The Stand-In: my life as an understudy

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Pretty much. I mean, I wouldn’t call any aspiration wrong, but that doesn’t make it right for you. Where’s this all coming from?”

  “You know how I was going to do Commerce?”

  She nodded. “Generic and boring and safe Commerce?”

  “Aunt Bow!”

  “Sorry, that’s what it was called in my day. They changed it to just Commerce now.”

  I snorted. “Well, what if I just wanted to do whatever I thought was the opposite of what Ella wanted to do?”

  “Following Arlo’s footsteps and rebelling, are you?”

  The thought I was anything like my dad was scary, but might not have been wrong. “I don’t know. Maybe. Is it possible?”

  “Anything is possible.”

  “I mean… What do you think?”

  Aunt Bow leant her cheek on my head. “I think you have a lot of talent for something you profess to have no interest in. I think you should take another look and see if you do want to go into the arts. But then I’m biased. I want the world to see you the way I do, but they will no matter what you choose to do.”

  “What should I do then?”

  “Well, you need to work out what you really want.”

  “How do I do that?”

  Aunt Bow laughed and hugged me tightly. “Oh baby, I’m thirty-eight and I still have no idea.”

  “Then what use are you?” I chuckled as she took exception to that and started tickling me.

  She stopped and made me look at her. “I’m here to support any decision you make. Even if I think it’s not the right one–”

  “No! You’re supposed to steer me in the right direction.”

  Aunt Bow smiled warmly. “That’s all you, Gingernut. I’m just the wind in your sails, you’re the rudder.”

  “And if I steer wrong and hit the rocks?”

  “Then I’ll be there to bail you out every time. Literally and metaphorically.” She winked.

  I frowned. “That’s really unhelpful.”

  “Ice cream time, my girls!” we heard Super-G call.

  “I’m also here to eat all your ice cream,” Aunt Bow laughed as she jumped up and started running inside. “Gin said I can have hers!” she called back.

  “Hey!” I yelled, following. “I did not! Gran!”

  Aunt Bow and I tumbled inelegantly into the dining room.

  Both my parents spared me a withering glare before turning their avid attention back to Ella, who was still going on about Eli.

  “Did you know his band is opening at the Entertainment Centre in November?” Ella asked the table as Aunt Bow and I took our seats.

  “No, dear,” Gran said as she brought the ice cream in. “Do go on.”

  And go on she did.

  Through the rest of the night, the ride home, the way to school on Monday, and any time I passed her in the corridors, she was still going on about Eli. Mum and Dad had to have tuned out because by the time I got to the committee meeting on Monday afternoon, I’d heard some of her stories eleven times. Not that I was counting.

  I was sitting almost under the table, trying to get my chapter finished, when I sensed someone in front of me. I surreptitiously pulled the book down a little and instantly ruled out the legs I saw as belonging to Rica or Govi.

  I’d been avoiding him all day. Any time I saw him in the corridor, I managed to find a different direction to scuttle away in. When I accidentally ran into him between classes, I was really mature and pretended my phone rang.

  I wasn’t really sure why I was avoiding him.

  Yes, he’d basically asked me to the formal, I’d said no, and he’d asked my older sister instead. It was what everyone wanted. So I didn’t know why I was feeling so weirded out about it. Sure, I liked him. But I didn’t like like him because I didn’t want to like like him. Ella and her rabid harpy tendencies aside, Eli and I had different hopes and dreams. Even if mine did change, I didn’t want to be in the spotlight. I didn’t want to be second to anyone or anything ever again.

  In an effort to be consistent, I decided it was probably better if I pretended not to know he was there and I went back to reading.

  “Come on, Clo,” Eli said and I saw him drop to a crouch in my peripheral.

  “We should get started,” I said, dropping my book and getting up so hastily that I whacked my head into the table above me.

  “Ouch,” Eli chuckled sympathetically, his hand going to my elbow. “You okay?”

  I looked at him and nodded. “Yep.”

  He pulled back and stood, watching carefully as I got up. “You sure?”

