Life on the Edge

by Jennifer Comeaux

  I hastened down the corridor, accepting congratulations along the way. The enthusiasm of the messages was noticeably muted, making me think Chris was right to question the results.

  After touching up my eye makeup, I met Chris and the NBC reporter. She checked her microphone before the cameraman gave her the cue.

  “We’re here with the new Olympic silver medalists, Emily Butler and Chris Grayden. Talk about your performance tonight. You must be pretty pleased with the way you skated.”

  “Absolutely,” Chris said. “We gave it everything we had. It was the skate we’ve always dreamed of.”

  My throat tightened, and I grabbed Chris’s hand. I had to answer the next question without breaking down.

  The reporter tilted her head. “Your program included more difficulty than the gold medalists’ program. Do you think the judging system needs to be reevaluated to keep up with the technical advances in the sport?”

  I remembered Sergei’s warning and thought before answering, “Everything’s still sinking in right now. We didn’t see anyone else skate, so we can’t comment on their programs.”

  When the camera stopped rolling, we were shuttled to more anxious journalists. They posed similar questions to which we gave similar answers. Claire and Brandon were backstage, and they hugged us as we waited for the medal ceremony.

  “You guys won this,” Claire said.

  I shrugged, on the verge of crying yet again. “It is what it is.”

  As the bronze medalists, Madeline and Damien were introduced first, filling the bottom step of the podium. Chris and I waited at the entrance to the ice, and an explosion of cheers greeted us when the announcer called our names. We congratulated Madeline and Damien and stepped up onto the second tier. My eyes slanted toward the top step, yearning to realize my unfulfilled dream.

  Oksana and Denis skated to the podium and kissed both of my cheeks in European fashion. My face hurt from maintaining a forced smile. I wanted to scream, thinking of how my future had become very muddled.

  The president of the International Skating Federation placed the silver medal around my neck, and I slipped the red ribbon under my hair and gazed at the heavy disc. Second place was an amazing accomplishment, and I should feel fortunate to have won any medal. There were so many skaters who would never get near an Olympic podium. But I couldn’t let go of the disappointment and sadness. They tore at my insides as I watched the three flags ascend to the rafters.

  The Russian anthem played, and I looked everywhere but at the American flag, knowing it would prompt more tears. My eyes drifted to the scoreboard and the 2002 Olympic motto–“Light the Fire Within.”

  I had lit the fire within me. I’d given the best performance of my life on my sport’s biggest stage. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to win the ultimate prize.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  We went straight from the arena to the USA House and were met with a barrage of cheers and honking noisemakers. Through the crowd of people waving flags and pompoms, one face stood out, and it displayed nothing but pride–not sympathy or concern or any of the other confused looks I’d received in the past hour.

  I rushed toward my father and buried my face in the familiar scratchy wool of his sweater.

  “We are so, so proud of you, Em,” he said.

  I hadn’t realized how much I needed the comfort of my father’s arms. For the first time since Jackson had uttered the words, “You got silver,” I felt some peace.

  Mom reached out to me, and we clutched each other, unable to speak.

  “Sweetie,” she finally said through her sniffles. “You were wonderful . . . just breathtaking.”

  Bri, Trey, and Bella crowded around me for hugs. Red, white, and blue boas circled Bri’s and Bella’s necks, accentuating their Team USA sweatshirts.

  “We went crazy after you skated,” Bri said.

  “I’ve never heard my mom scream that loud before.” Bella laughed.

  “She told everyone around us we were related to you,” Trey said. “As if they couldn’t guess.”

  “I was excited, okay?” Aunt Debbie said. “Let’s see this Olympic medal.” She stretched the ribbon out and took the medal in her hand as my family gathered for a closer look.

  Uncle Joe put his hefty arm around me. “That’s really something, Em.”

  “It means so much to me you’re all here,” I said as my face crumpled.

