by Layla Nash
"You don't need to spend any time trying to find them." He closed his eyes, praying he could convince her. "Smith will find him. We'll send other people to find him, to bring him back here. There will be justice, Isobel, I promise."
She shook her head and wiped her cheeks, backing away. "It's too late."
Before Edgar could argue or suggest they retreat back to the mansion to regroup, Atticus leaned through the doorway. He wouldn't look up, his gaze planted firmly on the ground near Edgar's feet, and Edgar's heart sank. Atticus cleared his throat. "They found something else. Something you should probably see."
Edgar wanted to break something. Ivy immediately straightened and stormed into the hall to follow Atticus, who waited for Edgar's nod before leading the way to the elevators. Shifters lined the halls and waited in a cluster as they got out of the elevator in one of the sub-basements. Atticus walked in silence down a long, echoing corridor. Ivy shivered. But when Edgar tried to hug her, she pulled away.
Kaiser waited outside a set of steel doors, his expression grim, and blocked Ivy from going right through. "Wait."
The bear took a deep breath before going on, gently catching her shoulder to keep her from shoving past him a second time. "There's a lab in there. We're collecting up the files right now."
She wobbled, nearly fell, and Edgar caught her. He didn't want to know the answer to his next question, but for Ivy's sake, he had to ask. "Do they have any shifters in there?"
"There's one. Just one." Kaiser shook his head. "It's not — what you expect."
Edgar frowned at him, waiting for more, but Kaiser just opened the door so they could go through. When Edgar suggested Ivy wait in the hall, she ignored him and went anyway. A large laboratory, filled with equipment and machines and things he didn't even recognize, led them to a smaller side room, filled with incubators. Cribs. Those plastic cradles they used for newborns in hospitals, with wheels and tubes and lights.
And a single occupant. A baby, maybe six months old by his rough guess, lay in one of the plastic and glass contraptions, kicking her feet in the air and babbling. A chubby little angel with a full head of dark hair and perfect pink nails. Round cheeks and bright blue eyes.
Ivy made a strangled sound and froze, gripping her own arms as if she would fly apart without holding on to something. She shook her head, kept shaking it, but didn't make another sound. She stared at the crib and the cooing baby as if it were a poisonous snake about to strike. The baby whimpered, kicking her legs with more force, and a plaintive cry cut through the silence. Edgar looked at Ivy, waiting for her to go to the child and pick it up, but she didn't blink.
So he walked over to the crib and looked down at the baby. He knew nothing about children, nothing about babies, but he knew that small things, young things, liked to be warm and held. Protected. So he opened his jacket and picked up the squirmy baby, and held her to his chest. The crying stopped and instead she started a happy babbling, broken up by screeches as she tested her lungs, and he found himself smiling. Kissing the top of her head.
He didn't look up from the baby, zipping up his jacket around her to keep her warm, as Kaiser walked in with a stack of paperwork. "What's her name?"
"I don't think she has one. Just a case number." The bear shook his head mournfully as he studied the papers. "Born via surrogate five months ago. One of several efforts in progress, they say. But the only one here that we could find."
"Who —" Ivy's voice came out rusty and broken. Her eyes reflected the light back at him when Edgar looked up, and he wondered if they were all about to meet the wolverine. She cleared her throat, lifted a shaking hand to cover her forehead. "Whose is she? Her p-parents. Who are her parents? Did they steal her?"
"Smith is still sorting through what happened," Kaiser said, quiet and still and gentle. Edgar didn't know how the giant bear learned to be so careful around women and children, but he was grateful as hell Kaiser was there instead of Benedict. The bear took a deep breath, then held out one of the papers to her, though Ivy didn't take it. "They took some of the samples they had cryogenically frozen from... earlier donors, as they describe it, and created the embryo in the lab behind us. They hired a local girl to carry the baby. We called her; she has no idea about anything. She did a job, they paid her well for it, and she gave them the baby. The records have file numbers for the donors. Number 17 is the mother. Number 32 is the father."
The color drained from her face. She backed up. "No."
Edgar bounced the baby against his chest as he eased closer to Kaiser, wanting to see the paper. "Who?"
