Goddess

by Liv Savell

  ⥣ ⥣ ⥣

  * * *

  For some time that night, Delyth lay awake in her tent, staring at the place at which the different panels of canvas came to a point above her head. If she opened her wings halfway, the warrior could brush either side of the small enclosure, but still, it felt too-large in the night.

  She had told Meirin that she would face Enyo because she could not bear the thought of anyone else taking that responsibility, but she wasn’t completely sure of this decision. Could she truly hurt Enyo if it came to that, knowing it was Alphonse’s body she harmed? What if Enyo forced Alphonse to the surface? Could Delyth do what she had to then?

  What if the warrior went too far?

  Delyth shut her eyes tight against nightmares of violence and took a deep, shuddering breath. She would not hurt Alphonse. Only Enyo. And only enough to get the healer back.

  Still, sleep was slow coming. Finally, Delyth pulled Alphonse’s journal from her pack and read for comfort, for some connection to the other woman.

  Sixth Moon, Third Quarter: Thloegr

  I find myself possessed with the need to write each and every detail of myself into this journal. Enyo grapples for control within my soul, and she wins more often than not. I try to yank her out, like a weed growing in a garden, but she is pernicious. Just when you think she is sated or dulled, I’ll hear her whispering in my mind. I’ll feel her claws down my belly.

  At times it is all I can do to hold her off, and even speech becomes too distracting. I know my companions are concerned. I see the looks Etienne gives me and the relief, however brief, in Delyth’s face when I return. Tristan, of course, is disappointed, but I am not Enyo’s plaything. I am not here to cater to her whims and desires, and his lugubrious nature at my reappearance, for once, does not make my heart falter.

  I know her far better than any of her disciples ever could. I feel her impulsive nature warring against my more tempered one. I hear her thoughts and experience her joy in the forest around us. She is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. She is so purely animalistic instinct it is difficult to consider her a fiend or a hero. She simply is.

  At times I experience how freeing that is. At times I wonder if she is the problem or if I am.

  When these thoughts come to me, I push back because I do not know if they are my own or whispers from Enyo’s lips. I witness her greed and cruelty, and it annoys her. In return, she reminds me that I am a weak, pathetic human. She’s not wrong. But I will fight her. And I will find a way to be rid of her.

  Each day is a challenge and each night a relief to rest my head. I do not truthfully know how I will make it to the temple, the pace we are setting is so terribly slow. And, then of course, there are other obstacles. Tristan and Delyth love Enyo. They are devoted to her. I am certain they will not allow Etienne and I to bind her.

  Perhaps, if I spoke to Delyth, explained to her just what it is like to have Enyo within me, she might understand? She might be willing to let us bind Enyo.

  It’s a risk.

  Is my soul, my life worth that gamble?

  I cannot say. Delyth is a dear friend. I enjoy her company more than I ever thought I could, especially given how recently we met. She is kind, gentle, and easy to be around. She never makes me feel silly or weak, and she seems to see the world through a thoughtful lens that makes her all the more likable.

  But would she allow me to cast her Goddess off? Would she want that for her faith? Her people? Enyo is their leader. Enyo created all that they are…

  Would I allow someone to destroy that?

  I do not think so.

  So I am stuck between companions who wish to see Enyo returned and a body that is tiring and weakening as I fight her. My mind is iron against her, and yet I know it is rusting.

  Perhaps, if Etienne and I were alone still, this would be simpler, easier. Perhaps, if it were just he and I, we could really stand a chance to cast Enyo out once and for all?

  And then I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone anymore.

  That would be a blessing.

  “Aderyn bak dewr…”Delyth pulled her wings in tight, her chest a small thunderstorm. Alphonse had been so brave despite the odds, so determined to fight Enyo, and that reminder bolstered the warrior’s resolve. She owed it to Alphonse to fight just as hard as the healer had, even if it meant fighting Enyo in Alphonse’s body.

  Delyth curled up around the book and kept reading as though it were not just the record of Alphonse’s journey but the healer herself.

  Sixth Moon, Waning Crescent: Thloegr

  I was wrong. Enyo is not simply Enyo. She is insane—a madwoman who would bite off her own nose to spite her face.

