Color of Forgiveness

by Madeleine Beckett

  “I know. It’s just… I can’t really do anything right now since he won’t talk to me.”

  “Well, give him some time. I’m sure there’s a lot going on in that stubborn head of his right now.”

  “Yeah…”

  “I want you to know that I’m praying for the both of you and my house is open for you to come and stay anytime, okay?”

  “Thank you.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow to check on you, all right?”

  “Okay.”

  “Oh. I almost forgot… are you on a pre-natal vitamin?”

  “Uh, no...”

  “Make sure you start taking one right away, okay? Any over the counter type should be fine. Sorry, that’s the nurse in me talking,” Natalie says with a laugh.

  “Thanks for the reminder.”

  They say their goodbyes and Myra hangs up.

  “What’s going on?” Jackie asks immediately.

  “Dylan and Dennis are outside on the porch.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I’ll explain later, okay? I just need to go out there,” Myra says as she puts on her coat. “I think they’re planning on spending the night. Do you mind if I ask them to come in? Maybe they could sleep on your couch or something?”

  “Of course… they can’t sleep outside. It’s freezing.”

  She looks out the window again, and stares at Dylan sitting there, his elbows on his knees, his head hanging down. Her heart aches for him so much.

  “Just stay here, okay?” she says to Jackie before she opens the door and steps out onto the porch.

  Walking up to the porch railing, she leans against it. “What are you guys doing out here?” she asks.

  Dylan takes a long drag on his cigarette and stares straight ahead into the darkness, completely ignoring her.

  Dennis stands and clears his throat. “I’m going to leave you two to talk.”

  “Dennis, do you want to go in and get warmed up?” Myra says. “Jackie said it would be fine.”

  “That sounds good to me,” Dennis says to Myra. He pats Dylan on the back. “I’ll be inside if you need me, son.”

  Myra opens the door for Dennis and looks at Jackie. “Can you fix Dennis a cup of coffee or something? I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Sure,” Jackie says cheerily as Myra closes the door.

  She leans up against the railing again and stares at Dylan. She watches as his long fingers bring his cigarette to his lips. “So… are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

  He’s quiet for a moment as he continues to stare out into the darkness. “No one is going to fucking touch you or our baby,” he says in a low voice.

  Myra’s stomach flutters; the protective tone in his voice makes her knees go weak. Or it could be because he said our baby, she’s not sure which. “Why don’t you come inside, Dylan? It’s freezing out here.”

  “Nah, I’m good,” he says, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette.

  “Do you… is there anything you want to talk about?” she asks.

  He shakes his head. “I just need time to figure this shit out.”

  She takes in a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” She opens the door and turns, staring at him for a long moment before she finally steps back inside and closes the door behind her.

  * * *

  Dylan grabs another cigarette from his pocket, lights it and leans his side against the porch railing. He hated being a dick to Myra, but he told her the truth. He does need some time to think. So much shit has happened today that his head is fucking spinning. He cringes when he thinks back to all of the shitty, hateful things he said to her this morning when he found out she was pregnant. He sounded like a chauvinistic asshole when he told her that the birth control was her responsibility. He knows that was bullshit; it was just his anger talking.

  When he slept with Myra that first time, he’d just been existing from one day to the next, not giving a fuck about the future because he had no future. The thought of having more children had never even entered his realm of thinking until Myra asked him about it on their date night.

  He can’t be a father again he can’t… just the thought of it sends a shiver of terror through him. The love he had for Mel… He can’t love another child like that and risk losing them. It was too much. He’d never survive if it happened again. Reaching for his wallet, he pulls out a picture of Mel tucked in the back. It has dirt smudges on it and the edges are all crinkled up. His eyes water as he stares at Mel’s face.

  He’ll never forget the first time he saw Mel, all tiny with his little face all scrunched up, crying his little lungs out. All it took was one look. He took one look at his naked little son and fell in love with him. It was instant and permanent.

