Color of Forgiveness

by Madeleine Beckett

  Sherri beams at him. “Go wash up. It’ll be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

  * * *

  After the dinner dishes have been cleared away, Dennis excuses himself, saying he has some work-related things to take care of. Dylan knows better; that’s his dad’s way of giving him and his mom some privacy.

  “Want some coffee?” Sherri asks Dylan.

  “Sure.”

  She sets a mug in front of Dylan and sits down across from him. “Are you doing okay? I worry about you all the time.”

  Dylan takes in a deep breath. “I’m good.”

  She looks at him with such sad, worried eyes. Should he tell her about Myra? No fucking way. He needs to keep his damn mouth shut. It’s way too early in their relationship to be discussing that shit with his parents. Relationship…? What relationship?

  He knows it’s his own damn fault; they have nothing that could be even remotely considered a relationship. But he does want something more with Myra. Something solid that would define them as a couple.

  He almost chokes when a vision of Myra in a wedding dress flashes in his eyes. No way did he just think of marrying her. Marriage is out of the fucking question after going through all the bullshit he did with Sabrina and the divorce. He’s never getting married again but girlfriend doesn’t sound quite right either.

  “I know I’ve asked you this before, but have you made any friends in Nyssa? I don’t like it that you don’t have any friends there. Everyone needs a friend or two that they can talk to.”

  He chuckles, shaking his head at himself.

  “What?”

  “I wasn’t going to tell you this but… I’ve met someone.”

  Sherri gasps, her eyes widening in surprise. “A woman someone?”

  Dylan chuckles again. “Yeah, her name’s Myra. I’ve been doing some work on her house and... I told her, about Mel.”

  “Oh my goodness, you did?”

  Dylan nods.

  “She must be very important to you.”

  He stares at the table and nods again.

  “I’m so happy for you. You know how much I loved Sabrina. I was completely heartbroken when you two broke up. I really hoped you two could work it out, but with her drug problem, I knew that couldn’t happen. You did the right thing. I want to see you happy again. You deserve so much happiness.”

  “Myra makes me happy.”

  Sherri lets out a little shrieking noise.

  “Mom,” Dylan says, rolling his eyes.

  “I’m sorry but this is so exciting. When can we meet her?”

  “God, slow down. Things with her have been kind of… rocky. I’m trying to take things slow. I don’t want to scare her off by introducing her to my family right off the bat.”

  “But—”

  “No buts,” he says with a glare.

  “Fine, but I really want to meet her soon. What’s she like?”

  “I don’t know. She’s kind of quiet. She’s a writer. She used to live in Philly, but moved to Nyssa when her grandpa died. She lives in his house; it’s old and rundown so that’s why she hired me. She doesn’t have any family—”

  “No family? Bless her heart.”

  “Yeah, I just flew in from Philly today…” Dylan then proceeds to spill his guts and gives his mom a slightly altered version of what happened between him and Myra. He tells her about Sabrina showing up on his doorstep but leaves out the fact that she was half-naked when Myra knocked on the door.

  “My goodness,” Sherri says. “So Sabrina’s doing okay? I’ve been so worried about her, especially since we never hear from her.”

  “She seemed good. She said she’s been clean for nine months.”

  “That’s such wonderful news. Please tell her that she’s always welcome here. I’d love for her to stop by and see us.”

  “Yeah, I know. It’s just awkward now that we’re divorced.”

  Sherri leans over and touches Dylan’s hand on the table. “You’re right. I just miss her.”

  His dad steps into the kitchen and clears his throat. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I just talked to Chad,” he says looking directly at Dylan. “I may have accidentally mentioned that you were here and he may have accidentally mentioned it to Natalie who is now demanding that you come over to see them.”

  Dylan chuckles and shakes his head.

  “Why don’t you stay the night with us and you can leave in the morning?” Sherri asks. “That way you can spend more time with Chad and Natalie.”

  Dylan purses his lips. Myra’s flying home tomorrow; if he stayed the night, he could meet her at the airport and follow her back to Nyssa.

  “Why not…?” Dylan says with a shrug of his shoulders as his mom smiles from ear to ear.

