I was numb. I didn’t remember much after we had left the cemetery, the rest of the day had just turned into a haze. I accepted another casserole from a man I recognised as being the accountant for the bakery.
Why is it always casseroles? I wish someone would bring a big bottle of whiskey instead or at the very least a tub of chocolate fudge ice-cream. When has anyone ever said; I feel terrible, something awful has happened. I know! Let me have a huge slice casserole to feel better…
As I went to add the casserole to the mountain of food other people had left, I froze as I saw all the Jamesons in my kitchen. They had set out large plates of catered food, handed out empty plates to people, poured people drinks and made organised piles from all the food that people had brought.
Debbie came up to me and took the casserole from me with a sad smile. “Don’t you worry about anything in here sweetheart. We’ve got it sorted. You go see to all the people out there.” As she walked away, I heard a rasping noise.
Looking around I realised the noise was coming from me; I was struggling to breathe.
It’s all just too much. Trudy’s death. Caleb being here. His family being here.
I felt the tears begin to build again, I met Caleb’s bright blue stare, the look of concern masked the pain that I had seen there before, as he started to walk towards me.
I can’t do this. I can’t deal with my pain and also being the cause of his pain too.
I turned and walked out of the kitchen, passing Niki in the living room. “Sorry, I need a moment.” I said to Niki and ran up the stairs before she could say anything.
I walked down the corridor to the spare room, walked in and sat on Trudy’s old bed, breathing deeply as I tried to compose myself. I took both envelopes out of my pocket, placing Niki’s envelope on the bed, I opened the one with my name on it.
As I took out the contents, I noticed a black and white picture flutter out.
Picking it up, I saw that it was a picture of Trudy and Mary-Anne I had never seen before. It had probably taken about forty years ago.
I focussed in on the picture and saw that they were holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes with a look that seemed to be more than just friendly affection. The happiness radiating from both of them was evident, even though the picture had faded over time.
Confused as to why she would have left me that particular picture, I picked up the letter she had written.
Dear Malinda,
If you’re reading you should congratulate the idiots at the nursing home for actually being able to follow instructions and it also probably means that I’ve croaked.
Even though the will most likely hasn’t been executed yet, I wanted you to know that I’ve left you Daisy. I know no one else will take care as good care of her as you. I’ve never told you the story behind Daisy, but it’s time to let my skeletons out of the closest, so I have a chance of resting in peace and hopefully being reunited with my Mary-Anne.
Firstly, you have to understand, I lived in a different time. A less accepting time. I saw Mary-Anne for the first time in 1958 when she had just moved to town and bought the house next door with her husband. When I saw her I could have sworn everything just seemed to fall into place, it was like I had found the other half of my soul. It didn’t make sense to me; she was a woman, I was a woman. Your grandfather and I were raised very conservatively, I figured surely I couldn’t be one of those people I had been warned about with their heathen ways, and Mary-Anne was married, it may have been a loveless marriage, but she was still married nonetheless.
I figured there must be something wrong with me, so I avoided her and all her attempts at friendship. I became an ugly person when I tried to deny who I was and my feelings. My beautiful Mary-Anne never gave up on my friendship though. She kept hounding me until one day I broke and let her in.
Over the years we built up a true friendship and eventually decided to put my passion for baking and her skills with numbers to use, and opened up the bakery together. But there was always something simmering under the surface, both of us unsure of how to deal with the feelings that had developed. We spent day after day together, until one night under the 4th of July fireworks, I kissed her and then she kissed me back. At that moment I knew I was a goner. Nothing else would ever compare to how I felt for her.
We debated about what to do; she said she would divorce her husband, we could sell the bakery and move somewhere else and be together. I said we couldn’t leave, our lives were rooted here. So we continued on living half a life. Over the years the lie wormed its way into the heart of our relationship, leaving a wound that never truly healed.
After her husband died, Mary-Anne wanted to come out, “Who gives a fuck?” she said, “We’re in love, whoever doesn’t like it can go jump off a cliff.” But I was a scared. I couldn’t do it, so we continued living the lie. Every time I refused to admit our love in public, I broke her heart just a little more and mine too by default.
I loved her until the day I lost her, and every day since she passed, my life has been filled with sorrow and regret from not having given the woman I loved the life she deserved. In the end we regret the chances we didn’t take.
Consider this my warning to you, child. Learn from my mistakes. Live your life for you and not how you think other people would want you to live. Your parents wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your happiness for anything, Liya.
