The Stand-In: my life as an understudy

by Elizabeth Stevens

  I gasped sarcastically as I put Milly’s clipboard down with my bag – I was in charge of it that meeting as Milly had a doctor’s appointment. I’d just neglected to tell her I hadn’t put hands on it until that morning.

  “Maybe you’re not cut out for the life of a rock god after all?”

  He grinned lazily. “It would be easy if I didn’t have to be at school by half eight.”

  “Why has Eli decided you need all-nighters?” I asked, hoping I sounded nonchalant; last thing I needed was Govi guessing what had happened the afternoon before.

  Govi sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “We’ve got a couple new songs we’re working on and he wants us to make them tight by formal. And last night was…intense. I mean, I’m all for the craft, you know. But…damn, I wish we had a bit more time.”

  I nodded, pretending I had any idea what he was talking about. “Are they… What kind of songs?”

  Govi’s smile was proud as well as tired. “Something a little different. I’m really enjoying them.”

  “Are you sworn to secrecy?”

  He mimed zipping up his lips. “You will hear what we have at the formal.”

  I nodded. “Okay then.”

  He pointed at the trees. “Guess I’ll get working,” he finished with a yawn.

  “You sure you don’t want to pike out?”

  He shook his head. “Nah.”

  “Does this have anything to do with Rica coming?”

  Govi’s eyes went shifty. “No. Why? Did she say something about me?”

  I laughed. “She says a great many things about you. But I’m not allowed to repeat the majority of them.”

  “Oh, really?” he asked, mock-arrogantly. “Because they’re too dirty?” He winked.

  “No. The opposite,” I said and he frowned. “They’re far too cute and Rica will murder me if I let it slip she was such a softy.”

  Govi’s smile was soft and sweet. “Aw, shucks. I’ll take it to my grave.”

  “You do that.”

  Govi nodded one last time, then got to work.

  My eyes kept sliding to the door and I realised what they’d been waiting for when Eli walked through them. Just the sight of him had my heart hitching and my breath catching, but I was pretty sure it was only a tiny bit of crush. Most of it was panic.

  Because I was going to have to admit it now, I had the absolute last thing I ever wanted or needed. I had a crush on Elijah Sweet.

  To say it was inconvenient would be an understatement.

  Firstly, I was just the stand-in. I was the messenger at best. Guys on the brink of stardom deserved girls like Ella who had people fawning all over them whether they deserved it or not. Popular attracted popular. Popular wanted popular. Popular gets bored of unpopular. And popular certainly gets bored of the uninterested in being popular.

  Secondly, I wanted to be rid of all that stuff, not setting myself up for more of it. I’d lived in the shadow of someone else for so long, I didn’t want to be interested in – let alone with – a guy who planned to be the centre of attention. I was going to be the star of my own story, not the supporting act in someone else’s.

  It didn’t matter that when I played music or sang now that I felt this wonderfully warm and tingly feeling, and I could pinpoint Eli as directly responsible. It didn’t matter that I liked that feeling, that it felt good and right and amazing. It didn’t matter that this feeling had me half-wondering if I was actually allowed to want what Ella wanted, to use what I’d be trained to do as something more than the understudy.

  Not even that gorgeously confidant smile he was giving Milly as he walked in slow-motion across the room was bright enough to make me take my sights off that bright neon light that heralded my own future. Eli was nothing I wanted or needed.

  Still, a girl could look even when she was decidedly not going to touch. Again.

  Especially when he stopped to help Brenda with a box of material she was about to drop. He took it effortlessly out of her arms as she smiled at him shyly in thanks. He grinned that lazy half-smile as she nattered something to him, trotting after his long gait as he took the box to a table. He looked down at her warmly as she pointed in all sorts of directions, and nodded to whatever she was saying as she gazed up at him adoringly. He–

  I blinked as something hit my shoulder and pulled myself up.

  “Earth to Gin!” Govi called and I felt like it wasn’t the first time.

  I cleared my throat, sincerely hoping it wasn’t true that I’d just had my elbow leaning on the top of the ladder, my chin in my hand as I mooned over Eli.

