Goddess

by Liv Savell

  The Gods had tossed the world into chaos and dragged it back out again, and yet Moxous still bustled like a beehive. Students hurried from class to class, the masters intoned lessons from their podiums, and no one looked Alphonse’s way.

  A shadow fell over Alphonse, and she looked up to see Risette, a girl one year behind her—or who had been one year behind her. Before Enyo. Now, they were in the same graduating class. They were from neighboring villages and so should have gotten along but didn’t. Risette had always seemed annoyed by Alphonse’s pious appearance and higher marks in herblore. She had never been actively cruel, but rather, avoidant of the healer.

  Alphonse closed her poetry book slowly and felt her brows raising in a silent question.

  Risette’s grey-blue eyes trickled over Alphonse’s veil-less hair and yellow dress. It was still demure but brighter than anything she once would have worn. “You’ve changed.”

  The other girl shifted so that the sun was behind her head, saving Alphonse from squinting. Alphonse nodded with a grateful smile. “I have.”

  “Your veil is gone.”

  “It is.”

  “Does that mean you don’t think you’re too good for the rest of us now?”

  Alphonse sat up straight, her eyes widening. She hadn’t ever thought she was too good for them at all! She simply had kept to herself because she didn’t share the same interests. She didn’t want to go to cafes or gossip. She hadn’t many flirts or paramours, and she never needed help with school work, not when she had Etienne to answer her questions.

  But... she could see how her distance could have been seen as snobbery.

  She looked at Risette, hands propped on her narrow hips, dark brown hair, straight and loose, hanging over her shoulders. “I would like to get to know you better… I’m sorry I didn’t try harder before.” Alphonse said carefully. Denying her previous actions as callous or unintentional would likely only paint her a liar.

  Risette chewed on her plump lower lip and then nodded.

  “Some of us are going down to Eloise’s for supper. Would you like to come?”

  Alphonse never went into the city for fun. Only for healing or study. Etienne hadn’t seen the point in leaving the campus, and she hadn’t seen the point in leaving without him. After a moment, she nodded. “Alright.”

  It would be nice to have friends.

  ⥣ ⥣ ⥣

  * * *

  As it turned out, Risette and her group of friends were a rowdy bunch. They cajoled and debated and bickered. But no matter how heated their voices became, or how strenuously they proclaimed their point the only valid one, they never seemed to grow angry with one another.

  The dinner at Eloise’s was the first of many Alphonse was invited to, and she found herself somehow accepted into the friend group without question. Risette flagged her down in the dining hall the next day after Eloise’s, and from then on, it seemed assumed that Alphonse would eat, study, and spend her free time with them.

  As exhausting as the group could be, she found the companionship not entirely disagreeable. After moons with no company, it was refreshing to hear other voices and opinions—especially as no one seemed prone to drinking blood or slaughtering those who contradicted them.

  Alphonse bent over a detailed drawing of the bones in the human hand, adding labels in her precise script when Risette flopped down beside her at the library table. Risette often would seek Alphonse out when all the others were busy. She was clever and often did not find it necessary to study as much as her friends needed to, which regularly left the brunette at loose ends.

  Alphonse was already smiling to herself when Risette sighed dramatically. “Yes?”

  “No one will go down to the pond with me,” she whispered, still respectful of the library rules.

  Alphonse’s amber eyes cut over to Risette, who was staring at her expectantly. Because Alphonse had passed almost all her classes and was only finishing up the final technical courses, she had fewer obligations. She could be known, on occasion, to be convinced to go with Risette—a friend to the roaming, restless soul.

  The healer scratched ‘trapezoid’ onto her drawing without comment.

  “They’re all studying for Master Yuan’s test tomorrow…”

  A test Alphonse didn’t have to take because she’d passed the class before Enyo. “It's an important subject.”

  “Yes. It is…”

  Alphonse blew on the ink so that it would dry. “I suppose I could go with you to the pond.”