"Isobel Victoria Peterson," Kaiser said, almost an apology. "And Jacob James Rush."
She shook her head and a broken sob escaped. Edgar held out a hand to her, wanting to draw her close and comfort her as he comforted the baby. "Isobel, it's —"
"No." Tears spilled down her cheeks and she bolted, ran back through the lab and disappeared into the elevators. No one tried to stop her.
Ruby peeked around the corner from the lab, glancing at where Ivy had gone. "Is she going to be okay?"
"I don't know." Edgar stared unseeing at where she'd disappeared, and just shook his head.
Kaiser lumbered over to the cabinets that lined the wall in the nursery. He pulled down cases of diapers and formula, starting a stack of things they would take. The bear glanced at Ruby, then tilted his head at Edgar. "Maybe you should take the kid, Ruby, since you're... You know."
"What, since I'm a woman?" Ruby snorted, folding her arms over her chest. "And you're out of your fucking mind if you think I'm going to try to take that baby from him. Haven't you ever seen a man in love?"
The bear sighed, leaning against the cabinets. "We have to get the rest of the records. Can you take the baby back to the mansion so Natalia can look after it? She's already got baby stuff. I don't think the rest of us have that kind of set up."
"And this delightful little peanut belongs with Ivy," Edgar said, nuzzling the baby's head. Her head smelled clean and fresh and optimistic. Like hope. The lion purred in a deep, contented rumble. They'd saved the kit from a miserable life, they'd brought Ivy's young to safety. Ivy would know. Ivy just needed to hold the baby, smell her head, feel the hummingbird thrum of her heart against her skin. Then she would know.
Ruby's eyebrows arched. "You're fucking kidding."
"They used samples from Ivy and her mate to create that baby." Kaiser pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. "That is so fucked up. Jesus."
"It will be okay," Edgar whispered to the baby, still bouncing her as he looked at where Ivy had disappeared. But he said it more to convince himself.
Chapter 24
I paced outside the building, back and forth through the crowd of black-uniformed security dudes and shifters, but couldn't make myself go back inside, even as the cold air cut through me. And I couldn't make myself leave, either. The baby's image burned itself into my brain, and Kaiser's voice saying my name and Jake's... I shook my head and covered my ears, wanting to beat it out of my memory. They'd made a baby. They'd gone on with the experiments and created the child they tried to make us have ten years earlier. I gulped back a cry, a wail, and froze as more commotion rose behind me.
Edgar and the others exited the building. A few shifters stayed behind to continue searching, and Smith remained to begin cataloguing the records. And since Logan owned the property as well as the business, no one could kick them out. In the melee to get into the cars, I slid away from where Edgar cuddled the baby and instead, I slipped into the SUV with Atticus and Kaiser. The bear raised his eyebrows when he saw me, but only said, "Buckle up."
I knew he texted Edgar, could see enough of his phone to know he let the lion know I was with them, but I didn't care. I couldn't think with Edgar there, and I sure as hell couldn't think with the baby on his shoulder. She had Jake's eyes. His nose. I recognized her the moment I saw her. Knew she was his. Knew she had to be mine, too. And yet all I felt was panic. Panic and betrayal.
> The ride back to the mansion took forever, the trip made in silence. We pulled up in the front drive and found everyone else waiting outside, and Edgar's car already there. He got out of the back, Logan exiting the driver's side, and then Natalia rushed forward to gather up the baby. She wrapped her up in something plush and pink, talking a mile a minute, though I couldn't hear a word. No doubt telling them off for something. I sat there, waiting for my courage to surge up so I could brave the crowd and the baby and walk in. But Atticus and Kaiser didn't move.
I finally cleared my throat. "What are we waiting for?"
"You." Atticus turned the car off but didn't leave, even though Sophia waited on the steps and watched him through the windshield. "You want to go in, or should I drive for a bit?"
My heart clogged my throat, and I couldn't speak for gratitude.
Neither of them looked back at me. Kaiser's beard rasped as he rubbed his jaw. "If you want to stay somewhere else for a while, you can stay with me and my guys. There's an extra room with your name on it if you want it, Ivy. If you need quiet and calm for a bit."
