Wait for the Rain

by Murnane, Maria

  “Damn that’s steep,” Daphne heard one of them say. KC and Skylar were still engrossed in conversation, so Daphne inadvertently began to eavesdrop on the men.

  “I jumped off a rock formation like that once, in Greece, right after college,” the other man said. “Seems like a lifetime ago.”

  “College was a lifetime ago,” the first man said. “We’re getting up there, man.”

  Daphne casually turned around and gave them each a discreet once-over. Both men were tall and appeared to be in their midforties, or perhaps a bit older. One was wearing a dark red baseball hat that said “Texas A&M” on the front. He was also sporting a platinum band on the ring finger of his left hand. The second man wasn’t wearing a hat or a wedding band. Both men were reasonably handsome, yet there was an aura around the one with the bare ring finger that suggested he was feeling a bit uncomfortable in his own skin. Maybe he was afraid of heights too? The thought, however projected, helped soothe her jittery nerves. At least I’m not the only one less than thrilled right now.

  “Scary how fast the years go by, isn’t it?” she said to them with a smile—and an easiness that surprised her. “I’ve decided to embrace the life-begins-at-forty mentality.” I don’t care if you know how old I am. Age doesn’t mean squat.

  The man in the baseball hat nudged his friend. “He’s recently divorced. If that isn’t beginning a new life, I don’t know what is.”

  Daphne looked at the man’s friend. “I’m sorry to hear that. How long has it been?”

  “It was official the first of the month. This trip is sort of our celebration, sad as that sounds,” he said.

  His friend patted him on the back. “You’re better off without her. You know that.”

  Daphne held up her bare left hand. “Welcome to the club.”

  The divorced man gave her a weary smile. “Thanks, if that’s even the right word. It’s definitely not a club I ever thought I’d join, that’s for sure.”

  She smiled. “Trust me, neither did I. Do you have kids?”

  He nodded. “Two teenage boys.”

  “How are they taking it?”

  “I think they’re okay with the divorce, but they’re not big fans of having to go back and forth between two houses all the time. It makes me feel kind of guilty for causing such upheaval in their lives when they didn’t do anything to deserve it.”

  Daphne adjusted the strap of her tote bag over her shoulder. “You know what? You can’t beat yourself up about it. I have a teenage daughter, and for a long time I felt guilty, like I’d failed for not being the picture-perfect mother.” She pointed her thumb behind her. “My wise girlfriends here have helped me begin to let go of that destructive mentality—finally—and realize that being divorced and being a good parent aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. Emma knows her dad and I both love her, and that’s what really matters.”

  “See? Kids are resilient,” his friend said, then looked at Daphne. “They’ll come around, right?”

  “Your boys will get used to it,” she said to the divorced man with a nod. “And eventually, you will too.”

  “You willing to put money on that?” He laughed a bit awkwardly. He was clearly doing his best to put on a good face, but the tired look in his eyes showed how much was going on beneath the surface. Daphne knew that look all too well. She’d seen it countless times in the mirror.

  Surprising herself yet again, she put a hand on his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It gets better. I promise.” Then she lowered her voice and leaned toward both men. “There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, and that is a sad thing when you’re the only one in it.”

  The divorced man laughed. “I wish I had your attitude,” he said. “You’re so confident. And insightful too.”

  Daphne laughed too. “Confident and insightful? Those are two adjectives I don’t often hear to describe myself, but thank you for the compliment.”

  Just then KC turned around and put her hands on her hips. “I feel like I’m missing a good conversation here. Am I missing a good conversation here?” Skylar was now at the ticket window.

  “Depends on whom you ask,” Daphne said. “I think it’s pretty interesting, but my new friends here might beg to differ.”

  The guy in the hat gave the thumbs-up sign. “We were just talking about being in bed, which in my opinion is always a topic worthy of discussion.”

  “I concur with your opinion,” Daphne said with a firm nod.

  “So you’re one of the wise friends?” the divorced man asked KC.

