by Renea Porter
Sorrow filled her eyes. “You have an abortion and see how fucked up you become. The pain is beyond anything you can comprehend. It’s unbearable sometimes.”
“Mel, that was how long ago? You can’t use that as your every excuse.”
She threw her hands up. “Oh, I know. Obviously, this isn’t going to get resolved. We should head downstairs and help Mom in the kitchen. So, we cool?”
“For now,” I answered.
We met Mom back in the kitchen, offering assistance. “What are you two cackling about?” she asked.
“Just a little sisterly drama. Nothing to worry about,” I said.
“Alright. Well, start pulling out the baking pans.”
Just as I moved to grab the pans, the doorbell rang. Melanie ran to answer it. “Murph, it’s for you.”
When I came to the door, she whispered, “Just give him a chance.”
I didn’t respond to her. I grabbed my jacket and headed out onto the porch. Standing out in the chill, I waited for him to speak first. “Can we talk?” he asked.
“I guess. If you are going to be truthful.”
We started walking down the sidewalk, my hands in my coat pockets.
“I know what I did was unforgivable. Can you please give me one more chance?”
“You think your puppy dog eyes are going to get you in my good graces? I have questions.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“Are you a drug addict, or is it recreational?”
“I’m not an addict. I only do it once in a while. I can try and be better, though. I don’t want to lose you, Murph. I feel like I am, and that scares me.”
“How long have you been doing it?”
“About a year. Maybe longer.”
“Why do you do it?”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Honestly, I just do it to forget my problems, and missing you doesn’t help. I miss you like crazy.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Will you give me another chance?”
“I don’t know. I’m not saying yes, and I’m not saying no. I’ll think about it and let you know.”
He smiled. “Okay. I can deal with that.”
I stopped. “August, I can’t be with someone that does drugs. I hate drugs. I hate what they do to people and the ones they love. I’m not that girl. But I will ask you to have enough respect not to do it or be high around me.”
“I promise.”
We continued to walk. “You’re the only one capable of hurting me the way you did.”
“Murphy, I’m sorry. You have to know that.”
We turned, heading back to my house.
“I’m sorry. I fucked up and came to your dorm that night. I think Lonnie thought it would be funny. But I didn’t expect you to tell me to lose your number.”
“I never got a good vibe from Lonnie. You guys still hanging out?”
August looked down to the ground. “Lonnie’s dead.”
“What? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
His eyes finally found mine. “That night, after you kicked us out of your dorm, I refused to drive back with him. I begged him to spend the night at a hotel. But he refused, while I stayed behind. I needed to sober up before getting back on the road. Our high hadn’t kicked in until we were halfway there. And I wasn’t sure of the effects. He never made it home.” His voice cracked.
Reaching my arms out, I hugged August. We stood like that for a while. Then he pulled back and we continued to walk. “I never reached out, because I didn’t think I deserved you. I still don’t. I know that.”
We reached my house, and before I turned the knob, I called out his name. “August.”
He turned around. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about Lonnie.”
“Me, too, Murph.”
Shoving his hands back in his coat pockets, he turned back to leave, and I walked into the house.
Melanie and Mom were still in the kitchen when I joined them. Dad came in and looked at me. “Are you still seeing that boy down the street, after I’ve asked you not to?”
“Dad, we’ve had this discussion. I’m old enough to decide who I will date or not. Besides whether I am or not, my grades are above average. So in the end, does it really matter? Does it really matter?” I emphasized that part, and he left the room without saying anything else. “Men!” I spouted, shaking my head as we all laughed.
“Murphy, why don’t you invite August and his mother over for Thanksgiving, if they don’t have other plans?”
“Are you sure Dad won’t mind? I don’t need August getting the third degree from him.”
“I’ll handle your father. Don’t worry.”
“Okay. Now what can I do to help?”
Deep down, I knew August was a good guy, or else I wouldn’t have let him explain anything to me. Of course, I needed to cook down before hearing him out. I still didn’t understand his reasoning, but as long as he didn’t do it in front of me or around me, I’d deal with it. For now.
Chapter Seventeen
Waking up, I came to the realization that I couldn’t fault August for being fucked up, because so was my family. Even me, as crazy as it sounds, because I was the baby of the family, and the only one to sacrifice something so I could make my dad proud. Yeah. I was probably the most fucked up one. It sucked to realize that even I was flawed. But no one’s perfect. I really wanted to be a counselor, a mentor of sorts, but my dad had ingrained his profession into me. Never once did anyone ask me. They just expected of me. That was giving into him already so he couldn’t tell me who and who not to date.
And I’d definitely not be marrying a doctor, as Dad had expected. No freaking way. I wasn’t even sure I was cut out to be one myself. But I’d try. Making it this far gave me hope.
It was Thanksgiving morning, and there was a ruckus downstairs. Mom had the parade on T.V. while she worked in the kitchen. I found August sitting at the island stool, tearing the ends off fresh green beans.
“Mom’s putting you to work.”
“I don’t mind. Good morning, beautiful.”