  “Gin!” Govi called again.

  I looked at him. “Yes?”

  He was doing a very bad job of suppressing his laughter. “You – uh – all good over there?”

  I nodded quickly. “Totally fine.”

  My gaze darted over to see Eli touching Brenda’s arm briefly before he started walking over to us with a chin-kick in greeting.

  “‘Sup, man?” Govi said lazily.

  “Same old,” Eli replied, equally lazy. “You woken up yet?”

  “No,” Govi said sullenly.

  “So blisters will be the least of your worries?” I asked him, sparing him a sympathetic smile.

  Govi nodded. “I might die of exhaustion, but yeah, blisters are the least of my problems at the moment.”

  “Ninety-nine problems and blisters ain’t one,” Eli sung cheekily.

  “How are you still functioning?” Govi grumbled.

  Eli stopped beside my ladder, putting his foot on the lowest rung and holding the top as he smiled at me winningly. “Dunno. Just seem to have a pep in my step today.”

  “Well do us a favour, will you?” Govi yawned. “Work out what’s causing said pep and avoid it. I’m really not sure how much longer I can last with you being the most energetic one.”

  Eli winked at me and I pulled my eyes off him hastily as my cheeks flushed.

  “Seriously,” Govi continued. “You’re leaving me with no titles. I’m meant to be the manic one.”

  “I suppose titles like kindest, most adorable and sweetest don’t count?” I asked him, focussing on my tree.

  “Well…” Govi conceded. “They’re not awful, I guess.”

  Eli laughed as he swung around the ladder, then wandered towards Govi. “You can be most manic again when we’re finished.”

  “With trees, the songs or killing me?” Govi grumbled.

  “All of the above?” Eli asked, then segued into song.

  It wasn’t one I knew, so I assumed it was him just making things up. The way Govi joined in, interspersed with laughter, made me think it was one of their processes. The words were mostly nonsense and involved trees, paint, papier-mâché, and a naughty little monkey I assumed was meant to be Govi.

  Two other voices joined in as Ramsey and Lake arrived. I looked over and saw Rica running in behind them, holing the pocket of her overalls as though she was worried something was going to fall out. Probably her phone considering she had a habit of dropping them, sitting on them, or dropping them in paint.

  “Sorry!” she called, skirting between the two singing boys, sparing them a quick, “Hey guys,” before stopping in front of me and throwing her arms out. “Here I am!”

  I smiled. “About time too,” I muttered.

  Rica looked over to Eli. “Have you…talked to him yet?”

  I huffed, “If that’s code for…” I wrinkled my nose at her in annoyance.

  “Kissing him again?” she had no qualms clarifying. “It wasn’t, but did that occur as well?”

  I waved my fist at her. “No. There will be more kissing.”

  Rica looked me over. “There are worse guys you could be kissing.”

  “What?” I hissed.

  Rica shrugged as she started pulling paintbrushes from random pockets. “Well I mean, he’s gorgeous. Really. As far as hook-ups go, you could be doing worse.”r />
  “That’s hardly fair.”

  “What’s hardly fair?”

  “I can’t go…encouraging him.”

  Rica’s look was asking me to rethink that statement. “You’re worried about leading him on? Him. Elijah Sweet.”

  I waggled my head weirdly. “You know what I mean.”

  “Remind me again who kissed who.”

  “What?”

  “Who kissed who?”

  I looked over at Eli, who was mucking around with the boys. “I guess he kissed me first.”

  Rica gave a huge nod. “And he didn’t want you to leave?”

  So I might have called her on the way home and recounted the whole thing in way too much detail in the hopes she could calm the festering panic threatening to take over. Needless to say, she’d done nothing of the sort in her excitement.

  “If you have a point, make it quickly,” I warned her.

  “Well. Way I see it, dude likes you. So what’s the problem?”

  I blinked down at her. “Are we forgetting the integral part of my continued existence my skin plays? Are we forgetting the Wicked Bitch who has her sights set firmly on a certain guy over there?”

