Infinite Love (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘He’s skilled,’ she shrugged. ‘You’re really never going to have sex with anyone else? For the rest of your life?’ she over mouthed right in my face making me giggle.

  ‘I don’t plan on it.’

  ‘What if he had some cock tragedy?’ she demanded as she stood upright and put her hands on her hips.

  ‘Cock tragedy?’ I laughed. ‘What sort of cock tragedy?’

  ‘He could lose it in some freak accident.’

  ‘Like what?’ I asked my mind boggling.

  ‘He could shut it in the washing machine door, or break it falling over. And what if it didn’t work anymore? You’d never have sex ever again?’

  ‘Stop trying to freak me out,’ I moaned. ‘It’s been weeks since I had sex, I don’t need you telling me I’ll never have it again.’

  ‘You still haven’t done it?’ she gasped.

  ‘No and I’m ready now but he’s still holding back. The closest we got was in that frigging sperm testing room. I mean why doesn’t he want me?’

  ‘Mia, he always wants you, he’s just being cautious in case he upsets you. It’s still only five weeks since you were taken.’

  ‘I know,’ I sighed. ‘But I miss him. I feel like he’s going to hold out until our wedding night and what if I do have another freak? I don’t want to ruin our day. I want to get it over and done with.’

  ‘Then stop yacking with me and go get your flirt on with my hot billionaire boy toy,’ she grinned.

  ‘Does he sing to you while you’re having sex?’ I teased.

  ‘No, but I caught him doing air guitar behind me while we were doggy style once,’ she laughed.

  ‘Smoke on the Water?’

  ‘Please, he’s a singer in a One Direction style boy band, he’s not a rock god. Go, flirt.’

  I turned back to Sam and yanked him by the waistband of his trousers to me, grabbed his hands and stuck them on my backside, before putting my arms around his neck.

  ‘Babe, I knew you’d come around,’ he chuckled as I started to grind to the music and he followed.

  ‘This is just to see how fast I can get Gabe out of hiding, don’t get any ideas,’ I warned and then gasped as I felt his erection pressing against my hip and he winked at me. I didn’t have a chance to object before Sam quickly backed off, hands in the air and I felt a strong pair of arms go around my waist.

  ‘Mia.’

  ‘Gabe,’ I sighed as I leaned back against him, every pleasurable nerve in my body tingling at his proximity.

  ‘You don’t play fair, I was going to tease you all night,’ he murmured as he kissed my neck.

  ‘I was desperate to see you.’

  ‘No one touches you but me baby, especially not hot boy band singers.’

  ‘Interesting. You think he’s hot? Maybe we should fix up a threesome. Spice things up a bit,’ I teased.

  ‘Spice things up?! Keep talking baby, you’re just getting me madder than I already feel after imagining how many guys have been eyeing you up and how may you’ve flirted with tonight.’

  ‘Who says I’ve flirted with any,’ I sighed as I felt his solid erection grinding into my backside as we moved.

  ‘You’re turned on, I could tell the minute I walked in here.’

  ‘That may have something to do with the thought of seeing you and imagining how you’d react if you found out I was wearing certain items for you.’

  ‘Hmmm. You’re wearing those crotchless knickers again aren’t you?’

  ‘No, but I already have something rather large inside me and some very pretty pert nipples.’

  ‘You didn’t,’ he groaned as I felt him swell harder behind me. I swivelled in his arms and we both took a slight inhalation as we locked eyes. Fifteen months on and he still took my breath away, I wondered if that would ever stop? ‘Damn it Mia, you look so beautiful, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since the moment I walked in.’

  ‘When did you get here?’

  ‘About two hours ago.’

  ‘Seriously? Why didn’t you come over earlier?’

  ‘Because you were having fun with your friends, I didn’t want to ruin your night. I was just enjoying watching you laughing again. Have you had a good time?’

  ‘Amazing, but it just got even better,’ I smiled. ‘So what have you been up to without me?’

  ‘We went to a cigar bar, then a comedy club and then a strip club, all in the name of research from a businessman’s perspective,’ he added quickly as I gave him a look. ‘None of them held a candle to you, baby. Doug was gutted that Dad and I wanted to get back here to meet you guys, so we left him there.’

  ‘You didn’t?’

