by Guy Lilburne
December came around and Christmas trees started to appear in all the shopping malls. Sloany sold the Domino Crew tickets to his ‘Traditional Christmas Dinner’ on Christmas Day. It was only 500 baht a ticket or two for 1,000 baht. Simon, Terry and John all bought extra tickets for their wives. Simon and Pom had found out that they were expecting their first child in July and decided that Christmas Day at Sloany’s bar might be a good time to announce it to their friends. Sloany had designed and printed off the Christmas menu.
~~ Traditional Christmas Dinner~~
At the famous Sloan Square Bar
~Starter~ Cocktails of your choice followed by fresh cooked prawns served on a bed of crispy lettuce with a drizzle of Rose Marie sauce.
~Main Course~ Roast Turkey served with Chefs Special mash potato, roast potato, a choice of fresh seasonal vegetables and rich turkey gravy.
~ Dessert~ Ice Cream with fresh fruit. Followed by a selection from the Cheese Board with a variety of world famous crackers and biscuits.
It looked very impressive. It looked a lot more impressive than it actually was. Sloany had some frozen prawns, which he was going to serve with salad cream. The Turkey dinner was some pre-cooked dinners, which he had bought in Foodland and was left over from the previous Christmas. The Ice cream was ice cream, but it wasn’t going to come with any fruit, fresh or otherwise. And there was going to be no cheese selection. Sloany thought that cheese was just too expensive to buy in Thailand to give away after a dinner.
A week before Christmas Tuk put up some Christmas decorations around the bar. Sloany reminded everyone to turn up at 2 pm sharp on Christmas Day. He reminded them every day, right up to and including Christmas Eve.
As usual, during the evening of Christmas Eve Sloany went out on a pub crawl around the city. As always, he told Tuk that he had to go and say Happy Christmas to a few of the other bar owners to cement their mutual support and, as always, he toured the Go-Go bars and lady boy bars. He got so drunk that he couldn’t remember anything. He started drinking in the afternoon. He was in a great mood. The bar girls were dressed in sexy little Santa suits and everybody seemed happy to give out free kisses. Sloany had no idea how he got home or what time he got home. He had no idea that Tuk had gone and taken Old Tony’s bank cards with her. She had left him and, this time, she had left him for good. He would never see Tuk again. It wasn’t one particular thing that Sloany had done. Tuk had just decided that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. She told nobody that she was going and nobody knew where she had gone to.
Sloany didn’t wake up until 10 am on Christmas Day. It was another hour before he realized that Tuk had left him. She had taken one suitcase and packed all her stuff. She had left her mobile phone. There was no note, but Sloany knew she had gone. He was in a state of shock. Not just shocked because she had gone, but also shocked with himself for feeling scared and alone. Sloany had never ever thought that Tuk would leave him. He thought that they had some sort of understanding. He had never pretended that the marriage was perfect. He knew that it wasn’t, but now that the realization of her going sank in, he felt sad. He realized that a long time ago he forgot that he loved her. He forgot to remember how good she was to him. Now she was gone.
Sloany didn’t shower. He couldn’t be bothered. He was still dressed in the same clothes that he was wearing the day before. He went down into the bar and pulled the metal shutters up. The sunshine came streaming in across the floor to the far wall. He wiped the sweat from his bald head with a tea towel and turned on a couple of wall fans. Whatever he was thinking he kept to himself. He just sat at the bar and gazed out onto the Soi - alone with his thoughts. He had no idea of the passing time. Just before 2 pm the Domino Crew and their wives turned up. Everybody, except Norris, had made an effort to get dressed up for Christmas Day. They knew instantly that there was a problem when they saw that no Christmas table had been laid. Sloany sat at the bar, with a cold mug of coffee in front of him, as he stared out into the middle distance.
“Are you alright, Sloany?” asked Simon.
“Tuk has left me. I woke up this morning and she had gone.”
“Well, you could have told us before we all got dressed up. Do you see where I’m coming from?”
“Sorry Terry. I didn’t think. I haven’t done any Christmas Dinner. Don’t worry! I’ll give you all your money back. Well, less an admin charge.”
“It doesn’t matter about the money Sloany. Are you OK? FUCK CHRISTMAS CRACKERS.”
“I’m OK. You know me. I just carry on for everyone else’s sake. I’m not some sad lonely old twat, who can’t get a woman. No offence Norris.”
“None taken.”
“There are loads of women after me. I’m always turning them down because I was married. But now Tuk has just run away. You can’t trust Thai women. They are all the same. Steal all your money and then break your heart. They are all fucking whores.”
Ting put a tender hand on Sloany’s shoulder;
“No! We not, Sloany. I know that you not mean that very really. You just jep jai (Broken heart).”
“You might as well all go and have a good time. It’s my problem, not yours.”
“Sloany. Do you have something in the kitchen? We can cook something to eat. I think better we not leave you lonely on Christmas Day,” said Pom.
“Well I might have some frozen Christmas Dinners in the freezer, but I haven’t cooked the big dinner that I was going to.”