If you’ve been lucky enough to be blessed with finding someone who loves you, don’t be afraid to accept that love, even if it comes with the chance of being hurt. Make sure when you find your happiness, you don’t take it for granted or let it slip away. Take a chance and allow yourself the happiness you deserve.
I suspect you and Blue Eyes are going to go the distance but even if I’m wrong, if it doesn’t work out with him (though, I don’t see why it wouldn’t work out, unless you’ve gone and done something stupid), if someone else comes along in the future, fall in love completely and don’t be afraid to tell that person how much you love them every single day you are lucky enough to have them in your life.
Take care of your sister, Daisy and of yourself child.
Love,
Trudy
P.S. - I’ve left the chatty one the house. I suspect that man of yours will be making you move in with him sooner rather than later, and if you have a chance to have access to that hunk’s junk round the clock, you’d be an idiot to say no.
I fell to my knees on the floor.
The sobs and laughter erupting from me merged into one awful sound.
My eyes skimmed the letter again.
Living half a life… that’s what Caleb said I had been doing too.
Talk about being given a clear sign.
What the fuck am I doing? I don’t want to live a life filled with regret.
I was in love with a man who loved me for who I was, regardless of my emotional issues, mild food obsession and pig-headed stubbornness. I’d broken his heart, but he was still there for me, helping me, getting absolutely nothing in return.
I realised I had already given him my heart, he was so fully a part of me, that I didn’t think I would ever be truly happy again unless I fixed what I had broken between us.
“Liya, people are starting to leave. We need to- Liya!” Niki ran into the room and fell on her knees next to me.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” She said wrapping her arms around me.
Still sobbing, I thrust the note and the picture at her, and waited for her to finish reading it.
After a couple of minutes, she put the letter on the floor. Her arm around me tightened, her forehead met mine, as her tears joined the mine in splashing on the floor.
“Oh, Liya.”
“I love you, Niki.”
Niki pulled back and looked at me in shock. “What did you say?”
“I love you, little bug.” I told her as I looked at her directly.
More tears rapidly spilt from her eyes. “That’s the first ti
me you’ve said you loved me in eight years. I love you too. More than anything.” I hugged her to me tightly and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
Something she had said when she had come in the room registered. “Did you say people are leaving? Is Caleb gone yet?”
“They were getting ready to leave when I came upstairs… Where are you going?” Niki asked
“To go get my happiness.” I said stumbling as I stood up too quickly in my heels.
-----------------------------------
I ran down the stairs, past the few lingering guests and saw Caleb walking towards his car. I knew I wouldn’t make it to him in time.
What the hell… You might as well go full blown rom-com cliché at this point.
“CALEB!” I yelled.
He stopped suddenly and turned around when he heard my voice and started walking back towards me.
I ran towards him, not giving a fuck that we had drawn a small crowd around us.
Fitting really. Our relationship began with a kiss in front of a crowd, why not our potential reunion too.
Sure. If he agrees to take you back…
My stomach churned nervously at the thought of him refusing me. That I might have hurt him too much and ruined what we had beyond repair.
As I approached him, I threw all caution to the wind and jumped onto him. His hands went to my hips as my legs wrapped around his hips. I placed a hand on either side of his head and pulled him to me for a deep kiss.
I tried to pour everything I was feeling into the kiss; how sorry I was, how much I loved him, how much I still wanted him and that I was finally ready to be together without holding anything back from him.
I pulled back when I finally ran out of breath and he placed me back on the ground. I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up at him.
I saw a flicker of hope in his eyes, which was quickly dampened when he frowned at me “Liya?”
“I love you Caleb Jameson. I love you so much, I sometimes can’t believe how much I love you. I never thought I would find a love like ours or a man as amazing as you. I was selfish and a coward and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for pushing you away and for hurting you. I promise if you give us another chance, I’ll never hurt you like that again. I’m in this for the long run, baby. I don’t want to imagine my life without you in it. For however long both of us have here, I want to spend all that time with you.”
Caleb still hadn’t said anything, so I continued “I know my grandaunt’s wake probably isn’t the most appropriate or romantic place to tell you how I feel about you…but somehow I don’t think she would mind.” I broke off the sentence with small nervous chuckle.
Caleb stared at me stoically “Liya, you seemed pretty adamant in wanting me gone a week ago. This isn’t a game to me. You know how I feel about you, if you’re not completely sure-”
I cut him off “I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you the moment you called Scar a “motherfucking bastard”. I love everything about you; your kindness, your generosity, how caring and protective you are, your honesty and trustworthiness, your bravery, your sense of humour. I could keep listing things, but we’d be here all day… I’ve fallen for you completely, handsome.”