  Dylan scrubs a hand over his eyes. He’ll never forget the first time he held his son’s tiny body in his arms, or the first time his rough fingers touched his soft skin. He felt so fragile to Dylan. When Mel’s tiny little hand grasped Dylan’s finger for the first time and held on so tight, Dylan never wanted him to let go.

  He wipes his eyes again and continues to stare down at the picture until the sound of the door opening behind him pulls him out of his thoughts. He roughly shoves Mel’s picture back into his wallet and slips it into his pocket. He takes another hit off of his cigarette and flicks the ashes into the bushes.

  “I thought you might be hungry,” Myra says softly. He glances out of the corner of his eye and watches her set a blanket down beside him with a plate of food on top of it. She sets a thermos next to it. “You’re dad’s going to sleep on the couch. You’re welcome to come in any time.”

  “Thanks,” he grunts, frowning. He can’t believe she’s being so nice to him when he treated her like shit. She should be pissed at him and ignoring his ass, not making him food and bringing him goddamn blankets.

  “Good night, Dylan,” she says softly before she turns and closes the door quietly behind her.

  * * *

  The next morning when Myra hears Jackie start the water for her shower, she makes her way downstairs to check on Dylan. One her way to the front door, she looks over at the couch and sees Dennis curled up snoring peacefully. She peeks out the window and Dylan is still sitting on the steps of the porch but he’s asleep. The plate of food she gave him is now empty, and he has the blanket wrapped around him, some of it bunched up against the railing as a pillow. She can’t even imagine how uncomfortable that has to be for him especially with his back problems.

  She wishes she could just make him come inside. Sighing heavily, she heads into the kitchen to try to start the men some breakfast. She nibbles on some Saltines as her stomach flips around. Her phone buzzes with a text.

  RU AWAKE?! Why haven’t u called me? I’m dying rolling on the floor in agony. Call me call me call me call me call me I won’t stop texting this until you CALL ME WOMAN! Call me call me call me–S

  Myra giggles as she dials Susie.

  Susie picks up immediately. “It’s about time you called me. I was contemplating going on Virtual Best Bud strike. You have to tell me how your weekend went. Oh, and I’ve been tracking your package. You should get it around ten this morning. I haven’t been this excited since I went to Vegas and was standing in line for that $50 all-you-can-eat-paradise and that fool in front of me turned around and gave me his coupon for a free buffet. That was one fine day in the Susie books and so is today. Okay, I’ll shut up now. Go ahead.”

  Myra takes in a deep breath. “Susie. I already know.”

  “Know what? What time the package is supposed to get there?”

  “No. I took a test.”

  “You what?” Susie shrieks.

  “You can’t get mad at me because you don’t know the whole story yet.”

  “You took a pregnancy test without me?” Susie shouts. “Why didn’t you fucking call me? I’m so mad at you right now.”

  “Trust me I was a mess at that point. I just couldn’t have.” Myra quic
kly tells her about Natalie catching her throwing up, guessing that she was pregnant and taking her upstairs to take a test.

  “So the sister in law trumps the VBB now, huh? I swear I’d love to choke you right now.” She takes in some deep breaths. “Okay. I’m over my fit now. So is my VBB pregnant or not?”

  “Yes. I am.”

  “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! My Myra’s going to be a mommy. This is the best day ever. I know the timing on this is just awful for you and Dylan, but I just can’t help but be happy for you. You are going to be the best mother that ever lived. Congratulations a billion times over!”

  Myra smiles as she wipes tears from her eyes. “Thank you. I love you.”

  “I love you crazy. So when are you going to tell Dylan? How in the world are you going to do it? I’m starting to freak out for you.”

  Myra takes in a deep breath. “I already did.”

  “What? Oh my god! He knows? This is so like a real-life soap opera. I need something chocolaty to chow down on while I listen.”

  Myra rolls her eyes and starts the story by telling her about seeing Sabrina at the cemetery. Susie interrupts, giving her own commentary on the situation.

