by TC Matson
“I’m pretty fashionable, but who wears dresses like that to a kid’s party?” April whispers behind me.
Her teal sundress chokes her tits, forcing them to sit pretty and perky while sinking her waist line in and releasing off her hips.
“Maybe she’s afraid someone will steal her man,” I deadpan reverting my attention back to the chores at hand.
“You okay with this?”
Honestly? I want to puke, but I smile. “I’m good,” I try convincing myself.
She narrows her stare, holding me hostage as she quietly picks me apart. I can tell she wants to call my bluff, but she doesn’t and I’m so fucking thankful she leaves it alone.
I hear Lucas yell something out and I look up just as Trenton strolls past Brian and his friend without paying them any attention. Brian glowers, his expression hardening along with the grip on her waist watching him come toward me.
Trenton grins and kisses my cheek. “You okay?” he asks breathless.
“I am,” I lie.
I am not. Most definitely am not. Adrenaline from an indescribable weirdness has me hiding my shakes.
He glances up to April as she leans closer. “Just so you know, you have evil eyes on you. Either he’s stabbing you to death or burying you alive. Whichever he chooses, he isn’t happy about you being here,” she whisper-snorts.
“He needs to turn his attention to his son instead of worrying about me,” he replies. “What can I do to help?”
“Can you grab the ice out of my car? It’s in the orange cooler,” April tells him. When he rushes off to get it, she elbows my ribs. “Get your shit together, Riley.”
I’m trying to be collected, but I’m afraid everyone can see I’m losing myself. Being in the same vicinity, both of us with new partners, not together, feels really…really…really fucking awkward. I stand with Trenton on one side and April not too far away on the other side, watching Lucas finish the friendly scrimmage game so we can start passing out the cake.
Brian’s pissed eyes are latched on to me, his jaw tight, lips thin as he scowls behind the head of his friend. Hell, she’s too preoccupied with her nails to give a damn anyway. Behind my own sunglasses, I pretend not to see him, disregarding the hairs on the back of my neck standing up.
Trenton squeezes my clammy hand and bends to my ear. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I smile up to him. “It’s really weird,” I finally admit.
The right side of his lips pull up, but he doesn’t respond.
Brian keeps his distance as Trenton and April help me pass the plates of cake out to the kids. I feel like he’s standing back, waiting, before he pounces. And I’m right.
I’m shaking like a leaf when he strolls up wearing the fakest smile possible, leaving his girlfriend at the end of the covered area. I extend two plates with cake and ice cream on them.
“Didn’t I tell you I didn’t want him around Lucas?” he grits still sporting the bogus smile.
I jump slightly, but plant my feet. “Don’t.” I warn in a hushed tone. “Not here.”
“Fuck that. I told you I didn’t fucking want him around and you’re going to blatantly disrespect my wishes,” he spits quietly.
It catches Trenton’s attention and he steps beside me tucking me into his side “Not here, man. Not in front of the kids. Celebrate today with Lucas,” Trenton says calmly.
I’m shaking so badly that my knees don’t feel like they’ll keep me up much longer.
Brian sizes him up. A fire bursts behind his eyes. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“Why don’t you make it about Lucas and handle your personal business elsewhere.” I swear if I wasn’t already in love with him, this would be my pivotal turning point.
Brian scrapes his teeth along his lips and is about to say something when Lucas comes bouncing up. My heart is thundering in my ears. I’m scared Brian will show his ass in front of him.
“Dad? After that,” he nods to the plates, “do you want to kick the ball with me?”
I don’t know if Lucas saw what was happening before coming over and is trying to put out the fire, or if this was an innocent question. Either way, I want to kiss his face off.
Brian’s expression lightens. “We’ll see, bud.” He glances back to Trenton with a malice intent. “Maybe Mr. B. would like to get out there with us?”
I want to bury my head in my hands.
Trenton smiles. “Thanks, but I can play with Lucas anytime. Besides, he’s already beat me twice today.”
I rub my chin and bite my cheek trying to hide my laughter.
“You’ve taught him well,” Trenton adds and then takes a drink from his red solo cup and tops it off with the most smartassed smirk.
“Lucas, Dad will play after they eat some cake.” I break the intense conversation taking place directly before my son. “Finish yours. I’m sure by that time, Dad will be ready.”
I sigh in relief, letting go of a breath I had no clue I was holding when he skips back to the table, unaware of what’s going on.
Brian walks away also, having been beaten at his own game with class.
“Is it just me or is the air out here really thick?” April chimes in trying to lighten the mood.
It isn’t helping. I’m nearly shaking out of my damn skin. Before I can gather myself, Brian strolls right the hell back up with his arm around his girlfriend’s waist and the largest malicious, shit-eating grin. “This is Alex.”
Her name causes a dip in my stomach and I lean into Trenton to keep my balance. Hurt splinters my chest.
She giggles a nervous high-pitched noise. “Actually, my name is Alexandra. Brian’s the only one who calls me Alex.”
“Hi.” My voice cracks and Trenton begins to circles a finger on my lower back.
“I’m Riley, Lucas’ mom.”
She looks at me like I’m nothing important, like I’m trash sitting by the door waiting to be thrown out.
