Something Real

by Ariadne Wayne

  After unlocking the door, I watched as the kids ran in and took a look. There was a small living room, with a kitchen to the side, separated by a bench. It would be a squeeze, but we could fit in the lounge suite and the kitchen table I’d brought from the other place. The back half of the apartment consisted of a short hallway leading to two bedrooms and the bathroom at the back.

  “Where’s my bedroom?” Jack asked. Thomas grabbed my hand, asking me the same question and my stomach sunk into my knees.

  “Well, there’s one bedroom that you two have to share.”

  “That’s not fair.” Jack pouted, his younger brother following suit, united in their sadness.

  “No, it’s not fair. None of this is. But it’s better than living in the car.”

  Jack wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me. “Sorry, Mum.” Thomas joined in, and I smiled, wondering if he had any idea of what was going on.

  I bent down to hug both my boys. “Look, one day we’ll find somewhere bigger. This will do in the meantime, won’t it?”

  Thomas nodded at me with all the wisdom of his four years. He was such a quiet little boy, and he’d say yes to anything either Jack or I said.

  There were boxes everywhere soon enough, and I got the movers to put the furniture where I wanted it to go. For the moment, I set up the beds so we could sleep; the rest could wait until later.

  This was home.

  * * *

  By the next morning, the boxes were mostly unpacked. The apartment was a mess, with things everywhere, but now we could really settle in and make this as homely as we could.

  I looked at the clothing lying scattered on the bed. So many of these things that I’d accumulated over the years had to go; there was simply no space for them. Besides, I hadn’t worn so much of it in so long.

  I picked up the small denim shorts on the top of the pile. Evan had loved it when I’d bought these, complimenting me on my butt and how good it looked in them. I hadn’t worn them since before the boys and I idly wondered if I could still get into them.

  Grinning, I slid them on and looked at myself in the mirror.

  Not bad.

  I was a little fuller figured than I had been before Jack, but they looked great, even if I wasn’t sure whether I’d go out in public wearing them.

  Curious about our surroundings, I thought about venturing down to the mailbox. I'd seen the rows of them at the base of the stairs and even if there was nothing in it yet, it'd be handy to work out there ours was. Besides, I could do with some fresh air.

  I thought twice about whether I should wear the shorts and glanced at the clock. Six-thirty on a Saturday morning. There couldn't be that many people around, and I'd make it quick.

  Grab the moment, Olivia. This is your new life.

  I pulled on a shirt, looking at myself in the mirror one more time. A quick run down to the mailbox wouldn’t hurt. Laughing to myself, I set off out the door. Jack and Thomas were both still fast asleep, and checking the mail just involved going down the stairs. I’d be back in a few minutes.

  The complex looked deserted, and I trotted down the steps to my destination. It was only a short walk, but I took a deep breath, enjoying the morning air, and a few minutes of solitude.

  I ran my finger over the steel boxes, trying to find mine. There were so many of them, and I finally found it, just below my knees. Bending, I unlocked the door, , closing it again when there was nothing there.

  “Good morning.” A deep voice came from behind me and I stood up, turning towards the sound.

  He was tall, and I raised my eyes, taking in his T-shirt which barely hid his chest muscles. His biceps were huge, and he had a tattoo on one arm peeping out from under a sleeve. At the top were these chocolate-brown eyes, the type you just want to melt into.

  Stubble covered his chin and cheeks, meeting his thick dark hair by his ears. He was tough, but so beautiful. And he had one of those grins on his face that just screamed that he thought he was onto something. Hopefully me.

  Cool yourself down, Olivia.

  “Uh, hi.”

  “Logan Mitchell. I saw you come out of your apartment. I'm right next door …” He smiled. Oh God, his teeth were perfect too.

  “Olivia Grant. We moved in yesterday. Seems like an okay place.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “We?”