  “She was totally following you guys. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s your stalker. No way was that just a coincidence. I think she might seriously go all slasher on you when she finds out you’re preggers. She’s completely psychotic.”

  “I don’t think it was Sabrina,” Myra says as she describes the monkey that Sabrina was holding and the expression on her face. “For some reason, I just feel like she didn’t have anything to do with it.”

  “You’re just too nice, Myra. You only see the good in people. I see the evil because I know and understand the dark side, since it happens to be one of my endearing qualities. So how did you tell Dylan that you’re carrying his beautiful bun?”

  Myra tells her about shouting at Dylan to pull over, her throwing up and his reaction.

  “That big weenied dickhead… Did he really say that to you? I hate that man, that male chauvinist pig-snouted pigface.” Susie makes a loud growling sound. “Ugh, I want to jump on a plane and beat the shit out of his fine ass. But I know I’d like it too much because your man’s ass is so fine, and then I’d have to beat the shit out of myself for getting all hot and bothered over beating his ass.”

  “Can you shut up for a minute?” Myra shouts. “Now let me finish my story.” Myra then tells her about Dylan’s reaction to finding out she got pregnant on the anniversary of Mel’s death.

  “Now I feel horribly guilty for wanting to do horrible things to his fine ass. That poor man… that would really mess with your head, you know? Maybe this was Mel’s way of letting Dylan know that it’s okay for him to move on. Like God is giving him a gift or something. Ugh, I’m getting all religious and sappy now. It makes me want to run to a church and shout hallelujah and run up and down the aisles while I start speaking in tongues.”

  Myra giggles as a visual of Susie doing that pops into her head.

  “So what did you do when he was practically passed out?”

  Myra tells her about calling his family, Sabrina showing up, and getting back home to find her house burglarized.

  “Well, at least his family knows, and everything’s out in the open. I still think Sabrina’s responsible. She could have driven to your house on Saturday, tried to break in and then drove back to Boise. She probably saw Dylan’s truck at Chad’s house and then followed you to the cemetery.”

  “Maybe…”

  “So are you and Dylan talking? What’s going on with you two?”

  “Not really. He said he needs some time. I’m staying with Jackie right now, and he’s asleep on the porch.”

  “On the porch? What are you talking about?”

  “He showed up last night with his dad, and they camped out on the front porch. His dad had some sense and came in and slept on the couch. But Dylan refused and stayed out on the porch all night. He said he was going to protect me and the baby.”

  “He slept on the porch, in the cold, to protect you and the baby? Good Lord, Myra. He’s a dick, but he’s such a sweet dick. I can’t believe that man did that. That is like so protective and beautiful and… ugh! I really want to hate him right now, but I can’t.”

  “I was really touched by it,” Myra admits. “To have him do something like that when he’s been so upset about everything…”

  “Mmm… What a man. He’s just a fucking ignorant man who happens to be in love and is too stupid to realize it.”

  “I don’t know,” Myra argues. “Well, I need to go. I’m going to take him some breakfast.”

  “Ah, take care of that sweet stupid dick. Call me as soon as you get my package, all right?”

  “Okay. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Myra takes another quick bite of a cracker before she fills a plate full of bacon, eggs, and toast. She pours a cup of coffee for Dylan just as Dennis steps into the kitchen.

  “Good morning,” he greets her in a cheery voice. “It sure smells good in here.”

  “Thanks. Are you hungry?”

  “I sure am. Where are the plates?”

  Myra opens a cabinet and hands him one. “I was just going to take Dylan…” her voice trails off as she waves to the plate and coffee.

  “Oh.” Dennis smiles. “I’ll get the door for you.”

  “Thanks.” Carrying the plate and cup, she follows Dennis to the front door. Jackie comes skipping down the stairs.

  “Good morning, Myra,” she says in a merry sing-song voice.

  “Hi, Jackie, breakfast is in the kitchen.”

  “Yummy,” she says.

