Heart of Submission

by Claire Thompson

  "I can only imagine you're a little nervous about this past relationship, and how it's going to color whatever develops between us going forward. I'm not going to lie and say I'm completely over what happened, or that I'll never think of her again. What happened is a part of my life experience now, but it's not the defining experience.

  "What I'm trying to say is, I'm ready now, truly ready, to move forward. I refuse to let the past keep me tethered to something that was never really right for me in the first place. I'm ready, Kate, to take on the world. I know this sounds corny, but I'm ready to live again."

  He laughed and slapped his forehead, a slight flush of embarrassment creeping over his cheeks.

  "Man, would you listen to me go on? I don't think I've talked this much in a whole year, much less all at once. Tell me to shut up, will you?"

  Kate laughed too. "You have a lot to say. I'm glad you trust me enough to say it to me. I'm honored, actually."

  And she meant it. In the brief time they'd known each other, she'd sensed Chase was reserved, not in the sense of holding back, but he was a man who took his time. Who thought before blurting out whatever was on his mind (unlike her, she thought with chagrin, who all too often spoke first and thought later).

  This long speech, this intimate baring of what had to be the most difficult thing he had ever faced, moved

  Kate. It made her feel closer to him. It made her want to know him better. She found she wanted to give him something back.

  To share something held close within herself as a reciprocal show of trust.

  And so she said, "I've been thinking a lot too. About the whole D/s thing. Where it fits into my life, if it fits in. I mean, I've always been secretly fascinated with what I looked at as the dark, dangerous world of BDSM, but I never went out looking for it. I tried some with my ex-boyfriend, but we were really just playing around. It got me to wondering, maybe I'm just dabbling right now. You know, trying out something new, and it's going to get old after a while, just like anything else. Fizzle out. Lose the thrill."

  "Do you believe that?" Chase looked into her eyes and Kate found herself captivated by his stare.

  "I don't, Kate. I think you are a born submissive. I think it's a part of who you are. You haven't had a lot of experience yet, but that doesn't make who and what you are any less real."

  Kate pulled away from his gaze and looked down at her lap. A part of her resisted this idea, and she tried to voice her confusion.

  "If that's true, why did I wait until I was twentynine years old to even bring up my fantasies to someone else? If it's this basic part of me, as you say, how did I live my whole life without it?"

  "I can't speak for you, Kate, but I'd venture to guess you've felt something missing, something lacking in both yourself and whoever you've been with, as a result. I'm guessing you always felt cheated, but never really understood why."

  He leaned forward, his voice taking on a low, sensual timbre that made Kate press her thighs together to ease the sudden ache between her legs.

  "You know what you are, Kate, when you quiet the voices in your head, when you close your eyes and just feel what is right for you. I watched you, I felt the connection when you flew. That wasn't dabbling, Kate. That was you embracing a basic, intrinsic part of your being. It's not only what you want.

  It's what you need."

  Kate sighed, the long, lingering sound of it escaping before she knew she'd made a sound. Chase tilted his head and narrowed his eyes.

  "I have an idea," he said. "Is there a hardware store near here?"

  "Yeah, just down the street. Why?"

  "I want to conduct a little experiment."

  Chase paid the bill, refusing Kate's effort to contribute. He also left a sizable tip for the waitress, Kate noted with satisfaction, aware he'd just passed yet another of her unspoken tests for a suitable partner, and laughing at herself for even noticing.

  They left Chase's car in the café parking lot and drove together to Tom's Hardware. Once inside, Kate followed

  Chase along the narrow, crowded aisles, intrigued with what he was up to. He stopped in front of the spools of chain link.

  Turning to her, he said, "Pick one. A nice solid one."

  "What for?" Kate asked.

  "For you. To wear around your neck."

  "Oh." Kate felt the heat creeping up her throat and cheeks. She couldn't deny the sudden ache deep in her loins. Her nipples were perking against her tank top and she wrapped her arms across her chest to hide them.