  “I’m KC.” She grinned and held out her hand. “I’m not sure how wise I am, but I just found out that I’m going to be a grandmother in a few months. Does that count for anything?” She pointed to the guy in the baseball cap. “I dig your hat, by the way. Go, Aggies!”

  He chuckled. “I’m Phil. And I find it hard to believe you’re going to be a grandmother.”

  “Stepgrandmother,” Daphne said. “She wasn’t having babies in high school or anything.”

  “True, true,” KC said, then turned to the divorced man. “And you are . . . ?”

  “I’m Derek,” he said.

  “He’s recently divorced too,” Daphne said to KC. “I was telling him that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.”

  KC nodded and slipped her arm around Daphne’s waist. “There definitely is. My pal Daphne here is living proof of that.”

  “Your name’s Daphne?” Derek said to her. “That’s unusual. And very pretty.”

  She smiled brightly. “Thank you.” I think so too.

  “Suits her, doesn’t it?” KC said to the men. “Makes me think of a bright bouquet of daffodils.”

  “You ladies ready to rock these rocks?” Skylar said from behind them.

  Daphne looked up at Derek and Phil. “You two want to climb with us?”

  “We’d love to,” Derek said.

  She introduced them to Skylar, then pointed toward the bottom of the stone staircase. “Meet us at the entrance?”

  Phil gave the thumbs-up sign again. “Sounds good.”

  The three women turned and walked away, and as soon as they were out of earshot, KC pinched Daphne’s waist. “Did you hear what just happened back there?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “That entire conversation! You were totally your old self again. Charming, witty, not insecure in the least. It was great!”

  “I was?”

  KC laughed. “You didn’t notice?”

  “I guess not.”

  “Well it was fun to watch, that’s for sure. It’s good to have you back.”

  Daphne gave her a warm smile that said, Thanks for bringing me back.

  “That Derek guy’s kind of sexy.” Skylar glanced back toward the ticket booth. “What’s his deal? I didn’t see a wedding ring.”

  “Recently divorced,” Daphne said. “They’re here on a guys’ trip to, shall we say, commemorate it, if you will.”

  “Talk about a euphemism,” KC said, then quickly looked at Daphne. “Did I use euphemism right?”

  Daphne nodded and patted the top of KC’s baseball hat. “Well done.”

  “Hmm . . . recently divorced.” Skylar raised an eyebrow at Daphne. “Maybe you could soothe those wounds a little bit this evening? What man doesn’t enjoy the company of an empathetic woman?”

  Daphne rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.”

  Skylar shrugged. “I’m just saying, there’s nothing wrong with a little TLC. And as we’ve already witnessed this week, it’s not like you’re averse to a little roll in the hay with an attractive stranger. Why stop at one when you could double your pleasure, double your fun?” She elbowed Daphne.

  “Stop it.” Daphne laughed and elbowed Skylar back as they reached the base of the stone steps.

  “Speaking of attracti
ve strangers, two are rapidly approaching at six o’clock, so you might want to shut your traps,” KC whispered.

  Daphne craned her neck back at the towering rock formation. “Wow, that is steep.”

  “Wow, that is steep,” Phil said from behind them.

  KC turned around. “Is there a parrot out here?”

  Daphne made a sheepish face. “Is anyone else having second thoughts about this?”

  “Too late to back out now,” Skylar said as she handed their tickets to the uniformed man standing by the roped-off entrance. “Everyone ready?” There were a handful of people on the observation deck at the very top, but the zigzagging path to reach it was clear.

  Daphne walked over to Derek and put her hand on his arm again. “This can’t be any harder than what we’ve already been through, right?” She was speaking to comfort herself now, not him.

  He looked at her for a moment, then smiled just slightly. “That sounds like something only club members can understand.”

  She smiled back. “Exactly.”