  Etienne and I made a run for it. He enchanted Tristan and Delyth to sleep, and we escaped. We ran and ran, and while it broke my heart to see Delyth lying on the trail, I knew it was for the best. She would never want her Goddess to be cast out, and we would never be able to defeat Delyth, let alone she and Tristan both.

  I thought for one moment that I would be free from Enyo, that I would not have to betray Delyth at the temple. And despite the pain of leaving my friend behind, my practical self hurried. I had to find the cure before I completely succumbed to Enyo.

  But I was wrong.

  Enyo is stronger than I am. She’s a Goddess. It was foolish to think I could make one choice for myself, to fight for myself. She yanked on the reins of my mind and took control. She started a massive fire and attacked Etienne and Delyth.

  She wanted nothing more than the bloody destruction of her foes. She didn’t care about anything but her own wrath. She made me hurt my friends and scare my companions.

  Now, Delyth will never forgive me for leaving, for taking her Goddess away. And Enyo knows my intentions. She has redoubled her efforts to get out, and I feel those pains in my heart and mind. My body is withering. My will is gone.

  Etienne, too, seems broken. He could not stop Enyo. He could do nothing as she tried to burn him alive.

  I don’t know what’s worse; knowing Enyo is so powerful, our chances of success dwindling by the day, or the way Delyth won’t look at me now.

  I ruined my friendship and my future with a moment’s decision.

  Delyth shut the journal, Alphonse’s despair as painful as her own hurt. Her wing twinged vaguely in memory of that day: her body broken, the healer sobbing as she mended it. The warrior had few memories so dark, but she comforted herself with the knowledge that Alphonse had never tried to leave out of a lack of trust but rather out of a sense of right. Their friendship had not been lost as Alphonse feared. It had continued to grow.

  With that thought, Delyth closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, the journal still pressed to her chest.

  ⥣ ⥣ ⥣

  * * *

  “You look pale, mage,” Meirin murmured as she watched him gaze into the contents of his cup. They had woken before dawn, and Delyth had flown off to find the precise location of Enyo, Tristan, and Maoz. So Meirin was left with a shaky Ingolan and an uncomfortably tight sensation in her own stomach.

  Today was the day. The day they would bait the Gods, tempt the fates, and hopefully save their friends. To make things worse, it was cloudy, and thunder rolled ominously in the distance. They might be running through a storm to head off their prey—not something she particularly looked forward to. For now, though, she simply had to keep Etienne from vomiting or losing his nerve. He wasn’t a tested warrior, so she had no idea how to gauge his ability to complete this task.

  Still, she knew from personal experience that keeping him distracted would likely help. She never liked to overthink an unpleasant task before setting about it—no point in worrying over the future. It would come whether or not she fussed. “So—Do you have a paramour back in Ingola? Someone fair and tall?” she asked, tone half teasing, half interested.

  “A paramour?” Etienne repeated, looking up suddenly from his tea. “Um, no,” he stuttered. “There was never time, what with my studies.”


  That surprised Meirin. The Mynydd Gwyllt clan was fairly accepting of people taking lovers before they settled down with just one partner. Etienne couldn’t be much younger than she was, and he wasn’t terrible looking.

  “Perhaps then just a bed mate? That doesn’t take much time, in my experience. At least not for men…” She grinned and kept her gaze on his face, taking pleasure in his mild discomfort. Owlishly, she sipped her own tea. She thought herself clever to distract him with this kind of talk.

  ✶

  Etienne looked down at his cup again and took a sip. “Sort of?” he admitted, a little awkwardly. It wasn’t as though he had never slept with other students—he didn’t follow Alphonse’s Goddess, Mother Agathi, with all her talk of purity— but neither had he seen anyone regularly. There was always the work.

  “Sort of? You either did or didn’t, Etienne. I’d think you’d know… All that learning you have.”

  “Off and on,” he said, trying to appear nonchalant. Meirin was smiling, a sort of half-tilt to her lips that looked suspiciously as though she were laughing at him. Etienne scowled. “What about you then? Got someone back home?”

