Life on the Edge

by Jennifer Comeaux

  By the time I knocked on his door, I had more adrenaline pumping through me than I had when I competed. The door had barely shut before Sergei pulled me to him, his lips claiming mine. The hunger and passion in his kiss overwhelmed me with an aching rush. I clung to his biceps; his strong, tense muscles in my grasp.

  We stumbled further into the room, and Sergei brushed my hair back, placing a tender kiss on my collarbone. Everything inside me turned to liquid. Only a week had passed since he’d last held me in his arms, but it seemed so much longer.

  “I want you so much,” he breathed against my parted lips.

  With his body pressed to mine, I felt just how much. Both my heart and my mind raced, in direct conflict with each other. How could something I believed was wrong feel so right?

  The hem of my shirt rose with Sergei’s hands, and my breath hitched as his fingertips explored my back and my stomach, leaving a path of goose bumps. I was having a hard time hearing any rational thoughts in my head. Every touch set my skin on fire and awakened a new desire.

  Stop thinking and let yourself go.

  Then the voice of reason interjected, No, this isn’t how you want this to happen.

  Sergei slipped his hands from under my blouse and laced his fingers through mine. Our mouths melded together, he eased me with his body toward the bed. The battle in my mind came to a grinding halt.

  “Sergei, I’m . . .” I swallowed to catch my breath. “I’ve never . . .”

  He brushed a soft kiss on my lips. “We can take it slow.”

  His tempting eyes and luscious mouth had my head spinning, but I fought to stay strong.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t,” I whispered.

  He shifted slightly backward and caressed my hair, letting his fingers follow the waves. “It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

  I sat on the bed and looked down at my lap. “You don’t understand.”

  “Then talk to me.” He dropped to his knees in front of me.

  I picked up my head. “I’m not going to be ready anytime soon because I’m waiting until I’m married.”

  His face didn’t twitch, crease, show any reaction, so I rambled, “I know it’s old-fashioned and seems ridiculous to a lot of people, but it’s something I feel strongly about. I should’ve told you this before. I just had no idea how or when . . .” I bent forward, setting my elbows on my thighs.

  Silence remained as I gathered Sergei was digesting the information. The pitter-patter of raindrops against the window grew louder the longer the stillness stretched.

  Sergei gently clutched my hands. “Em.”

  Our eyes met, and I marveled at how his cool blue eyes could also radiate warmth.

  “I want to be with you in every way . . . so much,” he said. “But if this is what you want, then I’ll respect that.”

  “You’re really okay with this?” I searched his face for any signs of doubt.

  A tiny smile tugged at his mouth. “It’s not my preference, but I can deal with it.”

  “Are you absolutely sure? You might feel that way right now, but if you think it’s going to be an issue, I need you to tell me now before we get even deeper into this.”

  The smile left his face, and he studied me with a powerful stare. His hesitation clawed at my gut.

  He released my hands and sat next to me on the bed. “I’m sure.” He cupped my chin. “Because I am absolutely, completely in love with you.”

  My heart did somersaults. I wasn’t expecting to hear that, and the words rang in my ears like the most beautiful melody ever played.

  I palmed his firm chest and locked my lips on his. Looking into his eyes, I prepared to say what I’d longed to tell him, what I’d known since the sunrise at the cliffs.

  “I love you, too.”

  Sergei brought me closer and kissed me, dizzying me with joy. Wrapped in his arms, I smiled up at him. “You’re probably thinking ‘Why’d I have to fall in love with the chastest girl on the Cape?’”

  He chuckled. “No, I’m not.”

  “Then tell me what you are thinking. Honestly.”

  “I’m thinking I’m going to be taking a lot of cold showers.” He laughed again.

  I cringed while laughing with him. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.” He kissed the tip of my nose.

  “Seriously, though, I shouldn’t have let you think it was going to happen. I let myself get caught up in the moment.”

