Wait for the Rain

by Murnane, Maria

  “You don’t ever wish you could settle down with just one man?” Daphne asked. It was all she’d ever wanted.

  Skylar frowned. “I don’t know. Maybe if I met one who made me want to, but that hasn’t happened yet. When I was younger, yes, I figured I’d get married someday down the road, but then I got so focused on my career and my priorities kind of changed. I’m not sure if that’s because I haven’t met the right person or because I’m just wired differently from other women. You know I have issues with commitment. I can’t even decide which city I want to live in. Okay, I’m officially rambling. Damn, this sangria is good.”

  KC laughed and kissed her glass. “I’m kind of in love with it.”

  “How do you meet most of the men you go out with?” Daphne asked Skylar.

  “It depends. Some through work, others through friends. Once in a while I do the online thing. There’s no real formula,” she said.

  “Seems like a lot of couples meet online these days,” KC said. “It’s amazing how much the world has changed. Remember the days when a guy would actually call you on the phone to ask you on a date?”

  Skylar gestured for the waiter to bring another pitcher of sangria. “Trust me, that doesn’t happen anymore. It’s all done over e-mail and text now. And while online dating is an easy way to meet a lot of men, it’s not an easy way to meet the right men.”

  “Why is that?” KC asked. “Can’t you just weed out the bad ones before ever meeting them? I would think that would make it a lot easier.”

  Skylar held up a finger. “Theoretically, yes. But in my experience, what you see in the profile and what you get in real life are usually quite different, and not in a good way.” She looked at Daphne. “You know what I mean, right?”

  Daphne bit her lip and shook her head. “I haven’t tried the online thing.”

  Skylar looked surprised. “Really? Is it that easy to meet men in Columbus?”

  Daphne didn’t know what to say, so she took a big sip of her sangria and didn’t say anything.

  KC jumped in with another question for Skylar. “So how are the guys different from their profiles? You mean their photos are really old?”

  Skylar nodded. “That happens sometimes, a lot, actually, especially with men in their forties. Another thing I’ve learned is that if a guy’s photos are all faraway, it’s probably because he doesn’t look good up close, and by that I mean he’s ugly. Same goes for if he’s wearing sunglasses. Sunglasses usually equals ugly.”

  KC laughed. “You don’t mince words, do you?”

  Skylar shrugged. “I’m just being honest.” Then she tapped her head. “I’ve also learned that if a guy is wearing a visor or a hat in his pictures, it’s because he doesn’t have much hair, if he has any at all. And most men claim they are at least an inch, if not two, taller than they really are, which for the life of me I don’t understand, just like the hair or sunglasses thing. Do they really think I’m not going to notice they’re short or balding or ugly the very moment we meet, like immediately?”

  “Maybe they plan to be sitting down the whole date?” Daphne said with a hopeful look. “And wearing a hat and sunglasses?”

  Skylar pointed at Daphne. “That happened to me once, not joking. The guy was sitting on the barstool when I arrived, and when he stood up like a half hour later, I thought he was still sitting down. That’s how short he was. Lesson learned. Now if they don’t list their height on their profile, I ask.”

  KC tapped her own head. “I’m shrimpy, so I’ve never really cared about the height thing.”

  Skylar gestured to herself. “Try being five nine. Trust me, you would care.”

  KC frowned. “You’re right. Online dating sounds less awesome than I thought.”

  Skylar shook her head. “It’s not all bad. I know a lot of people who have met some great people through it. You just have to know what to watch out for so you don’t waste your time. And it’s not just men who embellish their profiles. Women do too.”

  “How so?” Daphne asked.

  Skylar framed her face with her hands. “For example, my male friends tell me they won’t go out with a woman if her profile only includes photos that are up close.”

  Daphne touched her own cheek. “Why not?”

  “Because that usually means she’s overweight.”

  “Oh.” Daphne sucked in her breath. “I never thought of that, but I guess it makes sense.”

  KC made a sad face. “That sounds mean.”

  Skylar shrugged. “It’s reality. And those are just the superficial things. I think the biggest problem with dating sites, at least at our age, is that they’re so female heavy that the most appealing men get bombarded with messages, and they just can’t keep up. I know some quality guys from work who have profiles up, and they’re so overwhelmed that they barely have enough time to weed through everything coming in, much less proactively search for women to contact.”

  “Women are really that aggressive?” KC asked.

  “Yep. Apparently some women offer sex for money too.”

  “What?” Daphne’s jaw dropped open.

  Skylar rubbed her fingertips together. “I went on a date with a guy who told me a woman once cut to the chase after a few messages. She made it pretty clear that if he was willing to pay, she was willing to give.”

  Daphne’s mouth was still open. “Wow.”

  “I don’t think I could contact a man on a dating site. I’d be too chicken,” KC said.

  Daphne nodded. “So would I.” I’m too chicken even to post a profile.