  I nodded again as I pulled the stuff to me to mix up the papier-mâché mix. “Dandy.” I grimaced, very pleased he was behind me, at such a stupid response.

  “Clo, can you please–”

  “Ah, shit!” Ramsey’s voice cut in. “Mine’s gone limp.”

  Even my nervousness around Eli couldn’t stop me laughing at that.

  “You oughtta see someone about that, mate,” Eli laughed.

  “Shut up, wanker. My branch. Look.”

  “Twig, at best,” Lake said smoothly.

  “Leave him be,” Govi said, failing to hide a laugh.

  “Yeah,” Eli added. “He’s a grower, not a shower.”

  I stifled a laugh and heard a thump behind me.

  “I thought we agreed no dick jokes? Hm?” Ramsey said.

  “I thought that’s what we did now,” Lake said lazily.

  “What?” Ramsey asked.

  “Break pacts,” Lake answered.

  “I said I was sorry!” Govi called.

  “About what?” I heard Rica ask.

  “Nothing!” Govi said very loudly and I wondered what the other boys had been about to say.

  An arm went around me and I nudged her hip with mine.

  “Hey,” Rica said.

  “Hey. What are you doing here?”

  I felt her shrug. “Thought you might need some backup if you were going to be stuck with this lot again.” She paused then grumbled, “Really? How old are they?”

  I turned to follow her gaze and found Lake had Ramsey in a headlock while Govi was leaning over and saying something to Ramsey and Eli leant against the ladder keeping a watchful eye. When he turned that watchful eye on me, I jumped and went back to my papier-mâché mix.

  “Can I speak out of turn?” Rica asked.

  “You’re going to anyway.”

  “True. Look, you managed to get over whatever brain fart you had when you first met him. You can get over this.”

  “I’m not into him,” I hissed.

  “Hey, I never said you were. But even if you don’t actually want him, it’s still understandable that you’re a little jealous he’s going to the formal with Ella. Especially the way she’s been preening around all day. Ugh and the fanfare people are giving her!” Rica made a gagging noise and I had to agree with her.

  I dropped my hands from the frantic busyness they were trying to keep up and sighed. “Okay. So I’m jealous. But not because I want to be with him. I just… In another life and all that.”

  I felt Rica nod. “I get it. Now,” she said, more upbeat. “My services are at your disposal. What do you want me to do?”

  “Is there any way to make our trees look half decent?” I pleaded and we both turned to look at them.

  We both snorted when we saw Govi’s head pop up between the branches and make a face.

  “They look pretty good to me,” Rica said.

  I elbowed her playfully. “With a certain decoration in them, yes.”

  She elbowed me back slightly less playfully. “All of them.”

  “But they could be better.”

  “Maybe. Shall I start with paint?”

  I nodded. “That would be brilliant. Thank you.”

  “You owe me,” Rica said, pointing at me as she started walking away.

  I bowed down teasingly. “I shall pra
y to my goddess at the tolling of every hour,” I told her and she barked a laugh.

  “Funny girl, aren’t you?” She stuck her tongue out at me and I repaid her. “Every half hour, thank you!” she giggled as she started getting set up.

  I was shaking my head when Ramsey sidled up to me.

  “What’s up?” I asked him when he didn’t say anything.

  “Am I allowed to papier-mâché today?” he asked coyly.

  At the previous meeting on Friday, Ramsey and Govi had ended up making boogers out of the mix to flick at each other, then resorted to all-out war the rest of us had been dragged into. That was after they’d each finished a tree, so at least there had been some progress before everything devolved into messy madness. But I had also made a heat of the moment declaration that Ramsey was off papier-mâché duty.

  I turned a look on him. “Are you going to waste it on Govi again?” I asked.

  “I…” Ramsey started, flicking his hair out of his eyes. “I want to say no…”

  I grinned. “At least you’re honest.”

  “I promise I’ll finish my tree before I misbehave.”

  I sniggered and nodded. “Okay. Here.” I passed him the container and he took it away while I got started on the next one.