  Sergei had hung back, and Dad motioned him forward to our group. “Congratulations, Sergei.” Dad stuck out his hand but then pulled Sergei into a hug. “You’ve done an amazing job with Em and Chris.”

  “Thank you. They are incredibly special.”

  Mom put her hand on Sergei’s elbow. “You helped Emily achieve one of her dreams, and that makes you pretty special, too.”

  I bit down on my lip, suppressing more tears. Sergei swallowed hard and tipped his head. “Thank you.”

  Bella embraced me, and I held fast to her until Marley came over. She and I shared a few teary moments before Aubrey and Nick smothered me with hugs. I was pulled in all directions for congratulations and photos. Federation officials and employees, judges, former skaters, sponsors–I couldn’t keep track of all the people I talked to and posed with, displaying my medal in each picture. Some were blunter than others, expressing their dissatisfaction with the results, which didn’t help me feel any better.

  The media relations director informed me Chris and I were scheduled for an appearance on the TODAY show. A van would pick us up at the Village at four in the morning. The clock neared midnight already, so we could forget about sleep.

  I snagged Bella between conversations and steered her to a quiet spot. “I’m shocked my mom isn’t on a rampage about the results.”

  “Oh, she was. We all were, but we saw how disappointed you looked at the medal ceremony. Your dad said not to upset you more.”

  I managed a little smile. “Always the voice of reason.”

  Mom approached us, buttoning her long coat. “Em, do you want to come to the house with us for a while? I don’t think any of us are getting any sleep tonight.”

  “That sounds good. I’ll find Sergei.”

  I ran into Chris and invited him, his family, and Marley to join us, but they were headed to Chris’s parents’ hotel. Once I got Sergei away from two chatty judges, we walked at a brisk pace through the icy wind to my family’s rented townhouse. As soon as we were inside, Mom put on a pot of coffee and Dad switched on the electric fireplace. Along with my coat, I took off my medal and placed it inside my purse.

  “Who’s hungry?” Aunt Debbie asked.

  I stayed still while everyone started for the kitchen. Sergei placed a gentle hand on the small of my back. “You should eat something.”

  Aunt Debbie looked up from the refrigerator, where she removed large covered dishes. “We’ve got pasta salad, baked chicken, lasagna . . . we went a little crazy last night. The cooking helped calm our nerves.”

  “I’m not really hungry,” I said.

  “Have a little pasta salad,” Mom urged. “You haven’t eaten in hours.”

  I raised my eyes to Sergei’s. “Can we talk first?”

  Aunt Debbie paused in the middle of spooning pasta. “There’s a little office at the end of the hall if you want privacy.”

  Sergei followed me and shut the door. I sank into his arms and laid my head on his shoulder. “I just wanted to be alone with you.”

  I’d held myself together through the celebration at USA House, but frustration and exhaustion were now having their way with me.

  “One vote,” I mumbled.

  “I know that’s the only thing you’re thinking about, but I don’t want you to forget what you did tonight, how incredible it was. I saw how nervous you were in the warm-up. To overcome that and skate like you did was amazing.”

  My worn out tear ducts fought against another round of weeping. “Just not amazing enough,” I whispered.

  “This is only the be
ginning for you and Chris. You can dominate the next four years.”

  “But what if you’re suspended? I can’t do it without you. I don’t want to.”

  Sergei nudged me nearer to him. “I don’t want you to give up on your dream because of me.”

  “You’ve become part of my dream. I want you there, working with us every day and having that gold medal moment with us,” I said, unable to stop the persistent tears.

  He wrapped me in a tight cocoon and pressed his cheek to the top of my head. “It can still happen. We don’t know what the committee’s going to do.”

  “Even if you’re not suspended, four years is a long time. What if I break my leg? Or Chris gets hurt? We might get to the Olympics and mess up. We had the perfect skate tonight. What if this was our best chance?”

  “I can’t promise those things won’t happen. All I can tell you is if you work hard, you’ll put yourself in the best position possible.”