  ‘Well, as Sarah couldn’t come away with us he didn’t fancy spending the night here watching Lexi all over Sam. Some of the team stayed with him so he’s fine.’

  ‘I wish we could just bang their heads together,’ I sighed. ‘They love each other, I just don’t understand why they aren’t together.’

  ‘It has to be natural, no one can force it, if it needs forcing it’s not meant to be.’

  ‘I know, anyway can I tell you how gorgeous you look,’ I told him as I looked up at him. He had a navy suit on with a white shirt undone at the neck.

  ‘Wait until you see me in ten days,’ he smiled.

  ‘You chose your outfit?’

  ‘I did,’ he nodded. ‘I can’t wait, Mia. I’m so excited for us to start the next phase of our lives together.’ He reached up and ran his fingers through my hair.

  ‘Gabe, I don’t want to wait,’ I advised as I looked up at him.

  ‘Hey, I’m good at organising, but even I can’t move the wedding now,’ he laughed.

  ‘You know what I meant. I don’t know why you’re holding back.’

  ‘You got upset last time, Mia.’

  ‘And I don’t know why, but even if it happens again I don’t want to wait. What if you hold off and we try on our wedding night and I have a melt down? It will ruin it. I don’t want to ruin it, we can’t not have sex on our wedding night. Please, I’ll feel pressured all day about sex instead of just enjoying our wedding. Don’t you want me? Is it because he saw me naked? Has it made you see me differently?’

  ‘No Mia,’ he gasped. ‘Of course not, I could kill the bastard. I’m just so scared of hurting you and bringing back any nightmares of what he was …’ Gabe shook his head.

  ‘We won’t know until we try. Please, I want you Gabe. When we get home I want you to make love to me. I miss you.’

  ‘I miss you too,’ he sighed as he trailed his fingers down my face. ‘So much, but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.’

  ‘Can we at least try,’ I begged.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Never been more sure of anything.’

  ‘Fine,’ he sighed. ‘Stay here.’

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘To let Dad know we’re leaving.’

  ‘Right now? It’s the middle of our parties.’

  ‘It’s one a.m. I don’t think anyone will miss us.’

  ‘Seriously? It’s already one?’ I gasped. He smiled and I watched him saunter over to where his dad and Sofia were sitting, drinking with Mum and Gerry. Everyone else was on the dance floor and having a great time and we were all booked into a restaurant for lunch tomorrow, so I was sure that Gabe was right, we wouldn’t be missed.

  ‘Ok?’ Lexi asked as she came and squeezed my hand.

  ‘Yes, thanks.’

  ‘You look a bit lost.’

  ‘We’re making our excuses to go and try having sex again.’

  ‘Thank God, I’m going back to Sam’s suite. Five and a bit weeks without sex, you’re going to scream the roof off and wake the whole of the Central Park area.’

  ‘I’m keeping my fingers crossed we can go back without Mum, Gerry, Sofia and Robert wanting to come, that would be a real mood dampener knowing they might hear us.’ I raised my eyebrows as Gabe strode back toward me, purposefully.
/>   ‘You’re sure about this baby?’ He asked as he jangled a key in front of my face, which immediately lit up.

  Gabe closed the bedroom door behind him and turned to face me, I was a bag of nerves. Antonio had driven us back to Sofia’s but Gabe seemed weirdly distant. I’d tucked up against him and tried to kiss him, but he’d just grabbed my hand, held it tightly and turned his head to stare out of the window, wordless, all the way back. I felt like there was some massive divide between us all of a sudden, yet at the same time I could feel the sexual need that was radiating off both of us too. I felt confused, yet also lightheaded and dizzy as I looked at his serious handsome face in the reflection of the car window.

  He weaved his fingers in mine as we made our way to the bedroom, my chest was rising and falling rapidly at the thought of us having sex, and I could see his was, yet still there was an atmosphere in the air that wasn’t exactly making me feel at ease about the whole situation.

  ‘Ok?’ he frowned as I swayed. I gulped and nodded and he led me to the bed, then backed away from me and cocked his head, studying me with a serious look on his face. ‘Are you really sure about this?’

  ‘Yes,’ I whispered, totally puzzled as his seeming reluctance.

  ‘Then tonight you’re in control, Mia. You’re going to give the orders, you’ll direct me as to what you want. I want you to take your time and you’ll be on top so that you don’t panic having me on top of you and you’ll stop the minute you feel uncomfortable.’