  “It’s very easy to get caught up with you.” Sergei ran his hand lightly down my arm. “I should’ve talked to you instead of assuming you were ready.”

  A sharp rap on the door froze us. We gave each other startled looks.

  “Who could that be?” I whispered.

  We both stood as another knock came. When Sergei pointed to the bathroom, I nodded and crept toward it. Before closing the door, I noticed a trace of lipstick on the corner of Sergei’s mouth. I erased the smudge with my thumb and made myself scarce.

  Sergei answered the knocking, and Chris’s voice carried through the crack in the bathroom door.

  “Hey, sorry to bug you so late. Have you seen Emily since you left the club?”

  Sergei hesitated. “No, is something wrong?”

  “She forgot her phone on the bar, so I went to her room and knocked a bunch of times, and she didn’t answer.”

  I sucked in a breath. Oh, no.

  Sergei paused again. “She’s probably in the shower. Why don’t you wait and call her room in a little while?”

  “Yeah, maybe so. Thanks, man. Sorry to bother you.”

  “No problem. Let me know if you don’t find her.”

  Chris left, and I emerged from the bathroom. “I’d better get to my room before he calls.” I leaned against the door. “I could come back afterward.”

  “As tempting as that sounds, I don’t want anyone to see you coming back up here.”

  “Good point.” I reached out and put my hands on Sergei’s waist. “I’m still glad we decided to break the rules tonight.”

  He angled toward me and rested one arm on the door. With his finger, he traced a line down my breastbone, stopping where the V of my neckline came to a point.

  “You’re a bad influence on me,” he whispered in my ear.

  His chest pressed me to the door as his kiss warmed me all over. I smiled to myself. I was always going to have a fondness for hotel room doors.

  I stroked his cheek, letting my hand slide down his prickly skin to his open collar. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

  He touched his forehead to mine. “You’re worth every second of the wait.”

  I sauntered down the hall, reflecting on Sergei’s loving response, and turned the corner to the elevators. Seeing Chris there, I jumped backward. Seconds later, the elevator chimed, and I took a cautious peek. Chris was gone. One more month of hiding this from him. Shouldn’t be too hard . . . right?

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Aw, you brought me flowers?”

  I blinked in surprise at the sight of the bright bouquet in Sergei’s hands. He handed them to me with an equally vibrant smile, and I brought the hot pink roses close to my nose. They held the sweet smell of love and promise. I reached up and thanked Sergei with a lingering kiss.

  “I’ll get a vase and put them on the table for dinner.”

  With one week remaining before the World Championships, we had a rare opportunity for an evening alone at my house. Aubrey was out with Marley, and Chris and Trevor were playing basketball at the gym, so we looked forward to no interruptions.

  Sergei followed me to the kitchen, where I rummaged through the cupboards above the sink. I retrieved a large cut-glass vase from the corner cabinet and delicately removed the flowers from the green tissue paper.

  “The pizza smells amazing,” Sergei said.

  “Thanks, I hope it tastes as good as it smells. I haven’t made one from scratch in a long time.”

  “I have no doubt it will be delicious.” He slipp
ed his arm around me.

  “If it isn’t, you’d better tell me. Pretend we’re at the rink where you have no problem criticizing me.” I tapped his nose with the tip of a pink bloom.

  I finished arranging the flowers and took in another whiff of their scent. “Can you grab the sparkling water and the glasses? I already brought the plates and silverware up to the terrace.”

  While Sergei set the patio table, I placed the vase in the center and positioned candles on either side. Their flickering light illuminated the bouquet, making the roses appear an even deeper shade of pink.

  “I’ll get the pizza,” I said. “I put a stack of CDs on the stereo if you want to pick out a few.”

  “You’re sure you don’t need any help?”

  “No, I’ve got it.” I waved Sergei toward the CD player on the edge of the patio.