  “Since when do we care about the harpy?” Rica accused. “And it’s not your fault if Eli likes you.”

  “Ree,” I said patiently, as though I was trying to explain something to a small child for the twentieth time. “I was literally born as a backup. My parents have made no secret of this. That guy over there wants to be the next One Direction or 5 Seconds of Summer or whoever else is famous these days. Read my lips.” I pointed to my lips. “I don’t want to play second fiddle to anyone else’s dreams for the rest of my life–”

  “You’re planning on marrying him now?”

  I was hit with the memory of how it felt kissing him and, even though my heart rate spiked and I nearly smiled, I tried not to let it show. “You know I don’t make plans that far ahead. I’m just saying that it seems stupid to set myself up for more pain than necessary.”

  “And if he’d give it all up for you? Put you first?”

  I frowned. “To even consider letting him do that is ridiculous,” I scoffed. “I want him to follow his dreams, Ree. I just don’t want to be in the shadow of those dreams. Is that so difficult to understand?”

  Rica’s eyes slid to Eli and Govi. For a moment, I thought she was going to argue. But she nodded. “Okay. I get it. Actually,” she amended, “I don’t really get it. But I accept the logic.”

  I nodded back to her. “Thank you.”

  “His happiness above yours,” she continued wistfully as though she wasn’t being a disapprovingly judgmental bitch.

  “Erica!” I snapped.

  She kept on with the same tone. “Because it couldn’t possibly go another way.”

  “I’m going to rescind your best friend status in a minute,” I warned.

  But Rica knew me and she only grinned cheekily at me. “I’ve got tenure.”

  I huffed. “Go and paint some trees, please,” I begged.

  She saluted me with her handful of miscellaneous paintbrushes. “On it.”

  I went back to the task at hand, wishing Rica hadn’t put it in my head that there could be a different outcome. Because there wouldn’t be. Either Quicksilver made it and Eli would have to put that first, or they wouldn’t and I’d always worry that it was my fault.

  No, it was better this way.

  And I tried to remind myself of that through the rest of the meeting.

  “Gin?” Ramsey called and I turned to look at him.

  “Yeah?”

  “We’re running low on branches. Want me to make some more?”

  I wiped my hands off as best I could and climbed down the ladder. “How are we doing for trunks?” I asked as I looked around.

  Ramsey shrugged. “We’ve got about ten of the originals left. Rica’s caught up on base coat and has got started on detail–”

  “Leaves!” I cried as I suddenly realised we’d done nothing about leaves for our trees.

  “Dead forest?” Govi offered, apparently on my wavelength.

  “Not very enchanted,” Lake replied.

  “Zombie trees!” Govi tried.

  I smiled absently as I looked around. “Lake’s right. It’s not going to be very magical if all we’ve got is a few skeletons.”

  “We can use some more tissue paper?” Eli suggested.

  I nodded. “Yeah. That could work.”

  “Draped or scrunched?” Rica asked, her eyes still firmly on her detail work for the trees.

  “Both?” I wondered out loud.

  “Do you want to give one a go and we’ll see how it goes?” Govi asked.

  “Ramsey, do you want to make some more branches and I’ll see what we can do in the way of leaves?”

  Ramsey nodded. “Can do.”

  “Need some help?” Eli asked.

  I almost said no out of principal. But if Govi, Lake and Ramsey didn’t know I’d kissed him, then I wanted to keep it that way. And saying no would make me look awfully suspicious which would lead to them possibly finding out. Besides, a little crush didn’t mean we couldn’t still be friends.

  “Yes? No?” Eli asked with a cheeky smile when I didn’t answer.

  I felt my cheeks warm and smiled. “Yes. Thanks.”

  Eli and I hunted around the table for the packets of tissue paper I knew should still be among our mess. Our hands brushed and we looked at each other. That steady heat was in his eyes again, a question as well as a statement now. I licked my lip and sidled away a little.