  ‘I think this is known as topping from the bottom, Gabe,’ I teased.

  ‘I’m trying to help. I want you to feel in charge.’

  ‘I know that, but us discussing it is kind of taking the spontaneity out of it.’

  ‘I just think we need to take baby steps, Mia. You need to start carefully.’

  ‘Gabe,’ I sighed. ‘I don’t need to be handled with kid gloves.’

  ‘Well, that’s how I want to do this,’ he said firmly as he ran a hand through his hair.

  ‘Well, it’s not how I want to do this.’

  ‘Sorry Mia, but it’s my way or not at all.’ He put his hands on his hips as he gave me his don’t fuck with me look.

  ‘So really I’m not in control at all tonight, am I? Why tell me that I can direct you if you’re just going to insist we do it the way that you want to?’

  ‘I don’t want to fight, Mia. I’m just trying to make this easier for you, to be considerate,’ he replied as he shrugged off his jacket and tossed it over the back of a chair and started unbuttoning his shirt sleeves.

  ‘I don’t want to fight either, but this suddenly feels a bit clinical.’

  ‘Clinical?’ he frowned.

  ‘Yes, you over there, me here, you all calm and unfeeling. You’re never like this when we’re about to have sex.’

  ‘This is different,’ he shrugged as he moved to start undoing the buttons on his chest.

  ‘This is different, or I’m different?’

  ‘Mia, don’t make this harder than it already is.’

  ‘So now it’s hard for you? It’s hard to want sex with me?’ I looked at him feeling really confused and hurt. What the hell was going on here?

  ‘That’s not what I meant. Please just follow my directions.’

  ‘I don’t want sex like this, not with a set of clinical rules,’ I objected.

  ‘I think this is the best way.’

  ‘Well, if it’s your way or not at all then I’m voting for not at all.’

  ‘So after all the bloody fuss, now you’re telling me that you don’t want sex?’ he asked as he dropped his shirt.

  ‘I want you, this isn’t you.’

  ‘I’m trying to be fair. You’re traumatised.’

  ‘I was traumatised Gabe, it’s been weeks. I think it’s you that’s got the problem now, not me.’

  ‘I’ve got the problem?’ he uttered.

  ‘Yes. You were all kind, gentle and respectful the first week or two, not making me feel pressured, which was what I needed then, but I’ve been telling you for the last few weeks that I’m fine. Sexually I’m fine Gabe, and you’re not listening to me.’

  ‘So do as I suggest and we can get it over with.’

  ‘Get it over with?’ I gasped as I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. ‘Like I’m some bloody chore? Something you need to tick off your to do list and move onto the next item?’

  ‘That’s not what I meant.’

  ‘Then what the bloody hell did you mean?’ I hissed, unbelievably angry all of a sudden as he continued calmly undoing his trousers.

  ‘Don’t get bloody mad with me, Mia. I’m trying to help you.’

  ‘No, you’re making it worse, making me feel like I’m some duty you have to perform, a duty that you really don’t want to have to do. I was in the mood and I’ve just rapidly gone off it, so you know what? Just forget it.’

  ‘Forget it?’ he grizzled as he glared at me, so I glared back even more fiercely.

  ‘Yes, forget it. I know I’ve not been easy to live with, Gabe. I know I’ve cried on and off for weeks, but if the first time I have sex with you after so long is going to be some … some watered down, unfeeling version of the man I fell in love with, then I’d rather not bother. If I can’t have you then I don’t want sex at all,’ I glowered.

  ‘See, I knew you weren’t ready. This was a mistake. This is why we need to wait.’

  ‘Wait for what?’

  ‘You to be ready.’

  ‘I am ready!’ I yelled.

  ‘No, you’re not,’ he shot back as he scowled at me.

  ‘Yes, I bloody am. I just don’t like you giving me a set of instructions of how this is going to go down and acting like some … cold unfeeling robot, thank you very much.’

  ‘God damn it, Mia,’ he yelled back. ‘You think this is fucking easy for me?’

  ‘I don’t know, Gabe. Everything has been all about me. How I feel? What did I go through? How has it affected me? Every time I try and get you to admit how you feel about what happened you change the subject. I have absolutely no idea how “fucking easy” this is or isn’t for you.’

