by BWWM Club
He came towards her and knelt in front of her. He wanted to tell her not to be so upset, remember the child she was carrying but he knew she would not appreciate him saying that.
“We live in a world where death is inevitable,” he took her hands in his. “Saying God knows best is not a trite cliché, it’s a fact of life. We don’t understand and maybe we never will but the faster we learn to accept it the better it is for us.”
“I can’t; not right now.” She told him tonelessly. “I just want a few minutes alone Paul, please.” She looked at him with haunted eyes and he felt his heart move.
“Okay,” he stood up. “I’ll be in the dining room when you need me.”
Leah just sat there. If only she had known that it was going to the last time she would ever see Gladys alive she would have told her thanks and told her that she loved her. But she had looked fine to her, maybe a little weak but not overly so and the doctor had said she was coming on. What happened? She was not shutting her husband out but she needed time to process yet another loss; when did it end?
She had a Thanksgiving dinner to plan and Gladys would not be there. She was not sure she wanted the dinner to be held after all.
*****
She went through the rest of the day as if in a daze. Usually she would go down to the kitchen that had been Gladys' and you could smell the delicious aroma of cookies baking or some other delicious pastry but now she did not have the heart to do so. Paul had checked in on her frequently, respecting the time she needed to grieve but she knew that soon she would have to talk to him.
He came in just as she was scribbling some notes on the paper in front of her. “You okay?” he took a seat on the edge of her desk and looked at her searchingly. She was wearing a black and red cashmere sweater and red dress pants and her hair was caught up on top of her head.
“Not really but I am getting there.” She told him, placing her hand on his thigh.
“Her funeral is a week from today.” He told her, placing his hand over hers. He hated to see her upset or unhappy and he would have done anything to shield her from the bad things of the world.
“Isn’t that too soon?” her hand shifted on his thigh but he held on to her. “Today is Wednesday.”
“That’s what she wanted baby,” Paul said gently. “She hated frills and she always said as soon as her eyes were closed that she should be buried immediately.”
Leah nodded. She had not cried and she was determined not to. “We have to respect her wishes.”
“She has gone home to rest.” Paul felt as if he was running out of words to comfort her. He knew they had gotten close but he had no idea she would have taken her death so badly.
Leah nodded again. “You are making the arrangements?” she forced herself to ask. Her husband nodded. “She gave me power of attorney a year ago so I am handling her affairs.” He bent to kiss her softly on the lips. “I have a meeting so I will see you later.” He clasped her hand briefly then left.
Leah placed her hand over her still flat stomach. She had not started showing yet and aside from the occasional nausea, it was like she was not pregnant.
“Make sure to rub some cocoa butter on your stomach to avoid stretch marks,” Gladys had told her one day when she had gone to the hospital for a visit. “You’re going to be a great mother.”
*****
She did not go to the funeral. No amount of coaxing from her husband did the job and he went without her reluctantly.
The Wednesday had dawned clear and cold and it was the week before Thanksgiving. The offices were closed in respect for her funeral and Leah stayed home. She had not been feeling well since the morning anyway and she had hid it from Paul knowing that he would have stayed home with her, no matter what she said. She could not go; she did not want to say goodbye to her and she did not want to see her lying there in a casket. The funeral was set for two and she knew her husband was going to be helping Pastor Leo to inter the body.
She wandered around the large house aimlessly. It was too cold to go outside and do some gardening and there was nothing in the house to do, it was spotless. And what was worse she had left the laptop at work so she could not even work on her book. So basically she had a lot of time to think and thinking was not something she wanted to do right now. So she just went to bed and curled up on her side until she fell asleep.
He came home right after the service and saw her on the bed wide awake. He had picked up a box of pizza because he knew she had probably not eaten. He came quietly into the room and placed the box of pizza on the side table. He had taken off his suit jacket and his tie and had unbuttoned the top buttons of his steel gray silk shirt. The wind had tousled his gilded brown hair and Leah could not help but realize how handsome he was. “The service was good,” he sat on the side of the bed. “She looked so peaceful in the box it was like she was sleeping. You were missed.”
“So she’s gone,” Leah said stiffly, she hadn't moved since he came inside the room. “I will never get to talk to her anymore or taste any of her cookies or have her tell me her life’s wisdom. She is gone forever, just like my dad and my mom.”
“I want to be here for you baby, just tell me what to do,” he pleaded.
“I want all of them back!” she cried, her eyes bright with tears. “Can you make that happen?”
“No, but I am here and I am your husband who hurts when you do. It is killing me to see you like this and not able to do a thing about it.” He said holding her hand even though she tried to tug it away from him. “They are dead but I am here and I am alive and I need you to stop pushing me away from you like I am the enemy. I am your husband and I love you so much that I cannot stand it sometimes. I want you to tell me what to do to make you feel better because I refuse to be pushed away!”
Leah stared at him. He was right, he was not the enemy and he had been trying to reach out to her ever since the death of Gladys and all she had done was push him away. She felt the dam burst and she reached out to him blindly as the tears started.
