by Renea Porter
“Nothing is too much when it comes to my girl. Let me put it on you.”
Taking the delicate chain, he put it over my head. It was long enough that it didn’t need to be unclipped.
I leaned in and kissed him. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. Now you’ll have me close to your heart.”
Sigh.
Walking to the car, I told myself not to cry. I didn’t want to be a baby, knowing I wouldn’t see him for two long, agonizing months. He opened the car door, and before getting in, I grabbed him and hugged him tight while I gripped his shirt with one hand. “I had the best weekend ever. Thanks,” I whispered, blinking back tears.
“Anytime.”
Reluctantly, I pulled away and slid into the passenger seat. I vowed to make the best of the trip back. Even though all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and sulk. But then I remembered some couples went long periods of time without each other. Two months was nothing. It still didn’t make it any easier.
August got into the car and immediately reached for my hand, clasping it with his. The feeling of warmth comforted me.
“It was good having you to myself most of the weekend. I’m glad I came and got you. I know it’ll be, like, two months before I can physically touch you. But we can still text, talk on the phone, and even Skype.”
“I know. It won’t be the same. But I’ll take it. This was, by far, the best weekend. And just so you know, you don’t have to go buying me everything I like. None of that matters to me. Just being with you is enough. Okay?”
He brought my hand up and kissed my knuckles. “Okay.”
On the way to drop me off, we sang to songs we loved; played I spy, and just tried to be fun. It prevented the doom that lied ahead.
But the doom eventually came, along with tears, when we pulled onto campus. Standing outside of the car, my face was buried in his chest and my arms were around his waist. He held me as I cried. I hated this part. Saying goodbye. Why was I being so damn emotional?
Tilting my chin up, he kissed my tear stained lips.
“You better go…” I stepped back. “…before I make it any worse.”
“My sweet girl. I’ll see you soon.”
He got in the car, and I watched as he drove away. Deflated, I wiped my eyes and headed to my dorm room with my head hanging low.
“Whoa. Who killed your puppy?” Gwen asked, concerned.
With a loud huff, I sat on my bed. My bags landed on the floor. “It’s never easy saying goodbye. You know?”
“I hear you. Sorry, Murphy. Give me the scoop, girl.”
I smiled. “It was literally the best weekend I have ever had. It was freaking perfect, Gwen.” I sighed. “I even got to spend some time with my sister, which was nice.”
“Aww I’m happy for you.”
After telling Gwen more about my weekend, we decided to head to the student study hall. The campus was still dead with barely any students lingering around. Which was good because I had a test tomorrow to study for.
As I was studying, I found myself twirling my necklace in between my fingers. It, somehow, centered me. August and I were growing as a couple, and I just had to survive the next two months. Then I’d be on a week break, and then in December I’ll have at least two weeks, if not longer. So I planned on seeing him a lot over my breaks.
I would face my family for the first time since I left over the summer.
Looking over to Gwen, I said, “I hope you got out of the dorm over the weekend.”
She looked up from her book. “Oh, I did. I went to a party. I only stayed a little while, though because it was lame. So I came back to the dorm.”
Gwen was from the city. She had a lot of friends. But she liked her alone time as much as I did.
“Oh, look. I’s the anti-social butterflies,” Jared, a classmate, said.
“Don’t you have, like, traffic to go play in?” I asked sarcastically.
He sat on the coffee table. “Since no one else will ask, I came over to invite you both to a party on Friday night. It’s my birthday.”
“You know parties aren’t really my thing.”
I rarely went to any. Hence the reason why no one asked me.
“Come on; it’s my birthday.” He puckered out his lower lip.
I looked to Gwen for help.
“I’ll go if you do,” she said.
I looked back to Jared and sighed. “Fine. We’ll be there.”
“See. Was that so hard?”
Standing, he left the room. I shook my head. How on earth did he make it into the program? I had no clue. Jared was popular amongst the ladies, and cocky as all get out, but didn’t seem all that serious about his studies.
I wasn’t a partier because it always seemed they were filled with drunk students and boring conversations, and music was far too loud for my liking. But it was college. One party couldn’t hurt.
“Well, I’m going to head back to the dorm so I can get some laundry done.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in a few.”
She meant hours. Not minutes.
Just as I was loading my first load into the laundry, my phone beeped. It was a text from August.
Made it home safely. I miss you already. Have a good week.
I replied back, Miss you, too. Thanks again for the best weekend ever. And I hope you have a good week, too.
***
The week passed ever so slowly. Getting back into a routine hadn’t been easy after the weekend I had. But so far, I’d managed. Finally, Friday came and Gwen and I were going to Jared’s birthday party. I wasn’t looking forward to it. But since Gwen was my wing woman, I could suffer a few hours.
My phone rang. “Hey there,” I said into the phone, knowing who it was.
“Hey gorgeous. What are you up to?”
“Just getting ready to go to a birthday party. What about you?”
“I’m getting ready to grab a beer with Lonnie. Maybe shoot some pool and take all his money.” He chuckled. “Have fun at the party, and don’t take any opened drinks from anyone. That goes for Gwen, too.”
“Yes, Dad. I know.”
