Color of Forgiveness

by Madeleine Beckett

  He groans in frustration when he pulls into her driveway and sees the house is dark. He knocks on her door again but of course he gets no answer. His stomach churns when he looks in her garage and finds that her car’s still missing. Glancing over at her neighbor’s house, he notices that her car is sitting in the driveway. But he can’t remember what the hell that woman’s name is. All he can remember about her is that she’s annoying as hell and talks way too damn much.

  But desperate times call for desperate measures and he’s a desperate man right now. After a quick knock, she opens the door with a hateful stare and an accusing look in her eyes. Dylan frowns because he hasn’t done shit to this woman.

  “Um, yeah, I don’t know if you remember me or not…”

  “Of course I remember you, Dylan. What do you want?” she asks, her little eyes narrowing.

  He wishes like hell he could remember her name. “Uh…” he stutters before clearing his throat. “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

  She sighs in an irritated sort of way. “Jackie.”

  “Oh, right. Sorry. Uh, I was supposed to meet Myra at her house, but she’s not there. Do you know where she is?”

  “Yes. But I’m not allowed to tell you.”

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “What did you do to her?”

  “Huh?”

  “You heard me. What did you do to her?”

  “Uh… Why? What did she tell you?”

  “She wouldn’t tell me anything. But I saw how upset she was. Did you do something stupid? Because I don’t like seeing my friend like that, and I get really pissed at anyone that hurts her.”

  That pain in his chest is back. “I… things are just… We had a misunderstanding. I just, I really need to talk to her. It’s really important.”

  “Well, that’s too bad because she doesn’t want to see you.”

  “She told you that?”

  “Yep, she sure did.”

  “Where is she?”

  “Did you not hear me? I told you she doesn’t want to see you.”

  “Did she leave town?”

  Jackie’s eyes flash angrily. “I’m not telling you anything. And you know what? I haven’t liked you from day one – although, I’ll always be thankful to you for what you did for my grandpa because that was heroic even though I hate to admit it. But that doesn’t mean I have to like you. I’ve always thought you were… mean and hateful and just… not a very nice person. And Myra is one of the sweetest gals that I’ve ever met in my entire life. She’s my best friend in the whole world, and I would do anything for her. Now go away and leave her alone and don’t come back.”

  “But I didn’t—”

  Dylan’s mouth drops open when Jackie slams the door in his face.

  “Goddamn it,” he mutters under his breath before raising his fist and pounding on the door again. He ends up knocking three or four times, but Jackie refuses to answer.

  Pissed, he walks back to Myra’s porch and plunks himself down on her steps. He yanks a cigarette out of his pocket and just as he goes to light it, his phone rings. He almost rips his back pocket off trying to dig it out of his jeans.

  He wants to destroy something when he sees the name on the caller ID. “What?” he shouts angrily into the phone.

  “Damn, dude. Can you get any more hostile, you shithead? Goddamn. Now listen, bro, prepare yourself. You seriously might need to go take a muscle relaxer for this because I hate to see what your mood is gonna be like after you hear this shit. I’ve got some bad fucking news,” Chad announces.

  “Is it about Sabrina?” he mumbles around the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. “I already know.”

  “What? Well, shit. She already showed up? That woman sure doesn’t waste any time, does she? Did she tell you what she did?”

  “Yeah,” he says as he lights his smoke and takes a drag on it.

  Chad chuckles. “She fessed up? I have to fucking admit that girl has some massive man marbles. They might be almost as big as mine. And you know I’m packing some damn softball-size cojones down there. What the fuck did she say?”

  “That she saw the kids in the backyard and stopped and asked them where I lived. Of course they didn’t know the address, but Jackson mentioned ‘Nyssa’. Once she had that, all she had to do was Google me.”

  “That chick’s slick… Did she tell you that she swore them to secrecy and bribed them with a bunch of fucking candy?”

  “Yep.”