  I toyed with the tip of his tie, rolling it around my finger. “What about you and me? Can we manage it all . . . being married, training, working together with Courtney and Mark . . .”

  “I’m never going to get tired of seeing your face, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He smiled and cupped his hands under my chin. “We’ve survived the toughest year imaginable, and we’re stronger than ever. Together there’s nothing we can’t handle.”

  His adoring eyes had a way of making everything seem possible. Lost in their blue depth, I slid my hands along his collar and bent his head toward mine. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

  My lips took hold of his. One kiss opened the floodgates to many more, each with intensifying passion.

  “That’s what I wanted to do as soon as you stepped off the ice,” Sergei said.

  I smiled wryly. “Maybe it would’ve gotten us better presentation scores.”

  ****

  Over the next two weeks, I soaked up every ounce of the Olympic experience. Sergei, Chris, and I took advantage of the free tickets offered by sponsors and sampled a variety of events–curling, ski jumping, biathlon, bobsled–we traveled all over the city and into the mountains. After Aubrey and Nick excitedly finished their competition in twelfth place, they got in on the fun, too.

  In the Village, I met numerous athletes who were ecstatic just to participate in the Games, and at event after event, competitors who finished near the bottom of the standings rejoiced, thrilled with their Olympic accomplishment. My silver medal began to shine brighter as pride lightened the disappointment weighing on my heart.

  Two nights before the Closing Ceremony, Chris and I skated to U2’s “Beautiful Day” in the Champions Gala, and the uplifting lyrics stuck with me long after we returned to my apartment. My roommates went to bed, and I asked Chris to stay for a talk.

  “All night, I’ve been thinking . . .” I folded my legs under me on the sofa. “Maybe it wasn’t our time to win gold. We’ve risen so quickly in three years together. Maybe this was God’s way of telling us we need to work more for it.”

  Chris propped his feet up on the coffee table. “You’d think God would’ve helped out a good church-going girl like you. Unless my religious shortcomings outweighed your virtue.”

  I tapped his arm. “I’m trying to be serious.”

  “It’s a good theory,” he said. “Of course, there’s the other theory that some people didn’t want us ending forty years of Russian dominance.”

  “Are you afraid we’ll run into the same problem next time? You know in four years Russia’s going to have another team near the top.”

  “I think we’ve got bigger problems at the moment. What are we gonna do if Sergei gets suspended?” he asked.

  “I don’t know.” I pulled my hair away from my face and twisted it in my hands. “I don’t feel like I’m done skating, but having Sergei as our coach is a big part of the dream for me now.”

  Chris put his feet on the floor and sat up straighter. “I’m not ready to give up either. Even after what happened here, I still think we can win. And working with Sergei gives us the best chance.”

  “Remember how mad you were at Sergei when you found out we were dating?” I squeezed Chris’s shoulder. “I’m so glad we got past all that.”

  “I know he has my back just as much as he has yours. He’s proven that. The three of us . . . we make the ultimate team.”

  I nodded. “We do. And I know his other students feel the same way. I have to make sure the Ethics Committee hears that.” I thumped my knuckles on the sofa cushion. “I’m going to do everything I can to convince them Sergei deserves to keep his job.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Once we returned to the Cape, I didn’t waste any time gathering support for Sergei. The Chairman of the Ethics Committee was due in town soon to conduct interviews, so I called all of Sergei’s students and their parents and asked them to gather at my house the next evening. I didn’t divulge the reason for the meeting, but I expressed the importance and hoped they heeded the urgency in my voice.

  Sergei stayed away from the gathering so he couldn’t be accused of trying to influence anyone. I welcomed everyone into the living room, where I’d brought up chairs from the kitchen for extra seating. Curious faces watched as I took a spot next to the big picture window. Only Chris, who sat beside me, knew my agenda.

  “I really appreciate you all coming on such short notice,” I said.

  Trevor assessed the group and asked, “Are you planning a surprise for Sergei or something?”