“Good morning.” I leaned over the counter and grabbed a cinnamon roll while everyone stared at us. Everyone heard him call me beautiful. I think even my mother was swooning. Sitting at the stool next to him, I ate my breakfast. After some deep thought last night, I was considering giving him another chance. Everyone deserved a second chance.
August chucked the last of the green beans in the bowl and turned to me. “You have some icing right there.” He swiped it with his thumb and then licked it. “You want to step outside for a few minutes?”
“But it’s so cold,” I whined.
“Five minutes.”
With a nod, I moved from the stool to grab my coat on the way out. I followed him out onto the porch. August looked down at his feet before speaking. “Look; I just wanted to thank you for talking to me last night. I hope I can show you how much you mean to me.”
Before another word was spoken, my lips crashed against his.
“What was that for?” August asked, stunned.
“I’m in love with you, August. There is no denying it. And I’m miserable without you. I’m still mad at you, but I’m slowly getting over it.” I couldn’t believe I admitted that out loud.
“I understand. And Murph, I’m hopelessly in love with you, too. I have been since the day I met you at the fair. And I wanted to ask if you would officially be my girlfriend?” He blushed.
“Oh my god, yes!”
He wrapped his arms around me and we kissed again.
I shivered. “Alright. Your five minutes are way over.”
He laughed as I turned the door knob and entered the house.
“August, the guys are watching football if you want to join them,” Mom said. That was code for ‘go join the guys so us girls can talk and gossip’.
“Okay,” he said. He kissed my forehead before joining the guys. That single act melted my heart.
His mom was whipping up
one of her famous desserts while we chit chatted. When her eyes connected with mine, she spoke as I sat on the stool. “Whatever you are doing to my boy, keep it up. He lights up every time you’re in his presence.”
I offered a smile, and prayed she wouldn’t let it slip that I was there on Labor Day weekend. My family had no idea about that. “He just asked me to be his girlfriend,” I beamed.
Everyone clapped, even my sister. Melanie came over and hugged me. Things were finally back to normal, even if just for the day. When Mom left the room for a moment, August’s mom leaned over to me. “He doesn’t seem so lost when he’s with you. Thank you.”
I nodded in appreciation, receiving her message loud and clear. With him nearby, I didn’t feel so lost either. And with our relationship official now, I felt more complete. They say things happen for a reason and I whole heartedly believed that. Yes; we had a ways to go to build up that trust I once had for him. But I never felt this type of love. Maybe because he was my first everything.
Dinner started, and he was seated next to me, his arm across the back of my chair. He had no qualms about showing me how he felt about me. Even in front of others. I didn’t mind so much either. My family had never seen me with a boy before, so this was new. And I liked it.
After dinner, I helped clear the dishes while the men slipped into turkey comas. Without anyone noticing, I gripped August’s hand and led us upstairs. I needed him so bad. The door closed behind us, and our lips crashed together. There was no mistake I was addicted to him.
“God. I missed you,” he whispered in my ear, “and the way your body reacts to me. My sweet innocent, Murphy.”
“We don’t have a lot of time. I need you, August.”
We softly landed on the bed. Hovering over me, he took my lips aggressively while his hand roamed under my shirt.
I reached to undo his jeans while he worked mine off. Our clothes lay in a pile on the floor. A soft moan escaped my lips. August placed a hand across my lips. “Shhh…”
He kissed me while he thrusted inside me. My back arched to allow him to take me fully.
“Murphy, are you up there?” Mom called up.
Shit. August and I stilled, unable to move or make a sound.
“They went for a walk,” Mel answered, covering for us.
August and I both took a relieved breath and continued our rhythmic motion. My hips matched his until I could no longer take it. My lips found his as I gave in to the release. Our bodies shook in unison. We were breathless.
“You’re something else, Murphy.” He rolled next to me.
I wanted to lie there for the rest of the evening. But reality set in and we had to find our clothes. I straightened my hair as I looked in the mirror. Once we were decent, we snuck downstairs. I had grabbed a jacket from my bedroom to make it look like we did go for a walk. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, I opened and shut the back door, so it seemed like we went out that way.
The ladies were eating a second helping of dessert when we came in, so August and I grabbed a slice of pumpkin pie and joined them.
“Nice walk?” Mom asked.
“Yeah. We needed some air.” I shook my jacket off.
Mom eyed me with suspicious eyes. I smiled at her.
The kitchen was back into it’s spotless condition, and August’s mom was thanking my mom for everything. Mom was sending her home with lots of leftovers. They even made plans to go Christmas shopping together tomorrow.
“Do you mind if I go over to August’s house? He wanted to check out some Christmas movies.”
Mom wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear, “Be back before your father wakes in the morning.”
I gave her a smile, mouthing ‘thank you’.
The three of us walked to his house. Inside, he got the fireplace going while his mom put away the food.
“You two kids have fun. I’m exhausted and headed for bed,” Helena said.
“Goodnight.”
“We really are going to watch holiday movies?” August asked.
“Yes! Those are my favorite.”
