Champagne Secrets

by Amanda Brunker

  ‘As ice. But then he knew most of it already. He’d called over to Maura’s house in London and met Daisy. She told him all she knew, and then the two of them swore each other to secrecy. The swines.’

  ‘What deceitful bastards,’ teased Parker.

  ‘Shut up. But I’m just a teeny bit worried that now my full life is out in the open he’ll lose interest in me.’

  ‘Why would he do that? He seems a lot more decent than me.’

  ‘Because I’m no longer the mystery girl. I’m just a mother now, with—’

  Parker interrupted. ‘You’re a MILF. And you were never mysterious. You were just miserly with the truth. In fact you were never mysterious to him if he knew about your name and Daisy. If anything, he was the mysterious one. Which, now that I say it, does make a person more interesting. I’d almost fancy him myself!’

  ‘So, honestly, what odds do you give me on this lasting? Two to one? Or are we a long shot at a hundred to one?’

  ‘How the hell am I supposed to know? I only met the fella twice. But if I know men, which I believe I do, I say keep the sex interesting and they’ll always come back for more.’

  ‘Any other gems?’

  ‘Yeah, stop being paranoid. Nothing will drive a man away quicker than a paranoid woman. Plus, don’t be a nag, and cook him the odd meal. We’re simple creatures, really. There’s no rocket science to making men happy.’

  Cutting short my masterclass, Rory’s number flashed up on my phone. ‘Hello, handsome,’ I said. ‘Were your ears burning?’

  ‘Why, should they be?’

  ‘Yes, I’m having a drink with Parker, and you, unsurprisingly enough, are the number one topic of conversation.’

  ‘How wonderful. I’m in a rush, so I can’t stay long. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?’

  ‘Oh, hit me with the bad news.’

  ‘OK, well, I’m off to Spain for maybe a week to film a report on some government minister.’

  ‘So what’s the good news?’

  ‘I’ll be in Dublin in a couple of hours for the night. I’m checked into the Regency which is only up the road from you, I believe, so I plan on giving you several knee-tremblers before I go.’

  My mood switched from anguished to jubilant within seconds and I broke up laughing. The only comeback I could offer was, ‘OK, I gotta go get ready. Bye.’

  I was just in the middle of ushering Parker out to the car park to drop me back to Ruth’s when Rory called again, enquiring, ‘Is there something you forgot?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Is there something you forgot to say to the man who is flying into Dublin tonight, just so he can worship your body?’

  Annoyed with myself, I apologized for my forgetfulness, put it down to shock, and calmly told him, ‘I love you. And thank you.’

  As we sat back into the old granny car, Parker took one look at my smug face and said, ‘Remember this moment when you have one of your stupid turns again. The fella is clearly bonkers about you. So stop stressing the small stuff.’

  * * *

  After a later than usual bedtime routine for Daisy, as she was extra-clingy due to a slight cold she had picked up from one of the other kids, I was knocking on the door of Room 160, and listening to Rory inside put on a really terrible Irish accent and scream, ‘Hallo? Hallo? I didn’t order an escort service. You’ve got the wrong room.’ Despite his fake protest, he quickly opened the door to unveil a luscious trail of red rose petals across the floor, leading firstly into the bathroom, and then all the way to the bed. ‘Come on in, my Irish rose. I’ve missed you.’ Smiling from ear to ear I stepped into Rory’s little world of romance and forgot any past issues or worries immediately. I also apologized for not having had time to stop off and pick up a bottle of bubbles. Rory said, ‘I’ve had a radical idea. Why don’t we leave the champagne tonight? And let’s just be together – sober. We don’t need alcohol, do we?’

  ‘Radical thought indeed, Mr Baxter. But you’re right. We don’t need it. We just need each other.’

  ‘And tonight, my lovely, you have me for as long as you so wish. Now can I take your coat?’

  ‘Of course. And you can then take my top, and my bottoms, and everything else underneath,’ I teased.

  Ready to get down to business, Rory slammed the door behind me and led me towards the bed – which was also scattered with rose petals. ‘Too cheesy?’ he asked, clearly looking for vindication.

