Infinite Love (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

‘I bet it helps you pull all the pretty nurses too.’

  ‘I do alright without the car, thanks very much. My arse looks seriously cute in scrubs.’

  ‘I don’t doubt it,’ I laughed.

  We had a fun evening, with some lovely food, I had a few glasses of wine while he talked me through his list of “disastrous” relationships. I was simply stunned that someone as good looking, charming and attentive as Tyler, found it hard to keep a girlfriend. Women should be fighting over him, and I told him so on the way home.

  ‘I’m not as perfect as you seem to think, Mia. I work really long hours and can be irritable from lack of sleep, which doesn’t help my sex drive when I get in from a long shift either.’

  ‘Well, I get moody on no sleep too, that’s hardly a reason for breaking up with someone.’

  ‘Well try telling that to my ex’s,’ he smiled as he pulled up outside my front door.

  ‘Point them out and I’ll do just that,’ I grinned. ‘I had a really lovely time, thank you.’

  ‘I did too,’ he smiled. ‘Are you really going home on Sunday?’

  ‘I ought to,’ I nodded. ‘I can’t hide out here forever, and I really miss work.’

  ‘Do you have plans tomorrow?’

  ‘Other than an early morning run, no,’ I replied.

  ‘The weather looks good and there’s a food fayre on in the park. How do you fancy spending the day there? We can take a picnic hamper, browse the stalls for some food that takes our fancy and have a few drinks.’

  ‘Sounds great,’ I smiled. I hitched my breath when he leaned over and palmed my cheek as he kissed the side of my face, so very close to the edge of my mouth. Tingles radiated throughout my body instantly and I closed my eyes and swallowed a sigh.

  ‘I’m going to miss you, Mia,’ he advised as he pulled his head back to look at me, still touching my face.

  ‘I’ll miss you too, I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you,’ I said sincerely as I felt myself blush.

  ‘I’d better let you get in, I don’t want your Mum on my arse.’

  ‘You certainly don’t,’ I laughed.

  ‘Meet you at eleven tomorrow at the main entrance?’

  ‘Ok,’ I nodded and shivered as he ran his thumb over my cheekbone. He seemed about to say something, then frowned and removed his hand, sat back in his seat and gave me a quick smile.

  ‘Nice car,’ he nodded with a flick of his head out over his bonnet. I turned to look and frowned. I didn’t know Gerry was getting a new car. Plus his BMW was still in the drive. ‘Audi R8 Spyder, that’s worth a few quid.’

  ‘Accounting obviously pays better than I thought,’ I nodded. ‘See you tomorrow, thanks again for a lovely night.’

  ‘You’re welcome, see you tomorrow.’ He gave me a dazzling smile as I shut the door and watched as he roared out of the drive and off up the lane. The lights in the lounge were on, I had a feeling Mum was waiting up for me to grill me, or lecture me. I let myself in and opened the lounge door.

  ‘Ok, so who won the lottery with the new car?’ I laughed and suddenly went silent. Sitting on one of the sofas was Gabe. He quickly stood up. Our eyes met and I felt my chest hurt. I thought I’d memorised everything about him, but even after only four weeks apart the edges of his face in my mind had started blurring. I’d also forgotten how much he could take my breath away. I saw him frown as he checked out my hair and then my slimmer body, and noticed his fists were tightly clenched at his sides.

  ‘Well, I think it’s time for us to turn in,’ announced Gerry as he stood up.

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Mum, as she did the same. Both of them kissed me and Gerry lingered and looked back over at Gabe.

  ‘Remember, if I hear any shouting I’ll come down and make you leave. You’re damn lucky I agreed to let you come in at all. If you need him gone Princess, you call me, ok?’

  ‘Thanks, Dad,’ I smiled. He squeezed my shoulder and pulled the door behind him, leaving us alone. I bit my lip as we just stared at each other. He looked tired, he had rough stubble and I could tell he’d lost weight too. The tension in the room was obvious, a combination of frustration, awkwardness and … lust. My body seemed to automatically recognise his and had already prepared itself for pairing. I noticed that his was the same, an erection visible in his jeans. I quickly walked to take a seat as far away from him as possible and lowered myself into it. He stayed standing for a while, just looking at me, then ran his hands through his hair and dropped back down onto the sofa. ‘Why are you here? How did you even know I was here?’ I asked.