Brian eats my reaction. His jaw is ticking with a vindictive, spiteful pride as I flick my horrid view between him and her. His brows twitch with amusement. My throat tightens.
I twist my lips. “I’m glad you could come,” I tell her praying for strength.
April bebops around me and sticks her hand out. “I’m April. Her best friend. So, are you from the escort service he was telling me about? I thought he was crazy at first, but man, look at you.” She steps back examining her. “Do they have men as good looking as you?”
Prayers answered.
The disgusted horror in her eyes is superlative.
“April!” I hiss quietly trying to hide my laughter.
She looks to me innocently triumphant and shrugs. “I just wanted to know.”
When Alex scampers off with hurt feelings, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I cannot believe you just did that.”
“She was stinking up the joint. Both of them were. Now, he’ll do damage control for a little bit and leave you alone with his vengeful ways.”
I drop my hand. “And what if he comes back re-vengeful.” I emphasis the beginning.
“I think he’d be a fool,” she says.
Trenton remains quiet, a stoic, emotionless expression resting on his face. This scares me. “Are you okay?” I ask softly, rubbing his bicep.
There’s something in his eyes, something I can’t put my finger on, but he blinks it away. “I’m fine. Are you? You’re shaken up a bit.”
I strive for a genuine smile to hide my true nerves. “I’m good. Thank you for stepping in.”
He places a chaste kiss to my forehead and squeezes my shoulders. “I wasn’t going to let you deal with that alone.”
I’m surprised to see Brian leaving. It’s as if he’s admitting defeat, running from the very fight he started. But it also allows my world to settle back down. For the rest of the party, I don’t have to watch my back and worry he’ll pounce. From the haughty expression and the evilness in his voice, I know exactly the “Alex” he intro
duced me to and why. But she isn’t the he he’d made her out to be.
After everyone trickles out, Lucas and I head back to the house with Trenton not far behind us. He’s been tight-lipped since the Brian incident. His demeanor, although relaxed, appears to be tense like he is fighting within himself to remain collected. It’s the closest I’ve seen to him losing his temper.
He comes through the door carrying a bag and toting a grin. “Chocolate cookies and cream for the birthday boy since he hasn’t had enough sweets.” His lips spew sarcasm and he places the tub on the counter. “And I have a sneaking suspicion, mint chocolate chip for the woman blindsided today and in need of a pick-me-up to hold her off until I get my greedy hands on her body tonight.”
I thread my arms around him. “You’re hailed as a hero in a woman’s world.”
He winks. “Ice cream. The go-to soother for every woman. Where’s Lucas?” He scans the room.
“Shower. I told him he smelled like a construction worker who’s forgotten how to apply deodorant.” I laugh.
He rests his hands on my shoulders. “You looked a bit rattled. Was it the girl? Or the way he acted?”
“Both. But the girl threw me off. He used to get calls in the middle of the night from someone named Alex.”
“You think he cheated on you?” he asks.
I walk away and drop into the corner of the couch. “I don’t know.”
He takes a long breath and then joins me, staying at the opposite end of the couch. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“It would make sense. You know? The changes. The attitude.”
“Would it make it easier for you to understand?” he asks.
I tilt my head. “I don’t think it matters at this point.”
“I’d say it’s in the past and you should be moving on into the future. But from my stand point, you’re snagged now. There’s many unanswered questions swirling in that beautiful head of yours.”
“I just…I don’t know. Maybe I need to talk to him?”
I glance up to him. Hurt has made a very clear presence in his eyes. Worry is seeding deeply behind it.
“What will it help if you do?” he asks.
Before I can answer, Lucas comes into the room.
“I got ice cream,” Trenton announces, patting my leg and getting up to get it.
My phone chirps and Trenton hands it to me with an agonizing glare.
Brian: I really need to talk to you. Call me.
I glance back up to a darkened set of eyes. “Will it upset you if I call him?”
I witness a possessive anger flash in his eyes. He tightens his lips. “No.” His single word is engulfed in hesitation.
I close my bedroom door, leaving Trenton and Lucas in the living room, and sit on the side of the bed. Taking a deep and unsteady breath, I slide my thumb to his name.
“Hey,” Brian answers with tenderness. “Listen, I’m sorry.”
“You put me in an awkward situation,” I tell him.
“Seeing you with him…”
“Was she the Alex who used to call you at night?”
There’s a pause. “Yes. But there wasn’t anything going on.”
“You lied to me for a long time. You led me to believe she was a man,” I say.
He huffs out a breath. “When Lucas told me you had a new boyfriend, it pissed me off to know you could move on. I didn’t think it would, but it did. I stooped to a new low and wanted to get back at you. I wanted you to feel the gut wrench I felt, so I called her.”
“Way to adult, Brian.”
“I never claimed I was perfect, Ri.”
The line falls silent. I’m chewing my lip staring at the corner of my dresser.
“Ri?”
“What?” I answer.
“I miss you.”
The words catch my breath. Moisture begins gathering in the corner of my eyes. “You’ve been such an asshole.”