I snuggled into him, a throw on my lap and the fire going. It was romantic. He put his arm around me. On the inside, I was beaming. In that moment, nothing else mattered.
Stirring awake, I realized I wasn’t in my bed. Jolting up from the couch, I looked at the clock. “Shit! I have to get home,” I scrambled.
“No. Stay,” August whispered, pulling on my arm.
“I can’t. I gotta go. See you later, though.”
“You promise?” he asked.
“I promise,” I said, opening the front door. I playfully blew him a kiss before heading out.
Walking into my front door was risky. I guess I liked living on the edge. Opening the front door gently, I stepped inside and crept up to my room.
Phew.
Knowing most of the family wouldn’t be up yet, I got in bed. Mom had given me a free pass last night, and I knew those didn’t come often, with my father around. After sleeping for two hours, I got up and took a shower. After, I dressed in a pair of black leggings, a long pink sweater, and knee high boots. I pulled my hair into a low ponytail and then headed downstairs.
Chapter Eighteen
It was eerily quiet as I entered the kitchen. No one was home. A note was left for me on the counter.
Murph, we went shopping in town. We’ll be at the Grand Center Commons if you want to join us. There’s bagels in the bread basket.
Grabbing the bag of bagels, I was undoing the tie when a knock on the door startled me. I found August with a grin on the other side of the door. “Miss me already?’ I asked. Opening the door farther, I let him inside.
Removing his coat and scarf, his arms circled around my body. He kissed the top of my head. “Where is everyone?”
“Out. Want a bagel?” I asked, unfolding myself from him.
“For starters.” He smirked.
“Very funny. So, everyone is in town Christmas shopping.”
August grabbed a stool at the island. “And you didn’t go?”
“They were already gone when I got up. You don’t want to go shopping, do you?” I questioned while popping a bagel in the toaster.
“Hell no. I’d rather be wrapped up in you.”
I ignored his comment and asked, “Butter or cream cheese for your bagel?”
“Butter, duh,” he joked.
I smirked. “Good choice.”
Slathering the butter on the bagels, I passed one on a plate to him and grabbed the stool next to him.
“So what do you want to do besides be wrapped up in me?” I mocked.
“Well, I can’t think of anything better than that.” He leaned over, kissing my buttery lips.
“Are all men such horn dogs?”
He chuckled. “Mostly.”
I shook my head and smiled. Then he spoke again.
“Seriously, though, I don’t know what else to do. It’s fucking cold out, and no one is at either of our houses.” He winked.
“Fine. Finish your bagel and we’ll head to your house. I’ll just leave mom a note before we leave.”
After eating, we bundled up and made the trek to Blue Beacon Manor. I felt more comfortable there. I wasn’t much for shopping, anyway. In fact, I hated shopping and avoided it at all costs. We strolled up the driveway and headed inside.
I was caught off guard when he pinned me against the door and bruised my lips with his kiss. I could feel his erection through his jeans. I was getting wet from the primal encounter. He pulled me up so my legs wrapped around his waist. His lips never left mine as we landed on the oversize couch.
“Your mom might come in and see us.”
“She’s gone with your mom. And she has to be at work by three, so I doubt she’ll even stop here beforehand.”
Bending down, his lips brushed with mine then moved to my neck, and I was a goner. My neck was the one spot that could get hot and bothered without much provacation. Working his hands un
der my sweater, it flew over my head and onto the floor. My hair splayed all over.
“God, Murph. I need you so damn bad.”
The rest of our clothes landed in a heap on the floor. We were skin to skin. His thumb twirled over my nipples while he went down and licked my center. I was about to come undone.
“Come here.” He pulled me up. “Ride me.”
Straddling him, I clenched around his length. We were enraptured with one another. Kissing him was one of my favorite things to do. He was so great at it. I literally couldn’t get enough of him.
My head jerked back as the pleasure took over. August followed right after me.
“Are you happy now?” I teased, breathing heavy.
“Yeah. And I don’t hear you complaining,” he mocked.
I laughed.
I stayed wrapped up in August until I got a text from my mom.
Mom- You coming home for dinner? If so, bring August, if he can come. We’re decorating for Christmas after dinner.
Me- We’ll be there.
I turned to August. “Mom invited you to come over for dinner and to help decorate for the holidays.”
“Sounds perfect.”
We got dressed and headed back to my house. Snow just started to fall. I couldn’t believe winter was already here. To think, I met August in the summer time. Our six months anniversary would be in January.
Arriving home, we hung our coats on the rack and took our shoes off. Mom hated when people wore shoes in the house. August was already schooled on this, so it was like second nature.
“Just in time,” Mom said as we approached. “Sit anywhere. I made Murphy’s favorite meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans. “
August took a seat next to me at the table. “Sounds and looks great.”
“I’m so glad you could join us.” Mom spoke genuinely while Dad sat at the head of the table without as much as a grumble. Then his cell phone rang. He got up to take the call.
When he came back, he looked at Mom and said he had an emergency at the trauma center. He had to go.