  Chad barks out a non-humorous laugh. “Ballsy, I tell ya. I guess she stopped by last weekend, but I only found out about it a few minutes ago. I overheard Joseph asking Jackson when the ‘pretty candy lady’ was coming back. Joseph doesn’t remember Sabrina, but of course Jay and Jackson do. I kinda freaked out and went ape shit on their asses thinking some child molester or abductor or some shit had been talking to them.”

  “Well, you make sure you let them know that I’m not mad at them or any shit like that, okay? They’re just kids. I don’t want them feeling guilty over shit that has nothing to do with them. Plus it’s kinda fucked up that she used to be their aunt.”

  “Yeah, we’ll talk to them. Why in the hell did she want to see you after all this time?”

  “Well…”

  “Damn it. Hang on. I think Lawson World War III just broke out upstairs.”

  Dylan hears a bunch of scuffling followed by the kids yelling in the background.

  “Jackson just punched me in the nose!”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Yes, you did, you liar!”

  “Well, you punched me in the stomach!”

  “Did not!”

  “Ah, sh—oot. I gotta go, dude. The boys got in a fight and Jackson’s nose is bleeding. I’ll call ya later, bro,” Chad says before hanging up.

  Dylan tosses his phone on the porch beside him. Closing his eyes, he takes in a deep drag and starts to mull over his conversation with Jackie. At least he was able to find out that Myra’s safe; she just doesn’t want to see his sorry ass. He knows he shouldn’t be surprised by that but he actually is. He really thought she’d give him a chance to explain everything.

  Where the hell is she? Is she with a friend? She didn’t seem to have any friends in town other than Jackie, and he knows she doesn’t have any family. She could have gone back to Philly. He sure as hell hopes not. But that is where that friend of hers lives. That bitch that chewed his ass out… he can’t for the life of him remember what her name is… something with an S? Sarah? Sharon? He’s going to have to start paying more attention to shit like that.

  Taking another puff of his cigarette, he flicks the ash off the end of it and stares down at it for a minute. What a fucking disastrous mess he’s made of everything. He should have talked to Myra before he slept with her, bottom line. That was his intention all along. But good intentions aren’t worth shit. Its actions that count, and he fucking failed, all the way around.

  His thoughts stray back to the incredible night they had together; the way her body responded to his, how damn soft her skin felt, the look in her eyes when he was inside her. Groaning, he closes his eyes and leans his head against the railing.

  Then Sabrina had to come along. But he can’t put the blame on her because it wasn’t her fault. The blame is all on him. He takes full responsibility for being an ass and not handling the situation the way he should have. He can’t go back and change anything; he knows that for damn certain. But he refuses to let Myra run and hide from him and think that he’s anything like that fucking sleaze ex of hers. He’ll chase her to goddamn Philly or wherever the hell she’s at if he has to. He needs her, and there’s no way in hell he’s going to let her go that easily.

  * * *

  “I still can’t believe he’s gone,” Susie says in a soft voice, tears gleaming in her eyes.

  Myra and Susie are sitting on Susie’s bed with their backs against the headboard and the covers pulled up over their legs.

 
“I know. I can’t believe it either.”

  “He’s the first person close to me that I’ve ever lost. I still have all of my grandparents for goodness sakes… although my Grandpa Fred is way past his expiration date. I love that old coot with all my heart, but I don’t know how he’s not killed himself and a slew of other people with his driving. He scares the hot shit out of me. That loveable old turd does not understand the concept of ‘driving in one lane’. He thinks he’s supposed to straddle the line. I swear to god, he runs people right off the road and into the ditch. I’ve actually seen him do it and let me tell you, it’s scary as hell. I told mom she needs to drag his skinny ass to the DMV and demand that they take away his driver’s license. All she needs to do is video about two seconds of him driving, and she’d have her proof.”

  Myra giggles.

  “And do you know what he did the other day?” Susie asks. Myra shakes her head. “He told my mom that someone was trying to steal his furniture… inside his house. So he got out a black Sharpie and wrote his name and phone number on every piece of furniture in the house. And I don’t mean like on the back of the couch… I mean he wrote it on the front in huge letters. He ruined every piece of furniture they own. You should’ve seen my grandma. She was so pissed. I was shocked she didn’t club him with an iron skillet or something.”

