The Year I Met August

by Renea Porter

  “You seem like a smart girl, with a head on her shoulders. I’m sure this decision was a difficult one. We can leave the door open as wide as you want it. The baby would be so loved. We would be honored if you would let us adopt the baby,” Catherine said.

  “Really?” I smiled.

  “Yes!”

  “That’s so awesome. The baby will be lucky to have you as parents. I’m excited for you. Your video touched me. You deserve to be parents. I can see how much love you have to give. And I’d never want to intrude on your parenting techniques or anything like that. But I’d love to be in its life, just so I can have a peace of mind. You know?”

  “I think that would be best for all of us,” Adam chimed in.

  “We’d definitely keep you up to date with pictures and emails, and then visits, if you are up to that.”

  “That sounds nice. I think it would only be fair if I didn’t interrupt the household for the first six weeks at least. That way, you can bond with the baby.”

  We continued talking about what I was doing now, and what I wanted for the future.

  Stephanie came into the room and saw all of us talking and smiling.

  “How’s it going?” she asked.

  “We are going to adopt her baby,” Catherine said with a huge smile.

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  At sixteen weeks pregnant, my belly was sticking out more noticeably. And the Iversons had been very involved since they officially offered to adopt the baby. We’d met for lunch dates, and now I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, waiting on Catherine and Adam to arrive so they could be there for the sonogram.

  They wanted to find out the sex. I was still not sure how I’d feel about that. Maybe I’d just let them have that moment. Seemed fair enough. It’d be something they could share between them. Something I didn’t have.

  “Oh good. You weren’t called back yet,” Catherine said, coming into the waiting room, hugging me.

  She was a very affectionate person. The nurse called us back, and did the precautionary blood pressure check and weight check.

  “You’ve gained roughly fifteen pounds. You’re right on track.” She smiled.

  Once she went over the paper work required for the doctor, she told me to hop on the table, so I could get the sonogram done. “The doctor will be in soon.”

  I scooted onto the table, but remained sitting up. “I know you want to know the sex of the baby, so I’m going to let the doctor tell you or print it out for you. I don’t want to know. This way, you have something just between the two of you.”

  “Are you sure?” Catherine asked.

  “Yeah. I’m sure.”

  “You’re very selfless, Murphy. We couldn’t be happier,” Adam added.

  Catherine looked excitedly at Adam. She could barely contain herself.

  The doctor came into the room with a smile, greeting me. I laid back onto the table. “How you feel, Miss Murphy?” she asked.

  “I’m feeling pretty good. No morning sickness or anything.”

  She chuckled. “Consider yourself lucky. So, I’m going to apply some of this jelly on your stomach and we’ll get a look at the baby.”

  “Before you start, Catherine and Adam would like to know the sex of the baby. Can you print something out for them so just they see it?”

  “Of course.”

  With the jelly on my stomach, the doctor rubbed the paddle looking thing around my stomach, and the baby appeared on the screen. Hearing the heartbeat thump made me smile.

  “The baby looks healthy. There’s its nose. It has ten fingers and ten toes. Everything looks great.”

  After confirming everything, I stepped out of the room while the doctor talked to the adopting parents. I could hear the joy in whatever the doctor told them. At least they had something to themselves. I was happy for them.

  After I finished setting up the next appointment, they both hugged me and were overjoyed. When Catherine looked down at me, I saw tears in her eyes. “We never thought we would be parents. Now it’s all overwhelming and such a happy time for us. We could never thank you enough. Let’s go to dinner,” she suggested.

  “Okay,” I agreed.

  With her arm around my shoulder, we walked out to their car since I took a cab here. They always insisted on paying for my meals out with them and the doctor appointments. Over dinner, Adam told me he worked in finance and Catherine was going to quit her job once the baby was born so she could be a stay at home mom. They were excited.

  “My next appointment is on the 18th of next month at eleven a.m.”