  She murmurs a thank you to Dennis as he opens the door for her. Dylan doesn’t stir. She figures he must be really exhausted. She quietly sets the plate and coffee down and stares at him for a moment. He looks so beautiful with his mouth hanging slightly open as he breathes heavily through it. There are no frowns, no deep creases in his forehead; he just looks so untroubled for once.

  Reaching out, she touches him slightly on the shoulder. “Dylan?”

  Startled, he sits up, his eyes wide and bloodshot.

  “I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I brought you some breakfast and some coffee. It’s really cold out here. Are you sure you don’t want to come in?”

  “Nah,” he grunts in a scratchy voice.

  Myra takes in a deep breath. “Okay.”

  She picks up his plate from last night, and sees the scraps of dried up food on it and gets slammed with a wave of nausea. Dropping the plate, she runs to the far end of the porch and hangs over the railing, throwing up the crackers she just ate. She hears Dylan scrambling behind her and feels him grabbing her hair and holding it up for her. Once her stomach stops heaving, she wipes her mouth on her sleeve and straightens. Dylan drops her hair and stares at her with brows furrowed together. “Should you be this sick?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never been pregnant before.”

  He sighs heavily and rubs his neck. “Is Jackie working today?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I thought I’d just go back to the house until she gets home.”

  Dylan nods. “I’ll start working on your kitchen again…”

  Myra’s mouth drops open slightly. “You’re not going to call Ray?”

  “Call Ray for what?” he snaps back. Then understanding crosses his face. “No, I’m not calling Ray. I started this job, and I plan on finishing it.”

  “Oh. I just thought you might not want to after everything…”

  He ignores her and walks back over to the steps. He sits and picks up the plate she brought him and starts eating.

  Sighing softly, she picks up his empty plate and thermos. “I’ll get my things together,” she mumbles.

  He nods but doesn’t look up at her.

  * * *

  Dylan sets his tool bucket on the kitch
en floor with a little more force than necessary. He didn’t like seeing Myra throwing up like that. Is that shit normal? Sabrina never threw up. Is there something wrong with Myra? Is the baby okay? His chest tightens. He needs to call Natalie and ask her about it before he drives himself fucking crazy.

  “You ready to start on those countertops?” his dad asks.

  He nods and they head out to her garage to get the first section. Once they get the first piece installed and leveled, he hears a knock on the door. His heart rate picks up pace as his eyes meet his dads. As they both walk towards the front door, he hears Myra’s footsteps coming down the stairs. A quick look out the window, and he sees a guy dressed in a FedEx outfit, a large box sitting next to him.

  “It’s FedEx,” he mumbles.

  “I’m expecting a box,” Myra says. He opens the door and eyes the delivery guy up and down, not trusting anyone anymore. He steps back when he thinks it’s safe.

  Myra signs for it, and Dylan steps forward to pick it up for her.

  “Where do you want it?” he asks.

  “Um…” She rakes her teeth over her bottom lip, looking nervous. “Could you take it upstairs for me?”

  He nods.

  “I’ll be in the kitchen,” Dennis says.

  Dylan follows her up the stairs and swallows hard when she opens the door to her bedroom. Why the hell did she have him bring it up here? Why couldn’t she have done it downstairs? Is she doing this shit to him on purpose?

  She waves her hand towards the bed, her cheeks pink. “You can just set it there. Thanks.”

  Setting it down, he steps back, staring down at the bed for a moment. Flashes of him on top of her, inside of her, his lips on her soft breasts and between her thighs torment him. She did do this shit on purpose. He throws Myra an angry look before he turns and stomps out of her bedroom.

  He wishes he’d never met that woman, he wishes he’d never taken this goddamn job and he wishes she hadn’t been so tempting and beautiful and kind and sweet and all that other shit.

  He angrily stomps all the way to the kitchen.

  And if he hadn’t met that damn woman and fallen in love with her, he… He freezes, his mouth dropping open. Dennis looks up at him. “You all right there, son?”