  Myra laughs and shakes her head.

  “So mom asked him why he did it. He told her that when they caught the thief, he’d be able to rightfully claim his property because his name would be on it and he could show them his driver’s license. He’s such a hoot.”

  “That’s hilarious.”

  “Seriously, though, I don’t know how you’ve done it losing so many people like you have. You must be a really strong person.”

  Myra shakes her head. “Hardly… I didn’t have any choice. I had to deal with it one way or the other.”

  Susie nods and stares down at her hands in her lap. “I just don’t understand why it had to be my dad. He is… I mean was… I can’t believe I’m talking about him in the past tense.” A small sob escapes her lips. Myra grabs her hand and squeezes it. “He was the funniest person I’ve ever known.” She dabs at her eyes then leans her head back against the headboard, staring up at the ceiling. “He could always make me laugh. No matter how shitty my day was he could tell me a joke and have me laughing within seconds. He had this knack of being able to find humor in any situation. He looked at the world with different eyes. I loved that about him. It made him so special.”

  “He was an awesome person. And he loved you so much.”

  Susie snorts. “That’s true. He tried so hard not to play favorites, but I knew I was his favorite since I was the only girl and I was so much like him. My brother’s didn’t inherit his sense of humor so they didn’t ‘get’ it when dad and I would be sitting over in the corner cracking up over something stupid and silly.”

  A knock on the bedroom door interrupts them.

  “Come in,” Susie hollers.

  Tucker opens the door and peeps his head inside.

  “Come on in, honey,” Susie says. “Where’s Wes?”

  Tucker climbs on the bed and sits cross-legged. “He fell asleep in front of the TV.”

  “Are you ready to go to bed?” Susie asks.

  Tucker shrugs. “In a little bit.”

  “You okay?” Susie asks.

  “Yeah…” Tucker stares down at the comforter for a moment before looking up at her. “Are you still sad?”

  “Yeah, I am. I’m going to miss your grandpa a lot. Are you sad?”

  Tucker nods. “Yeah… I’m gonna miss him too. Where do you think he’s at? Is he in heaven?”

  “Of course he is. I bet he’s cracking jokes with the angels right now.”

  Tucker grins. “Do you think he’s telling them that funny fart joke he always tells… the one about the guy who went to the doctor?”

  Susie laughs lightly and her eyes meet Myra’s for a second before she looks back at him. “No, honey, I think that joke is a little too ornery for angel’s ears. He’s probably just telling them some knock knock jokes.”

  “Oh. Do you think he’s telling them the one about the tater?”

  Susie smiles at him. “Yeah, I bet he is. And I bet those angels are laughing so hard right now their wings are about to fall off.”

  Tucker giggles. “Grandpa would love to see an angel laugh its wings off.”

  “He would,” Susie says with a smile affectionately running her hand over Tucker’s hair. “Go brush your teeth and I’ll come and tuck you into bed in a few minutes, okay?”

  “Okay.” Tucker hops off the bed and closes the door behind him. Susie covers her face with her hands and bursts into tears. Myra hugs her as she sobs.

  “I can’t stand it,” Susie whispers into Myra’s shirt. “I can’t stand to see my boys hurting.”

  Myra pats her back and nods, tears staining her cheeks as well. She doesn’t know what to say so she just holds Susie and lets her cry.

  Susie finally pulls away and grabs some Kleenex from the night stand, handing one to Myra. They’re both quiet for a few moments as they wipe their eyes and try to get their composure.

  Susie breaks the silence. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Me too,” Myra says. “We’ll get through this together, okay?”

  Leaning her head back against the headboard, she turns towards Myra. “Together,” she whispers.

  Myra nods, her lip trembling as she tries to give her best friend a small smile. She knows all too well what the next couple of days hold for Susie. She wishes she could somehow shield her from the pain that lies ahead.