  “I wish it was something fun like that.” I scrubbed my palms on my jeans. “Unfortunately, it’s a very serious situation I need your help with . . . that Sergei needs your help with.”

  Courtney, Mark, and a couple of Sergei’s junior-level students swapped anxious looks. Their parents angled forward, their curiosity phasing into concern. With the room staring at me, I dove into the speech I’d practiced.

  “Sergei is being accused of violating the Code of Conduct because he and I are seeing each other. We’ve been dating over a year, and before the Olympics we got engaged.”

  Courtney’s eyes and mouth doubled in size. A few of the parents shot each other quick, wrinkled-brow glances, and Trevor scratched his chin. “Chris, you knew?”

  “Yeah,” he replied. “And I support Em and Sergei one hundred percent. Sergei shouldn’t be punished for this.”

  “He could be suspended for five years.” I paused as Courtney and Trevor’s partner Leigh gasped. “The Ethics Committee is meeting next week, and the Chairman will probably call some or all of you. I asked you here so I could tell you the news first and hopefully gain your support. Sergei wanted to be here, but he didn’t want to chance interfering with the process.”

  Leigh’s mom, Brenda, stretched her arm across the back of her daughter’s chair. “Do you know if Sergei’s had relationships with other students before you?”

  I’d expected to receive that type of question and had prepared a calm and thoughtful response. “He hasn’t. I know what people think when they hear about a coach and student being involved. They think the coach may have pressured the student and it’s not a sincere relationship. But Sergei has never done anything questionable. He’s treated me with respect on and off the ice, and he hasn’t let our relationship affect his work.”

  Chris jumped in. “He’s been totally professional this whole time. You guys would’ve noticed if he’d acted differently or gave Em more attention. Obviously, he’s handled everything very well.”

  I gave Chris a thank-you smile and scanned the faces of my fellow skaters. “We have such a good group. I’ve heard you all talk about how much you love working with Sergei and how much you’ve learned from him. If you could tell that to the Ethics Committee and help them see how important Sergei is to our careers, I think it will make a huge difference.”

  “I’ll definitely tell them,” Trevor said. “There’s no way Sergei can be suspended.”

  “I’ll be glad to tal
k to them, too,” Courtney’s mom Karen said. “I see Sergei every day at the rink. I can vouch for his professionalism.”

  I clasped my hands together. “Thank you, it would mean so much. Having all the parents speak on his behalf would really help his case.” My eyes implored the adults sitting before me.

  Slowly, a series of nods and affirmative replies spread through the group. I spent a few minutes with each person, answering questions and expressing my thanks. Brenda had the most reservations, worried Sergei’s involvement with me could cause distractions at the rink. I patiently addressed her concerns and assured her Sergei was fully dedicated to his job.

  Courtney and her parents waited to speak to me last. I approached them with a tentative smile, not sure if Courtney was upset I’d kept the truth from her.

  “I knew you and Sergei liked each other!” she exclaimed. “When we saw you at the symphony, you were on a date, weren’t you?” Excitement colored her cheeks, and I exhaled with relief.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. We couldn’t tell anyone because we knew it could cause problems, like what we’re dealing with now.”

  Karen touched my arm. “I’m really happy for you. You deserve to be with someone who supports you and understands everything you’re going through. Sergei is a great guy.”

  I reached out and returned her gesture. “Thank you, that means a lot to me. It’s so nice to finally reveal our good news to everyone.”

  After Courtney and I shared a few hugs and the crowd cleared, Chris and Trevor helped me carry the kitchen chairs downstairs before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  Besides Sergei’s students and their parents, my mother and father were going to meet with the committee chairman. Mom had come so far in her attitude toward Sergei, from questioning his character to now going to bat for him, and I was counting on Dad and her to make strong statements. I was also counting on the strength of my own testimony. I needed it to be polished yet heartfelt. I needed it to be just like my Olympic performance, except this time with a winning result.