  “Plenty of someones. You might not have noticed, but I am strong, and a good warrior and I stand to inherit the bakery. Plenty of men vie for my attention.” She swallowed more of the tea in a dispassionate manner. Aloof almost—aside from her smirk. “I don’t find them all that interesting. My skills are equal to or better than theirs when it comes to most things. Who wants to be bored?”

  Etienne stared at her for a moment, struggling to decode her words. What particular skills was she referring to? Did she mean she didn’t like men? Etienne found the idea… disappointing, which was silly, of course. He did not care that Delyth and Alphonse preferred each other over male company. At least, not anymore. And he had only cared at all when he thought he was losing his best friend.

  It wasn’t as though he had entertained any hopes when it came to the clan warrior. That would have been absurd. He was going home after they rescued Alphonse, after all. Still, he couldn’t help but press on. “Just what does interest you then?”

  Meirin shrugged, eyes already covered in warpaint, sly as she finished her tea. “New things.” She smiled and stood, stretching her arms over her head, showing off her physique. “And you, mage?”

  Etienne hesitated for a long moment, unsure of how to answer. He didn’t know what he was looking for, other than his best friend. If anything. But something about her answer rang true. He had always been fascinated by the new. It was what had gotten him in trouble in the first place.

  “I think we have that in common,” he said finally, and Delyth landed behind them, putting a stop to the conversation.

  “I’ve found them,” she said, “and they didn’t see me. We need to set the rune traps, quickly.”

  Meirin held Etienne’s gaze for a moment longer before she turned to ready for the day.

  Chapter XII

  Tenth Moon, Waning Gibbous: Northeast of Lake Gastyr

  They were traveling through open country again, far from any sign of civilization, and already the other Gods’ frolicking had put Va'al in a foul mood. They were still only three, despite the time wasted between Aryus’s tower and the search for a Vassal appropriate for the God of Death—more time spent crammed into a too-small, too-weak body.

  One good thing had come of it, though; Va'al and the others were now headed south, towards the lands in which Esha’s people still flourished. Enyo had finally come around to the idea of releasing Esha, if only for convenience’s sake. Her lands lay closer to them than any others—Tha’et was next closest and would require them to turn and head back west. Not to mention Esha’s main temple was by far closer to Ruyaa’s domain, and they still needed a fifth God.

  So, a few more days of dealing with the two wild Gods and he would have someone reasonable to talk to again. Reasonable and irresistible.

  The idea made him smile, despite the probability of issues between the two Goddesses.

  “How long do you think it will take to reach Gwynhafan traveling this way?” he asked casually, trying to hide his eagerness from the others.

  ❂

  “Too long,” Enyo muttered, the dark clouds overhead proof enough of her mood. All morning she had been twitchy, glancing over her shoulder often as if hearing something. But every time she looked, nothing was there.

  She supposed it was paranoia due to Aryus’s idiotic trick. She was questioning what was real and what was fake. But there was a nagging feeling—fingers down her spine, eyes on her back.

  The ground beneath their feet was tense and irritable. The shrubs quivered with the oncoming storm. “Do you feel that?” she snapped at Va'al, preemptively angered for no particular reason. She felt like a bear with porcupine needles in her nose.

  “It's probably nothing,” Va'al said, shrugging. “What in this world poses a threat to us any longer? The Sky Keepers brood over their treasure, The Sea Keeper beneath the waves. We are the only Gods of any real power left unbanished.”

  Enyo opened her mouth to snarl some rude response when she stiffened. Something large cast a shadow overhead, and she spun to watch the figure arrow down. How had the bitch snuck up on them? Black wings and blue war paint came into sharper relief as the priestess landed yards away. Calamity purred from its perch, strapped to Enyo’s pack. It remembered the blood the priestess had fed it all those moons.

  Enyo would let Calamity gorge on that power once more. Once she caught the beast.

  “You!” Enyo stepped forward, hands reaching to grab the warrior’s throat despite the distance between them. Yet there was something else there—a fluttering in Enyo’s stomach. Fluttering in hunger, surely? Baffled at her reaction, she snarled again.“I knew you were too stupid to stay away, slut. Come to get your lover?”