  “Okay,” I started, feeling flushed and hot and a nervous flutter in my chest. “So I’m thinking we start with some big, scrunchy balls–” I stopped as he sniggered.

  He waved his hand. “Sorry. The scrunchy balls got me.”

  “You are so immature,” I told him, trying to hold back my own smile.

  He shrugged unapologetically. “I really am.”

  He watched me scrunch a couple of sheets of tissue paper up, then followed suit. Once we had a few of them, we went over to the closest finished tree and dropped them at the base.

  “How do you want to attach them?” Eli asked.

  I looked around. “I’m thinking glue or staples?”

  Eli nodded, then grabbed both the glue and the staple gun from the table. “Dealers choice?”

  I pointed at the staple gun. “That will be faster.”

  Eli grinned warmly. “Let’s hope it works then.”

  He gave me the staple gun, dropped the glue in our pile and dragged the ladder over for me. He held it with one hand, put one foot on the bottom and pointed to it with his other hand.

  “M’lady,” he said, his eyes sparkling much too enticingly.

  “Thanks.” I ducked my head in the hopes my unbidden smile didn’t encourage him and climbed the few steps.

  Eli picked up a couple of balls of tissue paper and passed them to me. I arranged them on the end of a branch and looked at him.

  “What do you think?” I asked.

  He lifted his hands and placed them over mine to move the tissue paper a little. As he surveyed his positioning, he left his hands on mine. Every inch of my skin seemed to tingle, spreading up my arms from his touch.

  My heart pounded, my stomach was full of butterflies, and my breath was threatening to get shorter. It felt like it took almost all my control to remain outwardly calm, act nonchalant as though Eli touching me had no effect on me whatsoever.

  “Clo?” he asked.

  “Mmm?” I turned to look at him and our noses nearly bumped. I cleared my throat and turned back to the tissue paper. “Yep. Better.”

  “Okay. I’ll hold and you staple?” Eli’s voice was soft and low.

  Goose bumps chased over the tingles on my skin and I licked my lip to stop myself from blurting any misleading thoughts out loud. All I managed was a nod as I tried to extricate my v
ery unwilling hands out from under his.

  Once I’d managed it, my air felt stupidly cold against my skin where his warmth had been. I looked over to Rica, needing a little bit of… Well the most I’d get out of her was humoured teasing. But at least that would kick me out of the threatening mush.

  I picked up the stapler and manoeuvred it between Eli’s long fingers and fastened the tissue paper in place. We both pulled back and looked it over.

  “Yes?” Eli asked, looking to me.

  I nodded, trying not to look at him because then I could pretend I was unaffected. “Yes.”

  “Excellent. Next lot?”

  I nodded again.

  We got through a few more – about half the tree – when I realised that Eli was staring at me, and had been for a while.

  “Eli, focus,” I chastised.

  “I am focussed.”

  “Eli…”

  “Chloe…”

  “On the leaves,” I said quietly, trying not to feel flattered or flustered.

  “I prefer this view.”

  “Eli, come on.”

  “What?”

  “You know what,” I hissed, not wanting the others to hear.

  “I don’t know what.”

  “You and me… Yesterday. It–”

  “I’m thinking we should try that draping thing on this one,” Govi said, walking up to us.

  I pulled away from Eli quickly as though Govi had walked in on us in a far more compromising position than actually working on the trees. I cleared my throat and smoothed out my jumper unnecessarily as I looked around the room like I was very busy.

  Stop being so weird, I told myself.

  “Gin?” Govi pressed. “Want me and Rica to give it a go?”

  I nodded wildly as I brought my head back to look at him. “Yes. Great idea. Thanks.”

  Govi looked between me and Eli, a slow smirk forming on his face. I gave him a pointed look and he shrugged subtly before moving off.

  “Anyone would think we had a secret,” Eli said nonchalantly as he picked up some more tissue paper.

  I ignored the statement and he thankfully didn’t say any more about it as we finished adding the leaves to our tree.

  There were a couple of interruptions when people had questions, but most seemed happy to go on with their own things and wait for when Milly was back to check in with any problems.