  The five of them began ascending the steps, which were framed by a rope attached to the rocky walkway with spikes set at intervals all the way to the top. The path snaked left and right, and as they climbed, Daphne kept her eyes focused on the step directly in front of her, too afraid to look anywhere else. Her breathing and heart rate began to increase, and she willed herself to remain calm. Keep moving. You’re going to be fine. You can do this.

  “Damn, this is high!” Skylar called from the front of the group. “Whose idea was this, anyway?”

  “Do you think anyone has ever fallen into the ocean from here?” Phil called from the very back.

  “Don’t be an asshole, Phil,” Derek said with a laugh. He was a few steps ahead of Phil. The easy banter between them reminded Daphne of the chatter she’d heard during the flag football game on the beach.

  “Humor is a good tool for diffusing tension,” Phil yelled. “I learned that at some boondoggle sales training in Vegas.”

  “I wish I were in Vegas right now,” Skylar yelled back. “I should have an enormous guitar-shaped margarita in my hand instead of a rope that looks older than dirt and may snap at any moment, after which I will plummet to my death and probably drag all of you down with me.”

  Now Daphne laughed too. Apparently Phil had a point. This isn’t nearly as bad as I’d feared.

  They were about two-thirds of the way to the top when KC, who was directly in front of Daphne and had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire climb, stopped moving.

  “Did you drop something?” Daphne said.

  KC didn’t respond.

  Daphne gently reached for KC’s lower back. “Hey, are you okay?”

  “I can’t do it,” KC whispered.

  Daphne climbed up next to her and saw that KC’s face was ashen. She was shaking.

  “KC, honey, what’s wrong?” Daphne asked.

  KC shook her head. “I can’t . . . move.”

  Daphne was puzzled. “Are you scared?” KC was never scared.

  Slowly the shake turned into a nod, and KC shut her eyes tight. “I’ve never been up this high. I think I’m going to pass out.”

  “Is everything okay up there?” Derek was now just two steps behind them.

  Daphne nodded. “Yes, we’re fine.” She put her hand on KC’s head and smoothed her hair, then lowered her voice. “You’re a strong woman, and you’re going to do this, okay? We’re going to do this together.”

  KC’s speech was stuttered, her breath short. “I’ve . . . never . . . felt . . . anything . . . like . . . this.” She briefly opened her eyes, then squeezed them shut again.

  Daphne kept the tone of her voice soft. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? You’re fine. We’re almost to the top. You just need to take a deep breath, hold on to the railing, and move one foot, then the other. Can you do that for me?”

  KC shook her head. “I can’t move.”

  Daphne put a hand on KC’s shoulder. “KC, listen to me. You can do this. You know you can do this. Just open your eyes for me, okay?”

  Slowly, very slowly, KC opened her eyes. She looked terrified.

  Daphne squeezed KC’s shoulder. “Good, good. Now keep your gaze on the step directly in front of you. You don’t need to look anywhere else. Can you do that?”

  KC nodded and stared at the step in front of her.

  Daphne spoke calmly. “Good, good. Now just move one foot to the next step. Just like this, okay? There’s plenty of room for both of us on this step, so just do as I do.”

  Daphne took a step up, and KC slowly followed.

  “That’s perfect. Now do the same with the other foot, can you do that?”

  “I’m so embarrassed,” KC whispered.

  “Don’t be. You’re doing great. Just keep moving like this, okay?” Daphne took another step up the cliff, then waited for KC to do the same. Derek and Phil followed behind in a respectful silence. Everyone knew this was no time for heckling. After several minutes Daphne glanced up to the top of the rock formation and saw Skylar peering down at them from the observation deck.

  Her voice still gentle and relaxed, Daphne coaxed KC to the top. “That’s it, that’s it . . . See KC? You’re doing great . . . We’re almost there . . . Just keep your eyes in front of you . . . That’s it, keep going . . . just a few more steps. See? You did it!”

  Daphne took a final step to the fenced-in platform at the top of the steps, then reached for KC’s hand and pulled her up alongside her. KC immediately wrapped her in a hug and squeezed her tight.