  Unsurprisingly, the big winged bitch didn’t take Enyo’s bait, though her face twisted in uncharacteristic emotion. She was usually more taciturn.

  “Something like that,” Delyth growled, but she didn’t attack. That in itself was odd. The beast wasn’t exactly one for planning. Two others soon joined Delyth. The boy and another warrior woman, strong but younger than Delyth and warm-skinned where she was fair.

  ⫸

  Meirin glanced between Delyth and Enyo, the hair standing up on her arms and the back of her neck. It was one thing to plan this little ambush and get their stones in a row, but another thing altogether to be facing the Gods. Even in their human forms, Meirin could feel the otherness about them. They stood in a loose formation, the man with bright eyes and a sly face in the back, beside Gethin. The clansman stood frozen and unresponsive, gaze fixed on Delyth. He didn’t breathe, didn’t blink.

  And then there was Enyo, wrapped in the sweetest face and the smallest, frailest form. Her golden eyes flickered with hatred, none of the softness one might expect in someone meeting their lover after a long absence. She drew her lips back in a grimace, exposing teeth that were—Meirin swallowed and regripped her spear— sharp and elongated. Like some predator—a mountain cat or a wolf.

  And she just stood there, staring at Delyth as Gethin—Maoz—stared at the warrior too. As if she and Etienne weren’t even worth their attention. The Gods made no move to dart forward or give chase. It wasn’t working!

  Meirin smiled broadly, and while she felt her knees tremble, her voice was steady. “I thought you said she was beautiful, your lover. This girl is hardly a shadow. I can’t see why she’s worth the trouble.” Enyo’s bright eyes slithered to Meirin, her brow narrowing. “I bet—” Meirin continued, readying her feet to run. “I could take her with one hand tied behind my back.” She forced a laugh.

  Delyth pulled her wings in closer. “Did it make you angry when we got away, Enyo? When little Alphonse managed to steal back control even after you had your precious artifact? Well, we’re here now. Do something about it.”

  “Gladly,” the Goddess replied, lunging forward with a burst of speed that
terrified Meirin. The clanswoman bolted, running for all she was worth down the hill. They hadn’t calculated how truly fast the Gods were, and their human companion, Tristan, was able to keep up as well. Meirin glanced back only once to see Tristan, Enyo, and Maoz charging after them with grace. They didn’t even look as if they were running full out down the rocky hill face.

  Settling her grip on her spear, Meirin realized that Etienne needed to get ahead of them. He needed to be ready for the trap, to hold it in place with his will or whatever it was that mages did. Despite the fear she felt, Meirin slowed, turning her course to cut in front of the Gods.

  Enyo leaped over her, but Tristan and Maoz couldn’t veer away in time. They crashed into her body. It hurt as they collided and fell to the earth, but with a jumble of limbs and a deliberate placement of her spear to tangle with Maoz’s feet, Meirin thought she bought Delyth and Etienne the precious seconds they needed.

  Meirin struggled to push herself to her feet, but Tristan punched her, his fist connecting with her cheek. Lights burst before her eyes as she fell back from the impact, but he snarled in frustration and turned, chasing after Enyo and Delyth.

  “Enyo!” he shouted, and in her daze, Meirin thought he sounded desperate.

  But it didn’t make any difference to the Goddess that her human pet was calling her, for she kept on after Delyth. The warrior was in the air now, winging low over the earth. Meirin blinked in confusion as she watched the small body of the Goddess leap into the air, higher than any mortal could dream to. She caught onto one of Delyth’s feet.

  Horror made a pit of Meirin’s belly, and she forced herself up once more. Delyth pumped her wings to keep aloft even as Enyo tried to yank her back down to the earth. It was ludicrous. The Goddess was shouting in a language Meirin didn’t understand, tearing at Delyth as though she meant to savage her even as they flew. Maoz simply stood, watching. He was the Hunter—he should have been as vicious as Enyo. Instead, he turned towards Meirin, his dispassionate gaze sharpening.