  In the kitchen, I pulled the pizza from the oven and admired the crust I’d kneaded, now golden and crisp. The gooey mozzarella cheese had melted in perfection around the green peppers, black olives, spinach, and artichokes. My mouth watered, so I pulled a tiny bundle of spinach from the pizza and blew on it before taking a taste. I hummed in approval as the cheese and leafy greens combined for the ideal flavor marriage in my mouth.

  As I prepared to make the last slice through the pie, a loud knock on the door halted me. My neck tensed, and I wiped my hands on a dishtowel, bunching it into a clenched ball as I climbed the steps to the foyer and opened the door.

  “Surprise!” Mom cried.

  All the blood rushed from my head. I gripped the doorknob tighter.

  “Mom! What are you doing here?”

  She walked past me, rolling a small suitcase behind her. “I don’t have class tomorrow, so I thought I’d surprise you and watch you practice. It’s been so long since I’ve done that.”

  I realized my mouth still hung open, so I shut it halfway. “Oh, that’s . . . that’s sweet.”

  She sniffed the air. “Did you make pizza? It smells wonderful.”

  My mind worked overtime. How could I spin the situation to make it look innocent? I wasn’t ready to drop the big bomb on Mom.

  “Yeah, um, I’ve been telling Sergei how good my pizza is, so I made one to show him. He’s on the terrace. We’re going to eat up there.”

  As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized what Mom would find if she went upstairs–the candlelit table, the bouquet of roses . . .

  In a quick babble, I added, “But it’s getting kinda chilly out, so we should probably eat down here. There’s plenty enough for all of us.”

  “No, it’s such a nice evening. We should eat outside. I don’t get to enjoy this place much anymore.” She smiled and patted the oak banister. “I’m going to go up and say hi to Sergei. Is Aubrey here?”

  “She went out with Marley.” I hoped she couldn’t detect the shakiness in my tone. “I’ll get the pizza and we can go up together.”

  On the terrace, Sergei had his back to us as he inserted a CD into the disc player. I slid the glass door shut, and he said, “I was getting ready to come look for–”

  Turning and seeing Mom, he swallowed. “Hi, Laura.”

  U2’s “With or Without You” streamed from the stereo. The love song only added more evidence of a romantic setting.

  There’s no way I can spin this.

  Mom paused next to the door and took in the scene. Her eyes darted around the terrace before settling on Sergei. She put on a smile, one I instantly identified as insincere.

  “Hello, Sergei,” she said.

  Normally, he would greet Mom with a kiss on the cheek, but he looked so stunned he didn’t move. I stood motionless with the pizza in my hand, not sure what to say or do next. Thinking quickly, I set the pan on the table.

  “Um, Mom, you need something to drink. Why don’t you go down and get whatever you’d like?” I needed to talk to Sergei so we could decide how to best explain the situation.

  “Why don’t you come with me?” she said. “I’m not sure where you keep everything.”

  That was a lie, so I knew she wanted to corner me downstairs. She walked ahead of me, and I gave Sergei an apologetic frown as I trailed Mom inside.

  When we reached the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator and stuck my head behind the door. “We have tea, juice–”

  “Look at me, Emily.”

  My mother stood small in stature, but she had a powerful voice that commanded attention, and years of delivering classroom lectures had strengthened her tone. I closed the refrigerator door, my sweaty palm sliding down the handle.

  “What’s going on here?” she asked.

  “What do you mean?” I said in a weak attempt to delay the certain anguish.

  “Emily, I’m not stupid. What I saw upstairs was not dinner between a student and her coach or even dinner between friends. It had romantic date written all over it, and I want you to tell me exactly what’s going on.”

  Drops of perspiration collected on my forehead, a result of the heat surrounding the oven. “Mom, please promise you’ll hear me out before you start lecturing.”

  “I need to hear what you’re going to say before I make any promises.”

  I steadied myself against the counter and blurted out in one breath, “Sergei and I are seeing each other. We know there are risks involved, but we have it under control and nothing has changed with my training.”