  ‘I landed from New York this afternoon and your mum had left me a message, so I drove straight here,’ he replied as he cocked his head. I let out a surprised gasp as my shoulders jerked.

  ‘My mum rang you?’ I was seething with her.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘She was concerned that you were acting out of … you’re seeing him?’

  ‘So that’s why you came!’ I gasped. ‘You didn’t come to see me, to apologise, or to talk, you came because you think I’m seeing someone else and it’s wounded your pride,’ I scowled at him.

  ‘You’re my wife, Mia,’ he snapped.

  ‘A wife you obviously don’t want anymore,’ I snapped back. ‘You’ve made that perfectly clear. I waited two weeks for you to call me. Two weeks, Gabe, and you didn’t pick up the phone once in that time.’

  ‘I picked it up loads of times,’ he shot back.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t get those messages,’ I hissed. I could hear my voice shaking I was so angry and my heart was racing, but it wasn’t just anger. My heart was racing because the love of my life was sitting here in front of me, and even after what he’d done to me, I still loved him.

  ‘So what? You decided to set a time limit, that I was unaware of, for me to try and process our issues? I went over it without knowing and now you’ve just decided to ignore me and … moved on?’

  ‘Our issues?’ I gasped. ‘They were your issues Gabe, issues that ended up affecting both of us, affecting our marriage and no, for your information I haven’t “just moved on.” I cried for days. I sat there waiting to hear from you and not a damn word. I didn’t even know you were home two weeks ago, let alone …’ I stalled, I couldn’t bring myself to mention Chelsea, I knew I’d really lose my cool. ‘I got fed up of sitting feeling sorry for myself and I’ve been trying to have a life, a life that had some fun in it instead of constant stress, pressure and arguments.’

  ‘That’s how you saw our relationship?’

  ‘That was our relationship recently, Gabe.’

  ‘I was unfair, blaming you for the loss of … that was unfair of me. I was angry and I was lashing out in the heat of the moment, out of pure frustration, but I never should have said that to you. Everything was beyond your control, beyond our control and I can’t handle that. I need control, you know I do, and feeling so damn helpless sent me crazy so I blamed you. I was wrong and I’m so sorry.’

  ‘I understand you wanting control Gabe, I was right there, you think it didn’t affect me the same? I appreciate your apology, I really do, but I don’t see how it helps. You’ve moved on.’

  ‘I’ve moved on?’ he gasped. ‘I came back from New York to spend time with you on the Sunday, to apologise and you ignored all my calls. I had to go get back for work on the Monday and had planned to ask you to come with me, so we could work this out. I had no bloody idea where you even were and had to leave without you. I’ve been ringing you constantly ever since. This was the first chance I had to come home and I get a message from your mother telling me that you turned up here. Telling me that you’re making dates with the guy you told me you had feelings for. And I’ve moved on?’

  ‘Don’t you dare lecture me about moving on, Gabe. You think this has been easy for me?’ I hissed. I was so confused. He seemed genuinely apologetic and hurt, but if he still loved me, how could he have run to her?

  ‘God damn it, Mia. I know I was a jerk. I bl
amed you and I left you hanging for two weeks. It shouldn’t have taken me two weeks to realise that you’re more important than any baby you might give me. That was my issue, I thought I’d resolved my guilt over my mum and I hadn’t. I spoke every day with Dr. Jarvis on the phone and he made me realise that asking you to try again was unacceptable and wouldn’t change the past. I know that you’re what’s important in my life, not you having my child. I love you. I still love you and I’ve missed you so much. Life’s been hell without you,’ he sighed, as he wiped away some tears and ran a hand through his hair. God damn him, I was feeling sorry for him. I was feeling for him, still. Even sleeping with her couldn’t break my love for him.

  ‘I know the feeling,’ I whispered. I caught his gaze and saw the pain in his eyes, pain that I knew was reflected in mine.

  ‘I mean, you weren’t just my wife, you were my best friend.’

  ‘You say that in the past tense Gabe, like I’m not anymore.’