  CHAPTER 2

  AUBURN, DISTANCE

  Myra lies curled up on her side in Susie’s guest bedroom in the dark, staring at her phone clutched in her hand. Her fingertip touches the volume button on the side and the light comes on. She stares at the face of it until the light goes out then she presses the button again. She repeats the process over and over.

  When she checked her phone earlier before slipping into bed, there were six missed calls from Dylan and one voicemail. As she continues to watch the light go on and off, she debates whether to listen to his message. Or just delete it.

  She worked so hard today to keep Dylan out of her thoughts and focus on Susie but she slipped up a few times. Well, more than a few times and now that she’s all alone in the silent darkness, he’s all she can think about. The light on her phone goes off again, but this time she doesn’t press the volume button. A tear slips from the corner of her eye and vanishes into the pillow beneath her.

  Susie still doesn’t know what happened with her and Dylan and Myra can’t even think about bringing it up to her right now. Her failed love life seems so trivial compared to losing a parent. It is trivial… meaningless.

  But no matter how much she tries to trivialize it, it still hurts. It doesn’t make the pain go away and it doesn’t stop her thoughts from being consumed by him.

  Readjusting the pillow under her head, she snuggles into it and wonders what he’s doing right now. Is he thinking about her? Is he wondering where she is? Or is he with… Sabrina? She squeezes her eyes shut tight against that painful thought.

  Even though he denied it, in her heart she can’t help but feel like she’s been cheated on again. Maybe he really didn’t sleep with Sabrina… It did seem like he was telling the truth. But that’s exactly what she thought with Trent. He said he was telling the truth and look how that turned out. But even if Dylan didn’t lie about sleeping with Sabrina, he did admit that he ran off the morning after to be with her. What type of a man does that? Sleeps with someone and then runs off immediately to be with their ex?

  Sighing heavily, she flips on her back and stares up at the ceiling. She hates comparing Dylan to Trent but she can’t seem to help it. Trent’s the only real relationship she’s ever had. She really thought Dylan was different; that he was nothing like Trent. But he’s doing the same exact
things: keeping secrets, lying by omission. She can’t believe this has happened to her again. Is there something wrong with her? Is she somehow causing the men she’s with to cheat? Or is she just not worth committing to? Surely she couldn’t be that terrible a judge of character could she?

  Turning back on her side, she hugs the covers tight to her chest, the ache inside intensifying. She thinks about the one question she wants answered the most but fears the worst: Is he still in love with Sabrina?

  How could he not be? Sabrina has to be one of the most beautiful women Myra’s ever seen in her life. Even more beautiful than his sister-in-law and that’s saying something. Sabrina just looks like she goes with Dylan no matter how clichéd that sounds.

  Sabrina obviously wants to get back with him; she made that very clear. Myra wonders what could have ever caused them to divorce in the first place. Has he cheated before? That thought makes her feel positively ill.

  A flash of Dylan’s expression when he showed up at the door enters her mind’s eye. He was so angry. But of course he’d be angry because he’d gotten caught red-handed. And then he’d had the nerve to try to deny everything but yet refused to explain anything to her when she demanded it. But it makes sense to her, though, because there was nothing for him to say. What could he have possibly come up with?

  I ran away from you after an amazing night of sex, leaving you all alone in your house because...

  Myra’s stomach clenches because the only way she can see him finishing that sentence is:

  … Because Sabrina called and wants me back.

  Her phone that she’d completely forgotten she was still holding vibrates in her hand, causing a startled gasp to escape her. Sitting up, her heart almost pounds out of her chest when she sees Dylan’s name. Holding her breath, she anxiously waits to see if he’s going to hang up or leave a message. Her heart beats harder when she sees the ‘new voicemail’ message pop up. Staring down at, she rubs her thumb over the face of her phone, feeling torn. Part of her desperately wants to listen to it, but another part of her tells her to just delete it. Be done with him and don’t allow him to hurt her anymore. But before she can make a decision, a text pops up.