"Don't believe him," Atticus said under his breath. "There's no quiet or calm with the bears. They all snore like fucking freight trains, and there's at least one brawl a week. At least."
"The offer stands." Kaiser waved the group away when Logan looked back in curiosity, but didn't make any effort to leave. "And at least we have a working kitchen, dick."
They might have kept bickering, and I might have let them, but I wasn't getting any braver as time passed. So I took a deep breath. "I'm ready. Thank you."
"Good to go," the bear said, lumbering out of the SUV. He even opened my door.
The blast of cold air knocked some sense into me, but that faded a little as we all walked into the mansion and to a comfortable living room area near what had been the kitchen. A roaring fire in the fireplace lent warmth and light to the room, and the rest of the family occupied the comfortable couches, chairs, and benches. Natalia had spread a blanket on the rug in front of the fireplace, the warmest place in the room, and placed the baby there. Nat played with her, cooing and making silly noises, while Edgar watched from a nearby chair.
Nat looked up as we walked in, and her smile nearly blinded me. "Ivy, she's beautiful."
My heart seized up. I didn't know what to say. Keller did good work? The geneticists obviously picked the right ones? Too bad they killed my mate so I can't make any more like her? Too bad I didn't carry her so she doesn't feel like mine? My hands clenched at my sides, and for the millionth time that night, I considered running.
Natalia's head tilted as she studied me, then she just smiled and returned her attention to the baby. "I hope you don't mind if I hog her for a bit. You look exhausted and this little darling is too precious for me to give up right now. Go sit down, hon."
I could have hugged her for giving me an out, with the rest of the family watching. Maybe judging. I wobbled to a couch near the fire but not too close to where Natalia sat with the baby, and sank into the cushions with a barely-concealed groan. I wanted to keep sinking, to fall right through the floor and plummet into the earth. Hide away. Wake up when all of this ended up being a bad dream.
Edgar said, "Here," and I looked up to find a glass of whiskey in front of me.
I took it and sighed, "Thanks." The alcohol helped to blunt some of the pain, but it spiked again whenever I heard the baby babbling at something Natalia did. I sank back in the couch and tried to gather my courage to retreat to my room — alone — when Logan cleared his throat.
The alpha didn't say anything, but suddenly everyone excused themselves to bed and left. It seemed like I blinked and then it was only Natalia, Logan, Edgar, and I in the room. I flushed and tried to get up. "Sorry, I'll just —"
"Stay." Edgar caught my wrist and tugged me against his side, holding me close, even though I couldn't quite relax against him. But he refilled my glass with a handy bottle of liquor, and I didn't complain.
Natalia looked up at me. "How are you doing, Ivy?"
"I don't know." I rubbed my face, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Not good."
"It's a lot to take in," Logan said. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Once we sort through the rest of the files, we can reconstruct a picture of what actually happened."
"I know what happened." I cleared my throat and finished the drink, waited for Edgar to pour more. "They had to pause operations after we escaped and took their files. Maybe it's taken them ten years to get back to where they wanted, or maybe they've been doing this longer. Who knows. But they started with my genes. They started with this." I gestured at the baby. "That's what happened."
Edgar worked on his own drink. "We'll figure out if there are others out there."
And that was my deepest fear. What made my insides quake. As the silence stretched, my voice wavered and even broke, regardless of how tightly I gripped my knee. "They have pieces of me. They kept pieces of me, and they can keep making pieces of me. I might never know. She might be one of a dozen, maybe more. How can I ever sleep again, knowing I might have children out there that will never know me? That might think I — I abandoned them? That I had them and didn't want them?"
Edgar pulled me closer, practically in his lap, and squeezed me as if he could smother the worry out of me. "We'll find out. We'll find him and Keller will tell us everything."
"He won't. He'll hide forever or kill himself before you catch him. I'll never know." My vision blurred when I tried to look at the drowsy baby on the floor, waving her hands in the air. "I'll never be sure. The rest of my life, I'll have to look at every person I meet, every child I see on the street, and wonder. Wonder if they're mine. Or his. If they belong with someone, with the shifters, and they'll never know that about themselves."