  * * *

  “Oh god, here I go again,” Susie moans as she grabs a tissue out of the box that sits in the middle of her bed and dabs at her puffy red eyes. “I can’t stop the leaking. You’re killing me, Myra. You know I act all mean and tough on the outside with my expert verbal Kung Fu skills and all, but inside I’m really just squishy and filled with marshmallows and yellow Peeps and creamy nougat. ” She stops to blow her nose loudly, tossing the dirty tissue on the floor beside her bed before grabbing another. “Please make it go away,” she says before throwing her head back on her pillow and sighing.

  Myra grabs a Kleenex and wipes her eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard in my life,” she says. She told Susie Dylan’s story last night after he left to go back to his hotel. They stayed up crying together and talking about it for hours.

  “Me either,” Susie says before sniffing loudly. “I swear they’d have to put me in the loony bin if I ever lost one of my boys like that especially at that age. He was three. He was just a baby.” She turns on her side to face Myra. “Three is one of those magical ages. They’re so sweet and innocent and precious and constantly saying new and funny things. I swear they’d have to put me in a strait jacket and in one of those Hannibal the Cannibal masks because I know I’d go completely psycho. Psycho Susie, that’s what they’d call me.” She pauses to blow her nose loudly, making disgusting, unladylike sniffs and snorts at the end. “I feel like my sinuses have been reamed out. My head hurt so bad last night after all that crying we did that I had to overdose on the Advil.

  “Then today? Today I got hit with the guilt. I feel like the scuzziest scuzz that every walked the planet. How could I say all of those mean, wicked terrible things I said about that incredible man? I think I went through every ass acronym available. I’m vile! And the fuck names…?” she groans, covering her eyes. “I won’t even go there. Oh, Lordy, I need someone to beat me on my rotund ass for all the awful things I’ve said about that sweet, dear, broken-hearted hunky man. I think I’m going to buy some lye soap and scrub my mouth out with it. I hope it’s revolting and makes me gag. I need to be punished for my horrendous ways.”

  “You should feel bad because you said some awful things about him.”

  “I know.” Susie suddenly sits up her hands flying to her face. “Oh my god…”

  “What’s wrong?” Myra asks.

  “I’m going to hell. Did I say something about ‘blendering his balls’?”

  “Yes. You did.”

  Susie groans and drops her head in her hands. “Hell is waiting on me. I’m gonna burn in the flames one of these days, Myra. I’m gonna burn. The guilt…” she moans loudly before grabbing a pillow and covering her face with it. “I feel so guilty.”

  “Maybe you’ll think twice before you open your mouth next time.”

  “My mouth needs a mute button,” she says into the pillow before ripping it away and tucking it under her head. “I’m getting another headache. I cannot cry anymore.” She turns on her side and points to her eyes. “Did you see the state of my eyeballs this morning? Do you know what I did after all that crying we did last night? Went off and boohooed some more until my eyeballs almost fell out of their sockets.” She scoots closer to Myra, waving a
t her eyes. “Look at them. They look like striped peppermint balls. Do you see the bags under them? They’re so swelled and saggy it looks like I grew some grannie tits under my eyes overnight. I’m a mess. I snuck into the boys’ rooms last night and laid down beside them and kissed their sweet, sweet cheeks and touched their soft hair and bawled my brains out. They’d both vomit if they knew I did that. I swear I didn’t know a human could produce that many tears.”

  Susie grabs another Kleenex and blows her nose again. “Oh my head,” she moans, rubbing her temples. “I just thought of something. Maybe I lost some weight. Surely all that water added up to some poundage. I’m going to have to weigh myself later. Anyway, sorry I keep getting sidetracked, but the whole point of my story was to tell you that I was lying beside Wesley when he suddenly turned over and punched me right in the boob while he was sound asleep. It hurt like hell.” She thrusts her chest out and looks down at her breasts. “Does one of my tits look bigger? Because if so, I’m going in there tonight so he can punch the other one so they match.”

  Myra giggles. “You’re insane, you know that?”

  Susie sighs. “I know.”