  The delight on Risette’s face was unmistakable. Alphonse shook her head as she rolled up her drawing, stowing it carefully in her bag.

  As soon as they left the library, Risette was striding off, her long legs eating up the ground. Frequently Alphonse wondered why the masters had put Risette in the healing school. She, of course, was talented, but she seemed much more like a wanderer or warrior at heart. Not that Moxous had classes for fighting mages. Certainly, some were taught the magics for war, but that was more fire and explosive spells. Not hand to hand combat. Not like Delyth…

  Her heart quickened at the memory of the winged warrior, and Alphonse hastily set those thoughts aside. Delyth could take care of herself, even if Enyo was her master now. Alphonse didn’t have to worry.

  “I’ve been wondering—” Risette started from her spot ahead of Alphonse, finally slowing down enough that they could walk side by side. “Why did you leave? Why did you come back? I mean, I know you weren’t fully finished with Moxous, but you had your tattoo. You were a healer by all standards,” She gestured to Alphonse’s brow where the ink glowed faintly against her skin.

  Alphonse just shook her head. How was she supposed to explain Enyo? Thlonandras? Delyth?

  “It can’t be that bad!” Risette urged her, smiling encouragingly. “Did you have that boy’s baby or something?”

  Alphonse stopped. “What? What boy?”

  “You know. The strange pale one you were always hanging around with. The apprentice candidate. Eti something.”

  Her? And Etienne?! Having a baby?! Alphonse laughed. “Why on earth would you say that? No! Etienne is like a brother.”

  “Well, he left school around the same time, and people just… assumed.” Risette looked a bit abashed, as though she had believed the gossip as well.

  “No. No, nothing like that.” Nothing so ordinary. Alphonse watched as Risette’s gaze drifted over her exposed hair. Alphonse blushed. “I don’t feel that way about Etienne.” Or anyone besides Delyth, for that matter. “I—I just…” How could she explain why her veil was gone? The changes she had experienced? The deeply personal, terrifying, and life-changing ordeal she went through?

  “Alright.” Risette resumed walking, seeing the conflict on Alphonse’s face. “I guess you won’t tell me why you left, but then why did you come back? Surely that’s something you can tell me?”

  Alphonse started walking once more and tried to find a way to express what it meant to come back to Moxous. To claim that little piece for herself, once and for all. It had taken some doing to be readmitted to take her last semester of classes, for all that she had been a model student up until she left. But with vague explanations of illness in the family and tearful apologies, the head of the healing school had reluctantly given Alphonse a second chance.

  So she resumed her methodical routines and refused to go into the library’s catacombs.

  “I left because I felt like I had no choice.” And truthfully, she hadn’t. What? Just keep Enyo locked inside? The Goddess would have razed Moxous. “And I came back because I wanted to regain that choice once more. I had worked for so long to graduate and— And to be so close and never achieve my life long goal…” Her delicate shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. She hadn’t wanted to start her new life that way, with regret.

  Risette studied Alphonse for a moment longer and then nodded.

  “Well. I don’t know what you went through or why you left, but I’m glad you did. You were always tucked away
, quiet and sedate. Boring. Your only friends were girls who looked down on you and that crazy sorcerer. You seem better now. Happier— Ah! There is the pond. Look, the geese are out.”

  Alphonse watched in mild bafflement as Risette hurried to feed the geese some grapes she had hidden in her pack.

  Had her life been boring and sequestered before Enyo?

  Yes.

  Was it better now?

  Alphonse shook her head. It seemed impossible to say.

  ⥣ ⥣ ⥣

  * * *

  Strong hands drew meticulous circles across her peaked chest, between her breasts, slowly down her belly. Each pass of fingertips across her skin made Alphonse shiver in anticipation, and she bit back a moan as a calloused hand gripped her hip.

  Ice blue eyes crinkled in enjoyment as a thumb pressed against Alphonse’s core, her face flushing in pleasure.

