there could be a fox or something. I didn’t want anything to happen to poor ol’ juicy Christmas dinner here.” She pouted. “I didn’t raise her for a fox to get her first!”

  Emmeline shook her head. It was hard to believe that this was her normal life. If she didn’t love Pernella so much, she would have run as far away as she
could. The thing was, Pernella always let Emmeline be exactly who she was, something that she was never allowed to do at her parents’ house. The only thing she asked in return was that Emmeline let Pernella be herself too, and if that meant there was occasionally a turkey walking around in the kitchen, then it was just something she would have to live with. Even if there was a perfectly safe pen just outside, which the turkey would probably prefer to be in at that very moment.

  “There was a message from the school, Emmeline,” Pernella said. “I think they want you to call them back.”

  Emmeline looked at Millie, who shrugged her shoulders and pulled a banana off the counter, then handed it to her mom. Emmeline absentmindedly peeled it and handed it back on her way over to the phone.

  The secretary at the school answered on the second ring and promptly explained how Millie had not only added an excessive amount of glitter on her project, but proceeded to paint her entire desk with glue and dump several bags of glitter, decorating the whole thing. The school’s custodian was having a serious problem cleaning it off, and he was threatening to call his union.

  Emmeline giggled slightly—of course her kid would do that! She put on her stern Mommy face and shot her daughter a disappointed look. Millie was too busy to pay attention, focused on trying to feed the banana to the turkey, who was gobbling madly and still running around the kitchen. Emmeline apologized to the secretary for Millie’s behavior and hung up the phone.

  “Millie, Angel Face, did you glitter your desk?”

  Millie’s eyes lit up and she smiled. “Oh Mommy, you have to see it, it’s so pretty! It’s like a unicorn lives there.”

  “Millie, there are some places that you are allowed to glitter, and some places that you aren’t. Your desk isn’t one of them.”

  “But I needed to. It wasn’t very pretty. I work best with my unicorn desk.”

  “I’m sorry, but they are washing it all off, and the school isn’t exactly happy about it.”

  Her little lip trembled.

  “I’m sorry, Angel Face.”

  “That’s silly,” said Pernella. “She should be able to glitter anything she wants.”

  “That’s not exactly what the school says,” Emmeline said dryly. Pernella obviously had a huge influence on Millie.

  Little tears formed in the corners of Millie’s eyes, which she was desperately trying to hold back. She was stubborn, that one. And she didn’t like it when people saw her cry. Emmeline knew better than to acknowledge the tears that were fighting to stay in place.

  “If this girl wants to glitter something, then she’s going to glitter something. Millie, how about the wall in the dining room? I’ve been thinking for years that it’s entirely too boring,” Pernella insisted.

  Millie’s eyes lit up and Emmeline chuckled. She should have known that was where this was going.

  Millie and Pernella disappeared into the other room, making plans, while Emmeline took the turkey outside and locked it up in the coop for the night.

  She came back and spent the next hour cleaning the kitchen, something she didn’t love doing. She knew there were those people out there who actually loved to clean, she just wasn’t one of them. She thought that it would be so much better if she had been born with that gene.

  She let Millie stay up an extra half hour working on the dining room wall. She was so proud of the rainbow sparkles, and she was wired from the excitement. Emmeline finally tucked her in, then went to her room and worked on a few recipes. Some days for fun she would imagine what her dream bakery would look like. She’d sketch out crude pictures and write menus, before ripping them up into shreds so no one would find them. If Pernella knew, she’d never hear the end of it. Pernella would push her every day until Emmeline made it happen, and she just wasn’t ready for that.

  Chapter Twenty

  Callum came up that weekend just to see the sparkling dining room wall. Millie had called him and refused to go to sleep until he told her when he could come. Not that he needed the bribery. He was a regular fixture in the house, always there just like he promised. Emmeline relied on him a little more than she cared to admit. Since the day that Nicholas had died, he had been the only real man in her life—even if he was of the friend variety.