  She turns on her side to face Myra. “You need to love on that man. Give him so much love that he can’t handle it all. For him to fly all the way out here, spend all that money and share his story with you like that… And then beg you to give him another chance? Myra, are you ready for this?”

  “What?”

  “I have an announcement. And it’s huge.”

  Myra shakes her head and chuckles. “Okay…”

  Susie clears her throat over dramatically. “Dylan is in love with you.”

  Myra gasps. “What?”

  “He is. That man is so much in love with you. I know he hasn’t said it but he doesn’t have to. His actions speak loud and clear. He’s already slept with you so we know he’s not after da pussy since he’s already gotten da pussy. Only a man in love is going to do what he did.”

  “Wait,” Myra says, holding up her hand. “Trent flew out to Nyssa to see me.”

  “Uh, that was because Trent is a fucking stalker, Myra. You can’t even compare the two. Besides, you didn’t see the way Dylan looked at you. It was written all over his face. He is so in love with you. Do you love him?”

  “I… I…” Myra stutters. She doesn’t know how to answer that question. Could she be in love? Her life lately has been a blur of activity. From the horrible incident with Sabrina, to Susie’s dad dying, to flying to Philly, to Dylan showing up; she’s not had any time to think about her feelings. She knows she felt completely devastated when she found Sabrina at his house. It was like her heart had been ripped to shreds. Then she’d been so mad at him and confused when he’d shown up on Susie’s doorstep; her emotions were all over the place. But hearing about his past, her heart had literally felt like it tore in half for him. All she’d wanted to do was take his pain away and give him… love. She finds herself stunned by that realization.

  Susie crosses her arms and nods her head. “You don’t have to say anything because I already know the answer,” she says in a sing-song voice.

  Myra shakes her head and grins before looking down at her hands.

  “Dylan needs serious lovin’, and I know you are the one that can give it to him. Just be there for him and just give him love, plain and simple. He’s been through a hellish experience, but it’s obvious he’s ready to start over again… with you, you lucky beyotch!” Susie yells before erupting into a fit of giggles. Myra joins her.

  After their laughter dies down, Myra looks over at Susie. “I can’t believe I’m going home tomorrow.”

  “I know. Why won’t you let me drive you to the airport? Or have Jeff take you?”

  “Because you both can’t afford to miss work; I can take a taxi.”

  Susie smirks. “You’re pigheaded.”

  “I know. I’m really going to miss you.”

  “Don’t start. You know I can’t cry because I have no moisture left in my tub-o-lard body. I’m going to have to chug a case of Gatorade before we say our goodbyes. So let me drink myself into oblivion tonight so I can replenish my tear reservoir.”

  “I love you,” Myra says as she leans toward Susie and gives her a hug.

  “I love you more,” Susie says, squeezing her tight. “And remember, Dylan is not Trent. Don’t be afraid to open yourself up to love again.”

  Myra stares at Susie for a moment before smiling and nodding. Maybe it is time to try again.

  * * *

  Dylan steps out the backdoor of Chad’s house and sits on the steps of the deck, lighting up a cigarette. Staring up into the blackened sky scattered with tiny pin pricks of white stars, he wonders what Myra’s doing right now. Pulling his phone out and checking the time, he calculates the time difference and figures she’s probably already asleep. But he really wants to hear her voice so he dials her number anyway.

  “Hi,” she says.

  He smiles when he hears her voice. “Hey. What are you doing? I didn’t call too late, did I?”

  “No. I’m in bed but I was awake. I couldn’t sleep.”

  Hearing her say ‘in bed’ goes straight to his dick. Feeling like a total perv, he clears his throat to stifle a groan. “Good. I mean, not good that you can’t sleep just good that I didn’t wake you up. Well… shit.”

  Myra giggles softly which makes him chuckle. “How’s everything going?” he asks.

  “Good. I had a really nice dinner with Susie’s family tonight. Her mom and one of her brothers and his family came over. I cooked for everyone. Then Susie and I got to spend some time together talking. It was really nice.”

  “I’m sure you’re not looking forward to leaving Susie.”