  “Delyth—”

  A bell clanged overhead, and Alphonse sat up in confusion, tawny hair tousled and wild as she panted, trying to catch her breath. What was going on? Where was Delyth?

  Her eyes moved to the window of her room and settled on the large clock tower of Moxous. School of Magics. No Delyth here.

  Alphonse heaved a sigh and looked around more carefully. Her bedsheets were twisted and bunched up, her blankets tossed as if she’d been writhing in her sleep. Swallowing, she eased out of bed, painfully aware of the needy ache between her thighs. Her body missed Delyth as acutely as her heart did.

  Sighing, she straightened her sheets and tucked in her blankets, smoothing out the wrinkles. If only it were that easy to settle herself as well.

  ⥣ ⥣ ⥣

  * * *

  Peering into the eyes of the old man, Alphonse noted how clouded with age they were. She doubted he could see past his own arms, and nighttime would be practically black for him. She smoothed her fingers over his wrist as she took his pulse. Steady and slow.

  He was supple in her hands as she lifted his chin to feel the glands under his neck, rotated his arms and wrists, asked him to open his mouth.

  She hardly noticed the masters slowly drifting past. In the treatment wards all over the city, the final task of Moxous healers was to work many shifts in these makeshift hospitals. Under the Masters’ supervision, they would diagnose, formulate a plan, and treat any who came into the free health wards.

  Alphonse was confident in her ability to help the sick and injured. She had been tending to the city’s ill in one such ward for weeks now, and she had seen much worse with Enyo. At least now, she wasn’t healing injuries that she had a hand in creating.

  The older man smiled up at Alphonse as she ran a hand over his brow, feeling his cool, dry skin. She could sense that he trusted her completely.

  It honored her.

  “Mister Degale...I see no obvious reason for your fatigue,” she informed him, not unkindly. “Have you been sleeping through the night?”

  “Ah, healer, an old man like me doesn’t sleep through the night.” He patted his abdomen, indicating his bladder.

  Alphonse smiled indulgently down at the man. “But when you return to bed, do you also return to sleep?”

  “I do most nights.”

  She nodded. His poor eyesight would hardly affect his energy, and his complaint upon coming into the ward was that he felt overly tired and down. There was a ring on his left hand, scuffed to match the roughness of his palms. He had been married.

  “Is your spouse unwell too?” Perhaps something in their environment was making them sick?

  He shook his head.

  “My wife is visiting her sister in the farmlands. Her sister took ill, and so my wife has gone to help her…” He sighed in a forlorn sort of way. Alphonse could relate.

  “How long has your wife been taking care of her sister?”

  He shrugged noncommittally. “A few weeks now.”

  And he had said he’d been feeling poorly for a week or more…

  Alphonse smiled. “Please, wait here. I’ll be right back.”

  When she came back, she held two cups of tea. She handed one to her patient and settled against the exam table with her own. He stared at the tea, then at her.

  “You are drinking it too?”

  “Of course,” she chirped, bringing it up for a sip.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I suspect you miss your wife, Mister Degale. Perfectly reasonable… From the looks of your ring, you have been married for quite some time.”

  He turned a very becoming shade of pink and lifted his cup up for a hardy swallow. How embarrassing to admit he missed his wife! Most husbands would relish in a few weeks peace and quiet. But here he was, sleeping poorly and feeling down. “I understand,” Alphonse assured the older man and sipped her tea.

  “You have a beau?” He asked carefully, glad the topic could be turned off of him.

  Alphonse considered that for a moment, then nodded. “I have someone very special. I miss them terribly but, I am here to finish my schooling.”

  “You’re likely a nice girl from the farmlands by the looks of it. Your family send you here so when you came home, the village would have a healer?”

  Alphonse nodded. “Indeed.”

  “So your betrothed is from your village too? Or from Moxous?”