“I mean it, Murphy. Be careful.”
“We will. I promise. I’ll text you later,” I offered.
“Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.
“Bye.”
Chapter Fifteen
AUGUST
Walking into Dragon’s bar, it was already full of people. I walked toward the back wall where the bar was located and found Lonnie.
“You ready for me to take all your money, or what?”
“One for my buddy, here,” he said to the bartender. “We’ll see about that, August.”
Taking our beers, we headed to the far end where the pool tables were and found an empty one.
“What did you want to talk about?” Lonnie asked, setting up the pool table.
“Dude, you can’t be showing up at my place unannounced, especially when my girl is there. She doesn’t know about that.”
“First of all; I didn’t know there was a girl in the picture. She’s hot, though. Next time, I need something I’ll text you ahead of time, okay, bud?”
“Okay. She’s in college, four hours away, right now. But she’ll be here on breaks. “
“Tell me more about this girl. I only met her briefly.”
I smiled while just thinking about her. “Dude, she’s so fucking smart. In an accelerated program to become a doctor. And you already saw her; she’s fucking gorgeous. We haven’t really established what we are as far as the relationship. It’s still newish. All I do know is the thought of another guy touching her makes me want to puke.”
“You sound so pussy whipped,” Lonnie teased as he did the break.
I took a swig of my beer. “I don’t even care. Because this girl is it for me. We just have to make it work long distance.”
Lifting my cue, I took my turn.
“She sounds like something else. Better lock that down, bro.”
I laughed. “Yeah. We agreed to keep it simple so she can focus on her studies.”
“Still. If you don’t want to see her with anyone else, you should tell her.”
“I’ll think about it. I just don’t want to complicate things.”
Finishing our beers, we ordered another round and continued to play pool. I knew by hiding my secret from Murph, it put everything we built at risk. But at the same time, I couldn’t come out and tell her. She’d never look at me the same once she knew. So I kept it hidden. I couldn’t stand the thought of her knowing.
“Well, it was a good game. And just as I predicted,” I told Lonnie.
“It was good to hang out, though.”
I paid my tab and headed home.
***
MURPHY
So far, the party was decent. It wasn’t a huge gathering. Maybe fifty people, if that. Being here was out of my element. I tried to relax and take in the scenery. Bodies taking up every corner. At least it wasn’t a keg party. It was a step from it, though.
Gwen and I were standing against the back wall, sipping on beers in a red cup that we poured ourselves. We mingled for about an hour when we first arrived, but we were bored otherwise.
I looked at Gwen. “I’m ready to go. Are you?”
“Yeah. Let’s go find Jared after we finish our drinks.”
Finding him surrounded by a gaggle of girls, Gwen and I interrupted. We received a few stank eye stares. “Jared, we’re going to take off. Happy birthday, buddy.”
“Thank you, ladies, for coming. It meant a lot.” He hugged the both of us. Clearly, he was drunk. “I’m glad you guys came.”
Gwen and I made it outside, and laughed our asses off the whole way back to the dorm.
***
The next few weeks passed fairly quickly. Before we knew it, Halloween was upon us, and Gwen and I had a scary movie marathon, even though they gave me nightmares. I still talked to August regularly.
It was a Saturday night, and all the ghouls and goblins were out. Except us, of course. That evening, we got into our pajamas and had a big bowl of popcorn ready. We sat on her bed and started the first movie on her laptop. She loved scary movies. The more blood, the better. I told her she was a freak. An hour into the movie, there was a knock on the door. Gwen and I both jumped. My heart pounded inside my chest. Unfolding my legs, I went to answer the door.
Swinging the door open, I saw August and Lonnie on the other side of the threshold.
“Hey,” I said, motioning them inside.
It was odd that they kept their hoodies over their heads. I introduced Lonnie to Gwen. I think she had the same reaction I did when I met him.
“Sup?” he said grinning. Up to no damn good.
August wouldn’t even look at me. “What are you guys doing?” August asked, his hands shoved in his hoodie pockets.
“We were watching scary movies. What are you guys doing here?” I was on high alert that they were up to something. The guys burst out laughing. They could barely contain themselves. I hadn’t realized I had said something funny.
“Why don’t you take your hoodie off?” I suggested to August.
“Can’t; we don’t want to,” he said.
With each passing moment, I continued to grow suspicious. So I reached up and forced the hoodie off. August’s eyes were red, and his pupils were dilated. I knew instantly. My suspicions were confirmed.
“You’re high, aren’t you?” It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Without waiting for an answer, I told them, “You should go. And lose my fucking number!” I was shoving them both out the door. I was furious. How could I be so stupid? But they wouldn’t move. August stood there with a stone faced look like he couldn’t believe what I said. “I said leave!”
With a final shove, I slammed the door in their faces. I hated drugs. I never touched the stuff, or even associated with people that did. I was very anti-drug. I had a feeling that this was Lonnie’s doing. They drove here high, and clearly wanted to get a rise out of me. They succeeded.
“Oh my god. Are you okay?” Gwen bounced off her bed.