  "Go on," Chase said. "Pick one."

  Kate examined the spools of chain in front of her and touched one with thick oval links, nervously biting her lip as she did so.

  Chase unraveled a length, looked at her and back at the chain, measuring with his fingers. Using the chain cutter hanging from a hook nearby, he cut the chain and held up the length for Kate to see. Right there in the aisle, he draped the heavy metal around her neck, using his hand to hold it closed at her throat.

  Kate gasped, her heart suddenly beating wildly, a tremor of lust and something else, something primal and urgent, moving through her frame.

  "You see," Chase said softly, a triumphant gleam in his eye.

  "Embrace it. It's time to learn who you really are. If you trust me, we'll learn together."

  ****

  Chase traced the curve of Kate's jaw, moving his fingers along her throat, touching the cold, heavy chain resting over her delicate collarbone. They were in Kate's bedroom, a wide, airy space with pale green walls and white ceiling and trim, a large white ceiling fan whirring lazily overheard.

  Lovely Kate was naked and bound in his silken ropes on the bed. He'd bought the chain and a padlock to go with it, and had Kate carry it in her hands out to the car. Her reaction when he'd placed it on her neck had thrilled him, though it had come as no surprise. She was, like him, born to this. It came as naturally as breathing. She was the yin to his yang, the pair of them forming a perfect circle of give and take, of dominance and submission, perhaps one day of love.

  She looked so beautiful lying there on her back, her wrists bound to her ankles, legs spread wide to reveal her sex, the petals engorged with desire and glistening with need. Her hair was wild about her face, her green eyes wide as she watched him remove the flogger from his duffel bag. He'd briefly considered the cane when he'd thrown a few items for play into his bag that morning but decided against it, given Kate's recent traumatic experience.

  Chase's balls were aching, his cock rigid in the confines of his jeans. He had taken off his shirt and sandals, but had kept his pants on while he bound the beautiful girl with artful Shibari knots and positioned her just so on the bed.

  He began by stroking Kate's flesh with the soft suede tresses, dragging it over her breasts and flat stomach, teasing it along her pussy, stroking her thighs with it. Kate closed her eyes and sighed, the sound sensual and throaty.

  Gauging she was ready, he began to flog her lightly at first, slowly increasing the intensity and the tempo. He saw she was holding her breath, her muscles tensing in anticipation of the strokes.

  "Breathe," he told her. "Let go of the tension. Flow with the pain. Move through it to get where you need to be."

  She drew a shallow breath, and another.

  "That's it," he encouraged, trying not to focus on his raging erection, and his longing to plunge into her. This was for her, he would take his time, and he knew it would make it all the more powerful when at last he claimed her body with his. "Nice and slow. Yes. Stay focused on your breathing. Good."

  He began again, covering her body from thigh to chest, slapping the leather against her skin, watching it turn pink.

  He let the tresses land on her breasts, catching the erect nipples.

  Kate yelped and jerked in her restraints.

  "Breathe,"

  Chase reminded her, his cock nearly bursting.

  Kate drew a shuddery breath. Chase stroked her cheek with his hand and leaned down to kiss her lips.


  "You're doing great," he said. "Shall we continue?"

  "Yes, please," she whispered, and he smiled.

  He complied, again warming the skin, harder this time, adding the sting he knew she needed to fly. She began to jerk against her bonds again, her chest heaving. He angled himself to strike the tender folds of her bared sex, though

  much more gently, of course. Kate's eyes flew open and she yelped. He didn't stop, aware she needed him to continue, even if she was frightened or nervous. He focused on her pussy, whipping it with the just the tips of the strands, keeping time with her breathing.

  "No, no, I can't," she finally said, when an especially stinging blow found its mark.

  "You can," Chase assured her. "You are."

  He moved the whip, however, focusing again on her thighs and breasts, turning the creamy skin a rosy red while Kate panted and writhed beneath the leather kiss.