  She inhaled, her nostrils flaring. “How long has this been going on?”

  “Since Nationals.”

  Her caramel-colored eyes darkened until they were almost black. “So, for two months you’ve been lying.”

  A lump formed in my throat. There were few things I hated more than disappointing my parents.

  “I wanted to wait and tell you after the season so you could see we’ve been able to make it work.”

  “Emily, have you really thought this through? What if he breaks your heart? What will you do then? Would you be able to keep training with him? What does Chris have to say about this?”

  Her questions spun around me like a tornado. I chose to answer her last one. “I haven’t told him yet,” I mumbled.

  “Huh! Well, at least I’m not the last to know.”

  “The only person who knows is Aubrey. We’re keeping it quiet for obvious reasons.”

  “So, you’re sneaking around. Is that part of the appeal to you?”

  “No, I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I could tell everyone and have a normal relationship.”

  She started toward the stairs. “I need to speak to Sergei about this.”

  “Mom, please . . .” I reached out a feeble hand.

  “I’m paying this man to teach you, not to seduce you.” She clenched her jaw. “Please tell me you’re not sleeping with him.”

  My mouth formed a perfect O. “Mom! You know I wouldn’t.”

  “I don’t know anything anymore. You’re lying and sneaking around. Who knows what else is going on here.” She threw her hands up in the air.

  “You’re blowing this up into way too much.”

  “Can you blame me? I’m more than a little concerned. You’ve never had a boyfriend, and suddenly, you’re involved with your coach, a man who’s much older than you–”

  I rolled my eyes. “He’s twenty-six. It’s not like he’s forty.”

  “And you just turned twenty and don’t have much experience with men. I don’t want to see you taken advantage of.”

  “He would never do anything to hurt me,” I insisted.

  “You can’t be naïve, Emily. How much do you really know about him? What do you know about his past?”

  “I know enough–” I stopped when Sergei stepped into the doorway.

  Mom scowled at him. “Emily was just telling me about your relationship. I have a few questions for you.”

  I closed my eyes. Oh, no.

  “I understand if you have some concerns, but I want you to know I only have the best intentions,” Sergei said calmly.

 
“If you had the best intentions, you would’ve kept your hands off my daughter,” she snapped.

  I wanted to speak, but utter mortification prevented me from forming any coherent sentences.

  Sergei moved next to me. “I had my own doubts about whether we could make this work, but we’ve been able to do it so far.”

  Mom folded her arms across her chest and gave him a pointed stare. “Is Emily the first student you’ve dated?”

  Here comes the interrogation.

  “Yes, and I didn’t think I ever would. It just kind of . . . happened.”

  “What exactly ‘just kind of happened?’ I’d like to know how all of this started.” Mom shifted her scowl back and forth from Sergei to me.

  “Maybe it would be better if Sergei left, and just you and I talked,” I suggested. No need to put him through the torture, too.

  “No, I’m interested to hear how he thinks this is a good idea.”

  I dropped my head in defeat. “Can we at least sit down? It’s sweltering in here.”

  Mom led the way to the small den adjacent to the kitchen. She and I sat on the couch, while Sergei perched on my dad’s old leather recliner.

  “You said you’ve been dating since Nationals,” Mom said. “I assume something started before then.”

  I snuck a glance at Sergei. “We sorta knew we had feelings for each other, but we weren’t going to do anything about it.”

  “What made you change your mind?” Mom glared at Sergei.

  He leaned forward in the chair. “All I can tell you is I love Emily, and I’ll do everything I can to protect her and her career.”

  “How do you know your feelings won’t change?” She shifted her inquiry from Sergei to me. “I could ask you the same question. This might seem new and exciting right now, but what happens if it all falls apart? Or if someone in the federation finds out? You’ve worked so hard to get to the Olympics, and you could find yourself in a world of trouble in the most important year of your life.”