  “Thank you, Daphne,” she said. “Thank you so much.”

  Daphne stroked her friend’s ponytail. “Oh honey, you don’t have to thank me.”

  Skylar approached them as they finished their embrace, her hands on her hips. “You okay there, babe?”

  KC nodded and pressed a palm against her forehead. “I am now. I had no idea I was so afraid of heights. I think that was the most scared I’ve been in my entire life.”

  “Looks like Superwoman found her kryptonite,” Skylar said.

  KC smiled weakly. “I guess I did.”

  “Look on the bright side: if you can do that, you can definitely be a grandmother,” Skylar said. “Am I right?”

  KC laughed, the tension visibly disappearing from her face. “I think you’re probably right.”

  Skylar pointed to the suspension bridge leading to the second rock formation. “You ready for that, or you want to stop here? It’s totally up to you.”

  KC looked at Daphne. “Will you help me get across?”

  Daphne put an arm around her. “It would be my pleasure. How about we take a little break first?”

  KC smiled. “Sounds good; thanks, Daphne.”

  Skylar, KC, and Phil wandered to the other side of the platform to take some photos before crossing the bridge. Daphne sat down on a bench and reached into her tote bag for a bottle of water. After a moment Derek walked over and sat down next to her.

  “This is quite a view,” he said, turning his head in a panoramic sweep.

  She sipped her water. “Isn’t it? I can’t believe I’m up here right now, to be honest.”

  “Why not?”

  She laughed. “Because I’m terrified of heights.”

  “Is that a joke I’m not getting?” He looked perplexed.

  She smiled and shook her head. “Not joking. Terrified.”

  “Well, you sure fooled me. You didn’t look afraid of anything back there. You were really great with your friend. She was having a rough time of it.”

  Daphne took another sip of water. “I guess my motherly instinct kicked in. It has a tendency to do that.”

  “Then you’re clearly a very good mother, despite your marital status. I heard from a wise woman once that being divorced and being a good pare
nt aren’t mutually exclusive.”

  She laughed, then looked him in the eye. “Thank you. I’m not sure what grade my daughter would give me, but I think I’m doing a decent job.” A fine job, actually.

  “I have a feeling she knows she’s got it pretty good. We’ll see if my boys figure that out about me at some point.”

  Daphne glanced in the direction of her friends, then back at Derek. “Skylar likes to say that despite their parents’ best efforts to shape them, kids pretty much come with their bags packed. But she doesn’t have kids of her own. Do you agree with that theory? Sometimes I wonder about the whole nature/nurture thing.”

  Derek pointed to the sky. “When my boys are angels, I like to believe it’s due to nurture.” Then he pointed downward. “But when they’re devils, I cast the blame squarely on nature.”

  Daphne held up her water bottle. “Cheers to that strategy.”

  A soft wind began to blow, and she pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ears. “My ex is getting remarried soon,” she said softly.

  Derek hesitated a moment before responding. “Did he . . . leave you for her?”

  Daphne shook her head. “Thankfully, no. Is that what happened to you?”

  He nodded slowly. “I never even saw it coming, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that was part of the problem, if that makes any sense.”

  She leaned over and gave him a friendly nudge with her shoulder. “Believe me, I understand more than you can possibly imagine. I know I sound like a broken record, but things will get better for you. And for your boys too.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I know so. Of course it hurts, but at some point you just have to let go of it. If I’ve learned anything about getting divorced, it’s that it has defined me for too long because I’ve let it define me for too long. Feeling like a failure, feeling like I should have done things differently, feeling like it’s my fault that life didn’t turn out the way I thought it would—buying into the idea that being divorced is like having a disease. But I’ve finally begun to realize that none of that is true, and the only thing obsessing about it has done is keep me mired in the past—and miserable. So if I have any advice to offer to you or anyone else whose marriage has ended, for whatever reason, it’s to learn from my mistake and have a shorter mourning period so that you can move on with your life.”