  When he could stand it no longer, he dropped the flogger and pulled off his clothes, slipping on a condom with lightning speed before climbing over the bound woman. "Jesus, I want you, Kate," he said urgently.

  He had meant to untie her before he made love to her, but his need was too great. For too long his heart had been open only to bitterness and regret. Now the passion, which he'd buried for so long, was once again wild in his heart.

  His mouth was on hers, his weight supported on his arms as he eased into her. Her cunt actually drew him in, its muscles clenching and pulling him deeper as she arched up as best she could in her restrained position. He made

  love to her with a ferocity that surprised him, that caused rivulets of sweat to run down his back and chest. He wanted to be gentle, but lust had made him a wild man.

  They became pure movement, raw desire, moving together in the timeless rhythm of lovers. Kate began to mew, soft sweet urgent sounds that fired Chase's blood. He heard her soft moan of pleasure as her pussy spasmed and her body heated like a flame beneath him. He let himself go then, surging with her into orgasm, his weight fully on her now, crushing her beneath him.

  When he could catch his breath, Chase forced himself to move, rolling from Kate, whose head was to the side, eyes closed. He quickly undid the knots and pulled the ropes from her body.

  Gently he straightened her legs, stroking the flesh, massaging the muscles in her calves. She lay limp with eyes

  still closed, but she was smiling, catlike and content.

  Chase gathered her into his arms and held her, smoothing the wild hair back from her forehead.

  "I love you," he wanted to whisper, but held himself back from saying it. He would know when the time was right. For now, they were still too new. Instead he kissed her gently.

  Kate opened her eyes and said a single word, managing to infuse it with tenderness and awe.

  "You," she said.

  "Us," he replied.

  CHAPTER 15

  Kate finally reconnected with Stacey in mid-July, meeting her in the city at the hair salon where Stacey worked.

  After giving Kate the grand tour, Stacey took her to an Indian dive nearby. Over spicy curry and mango milk shakes, Kate opened up enough to admit what she'd only hinted at about the scene with John Brighton in their email exchanges to that point.

  Embarrassed, she faltered over the words, but Stacey

  understood enough to express her outrage.

  "That prick should have his balls cut off," she announced in a loud voice, causing more than one head to turn in the small restaurant.

  "At the very least, you need to send a formal complaint to Power Play, letting them know he ignored your safeword and refused to end the scene when you wanted it over. No way they'll want to keep someone like that on their payroll.

  Especially not after I spread the word."

  "You're right," Kate said.

  Enough time had passed for the humiliation she'd felt that night to ease its sting. Chase had taught her a new way, a romantic way to experience erotic submission. She understood now she had done nothing wrong and had nothing to be ashamed of. She would expose John Brighton for the bully he was.

  "Enough about that," Stacey said, rubbing her hands together.

  "Tell me about Chase. The juicy stuff you left out of your emails. I think it's so great you two are together.

  It's a lot more fun to actually live it than just to write about it, am I right?"

  Kate smiled. "Oh, yeah. I've been curious all my life, but I had no idea of the power of this kind of relationship. He's ruined me for anything vanilla, I can tell you that."

  "I'm with you on that one," Stacey enthused. "Give me a man with a whip in his hand over a bouquet of flowers any day."

  "How about both?" Kate rejoined, thinking of the flowers Chase gave her all the time from his garden. She tried to put her new feelings into words for Stacey.

  "It's like I'm more alive, somehow. More me. I feel different inside, though it's hard to explain just how." She pondered.

  "Maybe it's more of what I'm not anymore. I don't have to hold onto fronts and covers that protect me from anyone really touching me, touching my heart, my ... soul..."

  She waited for Stacey to make fun of her lofty words, but Stacey nodded solemnly and then smiled.

  "You're in love," she asserted. "But I'm guessing you haven't said the L word to each other yet, have you?"