  ‘That’s not possible. I love it. And I love you.’

  ‘What a beautiful answer, from such a beautiful girl. May I ask another question?’

  ‘Absolutely. Especially if it involves you asking for more of my clothes to be removed.’

  ‘Well, I was having second thoughts about you staying in Dublin.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘It just seems too far away for my liking. And I was wondering if you would mind me moving to Dublin?’ Totally gobsmacked, I was momentarily lost for words, and understandably Rory thought the worst. ‘Is that a terrible idea?’ he asked with a hint of disappointment.

  ‘NO … not really. It’s just your life is in London. Why would you abandon your beautiful apartment to come live here?’

  ‘Because it’s too far away from you and Daisy. I’m only based in London. My work involves me messing up the environment by flying all over the world. I can as easily fly out of Dublin as Heathrow.’

  ‘True.’

  ‘Then why are you looking so sad?’

  ‘Because – I saw our future together in London. If you come here, we’ll never get settled over there.’

  ‘But you’ve more to give up than me. You’ve got your family here, and your friends.’

  ‘I’ve no home, though. You have a home.’

  ‘Yeah, but that’s it. I’ve no sentimental attachment to it. I’d actually like to start afresh, buy a house, make a real family home. And I’d like to do that with you. What do you say?’

  ‘I’d say you’ve been dropped on your head. But I hope the thoughts remain just the same. Are you sure about this? I’m a crazy lady who hogs the bathroom in the morning, and I’ve been told I snore—’

  ‘I know. I’ve heard you—’

  ‘And I’m a hoarder. I collect everything. I must have left at least six half-empty shampoo bottles in Maura’s bathroom. And that doesn’t even come close to covering my night creams and my—’

  ‘Will you stop trying to find reasons not to do this, please?’ bellowed Rory. ‘Now, I’m a man of reasonable means, in the full of his health – in both mind and body – and I would like to be your life partner and live in sin – for now. So can I come to Ireland and look after you?’

  ‘If I didn’t have druggies after my blood, would you still want to move?’

  ‘I can’t live in a fantasy world of what ifs and buts.’

  Trying to make light of the situation I chanced the line, ‘In my case, it’s no tits and just butts!’

  ‘Yes, ha ha! We’ll get to the junk in your trunk in a minute. But seriously, the reality is, I wanna live with you here in Dublin. So, for the last time – I need your final answer. Am I coming over or, as you Irish say, wot?’

  At the realization that he was truly serious, I gave his gorgeous sad face a quick kiss and told him, ‘Thank you. I didn’t know how I was going to cope here without you. Please come to Dublin, and I’ll make it worth your while …’

  As relief settled in, a cheeky glint returned to his eye. ‘Really? How so?’

  ‘Oh, you haven’t tasted my cooking yet. I’m a wonderful cook.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Yeah, I make a mean Pot Noodle.’

  ‘Nice.’

  ‘And of course there’ll be the spooning.’

  ‘Of the Pot Noodle?’

  ‘NO. Of me. We use forks for the Pot Noodle in our house. There’ll be spooning in bed.’

  ‘Oh, could you show me a demonstration of that now?’ Rory smiled as he laid himself down on the b
ed.

  Backing my body in close to his, I could feel his dick was already hard, and his hot breath on my neck told me that he wanted a lot more than to cuddle. Gently teasing him, I flirted, ‘See, isn’t this nice?’ while wriggling my bottom firmly into his crotch.

  ‘Oh, yeah, I love this … spooning. So much so that I’d almost fancy a bit of forking.’

  Stifling my giggles, I asked, ‘Did you say forking or fucking?’

  As Rory’s hands began to wander all over my body, making me wriggle with excitement all the more, he whispered into my ear, ‘Now that you bring it up, yes, please.’

  Deciding that we had done enough talking for the moment, I turned around to kiss him. Impatient, my hands began to yank open the belt around his jeans and rip up his tee and sweatshirt. Reciprocating, Rory started to pull at my clothes, too, and within a few fumbling minutes both of us were naked and smiling at each other with the understanding that we were about to have amazing sex. If someone had told me earlier in the day that I would have sober sex tonight, I would have told them, ‘No way!’ and necked a couple of cheeky vodkas to sort out my nerves. But for some reason I had no anxiety as I lay there opposite Rory. I was turned on even more that this was yet another first, on our long list of To Dos.