"We'll fix it." Logan's voice sounded rough enough that Natalia eased onto the couch next to him, though she kept a weather eye on the baby. Logan gripped her hand and kissed the back of it. "Smith said they kept very good records."
My chin wobbled when I tried to speak, and the words came out a bare whisper that Logan leaned forward to catch. "What about Jake's family? The records say she's his, too. What if they want her? I don't know where they are, I don't know who they are. They might blame me. For what happened to him. They might want the baby and not want me. Do I — should they have her? Since he's gone because of me?"
"It's not your fault that he's gone." Edgar pressed his lips to my temple, a purr-like grumble in his chest. "We can notify his family, if we can find them, and then go forward. Benedict will work on the paperwork, we'll document everything."
Natalia brushed underneath her eyes, then flapped her hand at the door. "Logan, Edgar, give us a minute. I'm ready to fall asleep, so we won't be long, but I need to talk with Ivy for a moment."
The men traded looks as I braced myself for a strongly-worded condemnation of my lack of maternal instincts. I could hardly look at the baby without feeling nauseated and terrified. Imagine, being terrified of something that small and soft. But Edgar and Logan both got up, with Logan muttering about making sure the nursery was ready for an early occupant, and Edgar lingering, his hand squeezing mine. Not wanting to give me up.
When we were alone, Nat took a deep breath. "Good Lord, Ivy, you're hell on a pregnant woman's emotions."
"Sorry?" My hand shook as I reached for the whiskey bottle Edgar left behind, and instead of tipping more into my glass, I swigged directly from the bottle. Maybe enough of the liquor would blunt the pain and I might be able to sleep.
She gazed at where the baby slept in the glow of the firelight, then looked at me shrewdly. "Are you afraid of her, or something else?"
Apparently the pregnant woman could be hell on my emotions, too. My sinuses burned and the tears spilled out before I could grit my teeth enough to hold them back. Natalia heaved to her feet and wobbled over to collapse next to me, putting her arm around my shoulder. "It's okay, Ivy. No one blames you, no one is judging you. I promi
se. Go at your own pace. You've been alone for a long time, this is a lot to jump into. First the Auction, then Edgar, then the family, then a baby who just appears. Sug, any of us would be a puddle on the floor after all that."
I leaned against her, closing my eyes. She smelled a little like sugar and heavy cream and all the delicious things she cooked up. "I feel like I'm falling. Like running down a steep hill and you lose control and try to keep running just to stay upright, so you don't fall, but in the end... You're just falling. I'm falling. I don't know where I'll land."
"You'll land on your feet, because you're that kind of woman." Nat brushed some of the hair out of my face, leaning back on the couch and putting her feet up. "And you'll land on your feet because Edgar is here to catch you when you need it."
Edgar. My heart sank and flew at the same time, thinking of him. Flew when I thought of the way he looked at me, the way his eyes lit up, and the way his arms tightened around me when I was upset. And sank at the thought of having to leave him. Walking away from him because there was no way I could be fully invested in him, in their family, if Keller walked the world a free man. My thoughts would always be somewhere else, so long as he lived. Until all of that was resolved, I didn't think I would be good for anyone.
"I don't know if I can be what he wants," I said, a whisper so maybe she wouldn't hear. Edgar needed someone whole and strong enough to support him when he was hurting, not someone broken. Useless. Possibly with litters of children wandering the streets without her knowledge.
Natalia patted my arm. "Honey, you could keep trying every day for the next ten years, and you'd never not be what he wants. More importantly, you're what he needs. And he's what you need. Neither of you is perfect, Ivy, but that's why it works."
"But it doesn't. I say the wrong thing, he says the wrong things. It's like we're both sunburned and we keep trying to hug, but we hurt each other without meaning to. Over and over again. That can't be good."
"I think that will pass," she said. She looked thoughtful, playing with the ends of my hair. "I mean, you've only known each other a week, if that? A handful of days? Honey, it takes time to figure out how to talk to each other. Even being Logan's mate, I can still make him madder in half a second than I've ever seen anyone else make him. Without blinking and without meaning to. Most of the time."