  "No," Kate admitted. "Though it's been edging its way into my mind, I will admit. Maybe I'm waiting for him to say it first."

  "Tell him, Kate. Let him know what's in your heart."

  "What if he doesn't say it back?"

  Stacey shrugged. "What's life without risk? Anyway, just because he doesn't say it, doesn't mean he doesn't think it.

  Men are funny like that sometimes."

  That night Kate was restless, anxious about a writing deadline and mulling over plotlines in her head. She was flopping around the bed like a

  fish on the deck of a boat and apologized when she woke Chase.

  He gathered her into his arms and stroked her hair. He began to sing, softly, in a sweet tenor. She'd recognized the song, a lullaby called All Through the Night.

  Sleep, my child, let peace attend thee All through the night Guardian angels God will send thee All through the night...

  She nestled against him, ridiculously happy, and the words tumbled from her lips. "Oh, Chase, I love you."

  "I love you," he'd answered at once. "More than you can imagine."

  The love they shared was part of the difference she felt inside herself, but it was more than that. Much more. She had a new kind of confidence and serenity. She felt more ... herself.

  Actualized, real, solid, serene. She'd tried to share these new feelings with Chase, to put them into words.

  He'd understood. "It's because you're finally being yourself.

  You're finally tapping into that essence of submission that was kept dormant for so long. You are, though it sounds strange to say, finally being you, all of you, not just pieces strung together to give a semblance of a total person."

  It made sense. And it had advantages other than just a new sense of sexual contentment and confidence.

  Her writing had changed. Her editors had noticed and

  commented on a new maturity and a more complex passion. She wrote constantly now, that is, when she wasn't bound in Chase's playroom, or stretched naked on his bed, or nestled sweetly in his arms. She'd finished the novel about the widowed farm girl and her lover, and was brimming with ideas for her next projects.

  Chase was busy too, his online rope making business really taking off. He'd found a small factory space to rent and hired two additional workers to meet the burgeoning demand for his soft, supple rope and how-to videos on the art of sensual bondage.

  This morning, however, neither was working. They'd both promised to take the day off and focus exclusively on each other, which suited Kate fine.

  She was in the shower, doing something she hoped would please Chase. He had often talked of a sub's duty to
withhold nothing from her Dom. When she gave herself to him, in that supreme act of trust, it had to be complete, nothing held back, if she were sincere in her desire to submit.

  Kate wanted to do that, and did try her best. She didn't cover her body, or deny Chase when he asked something of her that made her nervous or embarrassed. They would talk it through, he encouraged and even insisted that she tell him any time she was uncomfortable with

  something he was asking, and they would work through it together.

  That day he was going to introduce her to the cane.

  Properly, he said, not the way she'd experienced it before.

  They rarely referred to John Brighton but the memory of that night still had the power to unsettle Kate. And the

  thought of the cane frightened her. Chase understood this fear, but said, "You're ready now, Kate. You've proven you can handle a great deal as a sub, with grace and focus. We've

  taken our time as we move to each new level together. To continue to deny you the cane is to let him steal something from us. We won't allow that man's stupidity and mishandling of a scene to be a defining limit in our relationship. We won't give him that power."

  Kate dried off and walked into the bedroom, dropping her towel as she stood in front of Chase, who was lying naked on the sheets. He looked at her, his eyebrows lifting.

  "Kate, you did that for me?"

  She nodded, biting her lower lip, forcing herself to stand proud.

  He reached for her and she stepped closer. He drew his fingers over her smooth, shaven skin and smiled.

  "Nice," he said. "Very, very nice."

  "It's symbolic," she offered. "I wanted to show you I withhold nothing. That I am fully bared for you, Sir."

  She had lately taken to calling him Sir when she was in a submissive mindset, and he hadn't seemed to mind.

  Indeed, he seemed to like it. It felt natural, especially when thanking him for an especially intense bondage scene or sensual whipping.

  "Thank you, Sir," she would breathe.