  As his large hands cupped my small breasts, I used my two hands to fondle his balls and his beautiful, large dick, and we continued to kiss passionately, like a couple in love, while keeping things nice and slow and steady, as neither of us wanted to rush the process. Well, I didn’t, but Rory soon made it obvious that he wanted to move things forward at a faster rate, as he suddenly reached his hands down between my legs to push them open, and nibbled his way down across my chin, over all the sensitive spots on my neck, and settled for a time between my breasts.

  ‘These are the best goddamn nipples I’ve ever had the pleasure of having in my mouth,’ he growled. ‘I fucking love the way they stand out. They’re so tasty I almost wanna bite them off.’

  While I thought about joking, ‘Please don’t!’ I chose not to, and egged him on instead. ‘Bite me, baby,’ I cooed, knowing it was what he wanted to hear. ‘Bite me hard … harder!’ Taking my direction, he carefully snagged one of my pert nipples between his teeth and, while dancing his tongue around it, he gnawed down on it gently, which sent shivers shooting around my body, and seemed to set him trembling, too. Trying to motivate myself to be more vocal during sex, I began groaning in response and let out a well-timed, ‘Oh yeah, that’s good. Yeah, just like that!’ as encouragement.

  Remembering how good it felt to have his large cock in my mouth, I decided to gently push his head back, and as I crawled further down the bed I gave him my naughtiest wink and joked, ‘How’s it going there, hot stuff?’ Without giving him a chance to respond, I quickly wrapped my moist mouth around his beautifully swelled cock, at which point we became hotel neighbours from hell, as he started howling at the top of his lungs.

  I was only beginning to get into a decent stride, also massaging him with my hands as well as my mouth, when Rory stuttered the words, ‘Climb … around … me … I want you … in my mouth … also.’ I pulled my mouth off his cock for a few seconds, just so I could ask him to move over and lie on his back, then quickly straddled my body over his and put his dick back between my lips, only to feel the double pleasure of his tongue entering deep inside me and his two strong hands holding my butt cheeks apart. Although I wanted to stop everything I was doing and lie back and enjoy his strong tongue as it sought out hidden pleasure zones, I worked through the ecstasy and continued to give the best head I could. I wasn’t going to see him in over a week, so I wanted to give him some sex he wouldn’t forget.

  As fingers explored and tricks were turned, our drenched bodies began tensing and pulsating together, and I could feel Rory stop for a moment to say, ‘Come with me baby … come on … come with me …’ I could have prolonged the moment, but I intensified my rhythm in masturbating Rory, and focused my mind on the good work he was performing on me, too. Within moments our bodies were twisting and contorting in unison, as the pleasure we had been offering each other reached its climax. Feeling myself come just moments before Rory, I almost jumped into the air to pull away from his mouth with the intensity, nearly stopping the flow of his own orgasm. He wasn’t thrown off, though. His whooping and hollering soon came as my mouth filled up with his warm, salty spunk.

  As soon as I had tidied up my face, I threw my exhausted body down beside him once again, and joked, ‘I think we should make a habit of eating in more often. Don’t you think?’

  Not missing a beat, Rory joked back, ‘Be careful what you wish for. I could easily turn into a werewolf and we might never leave the house again!’

  * * *

  The next morning poor Lisa had to endure several painful situations. First, a trip to her dentist, followed by a visit with me to a play centre for Daisy, where she had to listen to screaming kids playing in the ball pit while also getting an earful from my loved-up self on how Rory was my ‘Mr Wonderful’. Tormented beyond reason, Lisa kindly allowed me to wax lyrical about the curls in his hair, the shape of the muscles on his legs and the smell of his neck. ‘It is cheesy. Not in a funky way, but in a delicious melted-cheeseburger sort of way.’

  ‘I get that. Francis tells me I smell like garlic.’

  ‘What, your breath?’

  ‘No, my skin, apparently. But when I told him I don’t even eat garlic he says he does, and that every time he does it he thinks of eating me!’