  Another body appeared beside me. “Clo.”

  I took a deep breath. “Yeah?”

  “Can we talk?”

  I nodded. “Sure.”

  “In full sentences.”

  “Maybe.”

  I felt him huff a laugh. “I’ll take it. Look, I just want to make sure we’re…tight.”

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  “You just seem… I feel like you’ve been avoiding me since Friday.”

  I shook my head and shrugged in some sort of weird interpretive dance move. “No. Just… My job’s… You and Ella… You know.”

  “Trees!” Govi suddenly yelled and I looked around.

  “What?” I muttered as the other Quicksilver boys were mouthing things to themselves, Eli included.

  “Five!” Govi shouted. “Four! Three! Two–”

  It was Eli who answered the apparent call to arms. Or song, as it turned out. “Well, my heart knows me better than I know myself so I’m gonna let it do all the talking!”

  “Woo hoo! Woo hoo!” the other boys joined in, and Eli continued on with the song.

  When he was done, he pointed at Lake. “Ice cream flavours!”

  Lake rolled his eyes, but I could see he was thinking.

  “Five! Four! Three–”

  One more roll of his eyes and Lake started a song I recognised off the ‘Love, Simon’ soundtrack. “Remember when we first met, you said ‘light my cigarette’…”

  He looked thoroughly displeased about the whole thing until he got to the bit about blue eyes and black jeans and he lay it all out there at Ramsey’s feet. Ramsey silently pissed himself laughing, but nodded along with the tune.

  “What can I say?” Ramsey chuckled when Lake was done. “I’m sweet and smoky, baby. What’s my category?”

  Lake grinned as he stood up. “Anthems, dude. And no Farnham.”

  I watched as Ramsey’s fingers wriggled while he thought.

  “Five!” The other boys started the count down. “Four–”

  Ramsey frowned at them all, then shut them up as soon as he opened his mouth. “I’m bulletproof. Nothing to lose. Fire away. Fire away…”

  And the whole room went silent, watching as this slouchy punk kid belted out ‘Titanium’ with nothing but raw emotion.

  Eventually, the other kids started joining in around the room and I looked around in awe.

  “Cool, huh?” Govi asked, bumping into me.

  I nodded. “You guys do this a lot?”

  He shrugged. “It’s a good competition. Forces us to look outside the box for songs to beat each other with. Shazam, Spotify and Google are my best friends for this.”

  “How do you work out who wins?”

  He shrugged again, good-humouredly. “Dunno. We just kinda all agree.”

  “Rica. Movie themes. Go!” Ramsey called.

  I saw Rica’s eyes go wide with panic. She didn’t even think of it, she just started singing the song I’d guessed she would; ‘Can’t Stop the Feeling’ from Trolls, her most recent favourite movie.

  When the guys worked out what she was singing, they all threw their arms up and cheered her on. I had the feeling that Govi could tell she was a little nervous because he started singing with her and she smiled at him with the very definite beginnings of full-blown crush.

  I kept ripping the paper for the papier-mâché as they sang, then the song was over and the room was eerily silent. I looked around and saw them all looking at me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Chloe Cowan. Power Ballads.” Rica grinned and I hung my head with a sigh.

  “Really?” I asked.

  Rica nodded. “Five. Four. Three. Two–”

  “Okay!” I popped out of my seat and let loose the first line of the first thing that came to mind; Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Since U Been Gone’ courtesy of the ‘Pitch Perfect’ marathon Rica and I had had over the weekend.

  I tried not to look at any one in particular, because singing in front of people was not my thing. But if Rica had had the balls to do it then I kinda had to or I’d never hear the end of it. But as I sang, I realised I didn’t hate it. The idea of singing to people was not as terrifying or stupid as I’d told myself it was. In fact, there was something freeing about belting out a song and I felt a little bit lighter for it. Lighter and heavier all at the same time.

  Everyone in the room joined me on the final stretch, then I dropped back into my chair and went back to my ripping a little more vigorously than I’d left it. I was confused all over again about what I wanted out of life. Did I want to sing after all?