  Alphonse suppressed a wince. She hadn’t thought of Henri in so long. He hadn’t even occurred to her as she talked about her heart’s desires. But…“My betrothed is from the same village,” she agreed truthfully, even if he hadn’t been who she was missing.

  Mister Degale nodded knowledgeably and sipped his tea. It was a blend to calm nerves and soothe. She hoped he would sleep better with it in his system. “I met my Cecile in our home village, a few hours north of Dailion. She was so beautiful. Big dark eyes, long blonde hair. The sweetest smile…”

  As he went on in detail about his wife, Alphonse couldn’t help but think of Delyth. Steady blue eyes, sharply angled features, wry laugh…

  She didn’t even remember what Henri looked like when they were children; she couldn’t imagine what he looked like now!

  When Mister Degale finished his tea, Alphonse made him promise to come back every other day. They would share tea, and she would keep him company. Hopefully, he could sleep better if he was less lonely.

  At least for a time.

  But the interaction with Mister Degale had shaken something in Alphonse.

  She had come back to Moxous to finish her schooling and take back the piece of her life Enyo had stolen. But… She hadn’t thought about what would happen when she graduated.

  Should she return home? There was a place for her there. She would be the village healer. Marry Henri. Have his children and raise them to believe Mother Agathi’s teachings. She would knit little hats and socks and, when her own daughter came of age, help her sew her own veil. It would be a pious life, wholesome and devout. And it would mean hiding in plain sight, as Alphonse had for all those years. But if she didn’t go home… What would her life be?

  Of course, Moxous kept healers in the cities to tend to the sick and injured. She could easily take up a post in Dailion or any other large metropolis and make a livable wage. She could help those less fortunate and never see another blasted mountain peak ever again.

  The idea was alluring…

  Though it would mean not going back to Delyth.

  Of course, they hadn’t made any promises… Delyth had vowed her life to Enyo and had not been released after defeating Mascen. The warrior had to live in Enyo’s mountains and do as the crazed nature Goddess willed her.

  Had she found someone, perhaps another priestess to—to share her time with?

  Alphonse shook her head, trying to rid it of that image. She had been so desperate to salvage herself that she hadn’t thought beyond Moxous. Beyond healing.

  What would she do after graduation?

  Would she be Alphonse, Henri’s wife, loyal daughter, village healer and farmer, and mother?

  Would she
be Alphonse, healer and independent woman? Striking out entirely on her own?

  Would she return to the mountains that sang Enyo’s name and see what awaited her in the arms of a beautiful warrior?

  ⥣ ⥣ ⥣

  * * *

  “Hardly! Alphonse, tell Risette she’s crazy. Eloise’s does not have the best pies! Eloise’s has the best cheap wine, but not the best pies! Jourtou’s has the best pies!”

  Alphonse looked up from her journal to frown over at Risette and Maxus. “Huh?”

  “What’s wrong with her?” Maxus asked, clearly annoyed that Alphonse had not been paying attention.

  “Leave her alone. She graduates tomorrow and she still hasn’t decided if she’s returning home or moving to Port Carcarac with us.” Risette explained.

  “Why would she move home? Aren’t you two from tiny boring villages that don’t even have pie shops?”

  “Home is home, you idiot,” Risette snipped. “Besides, Alphonse has a betrothed. A hunky farm boy.”

  “It’s not like that,” Alphonse argued, but no one was listening. Of course, it was like that, but… It wasn’t. Not really.

  Duty. Freedom. Love.

  Duty. Freedom. Love.

  Duty. Freedom. Love.

  Which should she choose?

  “There are lots of fish in the sea, Alphonse. Just because your family wants you to settle down doesn’t mean you have to. And it’s not like he’s the only person who would have you. You’re not terrible to look at.” Maxus trailed off as though uncertain where he was going with the comment. Risette gave him a pointed look, and Alphonse blushed a terrible, tomato red. “Not that I was looking!”

  Alphonse thought she might melt right there in her seat.