  ‘Lovely. So does that mean yourself and himself are back on track? Whatever happened to that phone-sex fella you told me about – did he start hitting all your wrong buttons?’

  ‘The less said about that sex pest the better.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. I’m putting you on an immediate info-diet. You’ll be much happier when spared the details.’

  ‘All this talk of food has made me hungry for knowledge. Why so stingy with the gossip? Feed me!’

  ‘Because I’m not always a good judge of character …’

  ‘Understatement …’

  ‘Ssh. I make mistakes. But I learn from them.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘We eventually met and he tried to strangle me – and not in a pleasant way.’

  Shocked, I blurted out, ‘There’s a nice way?’

  Unimpressed with my inquiries, Lisa defensively bragged, ‘Yes, there is actually,’ before rooting in her handbag to find her mobile for distraction.

  Not wanting to upset her further, I smoothed over the moment by encouraging her to talk about herself again.

  ‘OK, keep your knickers on … So tell us about Francis. I thought he had been kicked to the kerb?’

  ‘Nah. He’ll always be part of my life, on and off. Along with the threat of cancer.’

  ‘Oh, how are you feeling? Are we talking about the big C?’

  ‘Sorry, no, we’re not. I just had a moment there. It’s because the dentist mentioned how shocked he was to see my teeth so brittle and weak. Which led to me crying about my cancer and—’

  ‘Oh, Lisa, I’m sorry.’

  ‘Oh, Eva, don’t be. He sent his assistant on some wild goose chase and then we ended up shagging in his dentist chair.’

  ‘For real?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Wow!’

  ‘Hmmm, he offers quite a good service. I should give you his number.’

  ‘Eh, no thanks. The only banging I want to get at the dentist’s is the plaque off my hard-to-reach back teeth. I find it difficult enough to stay in the chair when he starts prodding me with his little scraper. If he was to come at me with anything else, I’d surely run a mile.’

  ‘Hmmm, maybe? But that guy definitely knows how to give a girl a good drilling.’

  ‘And does he charge extra for that?’ I teased, on noticing Lisa’s mood become sad again.

  ‘Are you kidding?’ screeched Lisa, snapping back to her usual self. ‘I was
so fabulous that that bastard owes me and all my phone book a lifetime of free root canals.’

  After receiving one too many dirty looks from a neighbouring mother, we eventually pulled Daisy out from underneath the multicoloured plastic balls – which was no easy feat as she most definitely didn’t want to go – and headed back to Ruth’s in Lisa’s cramped, very un-family-friendly Audi. We were almost back at the house when a text message from an unknown number beeped through on my phone. ‘Hi Eva, it’s Maddie. I heard UR back in Dublin. Can we talk? xx.’

  ‘Who is it?’ asked Lisa. ‘You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.’

  ‘I have. It’s from Maddie. She wants to talk to me. Is this a set-up? Have you been speaking to her?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Quite positive.’

  ‘What the hell does she want?’

  ‘Didn’t you say Reuters mentioned that she was depressed, and that Michael had left her?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Well, it’s probably something to do with him. Or maybe she just wants to see you?’

  Defensively I blurted out, ‘Well, I don’t want to see her. I’ve nothing left to give her.’

  Treading carefully, Lisa said slowly, ‘Well, maybe she just wants some time to make amends.’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘It’s been a long time, Eva. A lot of water under the bridge. You were best mates. You were much closer to her than you ever were to me.’

  ‘Ah, Lisa—’

  ‘Don’t be soft. It’s OK. I know you still miss her. So why not give her another chance? If she’s no longer with Michael, well, you’ve more in common with her than ever before. Don’t you think?’

  Grumbling under my breath, I complained, ‘She’s a stupid cow—’

  ‘Hey, listen, we’ve all had our problems with foot-in-mouth disease. But forget mad cows. You two are just simply mad!’

  Furious that Lisa was comparing me to the woman who had stolen my husband, I snapped, ‘And how exactly do you make that out?’

  ‘Well, you’re both MAD.’ She chuckled. ‘You’re Michael’s Abandoned Divas. You can’t argue with that.’