“Let it out baby,” he told her huskily, holding her in his arms. “Let it all out.”
*****
She ate a little later after he had cleaned her up and went for something to drink in the kitchen. He saw her smiling at last and he leaned over to wipe the cheese off the side of her mouth. “I feel like such an idiot,” she said ruefully.
“Why?”
“Because I did not go and I really wanted to say goodbye to her.” She put aside the crust she had been eating.
“She left something for you,” he told her, removing the box from the bed. They had finished off the box of pizza and the juice.
“For me?” she looked at her husband puzzled.
“She left her house to a sister who had nowhere to live and everything in it but she left this for you.” He handed her a package and bending his head, he kissed her cheek. “I will leave you to read it.”
She looked up at him gratefully and started opening the package. It was pages upon pages of handwritten notes and as she started reading she realized that Gladys had put her life story on paper. There was a note addressed to her: “I never knew if the child that had been taken from me forcibly was a boy or a girl and I will forever regret the choice I made or that was made for me but I met Paul and then you and both of you became like my children. I want you to know how much I love you and your kind, generous husband and I want you to open up yourself and allow the Lord to have his way in your life.
“I have lived my life and I want you to live yours without regrets and reservations. You have been given the gift of a wonderful marriage and the start of a brand new family, please don’t let the past influence what you have now. I have been tired for a long time and I wanted to go home so please don’t take it personally. The short time I spent with you and your husband and the other members of the wonderful congregation gave my life meaning after my husband died. Love your husband and your child when he or she comes and I will be looking from my hom
e beside my savior and wishing you all the best. Love your friend and surrogate mother, Gladys.
“Oh I know with the wealthy husband you have there is no need for gifts but I would like you to accept this humble gift I have left for you. It would mean a lot to me if you would wear it.”
She dug through the package and took out a thin gold necklace with a cross pendant on it. She touched the one she always had on around her neck no matter where she was going or what she was wearing, the one her husband had given her some months ago. She would be wearing both of them from now on.
“Everything all right?” Paul asked coming back into the room.
“Everything is great!” she told him smiling through her tears and holding out her arms to him. “I love you.” She murmured as he closed his arms around her.
“I know,” he told her softly.
*****
It was going to be a boy and Paul cried when he heard it. She was already six months pregnant and had already grown big in size. The baby was scheduled to be born in June, a few days after her birthday which was June 10th. Paul had gone on a shopping spree and had the live in helper set up the nursery.
“What a magnificent place,” Janet murmured in appreciation as she looked around the house. They had invited her over to spend the weekend and she had accepted eagerly. Leah was giving her the tour while Paul was making sure the room he had assigned to her was ready. They had grown closer since that day in the room after she had read Gladys’ letter and she was on the verge of completing her book. She had included the notes that Gladys had left her and merged the two stories together.
They were now in the nursery which had been wall papered in a pale blue and with all the necessary furniture assembled and waiting. Paul had found an antique crib and had it restored and polished to a high sheen.
“My son has outdone himself,” Janet murmured, gazing at the beautifully furnished room. “I want to be a part of my grand child’s life.” She said turning towards her daughter in law.
“Of course,” Leah said with a smile, reaching out to touch the woman briefly. “We want that too.”
They stood beside the crib and Janet took up some of the tiny clothes that had been put inside the crib. “It’s hard to believe that a person can fit into something so tiny.” She murmured.
Just then Paul came into the room. “All set mom,” he told his mother with a smile. It had started to get dark and it had been snowing earlier. There was a fire blazing in the hearth and they were planning to sit there and drink hot chocolate until it was time to turn in.
“You’re going to make wonderful parents,” she told them with a wistful smile as they left the nursery.
*****
They spent the weekend at home and they talked. Janet insisted on doing most of the cooking as the live-in helper had gone home for the weekend.
“Are you sure?” Paul had asked her uncertainly. His mother shooed him out of the kitchen as she tied the apron around her waist.
“I am not going to burn down the kitchen.” She assured him with a smile.
She made lasagna and a tasty fruit salad and she also made a pumpkin pie for dessert, refusing help from either of them.
“This is delicious mom!” Paul exclaimed as they sat down to eat and said Grace.
“Absolutely,” Leah said, eating the meal in appreciation. “I didn’t know you could cook like this?”
“I had to learn or starve and when I was out there on the streets I often got odd jobs in restaurants.”
Paul looked at her, his expression speaking volumes.
“It’s okay son,” Janet reached across to touch his hand on the table. “I can talk about it now.”
Leah found that having another woman in the house made a world of difference. While her husband was watching the sports game she and Janet went inside the nursery to rearrange it.
“I think I like these the best.” Leah said holding up a cute all in one sleepwear with feet. “It’s so cute.”
Janet smiled as she folded the tiny clothes and put them away. “I am having so much fun here; I can’t believe how much better I am now. There was a time in my life when I could not leave the home because of how scared I was of the outside world.”