I looked up at him, with a held breath, intently waiting for his response.
“You know I’ve fallen for you completely too, Angel.” he said, his face cracking into a brilliant smile as he pulled me up on my tiptoes and joined out mouths passionately.
I cupped his head with a hand, trying to bring him closer to me. The kiss escalated quickly, both of us wound up from our separation.
I felt his hands run over my hips to squeeze the cheeks of my bottom, before one trailed up my body to graze over my breast, making me moan into his mouth and I rubbed myself against his growing erection.
I allowed my hands to start roaming the familiar muscular planes of his body, relishing the groans that came from him when I brushed a hand over his cock.
“AHEM, we’re all still here you know.” Josh said interrupting us.
Oh yes. Other people around. I’d forgotten about that.
Me and Caleb broke apart and took in the sight of the crowd around us.
Debbie who had been watching us with happy tears and her hands clasped under her chin, look over annoyed at Josh and had then swung her oversized handbag into her nephew’s stomach.
Josh bent over double, trying to catch his breath. “Joshua! That was a beautiful moment. Why’d you have to go and ruin it?”
“They looked like they were about to start working on giving you grandbabies in front of us, right here on the lawn!” Josh groaned, as Debbie carried on scolding him for his bad timing and the rest of the Jameson clan jumped in, either to defend Josh or agree with Debbie.
I started laughing and buried my face in Caleb’s chest over the pandemonium that had broken out where his family were stood.
“You realise that we’re kind of a package deal. If you love me, you have to put up with all of those lunatics.” Caleb said as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
I pulled him closer to me.
“Well that kind of works out well, seeing as I love them all already too. Now shut up and kiss me already Jameson. We have grandbaby making practice to get started on apparently.”
Caleb started pressing kisses along my jaw.
“Somehow, I don’t think we’re going to need all that much practice.”
Epilogue
Four months later…
Maliya
“You know Caleb” I panted “if you’ve grown bored of dating me and want to break up, you could just tell me, rather than trying to kill me off.”
I wiped away the sweat from my forehead and reached back to get the water bottle attached to the side of my backpack.
The arsehole had the audacity to chuckle. “We’re nearly there. It’s not much further, babe.”
“That’s what you said twenty minutes ago. Remind me again, why you thought this was a good idea?”
“You’ll see when we get there.” he said placing a kiss on my damp forehead.
“For future reference, hot, sweaty exercise that doesn’t involve us being naked, does not a good date make. This had better be the most amazing view that anyone has seen in their lives, ever.” I said as I tripped over an exposed tree root. Caleb caught me before I fell on my face.
“That’s a lot of pressure to put on a view, Liya. Think of this as a learning experience; we’re learning things about each other.”
I looked over at him. We had been walking the trails to get to Starling Falls for the last hour and half and the man had barely broken a sweat. How is that physically possible?
“Yeah, I’ve learnt that I’m not built for nature and you should probably join Niki in her secret sadist club.” I grumbled, batting away a flying insect.
“You’ve been here for a year now and haven’t seen the waterfall that the town is named after, babe. It’s high time we changed that.” he said leading me left as we approached a fork in the trail.
“I don’t see why it was a necessary to change that fact on the first day we’ve had off from work together in ages, Caleb.”
He swatted my bottom. “Stop being a grouch and listen.”
I flicked his earlobe hard “Stop spanking my arse in public! What the hell am I listening out for?” I cocked my head to the side and heard the sound of running water. “I’m assuming that means we’re nearly there? Am I getting fed at the end of this trail?”
Caleb ignored my question and took my hand in his, dragging me behind him through the trees and dense foliage. Ten minutes later we were stood along a crystal clear river that led off from a stunning waterfall.
“Here it is, babe… Starling Falls.” The cascading waterfall wasn’t very big, but it was stunning. The area around the falls was lush, covered in moss and ferns. The sound of the water as it fell from the creek to the river was hypnotically soothing and tiny birds fluttered around the mouth of the waterfall.
My mouth fell open as I ran my gaze over the beautiful falls. It was also at that time a flying insect decided my mouth seemed like a good place to hang out.
Caleb looked alarmed when I started coughing and wiping my tongue with my sleeve.
“Liya! What is it?!” he said handing me a water bottle, which I chugged down.
“Bug. I swallowed a freaking a bug!” I said outraged.
Caleb didn’t even try to hide his laughter. “They’re a great source of protein.” I frowned and folded my arms across my chest, to prevent myself from hitting him.
Falling Completely (Starling Falls #1) Page 25