My body was shaking. Reaching up, I yanked the chain he gave me from my neck and tossed it onto my bedside table. I didn’t know if I should cry or punch something. I felt like I was kicked in the gut. “No. I’m not. I had no idea he was into drugs. He never pegged me as the type. But things are adding up now that I think about it. I only saw what I wanted to see. He blinded me with his love.”
“I’m so sorry, Murphy. I know he was your first for everything.”
“He was my everything. I don’t know that guy he showed me today. That wasn’t my August.”
Was this what it felt like when your heart broke? Crack, crack, crack. Like shattered pieces. The jagged edges stabbed at my insides, making it hard to breathe. Tears started to stream down my cheeks. I had no idea how to control them. Gwen passed me some tissues.
“If you want to talk and vent about it, I’m here.”
“Thanks, Gwen. I appreciate that. Let me go wash my face and see if I can calm down.”
Guilt resided within me, because I had just sent them right back out. Someone could get hurt, or worse; killed. That would be on me. I was so mad I couldn’t see straight.
Closing the bathroom door behind me, I took a washcloth and ran it under some cool water and pressed it to my face. It stung my tear stained cheeks.
Once my face was washed, my red rimmed eyes were still visible. I came back out and met Gwen. “Are you ready to continue our movie marathon?”
I tried to shove the thoughts of August to the back of my mind. I’d deal with the aftermath later. I put on a happy face, but Gwen knew better. She nodded with a sympathetic smile.
Chapter Sixteen
The following weeks passed in a haze. August had tried calling me, but I never picked up. There was no way he could fix this. We were broken. And I had to go on without him. It was hard, especially those Friday nights or Sundays when I was used to talking to him or seeing him on Skype. I was miserable, and felt numb. You think you know someone, and then bam, you get smacked on your ass. Focusing in class was nearly impossible. I’d completely zone out. My grades still remained above average, somehow, so most everyone didn’t realize just what I was going through. Gwen was the only one who understood. Most nights, I cried myself to sleep, because I loved August and I missed him. The loss weighed heavily on me.
At the same time, I hated him for breaking my heart. For some reason, I knew it wouldn’t be the first time, because if I was going home for Thanksgiving, I’d have to face him. I wasn’t ready to talk. I even contemplated on staying on campus. But my sister threatened to come get me herself, so I relented. I wanted to be the farthest away from August, but I knew that wasn’t realistic.
It was a couple days before Thanksgiving, and Gwen and I were both packing to go our separate ways for the week long break.
“Do you think you’ll see him?” Gwen asked.
“I don’t want to. A part of me wants answers…even though I might not like them. Guess I’ll see what happens.”
“Call me if you need to talk, okay? Or if you need a getaway car, I’m your girl.”
I laughed at her comment.
“I missed that laugh.”
She came over and hugged me, giving me an extra squeeze.
She was heading to the city to spend time with her family. I had her number on speed dial. Bidding her goodbye, we both made our way outside. I was expecting my sister to pick me up when I walked out into the parking lot and saw a familiar car. “Fuck me,” I said under my breath.
When he spotted me, he rolled down the window. My eyes connected with his, and they looked different. Sad, even. Then he spoke. “Get in.”
“No. I’m not going anywhere with you. You wasted your time coming here.” I turned to head back into the dorm. I’d call a damn car service if I had to. I felt my shoulder jolt back. August had flown out of the car and caught up with
me. My body spun around to face him.
“Get in the fucking car, Murphy. So help me, I will make a scene in front of all your friends.”
“You’re a damn asshole, August.”
Flinging my bag in the back, I pulled the passenger door open and buckled myself in. It was no use in arguing. I wanted to slap him. August was behind the wheel again.
“Look, Murph…”
“No! You look, August. Don’t talk to me at all. I don’t want to hear your lies or your excuses.” I was fuming.
“Fine!” he spouted.
“Fine!”
The car ride was excruciating. Thankfully, he stopped halfway to refuel and I got to have a bathroom break. Back in the car, August flung a bag in my lap. Again, all my favorites for the road trip. I refused to indulge him and stared out the window. Periodically, I felt his eyes on me, but still I refused to give in.
August hurt me too bad. Not even candy could cure me. Not even temporarily.
When he pulled into his driveway, I jumped out and retrieved my bag. Walking the rest of the way home, I never looked back. Standing at the front door of my house, I took a deep breath before stepping inside. Painting on a happy face, I walked in.
“Yay! My baby is here.” Mom came over with outstretched arms.
My dad followed, and then the rest of the family.
It was the day before Thanksgiving and Mom was already preparing the dishes for dinner.
“I’m going to put my stuff upstairs.”
In my room, I sat on the edge of the bed, setting my bag next to me. Melanie came up and looked at me. “So you and August aren’t seeing each other now?”
“I’m not even speaking to him. He’s a damn druggie, and probably supplying you with M, too.”
Her voice became shaky. “How do you know about that?”
“Because I saw you taking it when we went to see the fireworks back in September. I’m sure you get them from him.”
“I forgot you are little miss perfect,” she snapped.
“No. You forgot I was captain of the D.A.R.E. program at school. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything. You’ll sink your own ship, eventually. You know? I was actually proud of you. You and Brandon were making plans for the future. I thought you guys were doing so good. What a disappointment.”