  “Mummy.” I heard Jack call, and glanced up to see him at the top of the stairs looking down at us. Thomas trailed behind, sucking his thumb as he did sometimes when he was scared. I guess waking up and not finding me had done it. Crap. I hoped they hadn't locked our door.

  “Sorry, guys. I just wanted to check the mail. I’ll make us some breakfast now.” I looked around, vowing never to do that again. Maybe not the best look to have them wandering around on their own.

  Logan nodded stiffly. “I’ll let you get back to your family.” He stepped back, letting me pass, no longer smiling. It wasn’t fair; I wanted to see that smile again.

  Settle down.

  “Thanks. Maybe I’ll see you round.” I smiled, climbing the stairs and ushering the boys back to our apartment.

  “Who was that?” Thomas asked.

  “One of our neighbours,” I replied, reaching up into the cupboard for the flour. Making pancakes at the weekend was one of our traditions, and the change of scene wasn’t about to stop that.

  “Mum, your butt is hanging out of your pants.” Jack giggled, and I rolled my eyes.

  “They’re short shorts. I’ll go and get changed.”

  I went to the bedroom, peeling off the shorts when I got there, and flung them into a plastic bag with some other things I’d decided to pass on to charity. Most of the memories around them weren’t that great, Evan had been a real dick about the way my body changed when I was pregnant. Mind you, he’d been a dick about a lot of things.

  “You’re what?” Evan looked at me in disbelief, and I wanted to shrink into the wall behind me, pretend that nothing existed.

  “I’m pregnant,” I whispered.

  “Is it mine?”

  My heart dropped. Was this the way he wanted to play it?

  “Of course it is. You’re the only guy I’ve ever had sex with. You know you were the first.”

  “How did it happen? Did you stop taking the pill?”

  I shook my head. He’d never wanted to take any responsibility for birth control, and now he was about to back out of taking responsibility for our baby.

  “Go home, Olivia. I don’t even want to think about it. We’ll make an appointment, go and get it taken care of.”

  I felt faint. My stomach ached, and it wasn’t due to morning sickness.

  “It’s too late for that,” I whispered.

  “What the fuck? How long have you known?”

  “I just found out.” That was true too. My mother never talked to me about sex, never wanted to acknowledge me going through puberty, apart from throwing me a box of tampons and hoping for the best. Everything I’d learned, I’d discovered at school from other girls. That information had been sketchy at best.

  “It’s not my fault, Evan. You did it too. The pills just didn’t work.”

  I started crying and he buried his head in his hands, not wanting to look at me.

  “Evan, you know I wouldn’t do this on purpose. My mother will kill me.”

  He sighed, and finally moved towards me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

  “I guess you can move in with me. She’s going to kick you out anyway.”

  I nodded, burying my face in his chest. He felt so warm, so safe.

  If only I’d known how wrong I was.

  Chapter Eight

  In the evening, when the boys were in bed, I went out the front door to the only source of fresh air. The sound of laughter floated up to the balcony and I looked out, spotting Logan and a woman walking towards the building. She was tall, blonde, gorgeous—everything I wasn’t. As she drew closer, I saw the tattoo she had from her hip, disappearing under her cr
opped top that stopped just below her breasts.

  It was a snake, curling its way over her stomach, wrapping around her side and disappearing up towards her armpit.

  So that was his type. About the opposite of me. She wore black denim jeans that sat low on her hips, and she teetered on six-inch heels, her stumbling disguised by supporting herself on Logan.

  I leaned over the balcony, pretending to look elsewhere as they came up the stairs and past me. Drawing level, I heard him tell her to go ahead to his door.

  He leaned over the balcony beside me, looking down at the cars I pretended to watch.

  “You know, Olivia, your eyebrow will get stuck in that position if you keep watching me like that.”

  I glanced sideways, that damn grin of his making me laugh in response.

  “Sorry. I was just out here getting some fresh air,” I replied, poking my tongue out at him. I didn’t know what it was about him that made me act like a child.