  “It’s not really my style, but women today are assertive, so if I see a guy I want to meet, I’ll reach out,” Skylar said. “But I don’t expect to hear back because I’m not sure if they’ll ever even read the note. My friend Jay says he gets hundreds of messages a month, and he’s not even that attractive, although if you ever meet him, please keep that information to yourself. I’ve also learned that the men in their late thirties or forties are usually looking for younger women, so even if they are proactive in their searches, I don’t even show up in the results—unless I were to lie about my age, which apparently a lot of women do for that exact reason. So the men who contact me are usually way older or way younger. It’s rare that I hear from someone who is remotely attractive and relatively age appropriate.”

  Daphne frowned and took another sip of sangria. “This conversation is getting depressing.”

  “Totally,” KC said. “It’s depressing me, and I’m not even single.”

  Skylar shrugged. “It is what it is. Another fundamental flaw in the system is that the profiles have to be written, and not everyone is a good writer.” She gestured to Daphne. “I know I don’t have Daphne’s gift for words, but at least I can put together a freaking sentence. If a guy doesn’t know the difference between you’re and your, it makes him look dumb, no matter how many advanced degrees he may have. Am I right?”

  KC winced. “I have terrible grammar. You’d hate me online.”

  Skylar winked at KC. “You, I could never hate. But that’s the problem with online dating. It forces you to notice things you wouldn’t if you met someone organically, but when all you have to go on is the profile, it’s tough. That virtual first impression sticks.”

  KC frowned. “This is not what I thought online dating was like at all. They make it look so fun in the commercials.”

  Skylar laughed. “Everything looks fun in commercials, Little Miss Sunshine. Buying Cialis looks like a trip to Disneyland in the commercials.” She pretended to use a megaphone. “Hey, everybody! I have erectile dysfunction! Isn’t that fantastic?”

  Daphne laughed, grateful to be doing so in the midst of such a disheartening conversation. “What kind of men do you, um, search for?” she asked Skylar. The process sounded so clinical to her. “For example, what do you consider age appropriate?”

/>   “I’ll go older or younger by a decade or so, but I won’t do married,” Skylar said.

  KC’s eyes got big. “Married? Married people do online dating?”

  Skylar nodded. “I hate to break it to you, Little Bo Peep, but married men do a lot of things.”

  KC covered her ears with her hands. “I don’t know if I want to hear this.”

  Skylar reached over and removed one of KC’s hands. “Please. I’m sure Max is as loyal as a German shepherd. I’ve just met a lot of married men over the years who don’t seem to be all that concerned with the fact that, you know, their wife is at home waiting for them.” She turned to Daphne. “I’m sure you’ve been hit on by married guys, right?”

  Daphne shook her head. “Not that I’m aware of.”

  Skylar gave her a look. “I find that hard to believe.”

  Daphne stared at her lap. She’d been in such a fog for so long that she’d almost stopped paying attention to men entirely.

  “How do you know they’re married?” KC asked.

  Skylar took a sip of her drink. “You mean online or in person?”

  “Both.”

  “Online, sometimes they say it outright. But when I’ve met them in other situations, like at a trade show, for example, it depends. Sometimes they’re wearing a wedding ring, but not always.”

  Daphne looked back up. “If they don’t have a ring on, how do you know?” For the first time, she wondered if Brian had ever cheated on her. She certainly hadn’t strayed, even when things between them were beyond repair.

  Skylar set her glass on the table. “Sometimes the tan line gives it away.”

  KC laughed. “That’s so sad, it’s funny. Men think they can get away with that?”

  Skylar reached for the sangria pitcher and refilled all their glasses. “Yes, some men are that stupid. A few weeks ago, after work, I met a man at a bar who told me he was in Manhattan for a few days for business. Very handsome, charming, the whole deal. And no ring, no tan line either. He bought me a couple drinks, then asked if he could take me to dinner the following night before heading home over the weekend.”

  Daphne and KC both leaned in closer.

  “And?” KC said.

  “And I said sure. Why wouldn’t I?”

  KC grinned. “Your life seems so fun. Most weeknights I go to bed at nine thirty.”

  Skylar continued. “So he pulled out his phone to get my number, and I noticed that his wallpaper backdrop was a picture of a little boy. I asked if it was his son, and he said yes. He didn’t immediately follow that up by explaining that he was divorced, so I asked if he was married.”

  “And?” Daphne asked.

  “And he hesitated for a moment before responding that yes, he was married, but that I should give him credit for being honest.”

  KC laughed. “Wow, that guy had some balls.”

  Skylar sipped her drink. “Oh, it gets better.”

  “What happened?” Daphne asked.

  “He told me I should sleep with him because married men never have sex, meaning he’d put a lot of effort into it.”

  “That’s not true!” KC shouted, then immediately covered her mouth with her hand. “Oops, sorry I got a little fired up there.”

  Daphne looked down. In the last years of their marriage, she and Brian rarely had sex. Early on they were intimate nearly every day, but after Emma was born that tapered off. Not overnight, but gradually, so gradually that it wasn’t noticeable—until one day when it was.

  “What did you say to the guy?” KC asked Skylar.

  Skylar held up her index finger. “Before I could respond to his comment, he told me that I should also have sex with him because—and I swear I’m not making this up—because he has a big dick. Those were his exact words. ‘I have a big dick.’”