  ‘Mia,’ he growled as his eyes flashed a warning at me and his hands moved to his hips. My breathing was out of control. I was that mad, and he looked the same.

  ‘Why won’t you just admit that you don’t see me the same way? He saw me naked, he touched my body and he lay on top of me ready to fuck me, and now that’s all you see when you look at me and I hate it. You’re trying to put me off sex because you won’t admit that you don’t want me like that anymore.’

  ‘That’s not what this is, Mia,’ he snarled.

  ‘Then what the bloody hell is it?’ I snapped.

  ‘I’m absolutely fucking …’ He blew out a frustration breath as he shook his head, then shoved both hands through his hair and planted them on back his hips as we faced off against each other, fuming. ‘You know what, you’re right. Let’s forget it, this feels seriously wrong all of a sudden.’

  ‘At last something we both agree on.’ I stormed into the en-suite, slammed the door, and quickly locked it behind me. My hands were still shaking I was so mad. As if I didn’t have worries that he saw me as dirty, or tainted, as it was, his reluctance to be himself around me sexually just amplified that and it really hurt. He rattled the door handle behind me and I moved to the other side of the room and clutched the sink.

  ‘Mia, open the bloody door,’ he shouted. I ignored him and stripped off as he continued to hammer on it. So much for a night of bliss, I thought as I extracted his damn glass egg, if we’d been in our own house I’d probably have hurled the bloody thing against the wall in frustration. I carefully undid the nipple clamps and winced as the blood rushed back into my peaked nipples, then stood in front of the mirror and looked at my naked body. I was still in amazing shape, I knew I was. I’d been working on the pole a lot at home, while he’d been at Uni, because dancing made me happy and had helped to pull me out of the funk I’d f
elt in for the first few weeks after my ordeal. It wasn’t the fact that I was unattractive that was holding him back I was sure of it, I mean I’d felt his erection earlier in the club. I blew out a deep breath, I was furious and this was ending right now. I flung the door open and he jumped back in surprise.

  ‘What the bloody hell is your problem?’ I demanded, as I shoved his bare shoulder.

  ‘You’re being Un.Fucking.Reasonable, that’s my deal. I’m trying to be nice.’

  ‘You’re being cold,’ I snapped.

  ‘No I’m not,’ he snapped back.

  ‘This is your body, Gabe,’ I yelled as I scanned myself with my hand. ‘I belong to you. It’s the same body you’ve always loved, the same one you couldn’t get enough of and it hurts me that you don’t want it anymore, that you don’t want me. I feel like Adam’s coming between us because you can’t get over how angry you are at him.’

  ‘He’s not coming between us, I’m so fucking over him,’ he answered quickly.

  ‘Then what the hell is it?’

  ‘I fucking angry with you, Mia,’ he roared in my face as anger flared in his blue eyes. ‘You defied me. Again. You left yourself open to this fucking pyscho after promising me you wouldn’t do that anymore. You not keeping yourself safe was one of my deal breakers and you broke your word to me that it wouldn’t happen again. It’s your bloody fault that this happened.’

  ‘You told me you didn’t care about that Gabe, you said that to me in the hospital, you said that all that mattered was that you had me back. Was that a lie?’

  ‘I meant it at the time because I was so happy that you were still alive. But the more pain I’ve seen you in since, the more I’ve wanted to punish you for ignoring my instructions. I get mad, I want to fuck you, and right now I’m bloody seething inside. It’s been eating away at me and I couldn’t share it because I didn’t want to upset you. I just want to be myself again. I love making love to you but the way I feel now, I want to be able to spank you, to punish you for defying me, to slam you against the wall and pin you down and fuck you until you scream, just like I’ve always done when you’ve pissed me off, just like you’ve always loved it. But I can’t even bloody do that, can I? Because if I try and be me … if I get aggressive, you’re going to see him. Every time I try to control you, to grasp your wrists to try to … if I try to be the old me Mia, and I remind you of him, you’ll hate me. He’ll be all that you ever see every single bloody time you look at me,’ he yelled and rubbed his hands over his face. I gulped, he was seriously furious with me, that was his longest ever rant in all the time we’d been together. All this time he blamed me and he’d not said a word? I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but quickly blinked them back.