  “Great. We’ll be there.”

  “I really appreciate you doing all this for me. You guys are lifesavers.”

  Catherine reached her hand across the table and lovingly touched mine. “You’re the one doing all the work. It’s the least we could do. Maybe one day soon we can have you over for dinner.”

  “Yeah. That’d be great.” I smiled.

  ***

  The Iversons dropped me off at school. I was exhausted and couldn’t wait to get in bed. Changing into more comfortable clothes, I sighed heavily as I sat on my bed. It was a big day today. Maybe it was too much for me. I thought about the sex of the baby, and wondered if it was a boy or a girl. Of course, knowing that might have brought out some raw feelings, because August and I created the tiny human that was in me. Maybe I still wanted to pretend it was not real. Just for a little longer.

  The door flew open and Gwen bounded inside the room. “How did your appointment go?”

  “Great. The soon to be parents found out the sex of the baby today. I didn’t want to know."

  She sat next to me. “Why didn’t you want to know?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I wanted them to have something just they could share. And if I would know, I feared it would become all too real. Does that make me a bad person?”

  She laughed. “God, no. You gave them something special. I’m sure they appreciate that. I get exactly what you mean, though. I probably wouldn’t want to know either.” Gwen put an arm around my shoulder and hugged me. “You’re so emotional with this pregnancy.”

  I leaned into her. “I know.”

  “Want some pizza?” she asked, knowing that was the one thing I craved.

  “I would, but they fed me after the appointment. You should see them. They have been together a long time and you can see the love they share, like they are new lovers. It’s amazing. This baby is so lucky. And do you want to know the truth? I keep referring to it as the baby for a reason. I don’t know the sex, and I’m glad I don’t. That means I won’t become attached to it. Maybe thinking that makes me a bad person, after all. I feel like it does make me that. A bad person. This baby deserves better.” I felt my heart break a little.

  Gwen got up, and then passed me a tissue to dry my eyes with. “I’m ordering pizza,” she declared. I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Sounds good,” I admitted.

  Once the pizza arrived we settled on my bed, watching Pride and Prejudice on her laptop. It was a new favorite of mine. I loved movies that were based from books. Books were always better, though.

  “What if I’m making the wrong decision? What if it’s God will for me to keep the baby?” I asked, conflicted.

  “I think you know what the right decision is, Murph. Like I said, your emotions are all over the place. Get some sleep. You need your rest,” she told me.

  “You’re right. I’m just overthinking everything. And it’s getting to me.”

  Gwen got in her own bed, and we both went to sleep.

  ***

  I woke up early enough to get a decent breakfast before class. Gwen sat across from me in the cafeteria. “School’s out in a month. What are your plans?” Gwen asked.

  “I have another three months of this pregnancy to go. Then I have some classes to make up during the summer. After the baby’s born, I’ll probably get some sort of part time job to keep myself busy. I won’t b
e going home over the summer. Hopefully, my family understands.”

  “I’m sure your family will understand. I mean, they hardly even communicate with you, except maybe your sister. I can’t believe you’ve kept that hidden,” she said of my pregnancy.

  “I know. Being a four hour drive away keeps them away. However, it’s only an hour flight. Anyway, do you think you studied enough for the tests? I’m nervous.”

  “We’ll be fine,” she assured.

  Two hours later, my hand was cramped from so much writing for the test. Plus, we had to pair up and demonstrate a portion in front of the class. Did I mention I have stage fright and cannot speak out loud, because I trip over my words like I have a speech problem? So embarrassing.

  ***

  My phone buzzed. Looking at the screen, I saw Melanie was calling me.

  “Hey,” I said into the phone.

  “Hey. Why aren’t you coming home this summer? I know you’re hiding something, so I’m right outside your door.”

  Oh, shit!

  Swinging the door open, I greeted my sister and pulled her in for a hug. She took one look at me and knew.

  Melanie crossed her arms. “Start talking.”