  Since Nicholas, Emmeline had been asked out on exactly seven dates. Only twice had she been tempted to go, and yet, two minutes back at her house, she was glad she stuck to her decision to say no. There would be plenty of time to date. Maybe when Millie was in high school, or college, or maybe after Millie was settled into a life of her own. If Emmeline was being honest with herself, she mostly felt like she had had her chance, and that part of her was done now, buried along with Nicholas. She wondered so often, why it was him who had to go? He was so young, with so much potential, whereas Emmeline always felt like she was scrambling to keep up with everything. With him gone, part of her felt like there were too many risks, too many complications, too much fear. Besides, she always told herself, if she wanted someone to flirt with her, there was always Callum. He was constantly at the house fixing this, helping with that. Besides, he was fun to flirt with, and easy on the eyes. He came up for Millie’s school recitals and made Emmeline feel better whenever she was feeling down. The best part was that he was safe. He didn’t mean anything serious by his flirtation—it was just Callum—but he was a level of support that she didn’t want to ever do without. She knew from that second at the funeral that he would be there, and he was, sometimes driving the two hours across the city just to take Millie out for ice cream. Millie loved him almost like a dad.

  It was nice to have that contact with home through him. Emmeline didn’t go back very often, mostly to see her parents at holidays. Ginny had been at university in Ottawa, and came to Oakville when she could, but between the distance and the amount of homework and other projects she had going on, sometimes it was months and months between visits. Both Ginny and Emmeline looked forward to when she would be done with school. Maybe then they’d have a bit more time to hang out, but in the meantime, Emmeline was immensely proud of everything that Ginny was accomplishing and told her so regularly.

  For the most part, Emmeline’s life consisted of going to work and playing with Millie, who was turning seven in a few weeks. Millie talked non-stop about her birthday, leading up to the day, and planned an elaborate night of midnight movies, popcorn, and cake with sprinkles with Pernella, Callum, and Emmeline. Emmeline had a sneaking suspicion that Millie was afraid of asking the kids in her class to come over for a party, for fear that they would say no. This past year had been a hard one, in which she hadn’t really bonded with the other kids as well as she had the previous year. Although Millie did really well in school, smart, always the first to finish her work, with an academic understanding of the world that was beyond her age, when it came to social skills, she sometimes floundered. She had friends she talked about from time to time, but nothing stuck for long.

  It didn’t matter to Emmeline if Millie had a hundred friends or none, she just wanted her kid to be happy. Whatever the reason, an all-night movie night was right up Emmeline’s alley, and she was excited. It wasn’t uncommon for the two of them cuddle up on the couch, munching on popcorn and debating which movie had the best plot or theme music. It was their thing.

  At the bakery, Emmeline was busy thinking about birthday snacks when she was stopped dead in her tracks, dropping the tray of turnovers she’d been holding. A man with steel blue eyes and a black leather jacket walked into the bakery. He was tall, with a smile that made her heart thump irregularly in her chest the moment she laid eyes on him.

  Get it together, girl! she chastised herself. It wasn’t the first time she’d noticed a guy since Nicholas. It was, however, the first time the wind was knocked from her chest the moment she saw one. It was startling. She wanted to crawl into a hole. Something about the way he casually glanced at her seemed to awaken something inside of her.

  She picked up the tray and dumped the now-dusty turnovers
into the garbage, hoping he didn’t notice, grateful that Kathy was the one who had to deal with him at the cash register. But still, it was enough to send a barrage of not so innocent thoughts flooding through her mind. If she was being honest, a momentary thought of, Oh please notice me, flickered through her head, before being immediately dismissed.

  She was relieved when he left.

  A few days later he showed up for coffee, looking better than ever.

  Dammit! Why did he have to come back?

  Emmeline was covered in flour and, and her hair’s messy bun was beyond that cute stage and firmly settling into the seriously, brush your hair stage. She blushed. She wasn’t supposed to be working the counter, but Kathy had stepped out to pick her sick teen up from school, leaving Emmeline to manage the front of the bakery and make sure her cookies didn’t burn in the back.

  As he walked up, she quickly tried to brush off some of the flour, trying not to make it look too obvious. Annoying butterflies jumped around in her stomach, distracting her as she took his order.

  “Sorry, that was sugar or no sugar?” she asked again, resisting the urge to reach across the counter and touch his hand.

  “Three sugar,” he said, and smiled, selecting a tart off of a lacy white pedestaled plate to add to his order.

  “Got it,” she said and willed her cheeks not to turn any redder than she was sure they were. She made his coffee and put it on the counter and he handed her the money. Her hand shook slightly as she gave him the change.

  Emmeline felt stupid. He was just like any other person coming in, wasn’t he? He wasn’t paying her any special attention—until he looked up at her, lingering on her eyes for a moment longer than most. For the first time in she didn’t know how long, she felt her insides turn to mush. She didn’t feel like a mom, or the baker who worked like a dog in someone else’s shop, or the woman who had too little sleep, but like a flash of who she used to be once upon a time.