“I don’t know how to handle this,” he says despairingly. “I thought I was doing the right thing when I called it quits. We were so miserable. You were. We didn’t get along. Instead of putting extra work into us, I pussied out and took the easy way.”
“I tried,” I remind him.
“It hurts to hear about you with someone else. Someone who makes you happy. I lie awake at night wishing it was me instead of him. I messed up, Ri.” The line falls quiet again. “I fucking hate knowing someone else…I just fucking hate it,” he growls under his breath.
“You wanted this,” I say.
“I don’t. Not anymore. I want you. I want us.”
“Then why were you with Alex and when did this start?”
He exhales and I can picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. “It was new. A change. New attention. Flirty things. I got wrapped up in it.”
“I need to go.” I’m desperate to not hear anymore.
“Is he there?”
“Yes.”
“Ri, I’m sorry. Today was a low blow and instead of hurting you, the pain I witnessed in your eyes rocked my heart and brought me to my knees.”
“Guess you got a taste of what you did to me, huh?”
“If I could rewind everything, I would. This…it’s not me and you know it. I’d rather flower you with love than throw shit in your face. Somewhere I lost myself. It took me feeling this pain and jealousy to get it. I don’t want this anymore. I want you. Here with me. I want us back.”
The sense of desperation dripping from his tone overwhelms me. I close my eyes. “I loved you with everything I had. It wasn’t good enough for you. I’ve never experienced a hurt like the one you handed me. It devoured me. You made me walk away from someone I loved, from something I worked so hard for. And in the time we’ve been apart, I realize just how empty I truly was.”
“Can we have dinner one night? Talk some things through.”
I don’t answer.
“I still love you, Ri.”
“I’ve got to go, Brian.” My voice quivers.
“We weren’t a thing, Ri. I called everything off on the way home.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll talk to you later.”
I don’t wait for him to say anything else and hit the red “End Call” button. Then I drop my head into my hands.
Holy shit…I feel numb.
Trenton and Lucas are on the couch laughing when I pause at the end of the hall watching them. Trenton notices me first. His smile falters, and his eyes begin to question me.
I’m scattered. I don’t recognize my own thoughts.
“Grab a spoon and join in,” Lucas calls out.
“I’ll start dinner in just a little bit. I don’t want to spoil it,” I lie. I’m not hungry. My appetite disappeared when Brian started delving into his emotions.
“About that,” Trenton holds up a finger. “I’m cooking.”
I arch a brow. “You are?”
“My specialty. Pizza in a box.”
“Mom does that sometimes, too. Says it’s from a special restaurant.” He leans in close to Trenton and whispers. “It’s from the pizza place.”
Pizza was delivered and the boys devoured it. I managed one slice, but I couldn’t stomach any more. Lucas went to bed an hour ago, leaving Trenton and me to ourselves in the living room watching a movie. I haven’t paid any attention to it. My mind is long gone, drowning in a tidal wave of its own thoughts, mostly of Brian and Alex. It’s all I can think about.
“Talk to me, Angel.” He squeezes my hand. “What was said when you called him.”
“He apologized for being a jerk,” I tell him without emotion. My body feels lost in a void.
“That was nice of him.” Regardless, if he tried hiding the flippancy in his tone, he failed.
“It was the same Alex.”
“You need to remember where you were heading. I’m doing my best to be patient, but this,” he waves his hand over my body. “You being lost somewhere else is testing me. I detest knowing I’m sitting beside you but not
the one on your mind.”
I dig my palm into my forehead. “I’m sorry. It was just a lot to take in.”
“What? Today or the phone conversation?”
I can hear him restraining anger.
“All of it,” I admit.
“It’s dug up some emotions in you. What did he have to say?”
I rake my hands over my face. “He misses me.”
He swallows hard. “How do you feel about that?”
I stare out in front of me and faintly shake my head. “I don’t know.”
He pops his knuckles, inhaling a deep breath. “I’m not going to sit here and work hard for your heart, patiently letting your wounds heal, just for you to go back to thinking about him. I’d love to take you to your room and remind you exactly where you belong, but I’d be a fool. It would be a waste of time. Your mind isn’t with me, and I shouldn’t have to remind you.”
“No,” I exhale. “I’m okay.”
“Angel, that was a weak attempt to convince yourself. I hate knowing how great our future looks, but it’s getting fucked up by him. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.”
He stands and pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. “My words will only be confirmation to what you feel, but I don’t need them to fall on deaf ears. It’s up to you to either hold on or let go.”
“I don’t want to let go.” My voice breaks as my throat begins to burn, holding back the tears.
“But?”
I try to back away, but he tightens his arms around me, locking his eyes on mine. “Riley, this isn’t a conversation I’ll let you just walk away from.” He lowers his voice into a deeper tone. “Don’t let him confuse you with words.”
Tears slip from my eyes.
He shakes his head. “I don’t use words. I show you everything. Where I stand. Where I want to be. I never leave a doubt in your mind. I don’t ever want you to second guess me. Did you feel that with him? Did you feel cherished and safe?” he bites. “I’m promising you a happy ending and I damn well intend to give it to you. You deserve to walk around with the smile you’ve been wearing. I can’t help you do that if he’s crossing your mind instead of me.”