  He rubbed his stubble with his fingers, raising an eyebrow at me.

  “Watch out. I might think you’re flirting with me.”

  “Looks to me like you’ve already got company. Goodnight.” Before I could gauge his reaction, I turned and walked back inside, gently closing the door. I flopped on the couch and flicked on the TV, wondering what was going on the apartment next door, but then deciding it was best I didn’t know.

  He fascinated me—those beautiful sculpted muscles, how good he looked in tight pants … it was enough to make a girl swoon. Well, this one, anyway. It had been so long since I’d been interested in someone, and even if he wasn’t returning my affections, it still felt good.

  When I climbed into bed, I realised just how much noise carried through the wall, and if they were too loud, I might just hear what was going on next door. I grimaced at the thought. The last thing I wanted to hear was two people having sex.

  I picked up a book. Jack had borrowed Charlie and the Chocolate Factory from the school library, and we were reading it together. It was so different to everything else I’d been reading lately, and like diving into a big pool of nostalgia. This had been one of my favourite books when I was a kid.

  After two chapters, my eyes were so heavy I couldn’t fight them anymore. I snuggled down under the covers, and lost myself to sleep.

  I woke to a loud thud against the wall as something hit on Logan’s side. A woman started screeching, high pitched and loud. It was impossible not to hear the raised voices.

  “What the fuck was that for?” Logan’s dulcet tones resonated through the wall, and I sat up, leaning against it to hear more.

  “What do you think it’s for, you useless prick?” Something else hit with a thud and I sat back, staring at the wall as if it would give me some insight as to what was happening on the other side.

  “Oh grow up.” The disdain was clear in his voice.

  “I don’t need you. Stop telling me what to do.”

  “I’m not telling you what to do. You’re an adult. Act like one.”

  My eyebrows were twitching as I drew closer again. I leaned in, pressing my ear to the cool plasterboard.

  “I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough.” She was weeping now, her sobs loud enough for me to hear.

  “You’re so strong; you just don’t know it. And you need to go back to your meetings. You’ll never get better if you stop. I can’t be your only support.”

  The sound of her crying came closer. I guessed she was going to him.

  “I just want it so bad.”

  “I know you do. Let’s get to your doctor and see what other rehab options you have.”

  She drew in two big breaths, as if she were hiccupping. “I’m sorry for being such a drama queen.”

  “You’re hiding from your addiction. I’ll help you, Kat, but I’m not going to jump back into a relationship with you. Even if it’s just sex.”

  The raised voices dropped to a rumble, and I settled back into bed. So what was she? His ex? With some type of addiction problem? If he was as sweet as he sounded, that made him even more irresistible.

  Stop it, Olivia. Just stop it.

  He was the hottest thing I’d seen in forever, I’d sheltered myself from feeling anything for so long and the man next door was really doing it for me.

  Although, maybe it was because he was the first man in a long time to offer me a kind word.

  * * *

  We had a lazy Sunday, the boys watching cartoons while I rearranged things and tidied up. I was down to finding a home for the last few unpacked items. It was a challenge, but I’d finally conquered the kitchen when someone banged on the door.

  Logan stood outside my apartment, with plate in hand. It was covered with huge chocolate chip cookies.

  “Thought I should welcome you to the neighbourhood properly,” he said.

  “You made these?" I looked at the plate again, they were beautifully cooked with loads of chocolate. Perfect. "I’m impressed,” I said. “If you want to come in, I’ll make coffee to go with them.”

  He grinned. “Of course I made them.”

  I smirked, shaking my head and turning from the door to go towards the kitchen to make the coffee. He trailed in behind me, following me as far as the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room.

  The boys looked up from the television and Logan waved at them.

  "Jack, Thomas, this is Logan from next door."

  They waved back before turning back to their cartoon.

  “There’s a bakery just down the road. The cookies are amazing.”

  I laughed. “I appreciate the thought.”

  Jack came running through, and grabbed me around the waist. “Are there cookies, Mum?”