Ting, Pom and Pla made up a Christmas Dinner Table. They microwaved the frozen turkey dinners and they all sat around the table. They toasted Christmas and they toasted ‘Living the Dream’. It started off a bit slow and labored, but as the drinks flowed, the atmosphere picked up and, before long, laughter and chatter flowed as quickly as the drinks. All together on Christmas Day they felt happy and relaxed. They were, in their own peculiar way, a family - a very dysfunctional family, but a family nonetheless.
“Pom and I have an announcement that we would like to share with you all. We are having a baby. It’s due in July.”
There was a lot of back patting and hand shaking, hugging and kissing.
“I’d like to say a few words,” said Sloany. “You lot know me and I’m not one for making speeches, but what you lot did for me today was a lovely thing. I never expect anything from anyone. What I did for my country is in the past and I don’t like talking about it. I don’t expect any thanks for making this world a safer place for the new baby Smith, when he or she arrives. When all my SAS mates died when the helicopter came down in the Falklands War I felt guilty that I was the only one who survived……..”
“Nobody survived that crash Sloany. Everyone on board was killed.”
“I wasn’t Norris.”
“I know how old you are. You were only 14 years old then. I don’t know much about the SAS, but I’m sure you have to be older than that. You would have still been in school.”
“Have you not heard the expression ‘Boy Soldiers’ Norris? They mention them on the news all the time.”
“Only when they are talking about Africa.”
“Well, that’s where you are wrong Norris. I was proud to be a ‘Boy Soldier’ and I never gave you my real date of birth anyway. That’s one of the things that we are trained for in the Regiment. Don’t give out any details! You wasn’t there, Norris.”
“Neither were you.”
“Right! That’s it! You are barred. Get out of my bar.”
“I’m going.” Norris stood up and pulled his tee shirt down over his belly.
“Pay your bill first. You owe me 640 baht for your drinks.”
“Here’s 700 baht. Keep the change.” Norris tossed the notes on the table.
“I will. Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas to you too, and a ’appy New Year!”
&
nbsp; “Happy New Year to you. You old twat!”
Norris walked out into the hot sunshine and walked off along the Soi.
The others quickly decided that they too had to go and paid their bills.
“Pom. Do you want to wash up before you go?”
“No thanks, Sloany.”
“What about you, Ting?”
“No thank you, Sloany.”
Chapter 17: Some years are better than others!
Usually, when Gary Sloan issued one of his verbal ‘Banning Orders’, it would only last for 24 hours. He would then make a telephone call to the banned person and accept their apology, even though one had not been offered. Then everything would be back to normal! Sloany hadn’t been particularly angry or upset with Norris. He had just forgotten to ring him and tell him that the ban had been lifted. Norris wasn’t upset either, but until he had confirmation that he was no longer barred, he decided to drink in other bars - just as he always did when he wasn’t allowed in The Sloan Square Bar. It was just fate that Sloany had forgotten to ring him and fate that he walked into Cheeky Girls Bar the next day. He couldn’t remember if he had been in that bar before, but thought that he probably must have been. Even to an old ex-pat most of the bars looked pretty much the same. Norris sat on a stool at the bar. There were three or four young bar girls sitting around playing on their mobile phones. Norris thought that one of them was very attractive, but she was too much in to Candy Crush to pay Norris any attention. There were a few farang customers, but they too had been left alone, because they didn’t look the sort to buy a ‘Lady Drink’ for one of the girls. They had been in Pattaya too long. Another girl was squatting down behind the bar, stocking beer bottles into a fridge. She glanced up at Norris.
“One moment please.” She flashed him a dazzling smile. Norris realized that she was a lot older than the other girls, but he thought that she was beautiful and guessed that she must be the boss. She had large breasts for a Thai lady and the buttons that were not fastened on her blouse told everyone that she was quite proud of them. She was wearing a tiny mini skirt which showed off a dragon tattoo on her left thigh.
Norris smiled back and felt his spirits lift. A few moments later the lady stood up and turned to face Norris. He couldn’t help but notice for the first time that she only had one arm. Her right arm was missing from the elbow.
“You want some drink?”
“Beer Chang.”
Norris watched her as she served him. He took a slug from the cold bottle.
“What’s your name?”
“My name Nan. What your name?”
“Norris. What ’appened to your harm?”
“I lose in motorbike accident when I was 14 years old.”
“That’s a shame. You are beautiful. You don’t want a plastic harm?”
“No. I not need. I am 53 years old now. Why I need now?”
“Oh, I was just wondering.”
“I have my pussy and my mouth and I learn to give hand job with left hand a long time ago.”
Nan laughed as Norris tried to digest the information. She could tell that he didn’t know if she was telling the truth or not. She picked up her cigarette packet and flicked it upwards. A single cigarette spun up into the air and she caught it in her mouth. She lit it with a yellow plastic lighter and blew the smoke into Norris’s face. He coughed. She had a confidence about her and she was sexy. Norris thought that she had a great body. Well, except for her missing arm.
“Are you the boss?”
“No. This not my bar. I just work for friend. I good for take care of bar. I work bar from time when I was 16 years old. I work Pattaya, Bangkok, Phuket. I work many places and many bars.”