  “Okay but you have to promise not to say anything.”

  “I promise. What the hell is going on, Murphy?”

  Sitting on my bed, I told her, “I’m six months pregnant. I’m not keeping the baby. It’s already been planned and everything is in motion. I’m giving it up for adoption. I’m not coming home for the summer, because I don’t want to see the shame in Mom and Dad’s eyes. I can’t, Mel.”

  She reached over and wrapped her arms around me. “I knew something was up. But I’m here if you need anything.” She cupped my face in her hands. “You’ll never disappoint me. I’m your sister. You should have told me. It’s August’s, isn’t it?”

  Sobbing at the mention of his name, I nodded. “Swear to me you won’t tell him.”

  She held her hand up. “I swear.”

  “I’m sorry. I found really good parents for the baby. You would like them.”

  She rested her hands in her lap.

  “Do Mom and Dad know you’re here?” I asked.

  “No. And they won’t know. Just promise me one thing.”

  I sniffed. “What’s that?”

  “Promise to call me when you go into labor. I mean, I would love to be there for the birth if you want.”

  “I would love that.”

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Thirty nine weeks pregnant. Also known as time to give birth. “Try not to kill us on the way to the hospital,” I told Gwen in between taking deep breaths. The night air was cool against my face. Fall was creeping up on us quickly. Gwen had insisted on staying with me until the baby came, only leaving in spurts for summer excursions with her family. But now school was back in session.

  With her speeding, it was a wonder we didn’t get pulled over. I texted Catherine, letting her know we were on our way. Gwen was texting my sister as she drove, even though that was a big no-no. My overnight bag was in the back and I was all set. We got to the hospital in record time. And I was allowing Catherine and Adam in the delivery room, so they could have that moment.

  When I was in a hospital room, I immediately asked for the epidural. The contractions were painful, and coming frequent. Melanie came in, just in the nick of time. After the doctor said I was dilated enough, we were escorted into a labor and delivery room. I was nervous and in pain.

  Prepped and ready, Melanie held my hand.

  “I’m scared,” I told her.

  “You are going to do great. I’ll be there the whole time with you. Right next to you,” she assured me.

  Catherine stood next to me and coached me. “You can do this, Murphy.” Adam remained next to Catherine, quietly watching.

  I was positioned and ready to push. “Now you can push,” the doctor ordered. Nurses were standing by for when the baby came.

  I pushed as hard as I could. Then I stopped to catch my breath. Catherine was right there with me, and Melanie was on the other side of me. I wished it was August instead. We should have been celebrating this special moment. This should have been us. But instead, I’d be handing the baby over to the parents. They deserved to be parents.

  Labor was exhausting. I’d push then stop to breathe, counting to ten before the next hard push.

  “The head’s out,” the doctor said.

  Melanie and Catherine were both in tears. I don’t know if it was just from being overjoyed, or the pain I was experiencing.

  “You don’t have much longer now, Murphy. Keep going. You’re almost done,” the doctor coached.

  “Come on, Murph,” Melanie said.

  After another push, I could feel the baby being carefully pulled out, and a wave of relief washed over me. “It’s a girl.” I watched as Adam got to cut the cord.

  A nurse brought the baby right over to me and placed her on my bare chest. She was so precious and perfect with a head full of dark hair, a button nose, and pouty lips. Tears streamed down my cheeks. The nurse took her to clean her off. She measured her at eighteen inches long, and six and a half pounds.

  My emotions were all over the place.

  Melanie bent down to kiss me forehead. “You were great, Murphy. And she’s beautiful.”

  “You did so good, Murphy.” Catherine went and hugged her husband. They were thrilled. I was happy for them. The nurse finished up and wrapped the baby in a blanket and handed her to Catherine.

  I looked at them adoringly. “What are you gonna name her?”

  Catherine smiled at the baby, cooing at her. “We were thinking maybe Lee.”