  “No, I’m not. It’s really hard leaving her. But we’re always talking to each other either on the phone or on the computer so it’s not so bad.”

  “Are you still flying home tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What time does your flight get in?”

  “Six o’clock.”

  “I decided to stay with my parents tonight, in Boise. I’m over at my brother’s house right now. Would it be okay if I meet you at the airport tomorrow? I could, uh, follow you home or something…” Dylan says, hating how nervous he sounds.

  “That’d be great.”

  He blows out a breath. “Good. Okay. Well, just call me tomorrow if anything changes, otherwise I’ll just see you at the airport, all right?”

  “Okay.”

  He clears his throat and stands, leaning against the banister and staring out into the darkness. “Myra?”

  “Yeah…?”

  “I really…” He stops and clears his throat again. “I really fucking miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  He smiles again. “Bye,” he whispers.

  “Bye.”

  Dylan smiles as he tucks his phone back in his pocket. After he finishes his cigarette, he steps back into the house to find Chad sitting at the kitchen table eating a giant piece of pie with what looks like a carton of ice cream on top of it. With his mouth crammed full, he motions his hand for Dylan to sit down. He finally gets the bite down and starts talking. “Want some pie?” he asks.

  Dylan shakes his head.

  “The boys are upstairs doing their homework so I’m sneaking a piece. You’re not still pissed at Nat for telling me about Myra, are you?”

  Dylan was pissed off when he stopped by and Natalie confessed almost immediately that she’d told Chad about Myra. But then after he’d thought about it, he was almost thankful to her for saving him the embarrassment of having to tell that shit to his brother. So far Chad has kept the teasing to a minimum.

  “Nah, it’s cool.”

  “Good. She’s so happy that you’re talking to her. She’s just been so damned bored lying on that fucking couch all day long with nothing to do. She was dying to tell me. She couldn’t hold that shit in any longer. Besides, you knew I was already onto you
r shit when you last visited and were trying to be all sneaky and covert with those damn phone calls. I saw right through your shit. I know you too well, bro. I’m happy for ya.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m glad you came over. I won’t be able to get Nat to shut about it for the next fucking week. This pregnancy has been really hard on her.”

  Dylan nods.

  “And it’s been really fucking hard on me too, bro. No. Fucking. Did you hear me? No. Fucking… until the baby’s born… doc’s orders. That’s like two months away. I don’t do well without pussy, dude. This shit is fucking killing me. My dick is gonna shrivel up and fall off. I’m so fucking glad this is our last baby because I can’t handle any more of this shit.”

  Chad’s eyes dart around the kitchen. He lowers his voice. “Bro, she even talked me into going and getting…” He holds two fingers up and does a scissor-motion, “… neutered, man. She’s cutting my fucking balls off. I really hate how much that bitch owns me. I’m so pussy whipped. She’s taking away my manhood, bro. I’ll never be the same.” He hangs his head and picks at the pie with his fork.

  Dylan snorts.

  “Fuck you. So what’s this Myra like? Is she hot?” he asks before taking another bite of pie.

  “No,” Dylan says, frowning. “She’s… she’s beautiful.”

  Chad stops chewing.

  “What?” Dylan snaps back angrily.

  Chad finishes chewing his bite, a slow grin splitting his face. “My lil’ bro is in love.”

  “No, I’m not. Eat your fucking pie and stay out of my shit,” Dylan snarls.

  Chad’s grin gets even bigger. “Nuh uh. Oh no. You are in love, dude. Damn, this is fucking awesome! I’m ready to get my old bro back. I’m not too fond of the grumpy assfuck you’ve been for the past few years.” Chad laughs as Dylan throws him the bird. “Sorry, just stating the fucking facts. You know it’s true. I understand your anger, bro, I really do but I miss my old bro. I’ve been seeing glimpses of him lately. Some of my best memories are with you. It’s all right to be happy again, ya know?”

  Dylan knows Chad’s right. He has changed. He’s not the same man he was before Mel died. That event turned him into a bitter, angry man that he’s not too proud of. He wants to be happy again, but he feels guilty for even thinking about it. How can he be happy when his son is lying in a grave and never had a chance to live?