  ‘I don’t know what we are anymore, Mia,’ he replied with a sad laugh throwing his hands in the air. ‘You’re seeing him. Have you slept with him?’ he asked. I was suddenly hit with a ball of anger again, how dare he question me, just because he’d cheated.

  ‘I need you to leave, please.’

  ‘You haven’t answered the question and we haven’t resolved anything.’

  ‘No, and it looks like we never will, Gabe. You left me hanging, you’ve broken your promise to never hurt me and you’ve broken my heart. I can’t do this anymore, Gabe. I love you, I’ll always love you, but I can’t do this. I’d like you to leave.’ I stood up and wrapped my arms around myself as the realisation that our marriage seemed to be over hit me. By running back to her he’d shattered the part of me that could have forgiven him, even if he had agreed to move forward with adoption or a surrogacy. There was no going back, no going forward. We were stagnated, done. I felt myself crying. All my worst fears of marriage had been brought to life. I’d never seen this coming when we’d said our vows to each other. I’d been in this for life, just as much as I was sure that he’d been.

  ‘Mia, please,’ he begged as he walked toward me with tears in his eyes. I wiped mine away and shook my head.

  ‘Please don’t touch me,’ I implored and moved away from him. ‘I’m living with Lexi for now, so when I get home and have time to settle back in at work I’ll be in contact to move my things out.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re leaving me,’ he whispered. I couldn’t understand the pain and hurt all over his face. He was with her.

  ‘You left me Gabe, you left me thinking that you blamed me and you made your choices. Please don’t make this any harder than it is, I want you to go.’ I backed into the corner as he approached me again, and shook my head as tears streamed down my face when I realised that I was trapped and he was still advancing. ‘No,’ I begged. I couldn’t bear to have him so close, not when I missed him so badly.

  ‘Mia.’ He grabbed me and squashed me to his chest as I sobbed. I could feel his body shaking in perfect synchronicity to mine. I felt myself moulding to him, two opposites that slotted perfectly together. That had slotted perfectly together. I wondered if he held her in his arms like this, if he’d told her that he loved her too. I tensed and up and shoved him off me. I could only think of one way to get him to leave me alone, to let me grieve without him pestering me, so that I could get over him and start again.

  ‘I slept with Tyler, Gabe. I’ve been sleeping with him for the last two weeks and he makes me happy. So I need to you leave. Now. Or I’ll call Gerry,’ I advised, trying to stop the shake in my voice as I looked at his devastated face. He looked just how I’d felt when I found out he was with Chelsea, and I knew how much that hurt. I saw tears streaming down his face as his body slumped, defeated. Gabe my dominant husband was missing. Gabe the insecure, needy little boy was standing in front of me and it was breaking my heart.

  ‘I thought I was your engine?’ he whispered as he wiped his face.

  ‘And I thought I was your forever, things change.’ I strode over to the lounge door and opened it. He hesitated as he took shaky breath and walked past me and out to the front door. I hugged myself as I watched him open it, through the tears blurring my vision.

  ‘I can’t believe you’ve done this to me, Mia. I just can’t. I know what I said about falling out of love with you if you ever cheated on me, but … even now … even now when I’ve just found out you have and a part of me hates you, I still love you. I’ll never stop loving you, never,’ were his parting words as he closed the door. I ran to it and quickly turned the lock and rested my forehead against the solid wood as I cried. When I eventually straightened up I turned off the lounge and then the hall lights. I padded through the dark kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. As I turned to head upstairs I noticed the outside security light was on. I walked to the kitchen window to see his new car was still in the drive. Sitting on the gravel, leaning back against his wheel arch, was Gabe, sobbing his heart out and I felt mine completely shatter.

  Moving On

  I met Tyler at the Food Fayre in the park the next day, wearing my tinted sunglasses to hide my tear ravaged eyes. We spent a nice morning wandering around, having a picnic and chatting, it was a welcome distraction from how hurt I was feeling.

  ‘Are you ok?’ he asked he tucked my hair behind my ear.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t sleep well after the argument with Gabe and my mind’s racing.’

  ‘What time’s your train tomorrow?’