  “No way!” KC yelled, then covered her mouth with her hand again. “I’m sorry, I’m not used to drinking sangria. Or to hearing awesome stories like this.”

  Skylar laughed. “It’s okay. You’re funny when you drink.”

  “He really said that with a straight face?” Daphne asked.

  Skylar crossed her heart. “You know I would never lie to you two.”

  “What did you say back to him?” Daphne asked. “I’d be speechless.”

  “I think I would have up and left.” KC pounded her fist on the table.

  Skylar gave them a sly smile. “I did leave, but first I came up with something pretty good. I stood up and casually reached for my purse, and then I smiled and told him he was a big dick. Then I calmly strolled out of the bar.”

  KC pumped her fist. “That’s my girl!”

  Daphne clapped her hands. “Well done. I’d probably still be sitting there with my mouth open.”

  Skylar bowed her head. “Thank you, thank you.”

  “I’m so fired up right now,” KC said. “Can’t no man be messing with my Skylar!”

  “I love it when you drink,” Skylar said to her. “Anyhow, the online thing isn’t all bad. It just depends on what you’re looking for, and when getting married and having kids isn’t priority number one, you can have a little more fun with it. I have some girlfriends in New York who are hell-bent on finding a husband, so they treat online dating like a full-time job. They’re basically managing a spreadsheet, trying to keep track of everyone.”

  “Sounds exhausting,” Daphne said.

  “I agree, but sometimes it’s a necessary evil if you don’t want to sleep alone, or if you want to procreate. So enough about my love life. What about you? What’s the story in Columbus? If you’re not online, how do you meet most of the men you go out with?” Skylar asked.

  Daphne felt her neck get warm. She took a sip of water, then pretended to be looking at something on the beach.

  Skylar and KC both turned their heads to follow her gaze.

  “What are you staring at?” KC asked.

  Daphne awkwardly pointed toward the ocean, which was barely visible in the moonlight. “Oh, I, um, I thought I saw a dolphin jumping.”

  “For real?” Skylar squinted. “Your eyes really are good.”

  “That’s an understatement,” KC said. “I can’t see anything out there.”

  Daphne swallowed and looked at Skylar. “So getting back to the men in your rotation. What do they do for a living?”

  Skylar set her glass down. “Kristoff’s a banker, Michael’s in pharmaceutical sales, Trevor’s an attorney . . . and Antonio’s a bartender. I’ve learned that bartenders are usually a lot of fun to date because they have hilarious stories. Drunk people do funny things.”

  “What are all their ages?” KC asked.

  Skylar closed her eyes again to think. “Give me a minute . . . okay . . . Antonio’s twenty-seven, Michael’s thirty-three, Trevor’s thirty-nine, and Kristoff is forty-two.” She opened her eyes. “I think that’s right.”

  KC whistled. “Twenty-seven? Wowsa. That’s twenty-five years younger than my husband. A quarter century!”

  Skylar shrugged. “What can I say? I don’t discriminate. Plus, you’re the one who said age is just a number, right?”

  “I did say that,” KC said. “I guess I never really thought about it backward like that.”

  The waiter returned to clear their plates, and after he was gone, KC picked up her drink and looked at Skylar. “The rotation thing sounds fun, but complicated. And maybe a little draining,” she said.

  “All of those adjectives are accurate, but enough about me.” Skylar looked at KC. “I want to talk about you and Max again. How’s the sex? Do men get better at it in their fifties? Or does it, you know, start to wilt a little bit?”

  Daphne felt her cheeks flush. “Don’t you think that’s a little personal?”

  “No,” Skylar said without looking at her. “We’re in the inner circle here, no subject is of
f-limits. So how is it? Is he paying close attention to the aforementioned Cialis commercials?”

  KC laughed. “No. I have zero complaints in that department. Max is in great shape all the way around.”

  “He must be to keep up with you,” Daphne said. “Although I don’t know if anyone could keep up with you.”

  “How’s his business going?” Skylar asked.

  “Fantastic! Commercial real estate is booming in LA right now, so they’re growing like gangbusters on the construction side. Jared’s been there since graduation, which Max is thrilled about. He doesn’t want to push, but it’s sort of his dream to groom his firstborn to take over the business when he retires.”

  “What does Josh think about that? Is there any competition there?” Daphne asked. As an only child she’d always been curious about the sibling dynamic. Why were some adult siblings such close friends, while others rarely spoke to each other?

  KC reached for her napkin. “Trust me, there’s no rivalry there, at least where the family business is concerned. Josh would never want to work for his dad, much less have an office job of any kind.”

  “Not his vibe?” Skylar asked.

  KC shook her head. “Far from it. He’s only a sophomore, so we’ll see how it pans out, but as of now he’s planning to do Teach for America for a couple years. And after that, who knows? But I doubt commercial real estate is in his future. He’s too much of a free spirit for an office job. I love that about him. Personally, I think he’d make a great elementary schoolteacher because he has such a gentle way about him.”

  “I could say the same about you,” Daphne said to her.