  “You have excellent hearing,” Logan said.

  Jack nuzzled my side. “It’s okay, Jack. Logan brought us some cookies.” I picked up two from the plate. “One for you, one for Thomas. Okay?”

  He grinned, grabbing a cookie in each hand and running back to the television.

  “They seem like good kids. They don’t seem to make much noise.”

  I smiled. “They’re awesome. How do you take your coffee?”

  “Milk and two. Hey, I wanted to say sorry for last night. You might have heard a disturbance in the wee small hours. I know how thin these walls are.”

  I poured the coffees and carried them to the table in the corner. He picked up the plate of cookies and followed, taking a seat as I placed the cups down.

  “It’s fine. I did wake up, but I went back to sleep pretty quickly.”

  Jack popped up and snaffled another cookie, looking between us with a huge cookie-stealing grin on his face.

  Logan looked down at the coffee as I sat. “I’m still sorry." He took a bite of his cookie. "So, is it just you and the boys? Or …”

  “Daddy doesn’t live with us anymore,” Jack said matter-of-factly.

  “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that,” Logan said.

  The small hand started to creep across to the plate again, and I grabbed it, laughing. “No more for you. Take one for Thomas and that’s it.”

  Jack grinned and nodded. “Yes, Mum.”

  “And as for what Jack said, don’t be sorry. I’m not.” I waved my hand as if to say no further conversation required.

  “He must be an idiot not to be with you guys anymore. Unless you dumped him.”

  I nearly choked on the bite of cookie I’d just taken. Coughing, I took a sip of my coffee.

  “Shit. Are you alright?” he asked, then looked around as if checking to see if the boys had heard him.

  “I’m fine.” I sounded as if I’d swallowed razor blades as I spoke, I was that hoarse. Damn cookie. I patted my chest to stop the cough, and Logan just looked at me with this big grin on his face, as if I were the biggest clown in the world.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you choke. And I don’t mean to pry.”

  “He left me.”

  His expression blanked, and he nodded. “So he’s an idi
ot?”

  “I like to think so.”

  I took another sip of the coffee as I studied him. He really was very good looking, and something deep inside felt like it was waking after a long sleep. I’d never been one to pay much attention to other men when I was with Evan; half the time I was far too tired for them to register. Now my life was coming back into balance, it was time to appreciate the finer things in life.

  “Kat’s an ex. The woman that was with me last night? She’s going through some stuff at the moment and I’m trying to help her. And failing.”

  He needs to talk. Holy crap.

  “Sorry to hear that.”

  “I don’t want to dump stuff on you, but I’m kind of torn between her and another ex and I’m wondering if you could be the deciding vote.”

  I frowned. Torn between them? What did that mean? And we barely knew one another. Why was he asking me for advice?

  “Sure, if I can help. Seems a bit random that you’d ask me, though.”

  He grinned, shaking his head. “I have two headstrong women pushing me in different directions. Figured I’d add a third opinion to the mix. I’m a glutton for punishment.”

  His eyes twinkled with mischief, and I twisted my mouth while working out what on earth to say. “Try me.”

  Logan raised his eyebrows, and took a sip of his coffee.

  “Kat has a drug problem. Can’t keep clean. So, she asks for my help and I try my best, but she can’t keep away. It’s the whole damn reason why we broke up. I’m not into that shit.”

  The conversation I’d overheard was suddenly beginning to make sense, and I nodded to indicate he should go on.

  “Anyway, another ex, Maddy, is telling me to stop picking up the pieces. That Kat has to sort herself out. And I know in a way that she’s right. Every time I’ve tried, she’s broken her word, and I can’t let myself get dragged back into it. But I have to make sure she’s okay. I couldn’t walk away and then find out she’s dead because I didn’t help her.”

  That was a lot to take in, a heavy conversation for a virtual stranger to have with me. But it was clear he was hurting and lost as far as knowing what to do.