  ‘Five o’clock,’ I smiled and he frowned.

  ‘O, I was hoping to be able to say goodbye, but I’m on duty from eleven a.m. tomorrow. Listen, I was thinking why don’t I drive you home? I could take you back this afternoon, we could go out for dinner and you could show me this club of yours.’

  ‘Tyler, that’s crazy.’

  ‘Why? We can have some fun tonight to cheer you up, and I get a chance to spend a few more hours with you and say goodbye. I’d be happier knowing you’re safely at home.’

  ‘It’s too far to drive there and back in one night, you’ll be exhausted.’

  ‘I’ll book a hotel and leave early in the morning.’

  ‘You’re serious,’ I exclaimed.

  ‘Yes. Come on, if we leave now, you have time to pack and for us to get up there early evening. I’ll drop you at your mum’s, then go and get an overnight kit from mine and come and pick you up. What do you say?’

  ‘I ..’ I stalled as I looked at him. ‘Fine,’ I sighed. ‘But you can’t book a hotel for half a night, you can stay at ours, as long as you don’t mind the sofa.’

  ‘I slept on a metal gurney between surgeries, or sitting on the floor, trust me a sofa will be like a five star hotel,’ he laughed as he pulled me up. He dropped me off at home and I went up to start packing and Mum came out of her bedroom and wandered in.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I’m going to head home, Mum. Tyler’s offered me a lift back instead of me getting the train tomorrow. Do you mind?’

  ‘You’re going back to work it out with Gabe?’ she looked at me all hopefully.

  ‘No, Mum. We’re over.’

  ‘Mia,’ she sighed. ‘He told us everything last night while we were waiting for you. He genuinely knows that he made a mistake. Surely you can understand why he was so confused after what he went through as a child. He loves you sweetheart, and can’t understand why you’re cutting him out. I can’t understand it.’

  ‘He told you everything, did he?’ I nodded as I shoved my toiletries in my bag.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Did that include the part about him cheating on me with his ex in our own home?’

  ‘What?’ she gasped.

  ‘No, I didn’t think he’d have mentioned that,’ I said angrily as I lay on my case trying to keep it shut as I tugged on the zip.

  ‘Mia, this is Gabe we’re talking about. I can’t believe it. Are you sure?’

  ‘Saw
her there with my own two eyes, Mum. So, maybe after everything I’ve been through this last year, you can understand why I’m feeling so let down and don’t want to give him a second chance.’

  ‘O, Mia.’ She put her arms around me and I started crying again. ‘I’m so sorry. I’d never have thought that he could do this to you.’

  ‘Me neither,’ I sobbed.

  We’d got back to Lexi’s early Saturday evening to find she was out. I’d quickly got showered and changed and took Tyler to 26 for dinner, with the intention of going upstairs for me to give him the tour.

  ‘Are you ok?’ he asked as we finished dessert.

  ‘Yes, why?’ I smiled over at him, thinking how handsome he looked in his jeans with a white shirt tucked in and a navy jacket.

  ‘You seem a little distracted.’

  ‘I’m sorry, just a lot of memories in this place.’ I gave him an apologetic smile. ‘I feel kind of guilty that we’re here, together.’

  ‘We’re not doing anything wrong, Mia. You’re separated and we’re … friends out having dinner, that’s all.’

  ‘I know,’ I nodded with a bite of my lip. ‘So, are you ready for what’s upstairs?’

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘You don’t need to be scared, no one bites, or offers anything more than a dance. And you’re very honoured, we have a really long waiting list for annual membership and even limit access on a pay per night basis, charging an extortionate entrance fee.’

  ‘I’d better get some more cash.’

  ‘You don’t need any, you’re with me.’

  ‘Wow, friendship with you really has its perks,’ he grinned.

  ‘It does and dinner is on me, you paid last time and you’ve had the expense of the trip up here and the hotel.’

  ‘That’s unnecessary.’

  ‘I know,’ I smiled. We left and I asked our host to charge my personal account and we headed up to the entrance of Greyson’s.

  ‘Mrs. Austin,’ nodded Jackson. I forced a smile. I cringed as I heard that name roll off his lips, but I couldn’t face telling the staff yet.