“You are always welcome here,” Leah told her softly, putting aside the little jacket she had been folding and coming over to sit beside her. “As a matter of fact we were wondering if you wanted to come and live with us.”
Janet looked at her and she felt the tears blurring her vision. “You two have made me so happy that I can hardly stand it. But I would not feel comfortable living here with you when you’re just starting your family. I want to stay at the home for a little while longer before I venture out and get my feet wet. But I hope I am always welcome to come for weekends.”
“You are more than welcome anytime,” Leah went over to hug her and Janet clung to her, silently thanking God for giving her back her family.
*****
They went to church on Sunday and Leah wondered how she would feel going to church and not seeing Gladys. Paul took her hand in his as they took their set up front and his eyes caught hers and she knew he knew what she was thinking. “I am okay,” she mouthed at him.
Pastor Leo spoke at length about ‘Our dear sister Gladys and her faithfulness to the ministry and how she had never used her condition in the wheelchair to make anyone feel sorry for her.
“We should all take a leaf out of her book my brothers and sisters,” he said. The sanctuary was packed to capacity as usual and there was an air of quiet peace in the atmosphere. The choir was seated in their usual place but this time they were wearing white with a little black around the edges. “We are not here to mourn our dear sister but to rejoice because of the life she lived. The Bible tells us to rejoice when a soul has gone home to rest. Sister Gladys lived her life for the Lord and that is what we are required to do my brothers and sisters. Let us continue in our calling so that we will be told ‘well done good and faithful servant’ when our time arrive.”
Leah felt as if every word he spoke had been directed at her and she felt the tears shimmering in her eyes. She who had not cried often in her life; preferring to keep everything bottled up, found herself crying so often now. The doctor had told her it was hormones and her body was changing because of the baby; but she knew it was more than that. She was around people who felt deeply and had taught her to do so as well.
Paul clasped her hand and pulled her closer to him. “She loved you very much.” He whispered in her ear.
Leah nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder.
They did not go home after church. Paul took them to the same restaurant that he had taken her to before. This time he had not emptied it out and there were families sitting around the table having their Sunday meal.
“I can’t believe I am here sitting in a fancy restaurant having a fancy meal. Thank you Paul and Leah.” Janet beamed. The weather had turned out beautiful and sunny and only a little bit cold and people had come out to make the best of the day.
“You’re welcome mom,” Paul said gently.
They ordered the roast beef with rice and black beans. “I love this, our eating together as a family.” Leah said enthusiastically and ate the meal with relish.
“We are family,” Paul said with a broad smile. “I went from not having a family to having a mother, a wife and soon a child. To God be the glory!” he toasted with his glass of fruit wine.
Just then a little girl wandered over towards their table with her thumb in her mouth and stood there staring at them. The mother hurried over and took the child’s hand. “Hi,” she said to them. “She likes to wander away; I have to keep my eyes on her.” The little girl had blonde pigtails and rosy cheeks and looked to be about two. “I see you are in that way as well,” the friendly blonde laughed. “How far along are you?”
“Six months and counting.” Leah replied smiling at the little girl. “How old is she?”
“Two and co
unting,” she said with a smile. “My name is Rhea and this is Melanie and I know who you are. Paul Maitland and Leah Maitland. Don’t know your name,” she said looking at Janet.
“This is Janet, my mom.” Paul told her.
“Nice to meet you.” She said enthusiastically. “My family and I moved here six months ago. I am the editor for the publishing company downtown.”
Leah stared at her. “You’re the editor for Midtown Publishing?” she asked in amazement. “I was planning to call them sometime this week about a book I am finishing.”
“Isn’t that something?” Rhea said shaking her head as she hoisted her daughter on her hip. “Well let me get you my card you can call me direct and we will talk.” She hurried over to her table and took a card from her purse and came back with it. “A pleasure to meet you.”
Leah held the card to her and smiled in delight.
“I told you God works in mysterious ways.” Her husband said with an indulgent smile.
Chapter 9
“I made some changes to the last chapter that I think you would like.” Rhea said as soon as they sat down to eat lunch. Ever since that afternoon at the restaurant when she had given her card to Leah, they had become more than editor and writer, they had become fast friends, meeting together several times during the week. Paul had complained that he hardly get to see her these days except when they were going home together after work.
She was now in her eight month and was finding it hard to move about the way she was used to and she was getting a little frustrated. She had finished the book with Rhea’s guidance and now they had reached the editing part. The book had been accepted straight away and Rhea told her that it was the most poignant story she had ever come across.
They met at the office most times but sometimes they went out to lunch. May had made its appearance with lots of rain so the place looked green and lush but it also meant that the cold weather was also lingering as well.
Leah rubbed her belly absently as she leafed through the chapter, frowning a little bit at the changes. She had combined both Gladys’ and Janet’s stories to form a book that spoke of hardship, faith, love and second chances and had made the story her own. She had given the final draft to Paul to read, anxiously awaiting his comment and he had told her that apart from the Bible, it was the best book he had ever read.