  Tears sprung down my face again. “Really?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, we think she’s definitely a Lee Murphy Iverson.”

  Lee was my middle name. “That’s such an honor.” The baby had my name, just reversed.

  “It’s an honor for us, Murphy,” Adam said as he bent down to hug me. He kissed the top of my head, which was both weird and comforting. I was being prepared to go back to my room. It was over. I could get on with my life. Get it back on track. I felt like such an asshole for even thinking that. I just gave birth to a baby I made with August. Had it been nine months since I last saw or spoke to August? It was like none of this even existed. He wasn’t here, and the baby was handed off to its parents.

  I was wheeled into my room. The sun was coming up, and Gwen came right in. “How are you feeling? What can I do?”

  “She was amazing,” Melanie told her.

  I smiled at her. “You can go home now.” I patted her hand that rested on the arm rail of my bed. “Melanie, you, too.”

  I could see the reluctance written on her face.

  Then Gwen spoke up. “I’ll stay with her. It’s okay.”

  “I’ll be outta here tomorrow,” I told her.

  Then my sister bent down and hugged me tight. “Thank you for sharing such a personal moment with me.” She was still teary eyed.

  Hugging her back, I replied, “Thank you for being the best sister ever.”

  “Get some rest,” she told me before leaving.

  “I will.” I waved as she opened the door to leave.

  In that moment, I knew we would share a lifelong bond that only we could understand. Not once did she judge me. And she kept the secret between us, proving that our bond was stronger than ever. Sisters shouldn’t have secrets from each other. Hopefully, in some way she could put her demons to rest.

  Gwen sat in the chair next to the bed. “So how was it? The delivery.”

  “I’m just relieved it’s over. Oh, and it’s a girl The Iversons named her Lee Murphy Iverson.”

  Gwen’s mouth fell open. “Oh my gosh. That’s so awesome, Murphy. I bet you were such a trooper in there.”

  “You should have seen her. She has a lot of dark hair, a cute little nose, and pouty lips.”

  “So she looks like…” She didn’t say his name.

&
nbsp; “Yeah.” I smiled weakly. I was sad. I guess a normal person wouldn’t be jumping over the moon from handing their baby over to the adopted parents. But I knew she’d have an amazing future.

  She took the T.V remote and surfed through the channels, settling on a morning show. An hour later, Catherine and Adam came into the room, lightly knocking on the door before entering. It was a struggle as I sat up in bed.

  “How are you feeling?” Catherine asked. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “I feel okay.”

  “This is my friend, Gwen. Gwen, this is Catherine and Adam, the baby’s adoptive parents.”

  Gwen stood and moved to shake their hands. “It’s so nice to meet you.” She then looked to me. “I’m just going to step out for a few.”

  I nodded in response.

  “Is there anything you need? Anything at all. I feel like we owe you so much,” Catherine said.

  My eyes felt heavy as I laid my head back against the pillow. “No. You are doing enough. Enjoy that baby, okay?”

  She put her hand on mine. “We will. She is so precious. I still can’t believe this day is here. We get to take her home tomorrow. Murphy, we cannot express how much you have given us. No words could ever thank you enough,” Catherine said with tears in her eyes.

  Adam put an arm around her shoulder and spoke. “As we said before, you can be in her life if you want. We want this to be the best situation for Lee. There’s a lot of love surrounding her. And you deserve to be able to share those moments, too. We’ll send you pictures, and when you feel up to it, give us a call. We’d love to have you over.”

  “Thank you. That means so much to me.”

  “Well, we had an exhausting night. Get some rest. We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  Yeah. Baby Lee would have a great life. I still hadn’t figured out how I would incorporate my life with theirs. Eventually, I’d figure it out. When they left, my eyes closed. Exhaustion had caught with me.

  ***

  I woke around lunch time; thankfully, I hadn’t missed the food. Gwen was seated next to me, quietly reading a gossip magazine.