  “That was…” Govi leant against the table next to me and made an explosion with his hands. “Amazing!” he chuckled.

  I smiled. “Thanks. Not really my thing, though.”

  “Cool. Cool. Eli said you were devoid of…things.”

  I shrugged, wondering now how true that really was. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Still. Amazing.”

  He patted me on the shoulder and left me to it while he went back to attaching branches to trees, and another round started up. This time, still on the tree theme, Govi started it with a song I’d only heard on the Mix radio station when Aunt Bow had it on, ‘C’est La Vie’.

  “How’s it going?” Milly asked, appearing in front of me.

  “Uh… Good, thanks. I can…? Do you want them to stop?” I asked awkwardly.

  Milly looked over at Govi and shook her head. “No. They’re fine. They’re working, so it’s just easier to let them be as rowdy as they want.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  “Listen… Can I ask you something…?”

  “Chloe,” I offered.

  Milly’s smile was warm. “I remembered.”

  “Oh.” That was a new one. “Sorry.”

  “No. It’s fine. I was just a little hesitant to ask, is all.”

  I shook my head. “No. Ask away.”

  “I know it’s not your job at all, but I was wondering if I could lump some more stuff on you? Please? Awkwardly, you’re the person I trust most to just get stuff done.” She smiled at me totally awkwardly, which worked well, because I was also feel super awkward.

  “Uh, whatever I can do to help…” I said, for once legitimately wanting to help her rather than just feeling obliged to deal with Ella’s responsibilities.

  “Great. Thanks, Chloe.” She smiled again, then hurried off with an exasperated, “Brenda…”

  A while later, I was sitting with Lake and Ramsey making more branches while Govi and Eli were still on papier-mâché duty and Rica was lost to her painting. Somehow talk had found its way to the formal.

  “Who are you guys
going with?” I asked Lake and Ramsey.

  “No one,” Lake answered simply.

  Ramsey glared at Govi as he came over. “We were supposed to all be going stag. But someone broke the pact!”

  Govi shrugged. “What?” He looked over at Rica. “Can you blame me?” He grabbed a few more branches and, as he left again, said, “I’ve said I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry doesn’t have all four of us going stag to our last formal, does it?” Ramsey said pointedly.

  Lake rolled his eyes. “Sure. It would have been great to just have a friends’ night out, but we can do that with Rica.”

  “It sounds nice,” I told him.

  “Angling for an invitation?” Lake teased.

  My cheeks went red. “I’m not, no. I really don’t want to go. We had our formal earlier in the year and I’ll have our last one next year.”

  “Well, I’m going to find someone to ask,” Ramsey decided, looking around.

  “Are you now?” Lake asked. “And who’s going to want to go with you?”

  Ramsey turned his blue eyes on me. “And you’re sure you don’t want to go?”

  Lake smacked him in the chest. “Wow. Sweep a girl off her feet, why not?” He looked at me, hazel eyes shining with humour. “I apologise for the cretin.”

  “Watch who you’re calling cretin,” Ramsey snapped, but he was smiling.

  “What about Eli?” I asked, as nonchalantly as possible.

  “What about Eli?” Ramsey asked slowly.

  “Well, does him having a date not count…? Or is that why he didn’t ask Ella when he found out she was interested?”

  Lake and Ramsey exchanged a look I didn’t understand.

  “Uh… Yeah…” Ramsey said. “That is definitely why he didn’t ask Ella at first.”

  Lake nodded. “Sure. Because of our pact.”

  I smiled at them. “Why does that sound like total bullshit?”

  Ramsey scrubbed the back of his head. “I couldn’t tell you, Clo.”

  Lake shook his head. “No idea.”

  Friends without benefits

  The next day, I was scurrying along the corridor as inconspicuously as possible between lessons, and I was already late.

  “Clo!”

  I pulled up short and turned around. “Eli, hi…” I said, then wondered why I’d turned around when I was late and avoiding him. “What’s up?”