Norris sort of liked her honesty. Every bar girl that he had ever talked to, of any age, had always said that they had just started working in the bar one week ago and that they were still waiting for their first customer.
“Have you ever worked in any massage parlours?” asked Norris trying to keep the conversation going.
Nan held up what was left of her right arm.
“I wasn’t cut out to work in massage shop,” she laughed.
Norris laughed too. He really liked Nan. She was quite old for a bar girl, but he thought that she was beautiful and he was attracted to her.
“Can you leave bar for short time?”
“Yes. You want?”
“’Ow much?”
“500 baht.”
“I get everything for that? Blow job and boom- boom!”
“No condom?”
“Okay.”
The sweet talking was over and the deal was done. Norris bought Nan a drink and when they had finished he took her back to his house. Nan was impressed with the house and surprised that Norris lived alone. After walking around the house and inspecting each room she walked back into the lounge. She stood in front of Norris and took her clothes off. Then she undressed Norris. She put her hand on his belly and shook it.
“Come on Big Boy. We go shower before I eat you and boom-boom.”
After a shower and a sex session, which lasted a surprisingly long time for Norris, they lay on the bed.
“You rent house Norris?”
“No. I own it.”
“How can farang own house in Thailand?”
“I registered a company and bought it in the company name. I just have to pay about 10,000 baht every year in tax.”
“I like you Norris. You want me to stay long time? I charge you same price as short time - just 500 baht.”
“You want to stay all night?”
“Yes. I really like pompoy (Fat) sexy man. I really like you too much.”
“I like you too.”
Nan and Norris had sex several times during the night, which again was quite surprising for Norris. Nan also cooked him some food and cleaned the bedroom and bathroom. The 500 baht long time turned into a very long time. Norris loved being with Nan and didn’t want her to go. Nan had no intention of going anywhere and had already rung the bar to say that she wouldn’t be coming back. She just moved in. Within 24 hours she had moved all her clothes and shoes and personal belongings into Norris’s house and they had done their first big shop together at Big C.
Sloany rang Norris.
“Hello matey. It’s Sloany. I know you were a bit drunk on Christmas, so I just wanted to tell you that I accept your apology and I have lifted the ban. So you are now officially allowed back into my bar.”
“OK. Thanks, Sloany, but I’m a bit busy these days. I will be back in the bar, but I have met somebody and I really like her.”
“Well, bring her into the bar.”
“I will, but I want to come and tell you about her, before you meet her.”
“Why, what’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing. I just want to have a word with you all first. I’ll be in the bar next week.”
“Blimey. This is serious!”
Norris closed the phone. He did want to talk to the gang at the bar before he introduced them all to Nan. Not just because she only had one arm, but other things in his life had suddenly changed.
Sloany was quick to tell the others the news about Norris.
“I’ve lifted the ban on Norris. I think he is going out with a lady boy.”
“No way! Norris isn’t into all that.”
“I’m telling you, Terry. He just told me on the phone that he has met someone ‘Special’ and he wants to talk to us all before he introduces ‘Her’. That is the only thing it can be. He’s fucking a lady boy. The dirty old bastard!” Sloany had used his fingers to make the inverted comma sign over the words ‘special’ and ‘her‘.
They all shook their heads.
“I’m telling you, I’m right. I’ll put money on it with all
of you.”
“You never pay your bets when you lose.”
“I do.”
“You’ve never paid me a losing bet. Not once in three years.”
“That’s not true, Terry. You know me! I always pay my debts.”
They all shook their heads again.
“No takers then? Because you all know I’m right. I know Norris. We’ve been best friends for years.”
The days passed and Sloany carried on the speculation over Norris. Nobody else was interested, but he was missed at the domino table. Taff, as usual, stepped up to the plate when they were a man short for a game.
Sloany had a series of girls helping him run the bar. He had no work permit so he couldn’t be seen to be working in the bar himself. He needed someone to take the place of Tuk, but she wasn’t easy to replace. None of the girls who started in The Sloan Square Bar lasted very long. They either didn’t like Sloany or they were sacked, because they couldn’t cook or just didn’t want to work very hard. Every day Sloany moaned to the domino gang about how bad the current employee was - his intention to sack her and how difficult it was to find a replacement. The girls were changed three or sometimes four times a week, but the stories were the same.
When someone suggested giving some of the girls more time to settle into things, Sloany just scoffed.
“I didn’t get more time in the desert when I was in the SAS. I didn’t have time to stand around and smoke or ring my mates or play games on the internet. I had rag heads shooting at me. I was straight into the action. This bar is like the desert. You have to be straight in there John or someone is going to get hurt. People are relying on you.”
Some of the girls seemed very nice, but none of them lasted the rigors of Sloany’s basic training!
It was just over a week later, on a Saturday morning when Norris turned up at the bar. He broke into a broad smile when he was greeted with cheering and applause by everyone in the bar. John used a foot to push out a chair for him at the domino table and Sloany put a bottle of cold Leo beer on the table in front of him.